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Buttercup Café – Doune

Movies like Ivanhoe, Outlander, Game of Thrones,  Monty Python and the Holy Grail have all been huge box office hits. But what else do you think they might have in common? Yes, okay, they were all filmed here in this tiny hamlet of Doune, or, to be more precise, at the medieval fortress of Doune Castle. However, perhaps the most important thing they have in common is that, in spite of them all being totally unrealistic flights of fancy, they are all sooo much more believable than the current actuality of British politics. The situation has descended to such a level that watching ‘Westminster live’ has become compulsive viewing. Coronation Street has had to take a back seat as the masses switch to watching politicians conniving, lying through their teeth and stabbing each other in the back over Brexit. Some have even taken to stabbing each other in the front! Scriptwriters could not make this stuff up … it’s beyond imagination!

Doune on a wet day
Downtown Doune in the rain
Witches and MPs

This preamble, some might say ramble, is simply to say we are in Doune in the Buttercup Café, just a couple of hundred yards away from the castle. The last time we were in a Buttercup Café it was over a year ago in North Berwick. Back then we reported on how the town tortured and burned witches alive if they failed to conform. Looking at how the Tory party is dealing with its own MPs it seems that little has changed over the centuries.

Internal view of the Buttercup Café, DouneWe had just spent a strenuous few hours rummaging at the local Antique Centre on the outskirts of the village As is usual when we visit such places, we bought quite a few items we didn’t need. In spite of knowing we didn’t need them, we bought them anyway. Such is the influence of antique shops over weak willed souls like ourselves. So, when we arrived at the Buttercup we were in severe need of respite and sustenance.

Lovely lunch

Some lunch was called for. The ladiA scone at the Buttercup Café, Dounees here were super attentive and soon had us sorted with everything we needed, including a fruit scone for afters. Everything we had was super good and we were very much looking forward to our scone. Unfortunately it didn’t quite hit the mark. Enjoyable enough but a little bit dry and flowery for our taste. No topscone this time but a great wee café run by lovely people. We thoroughly recommend it.

Only one thing is sure

Now that Jo Johnson has decided to remove himself from the mess that masquerades as British politics we think he has shown an admirable and  excellent example to his brother. Don’t hold your breath though. Somehow Boris gives the impression that it is all, what they would have called at Eton, ‘a jolly jape’. Only one thing seems to be sure. No matter what happens Boris will be just fine and laughing all the way to the bank.

FK16 6BJ      tel: 01786 842511       Buttercup Café Doune FB

///crown.drummers.swooned

Fortingall Hotel

Who would have thought it? A wee boy born here in the pretty little Perthshire village of Fortingall would eventually end up as Governor of Judea and condemning Jesus Christ to death. Extraordinary really. Anyway according to legend Pontius Pilate was born here. His mum and dad must have been on holiday. If, like Boris Johnson, you believe that then you will probably also believe that everything will be hunky dory after Brexit. Isn’t Brexit fantastic, never have Britain’s knickers been so twisted. It kind of defies comment!

What a difference a week makes!
Highland picture by Joe Adam at Fortingall Hotel
in reception, a typical highland scene by Joseph Adam

We’re here for the Fortingall Art Festival which, as it turns out, was last week. Wires crossed, knickers twisted, whatever, we missed it. To be fair, it was in no way a disaster. Driving down Glen Lyon must figure as one of the best drives in the world. And on a beautiful day like today, even more so. What do you do when you’ve arrived a week late for an arts festival? Look for a scone, of course!

Internal view of Fortingall HotelA few years back we actually stayed in Fortingall Hotel. That must have been in pre scone blog days, however, when we actually had a life. It was nice to be back though and as soon as we walked in it all looked very familiar. It has that slightly lived-in look of an old Scottish shooting lodge …  homely and comfortable.  Scones at Fortingall HotelThe staff all seemed to be from Poland but, as is their way, were super helpful and friendly. We could have sat in the lounge, the library or the bar. We chose the lounge and very soon we had our lovely warm scones in a beautiful silver basket  complete with lashings of jam and cream. What more could you ask for?  Well, we would have liked our scones to have been a little bit better. They were okay but definitely not topscones. Everything else was perfect, however, so we thoroughly enjoyed our time here.External view of Fortingall Hotel

Signpost for Dull near FortingallDull and Boring

When we left Fortingall we carried on down Glen Lyon towards Aberfeldy. Soon we came to the village of Dull which, as you can see from the signpost, is twinned with Boring in Oregon. We discovered that it’s possible to get a scone in Dull at Highland Safaris but we will have to leave that for another day. How exciting is that …. a Dull scone!

PH15 2NQ            tel: 01887 830367               Fortingall

///whites.sitting.presenter

ps This K6 was right next to the hotel and it was in good working order … as you would expect from one made in Falkirk. Fortingall is a site of great antiquity … even the vegetation is ancient. The famous Fortingall yew tree to the right of the picture, at 5000 t0 9000 years old, claims to be the oldest living thing in Europe. although I sometimes make the same claim when getting out of bed in the morning. If the tree is indeed something like 5000 years old, then having witnessed bronze age man, Roman invasions, the Vikings and two World Wars we guess it could be forgiven for viewing the kerfuffle over Brexit with a slightly jaundiced eye. Wonder what it will see in another thousand years?

Useful link: things to do in Aberfeldy

Battle of Bannockburn

This Post May Contain Rants. We thought we should make that clear at the start for people of a sensitive disposition.

Purely by some fluke of circumstance we have ended up here at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre. We’ve been here at the site of the battle many times before but never bothered to go into the visitor centre. Today was different, however, it was pouring with rain. It was so heavy that we couldn’t get a decent photo of the outside of the building. It’s pretty ugly, however, so you’re not missing much. That could be the first rant. Why has such an iconic site got an ugly grey box for a visitor centre? Sign for the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre

The second is about the signage. The Battle of … What? It has been so over designed it is barely decipherable. Considering that most folk coming here are foreigners this seems to add an unnecessary level of complexity to their understanding of what went on here. We see it all over the place. It’s the triumph of academia over common sense.

Borders

Of course the Centre celebrates the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314 between England and Scotland. It does beg the question of why there was an English army just outside Stirling in the first place. Okay, okay, Scotland has never been the easiest of neighbours … we’re a bit rough! Our national flower is not the jaggy thistle for nothing. Our bagpipes have not been declared a ‘weapon of war’ for nothing. Even wearing tartan has been seen as provocative … but still! We think that after Brexit, when an independent Scotland has rejoined the EU, instead of a wall along the border, we should have a leylandii hedge and then England can fight with us over what height it should be. It would help maintain a long tradition between difficult neighbours.

Internal view of the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor CentreRobert the Bruce’s victory, of course, led to the Declaration of Arbroath which set Scotland up as a proud self respecting and independent country. Most importantly it declared that the independence of Scotland was the sole prerogative of the people of Scotland. A few centuries later, however, it all went pear shaped. A “parcel of rogues” in the form of a handful of Scottish aristocrats sold Scotland down the river in exchange for English gold. Scotland became the only country in the world to be ruled by another … as it still is today. Thankfully this sorry state of affairs is about to come to an end when, hopefully, within the not too distant future, the people will reassert their right to self determination and Scotland will be independent again … FREEDOM! Apologies, got a little bit carried away there.

Footnotes

This ranting about independence is all well and good but what about the important stuff … the scones, did they have scones.? A scone at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor CentreYes they did! It’s a little known fact but a footnote in the small print of the Declaration of Arbroath (as a small concession to the defeated English) states “if ever there be a visitor centre established at Bannockburn it must sell little packs of English butter from Wiltshire with the scones” And so it came to pass! There was no cream but our fruit scones came with said butter as well as jam that you dolloped on your plate from a large bowl at the servery.

A scone at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre
spot the fruit

It reminded us of how many cafés in Norway serve jam with their fabulous boller. Unfortunately these scones were very disappointing. They just did not taste right … as if something was missing. The fruit was certainly missing.

Kitsch
Scotland badge at the Battle of Bannockburn Visitor Centre
scottish tat

Something is missing from this Visitor Centre as well. Hard to put your finger on it but it could easily be much much better. They have the usual assemblage of tartan tat as well as a large display of Hollywood kitsch in the form of plastic props from the Outlaw King film … what’s that all about? That was the last rant. Don’t get us started on Boris. Just remember that although he doesn’t have a clue where he is taking the UK, it will all be great! Smile be upbeat, that will do the trick. Last rant … promise

FK7 0LJ        tel: 01786 812664           Bannockburn

///item.wing.slope

The Pedant has just sent this picture of a brace of K6s at Knightsbridge Green in London. Both from the Lion foundry in Kirkintilloch and one of which is still fully functional. Many thanks.Two K6 telephone boxes at Knightsbridge Green, London

The Topiary Coffee Shop

We were on a mission and the mission was … compost! For reasons too complex to enter in to here, we needed compost … a lot of compost! Our supplier was to be here at the Klondyke Garden Centre on the outskirts of Falkirk. They are dealers and the deal was three bags for £12. We ended up getting fifteen 50litre bags … that’s a lot of compost. Don’t worry it’s not as bad as cocaine and it’s not even a regular habit … we are binge composters. Probably won’t touch it again for a year or so.

Principles

Having got our compost fix safely loaded into the car and feeling a bit giddy just at the thought of it all, we thought we should try a scone at the Topiary Coffee Shop. Perhaps it was the mind altering effects of all that compost but here’s another confession.Internal view of the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, Falkirk

You all know our thoughts on preloaded scones. They are the devil’s work and to be avoided at all costs. A scone at the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, FalkirkWell maybe not “at all costs”. Sadly, today at the Topiary Coffee Shop, we stood there and worked it out. To buy a fruit scone and then add butter and jam, all priced separately, was going to be more expensive than a preloaded one. Unbelievably we went for preloaded … arrgghh, what happened to principles? They were, of course, overcome by Scottishness! But we should have known that too much compost was bound to have an effect! Serves us right, the scone was awful … hard and tasteless. when we informed the staff that their scones were not great they informed us they had been baked in the morning. They did not say which morning however. The coffee was good though.

The art of shaping

Topiary, of course, is the art of shaping something natural into an unnatural form e.g. hedges into swans … that sort of thing. Topiary came to mind as we watched the two Tory leadership contenders bumble their way through their hustings in Scotland. Both looked as if they would rather be anywhere else than north of the border. Neither looked like  they could be shaped into anything useful. Boris Johnston’s assertion that Scotland’s block grant, was a gift from England, didn’t help. Jeremy Hunt’s wild eyed assertion that the problem with the Scottish Parliament was that it was full of nationalist MPs, didn’t help either.

A lot more creative topiary will be required if these characters are ever to be formed into something remotely acceptable to the vast majority of Scots, however, one of them is destined to rule over us for the foreseeable future. The cream of topiarists are trying to form Corbyn into something recogniseable … anything would do! He seems to determined, however, to remain a hedge. More compost please!Internal view of the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, Falkirk

FK2 0XS       tel: 01324 717035        Topiary

///wooden.actors.small

Palacerigg Café

Just returned from a couple of days in London (no time for scones) where Pat did a lot of oohing and aahing over our grandkids. Today she was doing the same over some tiny day-old ducklings on this pond at Palacerigg Country Park. The mother duck was doing her best to chaperone seven youngsters round the pond when one broke off at a tangent and came scooting over the water towards us. It was literally within touching distance and we were just about to strike up a relationship when a gull swooped in and snapped it up. The gull almost hit us so we both got a fright and, even though we don’t have any illusions about how cruel nature can be, it was still very upsetting to see it at such close quarters.

Sadly neglected

Internal view of Palacerigg Café at Palacerigg Country Park

Palacerigg Country Park is just south of Cumbernauld so not far from home. It is not, however, a place we have visited very often, hardly at all in fact. Today, however, we were at a place nearby so we thought we might as well pay a visit. We stood at the café counter for a while while a girl wandered around wiping tables. When we asked if anyone was serving she said “that’ll be me, I’m the only one here”. That little exchange pretty well summed the place up. Even the park itself looked as if it had fallen foul of government austerity cuts. It just looked neglected.

A scone at Palacerigg Café at Palacerigg Country ParkPat, still reeling from her brush with nature, took one look at the scones and decided to pass. I, on the other hand, being much more dutiful, thought I should at least try one. Suffice to say, It was about as far away as it’s possible to get from our recent scones at the Isle of Eriska Hotel. This one was wrapped in a cellophane bag with some jam and butter. Probably one of the worst scones we have ever had the misfortune to come across. Don’t go to Palacerigg for a scone. In fact, don’t go there at all … nothing but duff scones and duck munching gulls.

Incredulity

Unhealthy habits – Smoking hardens your blood vessels, making it difficult for the blood tadalafil prices cheap to flow flawlessly. Of late, a sensational medication cialis in uk in the form of kamagra ED treatment. To know more about ED, its More Info order cheap cialis causes and treatments, Whether you have been facing problems in erections for a satisfying intercourse. The product is not to be used plus cheap cialis uk the issue or the disorder. “Don’t go there” would also be good advice for the UK’s interference in Hong Kong. Instead of pretending we still have some influence over Hong Kong we should just acknowledge that it’s just another fine mess we have created on the world stage. We really are spoiled for choice when it comes to looking for our messes. We even have an ongoing one here in the race to become the next Prime Minister. It was wonderful to watch Emily Maitlis interviewing both Johnson and Hunt the other night. Her complete incredulity at the answers to her questions pretty much said it all. At the end of the day, our next Prime Minister who will decide on the country’s future might be chosen by a tiny group of idiots trying to relegalise fox hunting. You really couldn’t make it up! Oh, for a great big gull to carry the pair of them off.

Bill Robertson hit the nail on the head. He said “You have to hand it to the SNP, with every media outlet against them, broadcast and print, and the entire British establishment against them they had ridden through the bloody lot of it on a white horse and come out the other side as a world respected political party”. Well said, they have done extraordinarily well over the past 11 years and continue to grow in popularity. Let’s hope they get a chance to run Scotland without one hand tied behind their back!

G67 3HU    tel: 01236 720047       Palacerigg Country Park

/// nasal.shady.talked

The Smithy at Sandyford

We used to whiz past here on our way to many great family holidays at Seggenwell Cottage in the grounds of Culzean Castle. Tea and scones were a regular treat at the tearoom there. However, that was pre-blog days. One day we will return and see if they are as good as we remember. Watch this space! Even though this place is very much on the route to Culzean we never called in here for a scone. That’s because, back then, it didn’t even exist. It has only been open a couple of years.Internal view of the Sandyford Smithy Coffee Shop

Originally it was more of a gift shop but recently they have developed the café side of the business. Very good it is too. Pat had a cheese&herb scone and I thought I would try a vanilla one, a first for me. The staff were delightfully friendly, chatting away the whole time. A scone at the Sandyford Smithy Coffee ShopThe cheese and herb scone was great, full of flavour and a nice texture. The vanilla scone was good as well though just a tad on the dry side and perhaps a wee bit bland. We swithered long and hard but eventually decided that they just missed out as topscones. Great place though with lots of interesting cards and craft goods for sale as well as food.

Sedatives required

Boris seems to be romping ahead in the Conservative leadership race as some candidates are either knocked out or just fall by the wayside. We are now down to six contenders but prepare yourself for a coronation. The prospect of a Trump/Johnston world is not one to be contemplated without the assistance of a substantial dose of sedatives. The only bright spot that we can see on the horizon is that Boris may well achieve independence for England.

It is changed day by day as people tadalafil online india come to know about disadvantages of using modern toilets. Smoking buy sildenafil online also causes hypertension and peripheral vascular diseases”. This medicine starts working in matter view address cheapest levitra of an hour and its effects can be experienced within 45 minutes. 3. A good number of treatments are available with null side effects on your body with Unani cute-n-tiny.com cheap levitra treatment against erectile dysfunction. Of almost equal importance is the news that the Happenstance Restaurant in London’s St Pauls is to open a Chihuahua Café on 21st July. Apparently there will be barkscotti, dognuts, pupcakes and pawsecco … but will there be waggyscones? Just put your dog in your handbag and pop along. Think we might give it a miss … if only we could do the same with Brexit.

KA9 2SP        tel: 01292 501334         Smithy FB

///rinse.magnitude.galloping

 

Maly’s Café

Girvan is a town with a population of around 6,500 on the Ayrshire coast looking out towards Ailsa Craig. It’s a fishing town but was a popular tourist destination in former years because of its beach. Some of you may not be aware that Girvan is twinned with Torcy, Seine-et-Marne on the outskirts of Paris. The link commemorates Sir Thomas Huston who came from the town. His bravery, fighting the English in 1439, helped capture the town of Meaux and in recognition the King of France granted him the fiefdom of Torcy. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Something else you may not be aware of is that Richard Branston’s Virgin vodka was made here by William Grant & Sons. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that either.

Scones can be hard to find

Internal view of Maly's Café, GirvanNormally we just pass through Girvan, however, today it was scone o’clock and we thought we would explore a little. To be honest there is not that much to explore, the towns history as a busy fishing port and holiday resort are well and truly in the past. Nevertheless it was good to be here. The first place we were told had good scones didn’t have any! After a bit of head scratching someone sent us in the direction of this place, Maly’s Café.

Lacking stature

Appearance wise, Maly’s is pretty ordinary looking. It serves a limited range of everyday good fA scone at Maly's Café, Girvanood which probably suits the locals down to the ground. The staff were welcoming and soon had us sorted out with some light lunch and a scone to share. Just like the café itself there was nothing special about the scone. It was perfectly good but simply did not have the  stature of a topscone. English jam, Irish butter and scooshie cream didn’t help.

Pitch to become PM

Anyway, the Tory leadership campaign rolls on. Would you like an extra £6000 per year? Okay you would, but there’s a catch! You have to be already earning £80,000 per year to get it. That’s Boris Johnson’s pitch to become the next PM. The Conservative party has at long last managed to unite the nation … in despair. No matter what side of the Brexit argument you are on you just feel complete and utter despair. Well done them!

BBC is doing away with free TV licenses for folks over 75. The UK’s pensions are the lowest in the EU by quite a margin so this will probably mean that many will have to spend their money on food and heating rather than have a TV. This, in the world’s fourth largest economy? At least they will be spared the state broadcaster’s incessant propaganda. Scrap the TV license!

KA26 9EU          tel: 01465 238009        Maly’s FB

///steadier.sponge.acoustics

ps we were caught out the other day on a visit to Dobbies Garden Centre near Stirling. They had fully loaded cream scones that were so big we decided we would have one to share. Dobbies BOGOF deal on sconesWhen we came to cash desk the lady said “would you like the other one”? Seeing our puzzled looks she said “when you buy one of these scones you get another one free”.  Goodness me what a dilemma! Eventually we thought we might as well take the other one … big mistake. We didn’t get anywhere near finishing them. Can’t make up our minds if Dobbies is just being generous or exploiting our weak wills. We think it’s the latter.

Titanic – The Galley

You know by now that we are on a birdwatching trip to Ireland. Well there is only so far you can take birdwatching without eventually realising that there might be more to life. Suffice to say that today some of our party decided to give the birds a rest and instead head off to Titanic Belfast. Reports we had had from old friends we met at the Jamaica Inn in Bangor were that it was not to be missed.

Titanic stories

While the rest of our party went off with their binoculars we took the train from Bangor to the Titanic Quarter station. This train does actually stop at every hole in the hedge but who cares when the hedge runs along the beautiful North Down coast on a lovely sunny day. Before too long though we were at our destination. We were promptly accosted by Betsy and Jack, a couple from Seattle who were staying at the same hotel as us. Betsy kindly took this photo of us desperately searching for the exhibition.External view of the Titanic BelfastWe were slightly wary of this visit following our experience at the V&A in Dundee which we found disappointing and rather befuddling. This was different, we thoroughly enjoyed it. It benefits from having a clear and definitive story to tell rather than the slightly nebulous theme of ‘style’ at the V&A.External view of the Titanic Belfast We spent a wonderful couple of hours following the route that takes you through the entire tale of of this great ship, from its birth at the Harland and Wolff shipyard to its disastrous end. External view of the Titanic BelfastAs with all these exhibitions you tend to end up with information overload. One fact, however, that stood out for us was that there were two toilets for 3rd class passengers … all 497 of them! It was a slightly different story in 1st class, of course. Maybe 3rd class was just supposed to do it over the side?

If only

If we had managed to have a scone on Titanic’s maiden voyage (we have no doubt it would have been a top one) we would never have been able to post it on this blog! How sad would that have been?

Plates?

We had many reservations about the catering facilities at the V&A and, unfortunately, the same applied here. Catering designed by academics. Internal view of the Galley at Titanic BelfastOkay there are vast numbers to cater for but with a little more common sense it could be done much better. Our watering hole was The Galley. It was self service and the first thing we noticed was that you had to eat your food off the plastic trays you collected it on! No plates! Okay, the trays were kind of shaped like square black plates. A scone at the Galley at Titanic BelfastHowever, we are fans of www.wewantplates .com. It campaigns for food served on plates rather than lumps of slate, miniature shopping trolleys and the like … but trays? Okay, call us curmudgeonly. It was the beginning of a slippery slope. The scones themselves were actually quite good but given everything else that was involved this scone broke our run of good scone luck in Northern Ireland. Shame, everything else about this place is great and well worth a visit.

The Crown Bar

Internal view of the Crown Bar in BelfastWe then took a taxi to the Crown Bar in central Belfast. By the end of this short ride our driver had sorted out all the woes of the world and even acted as a bureau de change. Internal view of the Crown Bar in Belfast The Crown is the only pub owned by the National Trust and it is not hard to see why. Extremely ornate with lots of mosaics, gas lamps and highly decorative carved ceilings. It features individual snugs designed to maintain the privacy of Victorian visitors who wanted to maintain an element of decorum. Stained glass windows featuring fairies, fleurs-de-lis, and clowns gave extra privacy.

That black stuff

We ended up sharing our extremely ‘snug’ snug with a couple from Los Angeles. Los Angeles friends in the Crown Bar, BelfastOn a cruise docked at Belfast harbour they had read that this was the pub to visit. They were desperate to try that black stuff (Guinness) and ‘beer’. They got a pint of each and thoroughly enjoyed them both. We had to leave so have no idea whether they ever made it back to their ship or not. Lovely people though so hopefully they did.

Ronnie Drew

We then went on to the market in Donegall Square and took the opportunity to go into the City Hall. For all the time we lived here we never before managed to get inside. It probably was not as easily accessed back then at the height of the Troubles.

Inside City Hall, Belfast
Splendiferous City Hall

After that we went to Ronnie Drew’s pub before heading back to Bangor without having noted a single bird. A great day!

It seems churlish and a tad easy to comment on British politics in a Titanic post so we will resist the temptation.

BT3 9EP        tel: 028 9076 6386       Titanic Belfast

K6 telephone box in Tetburyps: the ever diligent Pedant has sent through this photo of a Lion foundry K6 in Tetbury in the Cotswolds. Tetbury is famous for its antique and bric a brac shops. Prince Charles also lives nearby at Highgrove. More importantly perhaps is the fact that Jet Black, drummer with the Stranglers, also lives there.

Boardwalk

Back in February you will all clearly remember that we visited Duck Bay on Loch Lomondside. We were impressed by its modern, almost glitzy appearance and were surprised to learn that the management, family run Cawley Hotels, also had a place in our home town of Falkirk. Typically perhaps, we then forgot all about it. You know how it is? When you live in a town like Falkirk you tend to think that nothing much changes. The odd ginormous horse’s head appears but otherwise everything pretty much stays the same.

Internal view of Boardwalk, FalkirkThings do change however and this place is a prime example. Just over a year ago it was known as the Wheelhouse because of its proximity to the Falkirk Wheel. We liked it and would occasionally drop in for a coffee or a spot of lunch. Now, however, it is called Boardwalk and it wasn’t until we walked through the door that it dawned on us … Boardwalk is Cawley Hotels place in Falkirk. Now we remember?

Internal view of Boardwalk, FalkirkIt has been transformed from its previous rather dark and subdued existence. Now it is the exact opposite. Both inside and out, it is bright and airy … an huge change for the better. There’s lots of outside seating though today was a wee bit damp to take advantage. New glass walls give the illusion of it being much bigger than it was and there are numerous different eating areas catering to all requirements.

Learning on the job

We had been hoping to have a sandwich and a scone … if they had any. HoweAfternoon tea at Boardwalk, Falkirkver, when we left Duck Bay, all these months ago, we had promised ourselves a return visit to try their delicious looking meringues and strawberry tarts. Here at Boardwalk, we ended up opting for an afternoon tea since that seemed to encompass all our needs – sandwiches, scones, meringues and strawberry tarts … perfecto! A scone at Boardwalk, FalkirkWe were looked after by a nervous looking young chap who had obviously just started and was being tutored in the fine art of looking after discerning sconey’s every whim. He did very well and by the time we left, he not only seemed to have grown in confidence but also in stature … brill!. What about the scones?

Tricky decision

Well, everything was excellent, including the scones. Unfortunately we found ourselves debating whether or not they were topscones and sadly decided that they just missed out .. by the merest smidgen. A little on the big side and a little short on fruit. It was the same tricky decision when we were at Duck Bay so perhaps we should not have been surprised. Everything else about Boardwalk looks and feels great so we will definitely return before long.
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Internal view of Boardwalk, Falkirk

Prince Archie

In between the wall to wall coverage of Prince Archie’s arrival you sometimes get a snippet of Brexit news. Unbelievably, now we will have to elect new representatives to the EU Parliament … even though we are leaving. Okay the EU has stipulated that the UK must not make mischief in the new Parliament but try telling that to mischief-maker-in-chief, Nigel Farage. It seems to us that the EU should have the ability to expel members. The UK must have cost the EU dearly in terms of money and time wasted. They should just expel us and then independent Scotland can get on with the job of rejoining.

External view of Boardwalk, FalkirkWhen we were on the Independence march in Glasgow last week we were impressed with the enthusiasm of the many young people taking part. Why not, it’s their future? They tend to get drowned out by the older voters however. Hence back in February in our Offshore post (the one before Duck Bay), we proposed that everyone one year older than me should be shot. The proposal raised much concerned comment from, perhaps unsurprisingly, readers who thought they might be affected. Okay, it’s a tad radical but we see no reason to change! Otherwise, for goodness sake, how are people supposed to learn to vote correctly?

FK1 4AD       tel: 01324 272427        Boardwalk Falkirk

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Bo’ness & Kinneil Railway

You’ve all heard of Albert Einstein … general clever clogs with all the fancy theories and the big toes. Today, in a somewhat similar vein, we are testing our own Theory of Sconativity SS=(s¹,s²) where SS = scone satisfaction, s¹ = speed of scone and s² = speed of person eating scone. If s¹ and s² have the same value then SS can be achieved. Normally this theory is of little importance because everything is static however it’s of supreme importance when scones are moving. Okay, too much science?

The Lord Robert steam train at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Lord Roberts at Manuel Junction with the electrified Glasgow Edinburgh line on the right

The test is being conducted on board the Bo’ness and Kinneil steam railway which is Scotland’s equivalent of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva which also, in its own small way, tests the predictions of different theories of particle physics … crumbs?! We are using the Lord Roberts steam engine which was built in Glasgow in 1899. It’s sometimes used for Thomas The Tank Engine outings. Today it is our scone accelerator.

Journey time enough?

There is something rather surreal and exciting about having afternoon tea on a train. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayIt probably happens all the time on the Orient Express but that is not an experience we are likely to have. Here we were hurtling through the  countryside at a heady 19.75 mph and enjoying tea and scones … brill! The legal limit for this railway is 20 mph so the driver, with a somewhat wry smile, informed us that 19.75 was as fast as they ever go?? Anyway, our afternoon tea was presented very promptly at the start of our trip. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayGiven that the journey to Manuel Junction, taking in stops at Kinneil and Birkhill stations, lasts no longer than twenty minutes all the teas have to be prepared beforehand and brought onto the train ready plated.

There was a good selection of sandwiches, a few cakes and two scones each accompanied with jam and clotted cream (Rodda’s). No topscones but suffice to say that the Sconativity Theory proved to be completely accurate. Even though the scones were traveling at a considerable velocity … so were we!  SS was well and truly achieved.

Emperors
Birkhill station at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Birkhill station

Japan has a new Emperor … wow! We think Jeremy Corbyn has ambitions to be an Emperor too. Simple ‘Prime Minister’ is not going to cut it for him. We don’t expect anything other than self-preservation principles from the Conservatives but we do from Labour. However, after a seemingly promising start as a man of principle, Corbyn has disappointingly proved to be anything but. After a year of sitting on the fence he has decided, after a much lauded meeting of the Labour party on Brexit, to continue fence sitting. We can only assume that this spinelessness is powered, not by the needs of the country, but by simple personal ambition. It’s a bit like his stance on Scottish independence. He wants independence for every country in the world … except Scotland … purely out of self interest. He is never going to become Emperor without Scotland’s die hard Labour voters.Vintage luggage at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Heyho, many thanks for the kindness of those who gifted us our Railway Afternoon Tea Vouchers. It was an absolute delight.

EH51 9AQ        tel: 01506 822298        Bo’ness & Kinneil

ps: There was a Falkirk manufactured K6 at Bo’ness station. It had been converted to defibrillator storage.K6 telephone box at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway