Category Archives: weird

Rosemarkie Beach Cafe

14th April 2023 billpaterson1@me.com 13 Comments

Readers could be forgiven for thinking that our life is just one long care-free jollification because that’s not too far away from the truth. First we were meeting friends in Shetland, then wined and dined by old friends at Cairn Lodge. Now we are relaxing for a few days with our family near Inverness. Mind you ‘relaxing’ is really nothing more than a somewhat forlorn ambition when you have six granddaughters to contend with. Five of them are with us today and they seem to have boundless energy. A beach seemed like a good bet if we were to have any hope of tiring them out. Hence this post comes from the Rosemarkie Beach Cafe on the Black Isle.

Rosemarkie beach — View from the Rosemarkie Beach Cafe and an intrepid grandchild off for a swim

Things are just a little different in this part of the world. The Black Isle isn’t an island and it’s not black. It’s a peninsula sandwiched between the Cromarty Firth and the Beauly Firth. We think the ‘black’ derives from its rich dark soil. For such a beautiful part of the country it’s difficult to believe that it was an important player in the North Sea oil industry. Many of the oil rigs were built here in the 60s and 70s and now some of them lie redundant in these sheltered firths having served their purpose as we all try to go ‘green’.

With the grandchildren on the beach or swimming in the sea there was nothing left for us to do but have a scone. The speciality of the house was white chocolate and cranberry so we thought we had better try one. We sat on the terrace area where we could keep an eye on the children … we’re not totally irresponsible! Jam didn’t seem appropriate for such an exotic scone so we just had butter. In spite of looking a bit on the insipid side it was surprisingly nice. We could taste a hint of chocolate and the cranberries made it deliciously moist. Not a topscone but definitely a bit of a weird one.

Nobody at home?

Beach at Rosemarkie Beach Cafe — Dolphin spotters

Later we walked along the beach to a spot where the kids could watch for dolphins with their binoculars. Great excitement when some suddenly appeared following a boat out in the bay. It’s a popular area for dolphin spotting but even at that, they were really lucky to see them. If that wasn’t exciting enough we then took on an even harder task … looking for fairies! The Fairy Glen lies just behind the cafe and was a delightful walk. We didn’t actually see any fairies but there was plenty of evidence. They weren’t faraway though because one little house had a couple of deck chairs outside where they had obviously been sunbathing earlier. Apparently there’s some doubt about whether it is good to actually see fairies and, of course, you have to respect their privacy. Dolphins would have to do for today.

What planet?

Shells in the form of the Himalayas — Grandchildren’s representation of the Himalayas at the seaside

Meanwhile, away from Rosemarkie and fairies it has just been revealed that the UK’s £200m plan to export all refugees to Rwanda has had zero effect. The number of people crossing the Channel from France in rubber dingys is exactly the same as last year … surprise, surprise! Meanwhile the entire population of France seems to be rioting because the pension age has been raised from 62 to 64. What planet are they living on? Joe Biden has completed a 17 hour visit to N. Ireland most of which he spent asleep. Then he went to the Republic and ‘home’ to Co Mayo. Why do all American presidents have to come from Ireland. Is it a pre-condition? Even Obama was from Co. Offaly?

In the UK the doctors are on strike and now the the civil service is to go on strike as well. Think we’ll just stay here in the Fairy Glen.

IV10 8UW tel: 07923 402647 Rosemarkie Beach

///blown.response.loafing

Ordinary, Scones, weird

Cross Keys Hotel

21st October 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Since we are here at the Cross Keys Hotel in Kelso, we thought we should talk about keys. Have you ever wondered why so many pubs and hotels are called the Cross Keys? Well, apparently it’s all to do with the keys to the kingdom of Heaven and crossed keys were the emblem of St Peter. Doubtless, for many of the customers of these places, it would feel like the closest to heaven they would ever get. Though why Heaven should need keys in the first place raises all sorts of other questions. But one thing is for certain! Whoever receives the keys to No 10 Downing Street in the next few days will be receiving the keys to Hell. Not sure why Hell would actually need keys either but you catch our drift.

Someone let Liz out of the cupboard under the stairs and that signalled the end of her 44 day reign as Prime Minister. The shortest tenure in history for any British PM. It came as no surprise to anyone and many would say it wasn’t short enough. We know the brand new Chancellor, who has been in post for just a little more than a week has the keys to No 11 but no idea who will have them next week.

All this follows Suella Braverman’s resignation. You’ll remember Suella was the only woman on earth who could make Priti Patel seem warm and cuddly. Anyway, at 43 days she became the shortest ever serving Home Secretary. Realising that Liz’s government was in terminal decline she actually manufactured her own sacking. What a mess! “You couldn’t make it up“, is no longer merely a flippant remark. To make matters worse Boris Johnson is threatening a glorious return. Boris won’t need keys! In true Boris style he undoubtedly had copies made before he left Downing Street in the full and certain knowledge (in his own delusional head) that he would be back.

Lucky dip

We think they should just take all the keys and put them in a hat for a lucky dip. Since things couldn’t get any worse It would seem only fair that, the now famous iceberg lettuce that outlasted Liz, is allowed a go at the lucky dip as well.

Take it or leave it

Anyway we mustn’t go on about about this too much … or should we? No, let’s get on to matters of more substance …. scones. We arrived at the impressive Italianate Cross Keys Hotel quite late in the day. Guess what, they were sold out of all scones except white chocolate. Not exactly what we would have chosen however white chocolate it had to be. Kelso has survived remarkably well through the ages in spite of continuous wars with England. The hotel was the resting place for pilgrims coming to the Abbey so it suffered badly in 1545 during the “Rough Wooing” when the English blew it up. Subsequently the hotel became a coaching inn that ran services to Newcastle and Edinburgh three times a week.

Market Square, Kelso — View of The Square from the Cross Keys

The white chocolate scones were surprisingly nice, we were very pleasantly surprised. Not topscones in the style of Schloss Roxburghe but enjoyable nevertheless. By the time you get our next scone report we will have a new leader and maybe even an entirely new government team. Fingers crossed for the lettuce!

TD5 7H. tel: 01573 223303 Cross Keys

///harps.answer.nutty

Ordinary, Scones, weird

Not the Smiddy

7th April 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Okay, this is a weird one in several ways – weird scone, weird circumstance … just weird! The other day we were visiting Doune and on the way we popped into the Smiddy to get some stuff in the farm shop. Short on time, we didn’t bother with the café and anyway we had reviewed their scones previously. When I asked Pat when she thought that was she thought that it must have been last year sometime.

External view of the Smiddy — The Smiddy

No, it was 2016 when we last reviewed a scone at the Smiddy … unbelievable how time passes when you are enjoying yourself! Anyway, as we approached the checkout we spotted this packet (title picture) of banana and chocolate scones. What? As ever, of course, we are willing to risk life and limb in order to further our reader’s sconological knowledge, so into the basket they went.

Pre packed

Scones in packets are usually to be avoided. We don’t think of ourselves as scone snobs but, having said that, there are limits. However, we hadn’t ever come across this particular combination of ingredients before so obviously, they could not be allowed to escape our customary rigorous testing. It would have to be done at home, however, hence the “Not the Smiddy” title.

The big test took place the following day while watching the tragic events unfold in Ukraine. Pat whipped up some cream and served them with some of her own plum jam. Dilemma, what do you serve with chocolate and banana scones? They looked deceptively like fruit scones but what appeared to be fruit was in fact chocolate chips. We like a bit of crunch to our scones but these ones were very soft all over but not unpleasant. We won’t be rushing back to buy more but overall they were surprisingly nice. All we can suggest is that, if you ever come across chocolate and banana scones yourselves, don’t be frightened! And the plum jam went fine!

The government

Today the government announced a new approach to the UK’s energy problems. North Sea oil is going to be fully developed to alleviate the economic crisis. Could this be the same North Sea oil that, according to the same government in the 2014 Scottish Independence Referendum was at an end, only a dribble left? They’ve also hiked up National Insurance contributions for all employers and employees to help pay for the NHS. Could this be the same NHS that was supposed to benefit to the tune of £350 million per week as a result of Brexit? At the same time Rishi Sunak’s wife has registered for non-dom status to escape taxes.

The plight of the people in Ukraine is heart rending. We’ve volunteered to take refugees but due to the government’s opaque immigration system our chances of getting any are slim to say the least. Could it be that our UK government is devious, dishonest, sleazy, self-serving and incompetent? Perish the thought! Remember, these days everything is Putin’s fault! However, he’ll be relieved to hear that we’re not blaming him for banana and chocolate scones.

Ordinary, Scones, weird

The Granary Café

3rd May 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Guess where we are? We’re out and about … yeah! Although we have been legally allowed to do this for a couple of weeks now we haven’t ventured very far. We thought we would just wait until all the excited crowds died down a wee bit. But today we are being super adventurous and have traveled all of six miles to the Granary Café in Linlithgow. Goodness, we were even on a motorway for all of half a mile … exciting! After having been locked down for so long, however, it really did feel like an adventure! Finally out sconing again and acting on a tip-off we received a couple of weeks back.

Big bad world

Our informant said that the scones at the Granary Café were worth checking out. Over the years we have visited several cafés in the town but it’s been such a long time, we couldn’t remember if the Granary was one of them. A quick search for ‘Linlithgow’ on allaboutthescones threw up seven we had already reviewed but the Granary wasn’t one. Okay, today was the day as we gently ventured forth once again into the big bad world.

It was great to see everyone sitting in the sunshine at the pub next door but we were just revelling in the fact that we were able to sit inside and be served a scone by very helpful staff. Hoping for a choice of fruit or plain our waitress threw us a curved ball when she offered us a mango and coconut scone. In the interests of scon ological research it had to be done … Pat opted for fruit.

Keeping it real

I would never normally go for hot chocolate but this offering seemed too good to miss so hot chocolate it was. Wow, as if just being out wasn’t enough!

We didn’t have long to wait before we realised our mistake.

A mango and coconut scone at the Granary Café — Mango and coconut scone

The scones looked fabulous but were of a size that meant we should have shared one between us. A topscone would have been nice to celebrate our first outing but sadly, it wasn’t to be. Although nice enough they were just too big for our liking and they didn’t actually taste as if they were freshly baked … Irish butter and no cream! Not to worry, the mango and coconut was good and a new experience but not one I would rush to repeat. The fruit scone was nice but Pat could only manage half. The real hot chocolate?? Nice for a change but again not something I would make a habit of. In spite of all this carping we really enjoyed this place. It is well presented with an emphasis on healthy eating and the staff were super friendly. Many thanks to SS for the tip, we will be back.

Learning from history

Just a stone’s throw from the Granary lies the Cross Well. In 1650 it was badly damaged by the occupying forces of Oliver Cromwell. A tradition carried in 1746 when the Duke of Cumberland set fire to the Palace … just another stone’s throw away.

You would think that Scots would have learned from this that, when it comes to looking after Scotland’s interests, those in the south are maybe not as good as the Scots themselves at making decisions in Scotland’s interest. In two days time Scotland goes to the polls, not to vote on independence but to hopefully start a process that will lead to Scots being able to make their own decisions. Only then we can strike up a proper relationship with our friends to the south .. one built on mutual respect and understanding. In the meantime we have to put up with another couple of days of Westminster’s Project Fear…scary!

People born in Linlithgow are known as Black Bitches. Alex Salmond was born in Linlithgow. Is that relevant? We’re not sure.

EH 49 7AQ tel: 01506 253408 Granary Cafe

///riders.breeze.cooked

Scones, Top, weird

Café 54

10th April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

Well, it has finally come to this. The current situation with coronavirus has driven us to actually make our own scones. Who would have thought? With nowhere to go and buy them, we were faced with little choice. Although they will continue this might provide welcome relief from the reposts of late. When every day is much the same this post is also intended to remind you that it’s Friday. Friday is followed by the weekend. The way things are, you could easily miss a whole weekend! Don’t want that, so relax, enjoy!

It’s not that we’re bored or anything! Okay, yes we are a little bit bored. It would be great to be out there riding the highway mercilessly hunting down scones like days of yore, but that’s not going to happen. Not for a while yet. When I saw Pat leafing through the pages of The Secret Life of Scones by Suzy Bowler I thought – oh, oh, something’s going down! I left her to it. I just eat and write about scones which I suspect is a heck of a lot easier than making them. Anyway, Café 54 is quite a nice establishment with a lovely dining room and a pretty living room that would be perfect for afternoon tea.

Tickles

I fully expected to be summoned and ushered into one of these rooms where there would be a glass of champagne waiting to tickle my tastebuds.

By the way, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles! Sorry!

Instead, I was taken straight to the kitchen. There was only one table and we had the whole place to ourselves. At this rate, Café 54 is not going to last very long.

Before and after scones — Before and after ten minutes in the Aga

Turned out Pat had followed one of the Genius recipes from the book but had added lots of fruit and almonds. They were fruit and nut scones! No comments, please! By now you know we like our scones crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle.

Double crunch

A scone at No 54 — Fruit and nut scones with Pat’s homemade gooseberry jelly

Well, these were crunchy on the outside but the almonds gave them a lovely crunch on the inside as well … unusual but fab! Pat assured me they were topscones and I couldn’t but agree. The gooseberry jelly and cream finished them off perfectly. There was nothing really to complain about at Café 54 … the welcome had been great and the service was perfectly adequate. We might try it again sometime.

This is the recipe:

Can’t provide any contact details because if you decide to visit Café 54, you would be made most welcome but your chances of getting a scone would be pretty slim. We’ve eaten them all!

SHED OF THE DAY

Since the sheds seem to be proving popular we have decided to give you this one. It’s not an island shed, these are reserved for island scones.

Shed at Burghead harbour — A wee shed at Burghead harbour. We were there on 11th January where they still celebrate their Julian calendar New Year with the Burning of the Clavie. Almost impossible to stand up in the wind.

ps: GOOD NEWS: Ospreys are seemingly unaffected by the lockdown and have just arrived back in Scotland from Gambia. Well done them!

BREAKING NEWS: The £10. 36 that I’ve had in my pocket for the past four weeks has mysteriously been reduced to £5.36. A fiver has been snaffled! I have my suspicions!

Ordinary, Scones, weird

Hideaway Cafe at Beecraigs

22nd November 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

There has been a lot of migration from central and eastern Europe. Thousands of people coming to the UK in what seems to be an totally uncontrolled manner. You may think we are talking about relatively recent times but we’re not. We’re talking about 4,500 years ago. There was mass migration back then when thousands of what we now know as Beaker People moved west. They were called Beakers because they were always buried with their rather elegant bell-shaped clay drinking vessels. When they reached Scotland some of them settled around Cairnpapple Hill where there is still a very well preserved Beaker burial chamber. It is only a stones throw from where we are today at the Hideaway Café at Beecraigs Country Park.

Descendants

So, although folk go on endlessly about mass migrations into Britain, it is absolutely nothing new. In fact, when it comes down to it, hardly any of us are from here originally. We are all migrants in one form or another. Judging by our fondness for using drinking vessels, Pat and I may even be direct descendants of the Beaker people. At the end of the day, as they say here in Scotland – we’re a’ Jock Tamson’s Bairns.

Photo of Beecraigs loch in late November — Beecraigs loch

We had decided to take a walk round the loch at Beecraigs. It used to be regular occurrence when the kids were small but we haven’t been back for many years. The loch is actually a reservoir built by German Prisoners of War during WW1. Apparently the German work ethic was nothing like it is nowadays. Work progressed at a snail’s pace until it had to be finished off in 1918 by conscientious objectors. It’s a beautiful walk, however, and it was really nice to relive memories from the past. The walk seemed much shorter than we recalled. Then we remembered, this time we weren’t trying to herd feral children. We didn’t have to stop and investigate every stick and toadstool along the way.

View from Beecraigs Country Park — View from Beecraigs with the Forth bridges in the distance

One of these children actually got married here several years ago and, with its expansive views, it provided a wonderful setting. No weddings today though, it has all changed. The space previously used for weddings is now filled with displays for the visitor centre explaining the local flora and fauna. However, now they have the Hideaway Café … and scones!

Buzzing

The only problem was that the Hideaway was not living up to its name. It had been found and was so busy we couldn’t get in. However, they gave us a pager and told us to go off and wander around the exhibits and when a table became available they would buzz us … brilliant. It worked! Within ten minutes we had our table and were able to order some lunch and a banana and white chocolate scone to share. They had plain and fruit scones however we always feel that we should report on the exotica we come across so that readers can continue to expand their knowledge base.

Everything was good, the service was happy and efficient, the food was fine and even the scone was pleasant enough. No topscone unfortunately. Don’t be put off by banana and white chocolate scones … but don’t deliberately seek them out either. Fruit or plain is a better bet.

Flashbacks

Memories are funny things. We have many happy memories of this place. Our family wedding event was superb but it is difficult to imagine it happening now that the venue has undergone so many changes. Yet we still got little flashbacks of that day as we looked around. Memories can play tricks! Apparently the Queen is claiming that the Duke of York is her son however he has no recollection of ever having met her. Boris doesn’t remember ever telling a lie for goodness sake! That’s how tricky it can get!

EH49 6PL tel: 01506 847111 Hideaway Beecraigs

///corrects.blushed.photocopy

english, Scones, Top, weird

Café Royal

3rd March 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The name ‘Café Royal‘ is synonymous with opulence and conjures up images of over-the-top Victorian decadence. Just the sort of place for us you might think. The epicentre of London fashion and the world’s finest wine cellar. Again, just the sort of place for us. It was the place to be seen by the likes of Noël Coward, Brigitte Bardot and Oscar Wilde. Once again, just the sort of place for us. Except this Café Royal is not in London, it’s in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

Normally Newcastle is but a momentary pause as we make our way south on the London train. On this occasion, however, it was our destination, or rather a transit stop on our way to Amsterdam. This post and the previous post on the Winkel are not in correct chronological order. Why? Just because!

Posh tea

We had an hour or so to kill and decided, since it was almost scone o’clock, that we should explore the city a little in the hope of finding one. We wandered up towards, what looks like Nelson’s column, but is in fact the Grey’s monument. It commemorates the passing of the Great Reform Act of 1832 by Prime Minister of the time, Earl Grey. Of course. we all know that the real reason for the monument is because the very same Earl Grey invented posh tea. Run of the mill Reform Acts can’t hold a candle to posh tea after all.

To our surprise we found this part of the city very nice indeed. It was bustling with people going about their business, it sported lots of fine architecture and had a nice cosmopolitan feel to it. “It’s a canny toon” as the local Geordies would say! Perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised but we were … pleasantly!

This Café Royal is close by the monument so we thought we would give it a try. However, any grandiose ideas of lush opulence were dashed on the jagged rocks of expectation as soon as we entered. This place is modern but not unpleasantly so. Nice, but not in the way we had anticipated. It’s owned by the Sir John Fitzgerald group, a family run business established in the 1850s and still going strong. It owns lots of pubs and restaurants in the area.

The system

One should make sure that they should get over stress very soon as it might make more helpful tabs vardenafil 20mg tab you suffer so many problems. With the introduction of many erectile dysfunction remedy medicine within the final decade, the vast majority of folks affected by this problem have almost obtained a new lease of commander levitra Read Full Article life. Though medical science has not come about until result of this drug does not get hardness enough for becoming erect. online cialis sale best buy cialis appalachianmagazine.com It is probably fairly obvious but everything you do requires energy. They have a system. You have to find a table, note its number then go to the counter and place your order. Once you have paid you return to your table and in due course your order is brought to you. Is that self service? We’re not sure but it worked! They had cheese and chive or raspberry scones so we went for raspberry. Hadn’t had one of those since we reviewed the infamous Bob & Bert’s raspberry ripple scone a few months back. It didn’t fare too well so how would this one do? Very well as it turned out. It came with plenty jam and clotted cream and was very light and fluffy. We enjoyed the scone and the place so decided to award it a top weird scone. Well done Café Royal!

What’s in a vote?

Earl Grey’s Great Reform Act of 1832 was in response to widespread criticism of the electoral system. MPs, in some areas, could be elected on just a handful of votes. It laid the foundations for male suffrage even though that would take many more years to become a reality.

Scuplture near the Café Royal in Newcastle upon Tyne — Man with Potential Selves by Sean Henry

Nowadays all men and women have the vote, however, in GB, some votes are worth much more than others. Great Britain is formed of two countries yet voting in Scotland is pointless. If no one voted at all it would make no difference whatsoever. For example, if every Scottish MP was of one voice on a subject of interest to Scotland, it would be overturned at Westminster even if 483 English MPs didn’t even bother to get out of bed. Scotland, from that point of view, is disenfranchised. We have a government we didn’t vote for and now we are being taken out of the EU against Scotland’s wishes and interests.

In 1644 Newcastle was occupied by a Scottish army where they held Charles I prisoner. Perhaps it is time for something similar?

NE1 5AW tel: 0191 231 3000 Café Royal

Scones, Uncategorized, weird

Burford House Hotel

21st January 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

When our Netherlands correspondents got in touch to say they had had a great scone we thought, fantastic, our first Dutch scone! It was not to be however. They were on holiday in the Cotswolds and were writing from there. The Burford House Hotel to be precise.

No worries we were very pleased to hear from them so we thought the least we could do was share their scone with other readers. Their report said that the scone was excellent and the surroundings very pleasant. By the looks of it we have to agree, that scone looks good and is nicely presented. Obviously, it cannot be classified without personal testing by ourselves but given their review and the photo it looks like it’s a scone with potential. Next time we are in that part of the world we will seek it out. Many thanks to C and S.

OX18 4QA tel: 01993 823151 Burford Hotel

Bob & Bert’s revisited

We didn’t think that we would be back here so soon. However, having raised expectations over raspberry ripple scones in our last Bob & Bert’s post we felt obliged to go back, test and report. This time there was no problem. Standing in the queue we could see a raspberry ripple scone but this time there were several. They couldn’t have pre-sold all of them, surely! No worries we got one to share.What can one say about a raspberry ripple scone? Obviously they fall into the ‘weird’ category. The pink thingy on top was made of coconut and chocolate and there was a drissle of raspberry stuff over it as well. Inside was reminiscent of a jam doughnut. We quite enjoyed it but once in a lifetime is probably enough.

Bob & Bert’s is one of these places with lots of lifestyle advice. We find this simultaneously useful and annoying. Useful in the sense that sometimes you read one and think .. mmmm? Other times they just annoy because you know you cannot live up to such lofty aspirations. Here we felt we could live up to most of them. This one for instance “this is your life, do what you want and do it often” encompasses our love of scones. We do it as often as we can! Thank you Bob & Bert’s for this advice we assure you of our best endeavours.

There were others we felt we could embrace as well. “Life is simple, open your mind, arms and heart to new things“. We’ve just had a raspberry ripple scone for goodness sake. The last one, however, is probably the easiest of the lot. We are certainly feeling something! Yes, we’re feeling it!

Plan B

Three days ago, after the resounding rejection of her Brexit Plan A, Theresa May was given three days to come up with Brexit Plan B. Today’s the day and you will absolutely never ever guess … it’s the same as Brexit Plan A! Wow, who would have thought! When they meet on Wednesday we are relying on Nicola Sturgeon to get her telt!

Ordinary, Scones, weird

V&A Dundee Living Room

8th November 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Recently, much has been written in praise of the new V&A Dundee museum of design on the city’s waterfront. Of course, the pictures of the building always look spectacular.

the V&A with Captain Scott’s ship, Discovery on the right

Our visit was mainly driven. however, by the fact that we had driven past the building before it was opened in September and were curious to see what wonders could be contained within such an striking building. Of course, there was always the possibility that amongst these wonders a scone or two might linger. So it was with much anticipation that we drove north on an overcast but very mild day. It has to be said that it’s a major achievement for all involved that this £80m venture has been financed and brought to fruition. A large part of the funding came from the National Lottery. What did the government do before they facilitated gambling on an industrial scale? Without the Lottery Fund and the EU we don’t think anything would have been built in the UK in the past twenty years.

Pots of marmalade

The approach to the building, designed by Japanese architect Kengo Kuma inspired apparently by cliffs in Orkney, is impressive as is the space into which you enter. It’s vast. We wandered round all the exhibits with a growing sense of bemusement. There did not seem to be a defined storyline or any sense of continuity. Just a series of individual and not necessarily connected exhibits e.g. pots of marmalade and engine designs for the Queen Mary ocean liner.

One of the style rooms

There was, however, a Scottish theme – the Beano comic, Alexander McQueen fashionista and the story of tartan but all a bit disjointed. This is one of Scotland’s newest cultural centres but, at the end of the day, we just didn’t ‘get it’. We felt confused by the use of space and uninspired by many of the exhibits. The reconstruction of Charles Rennie Macintosh’s Ingram Street tearoom was one of many exceptions however. Rescued after it was demolished in 1907 and kept in storage ever since, it’s fantastic that it has found a new life here at the V&A … no scones though.

Scone exhibits

Overall though it seemed, to us, like a triumph of academia over common sense. However you always new that we were cultural philistines anyway so perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised. One thing they did get right … all the scone exhibits were in the café area known as The Living Room.

Even this café had been ‘designed’ to within an inch of it’s life and was also a bit weird e.g. our name was painstakingly written on our paper cups for collection at the cash desk but we still managed to be given “Mrs Robertson’s”? We weren’t impressed and neither was Mrs Robertson. A banana and chocolate scone was the object of our desires. Another triumph of academia over common sense.

What sort of jam do you have with such a scone, or do you have jam at all. Such are our day to day dilemmas. Blackcurrant was the answer though not necessarily the right answer. Although people have been eating off round plates since the beginning of time (presumably that is the most practical shape) because this place is a temple to design, our plates were long and thin and pretty awkward to use. Yet another triumph of academia over .. we won’t go on! We were creamless and the scone itself was relatively tasteless in spite of it’s exotic contents. The whole plastic cutlery, paper cup experience was totally out of keeping with such a ‘quality’ environment. Inexplicable and headbangingly frustrating … a bit like the museum itself.

Clipping wings

As we write, America’s Plonker In Chief, is having his wings clipped. He has lost control of the House of Representatives. Not particularly great news for Trump but at least the US and the rest of the world can breathe a little more easily. Unfortunately, in Dundee, the closure of the Michelin tyre factory with the loss of 850 jobs, has just been announced. A hammer blow for the city. This sparkly new V&A will be no substitute for that loss.

DD1 4EZ tel: 01382 411611 V&A Dundee

Useful link: things to do in Dundee

Scones, weird

The Almond Tree Café

17th June 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

We have been aware of the Almond Tree Café in our home town of Falkirk for many moons but for some reason have never ventured inside. Maybe it’s because it’s tucked away from the main shopping area near what used to be the Glasgow Buildings. A huge tenement which, at one time, housed hundreds of people right in the town centre. When folk complain that the centre of Falkirk is dying they probably forget that not so long ago, lots of people actually lived in or near the High Street. It made the town centre much more vibrant than it is today. Now, no one lives there.

Where the Glasgow Buildings used to be is now a car park. The only good thing that can be said about it is that parking is free after 3pm. Hence we were using it this afternoon. That’s how we ended up at the Almond Tree Café.

Thunderbolts

It is quite a big modern place, with a large seating area upstairs. Ssurprise, surprise, turns out that it is part of the adjacent Struthers Memorial Church. It had never occurred to us that the two were connected in any way. The bookshop full of Christian books and the fact that the almond tree is mentioned quite a lot in the Bible (Aaron’s rod etc) should, perhaps, have made it pretty obvious. Sometimes we can be a bit slow on the uptake. The Struthers MC is a Pentacostal church founded on the memory of the Rev J P Struthers. He was a powerful preacher and children’s author in Greenock until his death in 1915. He was actually struck down at a relatively young age while preaching. Must have said something wrong!

Bizarre systems

Many regard the SMC as a cult where they think of themselves as anointed and speak in tongues. Not exactly our cup of tea but, lo and behold, they did have scones … cherry and coconut scones to be precise. Weird scones to go with their weird servery. You pay for what you want then you have to walk round the a corner to collect a cup then bring it back and fill it up from a machine … bizarre. They definitely need some divine guidance here or even plain common sense would do. At the end of the day the scones were actually very good though the coffee wasn’t great nor were the people behind the counter. Probably volunteers so perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much.

The SMC only has about 300 members over seven or eight bases in the UK so goodness knows how they make it pay. The Almond Tree itself is only open about five hours a day Tuesday to Saturday which wouldn’t make it a successful business and the shutters were down as we were leaving at 3.30pm??

Anyway, speaking in tongues, or glossolalia as it is properly known, is defined as: the fluid vocalising of speech-like syllables that lack any readily comprehended meaning. The Secretary of State for Scotland, David ‘Fluffy’ Mundell, has raised glossolalia to dizzying new heights at Westminster this week. It’s ironic that Westminster is defending what it is doing in the name of democracy. Have they forgotten that devolution was forced on an extremely unwilling UK by the EU. Why? Because the UK was deemed the most undemocratic state in Europe and the EU felt that devolution would give parts of the UK some sort of say in how they were governed.

Wringing hands

Now, Fluffy, a complete waste of oxygen where representing Scotland’s interests is concerned, has decreed that decisions taken in the Scottish Parliament are of no value whatsoever if Westminster just happens to disagree with them. What sort of devolution is that? He has also said that Scotland is no longer a partner in the UK, we are part of the UK. When did that happen? The UK is registered with the UN as: 2 countries (England and Scotland), 1 principality (Wales) and 1 province (N. Ireland). It probably doesn’t matter any more … the Union is bust. Meanwhile the Labour party has mastered the difficult art of simultaneously wringing their hands whilst sitting on them. Little wonder the SNP has seen its membership sore in the past few days.

FK1 1PW tel: 01324 626000 The Almond Tree

Scones, history and a dollop of politics

Category Archives: weird

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The government

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Pots of marmalade

Scone exhibits

Clipping wings

The Almond Tree Café

Thunderbolts

Bizarre systems

Wringing hands

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics