Tag Archives: Alex Salmond

Scones

Hot cross buns

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Gosh, it’s Easter again and who would have thought it would be the second one in lockdown. Our traditional family holiday in Inverness has been cancelled so we are not in the best of moods about that. Easter is a jolly time however. A bit like Christmas but with magic rabbits and chocolate eggs so much more believable. And, of course, that seasonal favourite, hot cross buns! We thought that, to get into the Easter spirit, we should have a go at making them … it’s not easy, in fact, it’s a right palaver!

In our naivety we thought it would be like making a scone. Not a bit of it! It’s much more akin to making bread. You mix up your flour with sugar, spices, yeast and the zest of a lemon but then you have to leave it for a hour or so to proof. And hopefully double in size!Hot cross buns in the making Then you have to knead it again, add sultanas and peel then leave it for another hour. What? Do they think we have nothing better to do? Oh, alright, we don’t!

Hot cross buns, piping the crossAfter that you form the dough into smaller balls and leave them for half an hour to increase in size. Then you have to pipe a cross on top with a mixture of flour and water. By the time we were finished Pat was definitely hot and definitely cross which is no doubt how they got their name. No it wasn’t. Unbelievably they got their name from the fact that they should be served hot and they have a cross on top … and they’re buns!

Breathalyser food
Hot cross buns being glazed with syrup
glazing with hot syrup

Originally they were a pagan thing to celebrate the Goddess Ēostre and in 1592, Queen Elizabeth I decreed that they were so good they should only be eaten  on Good Friday or at burials. Must be great to have that sort of power. Just think what you could do with it? Greedy folks should be careful, however. They can have a high alcohol content (all that yeast and fruit) and throw you over the legal limit.

We would like to report, after going to all that trouble, that our hot cross buns were a major success. But no. Flavour was good but unfortunately they were a wee bit on the firm side. Not the nice soft consistency we have come to expect of this type of bun. Interesting exercise but I don’t think Pat will be repeating it any time soon!Hot cross buns

Elections

In Scotland we have the mouth watering prospect of six weeks of electioneering leading up to polling day on May 6th. Lots of empty words and empty promises to look forward to. Alex Salmond has popped up again (hell hath no fury like a former First Minister scorned) with his new Alba party. He is less popular now in Scotland than Boris Johnson, an incredible feat in itself so we can only imagine it has more to do with his own deluded conceit than anything else.

Happy Easter everyone, the weather is scorchio today so enjoy it while you can. Fingers crossed,  this will be the last lockdown Easter.

 

Scones, Uncategorized

Laverbread

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Following our previous post on Welsh Cakes you will all be pleased to hear that “Slightly Miffed of Portmahomack” is now “Delighted of Portmahomack.” Although “delighted” she felt that perhaps we should also cover Laverbread, a seaweed delicacy and the essence of a good Welsh breakfast. By now readers might be thinking that Portmahomack folk must all be slightly mad. The title photo is of some of them down by the harbour passing the time on a very wet afternoon. Reassured??

So, laverbread is made with seaweed, where on earth are we supposed to get that? Just pop down to the coast and pick some? No, no, no, laver is a special kind of seaweed and you can only get the good stuff on the coast of Wales … apparently! Oh, or  in a shop … an online shop, The Fish Society shop to be precise.  They will cater to all your seaweed needs! Don’t say that we don’t go that extra mile for our readers.

raw laver
as it comes from the Fish Society, out of the packet and mixed with oats
Dulse and all that?

Suffice to say we ordered some laver directly from Wales so that the ensuing laverbread would be as authentic as possible. The things we do to placate these Portmahomackians! You’d think they would be too busy watching whales and dolphins? The laver arrived in an alarmingly large box … we didn’t really want a whole load of seaweed so we were relieved when the large box contained only a very small sachet of frozen laver.  Frying laverbreadOnce, when I worked in Belfast someone (they shall remain nameless) gave me some dried dulse. It was revolting! I only had a little but I could still taste it three days later! And that pretty well sums up my seaweed eating career so far. Would this laverbread thing be a better experience?

There is no way that laver could ever look appetising … a kind of dark green sludge. In fact it makes you wonder who thought it was a good idea to eat it in the first place? Anyway, in the interests of expanding our reader’s laverbread knowledge we set about making some. Couldn’t be more simple really … mix it with some oats and lightly fry. Laverbread with fry-upWe had it with some crispy bacon and a fried egg. Interesting in that there was no strong taste, just slightly salty perhaps. Some people compare the taste to oysters, or olives.  We ate it all, however … it’s good for you apparently!

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Laver, laver everywhere!
Scallops with laver and pea puree
Scallops

To give it a fair crack of the whip, at night Pat made me scallops with a pea purree and laver sauce. This was fantastic! Hard to know what was actually going on but the laver seemed to give it a slight salty edge that went well with the rest of the dish. Huragh, a mini laver triumph!What else?Omelette with laverNext day we had an omelette with potatoes and laver. That was excellent as well though I suspect that the omelette would have been none the worse if there had been no laver in it. In Wales laver is sometimes referred to as Black Gold, or the Welshman’s Caviar. Apologies to all laverbread aficionados but we are not at all surprised it hasn’t caught on in Scotland.

Yesterday, the news that Nicola Sturgeon was cleared of any wrongdoing in the Alex Salmond affair has been greeted by the Tories with all the same good grace that Trump accepted his election defeat. Politics will always have divisions but there seems to be a lot more division elsewhere in the world today … skin colour, gender, ethnicity etc. The other day we got an note from singer songwriter, Carrington MacDuffie. It was a quote from Mohamad Safa. “Our world is not divided by race, colour, gender or religion. Our world is divided into wise people and fools. And fools divide themselves by race, colour, gender or religion”. Seemed kind of apt don’t you think? So how come it’s the fools that get to rule the world? Or is that being unduly unkind? All very well for us armchair critics … they are probably all doing their best, poor sods.

Me at Target Ness lighthouse
Me at Tarbat Ness lighthouse, Portmahomack looking towards Wales for more inspiration

 

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Dobbies

It was way back in January that we got a tip-off about the scones at Dobbies Garden Centre just outside Stirling.

January, afternoon tea with two Dobbies scones

Our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents had bought some to take home only to find that they had been given some extra ones free. This was more than they could handle on their own, so they passed on a couple to us. We ate them as part of an afternoon tea we were having with some neighbours. At the time we thought they were rather good, if a little bit oversized. We had to split them up to make them more manageable for our guests. Since then, we have been promising ourselves that we would visit Dobbies and do a proper review. Seven months later, today is the day.

Internal view of the restaurant at Dobbies Garden Centre, Stirling
Just part of Dobbies’ restaurant

Automation

The garden centre is big and they have a restaurant to match. It is a little bit surprising to come in and find so many people out shopping and then to find a large restaurant which is equally busy. The servery area is also big. Rather than wait in a long queue we opted to go to the automated self service part. There is normally some sort of problem with these vending machines … and so it was. However the problem was not so much with the machine as with the operators.

Automatic coffee vending equipment at Dobbies Garden Centre, Stirling
Coffee machine about half way through delivering and it cannot be stopped

Basically, from the large array of cups, all of which looked identical to us, we selected what turned out to be a tea cup. Of course it was far too small for the quantity of coffee being delivered. A kind of Niagara situation ensued. We were a bit bemused by this until we noticed that there were similar but slightly larger ‘coffee’ cups … trauma over.

We had opted to share a cherry and coconut scone because they were all so large. Also we hadn’t actually tasted that particular combination before. Perhaps we should have stuck to what we know because we found this combo somewhat insipid. The tiny pieces of cherry were relatively few and far between and the coconut, although there, did not feature strongly enough. The scone itself was fine though, still too big for our taste. No topscone here but maybe the prize for the biggest.

Dressing like Ruth Davidson

The problem with Westminster and Holyrood being on holiday is that there is nothing much to report. Witness the BBC’s interminable coverage of athletics. But wait a minute, apparently the end of the world has just got a whole lot nigher. We should report that in case any sconeys get caught unaware. With the great big ‘Goliath’ madman in Washington threatening unimaginable fire and brimstone against the wee ‘David’ madman in Pyongyang who likes dressing up like Ruth Davidson, there may not be much time left. The big question. Will Scotland manage to become an ordinary self respecting  country before armageddon? The man in the know, Alex Salmond is predicting 4 years for independence but that may be too late.

Civilizing scones

HMRC has admitted that Scotland’s economy is actually £15b bigger than they had reported … oops. The latest figures showing that England ran a massive trade deficit in 2014 and 2015 whereas Scotland had an even greater surplus in those years. Perhaps we can just squeeze in a wee bit of self respect before we are all blown to smithereens. How to avoid complete annihilation? We think that Trump and Kim Jong should sit down together over afternoon tea. The civilising influence of a good scone cannot be overestimated and the size of the Dobbies’ scones should almost match their egos!

FK9 4UF     tel: 01786 458860     Dobbies Garden Centre

BREAKING NEWS: Our Tyrolean correspondents have lodged a report on what could possibly be the first ever scones to be baked in Austria. You heard it here first! They were in Scotland for a few days and became so obsessed with scones that when they returned home they baked some of their own ‘Austrian scones’. First scones to be baked in AustriaThey look good and by all accounts were good. No information on whether Austrians go jam or cream first. But together, dear readers, we are taking scones to the world. And the world will be a better place! Many thanks C and M.