Tag Archives: BBC

The Kitchen

After our previous visit to the Soup Dragon near Balfron today we are in a very different place, the Kitchen in Poole. About as far away from The Soup Dragon as you can get without leaving the UK. However, Poole is the most haunted town in Dorset … so spirits of a different kind perhaps. None of that for us today though. Poole Park which opened in 1890 is the place for us. It is over 100 acres of open parkland with lovely gardens and even a saltwater lagoon … fab!

Internal view of the Kitchen in Poole Park

Sharing again

The Kitchen is at its centre and provides sustenance for many of the parks users. It has a large restaurant area as well as an outdoor waterside terrace. There’s also Scoops ice cream parlour. It seems to have everything but what about scones? Yes, there was, fruit and plain! A scone at the Kitchen in Poole ParkWe had had lunch elsewhere so it was just a fruit scone to share and some tea. Sharing was a great idea because neither us wanted to finish even the half that we had. They were fairly obviously shop bought and probably not bought this week judging by the rather stodgy texture. Ah well, you can’t win them all! Shame though, because everything else on offer is probably very good and it’s a great facility for the park.The terrace at the Kitchen in Poole Park

Hanging by a thread

One of the benefits of staying down here with family is that there is not much time for news. So no rants this time you might think. Well no, when we do get a glimpse it’s the same old, same old. The BBC interviewing innocent passers-by about the cost of living. Typically it goes like this “You’re already struggling to make ends meet and now the government says that cost increases will double over the next few months. How do you feel about that?” What? Are they really expecting someone to say “Oh, I’m absolutely delighted“. And yet they go on doing it … endlessly. And, now it appears that their ‘Director of Impartiality’ is a died in the wool Tory, surprise, surprise! Our BBC licence fee is hanging by a thread.

Incomprehensible

The current cost of living crisis is incomprehensible.  Britain is, to a large extent, self sufficient in energy  and the same goes for wheat, yet we are told it’s all the fault of the Ukraine war.  Our energy costs are to go up 200% … in France it’s 4%. Scottish energy producers have to pay massive amounts of money to feed into the grid yet producers in the south get paid massive amounts to do exactly the same?? Could it all be caused by nothing more than systems designed and developed by the wealthy to make themselves even wealthier? Surely not?

Incomprehensibler

Meanwhile we are assuming that the lightweights vying to become the next PM are still arguing about everything. Liz Truss, still the Foreign Secretary but with ambitions to become a mini Boris, saying that she doesn’t know if the French are friend or foe while simultaneously dumping tons of raw sewage into the English Channel. And Sunak is about as far away from the man in the street as its possible to get. One of them will soon be running the country because 0.2% of the population voted for them. Fantastic! 

Two K6s in Poole Park
Two K6s in Poole Park. One made in Falkirk (on the right) and the other in Kirkintilloch

Anyway, the cost of living crisis doesn’t show too much down here but, of course, it is one of the wealthiest areas outside of London. Still can’t produce a topscone though!

BH15 2SF          tel: 01202 742842           The Kitchen

///notice.sleep.motor

Deanston Distillery

Okay we haven’t posted for a while so this one may contain a slightly bigger rant than normal. Let’s face it we are hardly short of things to rant about.

When we named this post Deanston Distillery we had forgotten that we had reviewed the tearoom before. It’s called the Coffee Bothy but that was six years ago so it’s about time we checked it out again. Last time we were here we were able to watch sandpipers on the banks of the river Teith which runs by the distillery. None this time but we did see some grey wagtails and they are always nice to see as well.

Perfect circles

Five shilling note in Deanston money
Five shilling note in Deanston money.

Previously we told you that the workers, when it was a cotton mill, were paid in ‘Deanston money.’ This ‘money’ could be exchanged for goods in the village shop which was owned by …  you guessed it, the mill owner. A perfect monetary circle. In our previous post we also explained that the distillery was originally a flax mill, then a cotton mill before eventually being transformed into a distillery in 1965. It’s owned by the South African based Distell Group that also owns Bunnahabbhain distillery and Tobermory distillery … hallowed names in the whisky world.

Burke and Hare

What on earth could that notorious pair, who murdered lots of people and sold their bodies to medical science, have to do with this sleepy little village? Well, not a lot directly, however, Burke’s wife Helen had to adopt an itinerant way of life after her husband was hanged in Edinburgh before a crowd of 20,000 in 1829. She was acquitted but in the eyes of the people she was guilty by association. Described as “An Unfortunate Female of the Degraded Class” she was unable to settle because when folk discovered her identity there would be angry riots and attempts on her life.

Eventually she took up with a spinner at Deanston cotton mill but had only been there three days before she was discovered. A band of women strangled and crushed her to death in a most barbarous way. Luckily, times have changed, our welcome at the Coffee Bothy was very warm and friendly.Internal view of Deanston Distillery

Taken aback

Anyway, enough of murders and dastardly deeds. After some lunch we asked for a fruit scone to share. At the Coffee Bothy, the scones always come in pairs making sharing very easy. When we asked the young girl who was looking after us if she had made the scones she simply replied “Yes”. A scone at Deanston DistilleryWe were taken aback. Normally that question is greeted with giggles but followed by the information on who did actually make them. It’s a useful way of finding out if they are made in-house or bought-in.

They were nicely presented and the size of each scone was perfect for us to have one each. We weren’t too sure about the cream, it could have been scooshie but it had quite good consistency so we weren’t sure. The scones themselves were really nice but unfortunately just fell short of our top award. Hats off to all young girls making scones though!

Has the world gone nuts

… or is it just us? In our previous post from the Coffee Bothy we compared the UK economy to the “Angel’s Share”.

Red deer playing a musical instrument
talented wildlife in Doune

That’s a term used to describe the gradual evaporation that takes place over many years from whisky barrels. Eventually there is nothing left in the barrel bu, a few angels have become very happy in the process, analogous to our economy under a Tory government. Some make millions while others have to rely on food banks. After the debacle over Rishi Sunak’s wife’s non-dom status that would have saved her over £4.4 million in tax. Poor dear we wonder if she even had to work for half a day to earn that sort of money. Now, however, other cabinet ministers are refusing to disclose their tax status. In Norway tax returns are a matter of public record. Goodness, can you ever imagine that happening here?

World beaters

Boris Johnson and Priti Patel have hatched a ‘world beating’ to send, at vast expense, refugees that land in the UK to Rwanda, one of the poorest countries in the world. There they can be processed before the people traffickers transport them back to the UK in tiny rubber boats. What kind of twisted mind comes up with that as a solution to anything? Are we going to do that for Ukrainian refugees as well?

Display of Deanston whiskyRussian TV gets a lot of criticism because it simply does the government’s bidding. The BBC might be going exactly the same way. When discussing all the many reasons for the UK’s economic predicament, one of the most obvious reasons is never ever mentioned …. Brexit. It’s as though it has been totally expunged for the BBC vocabulary. It’s almost as if it never happened?

Okay, it might be us that’s nuts! But we have to say that there is something strangely comforting about eating scones surrounded by vast quantities of whisky. Not sure what it is but we do recommend it.

External view of Deanston House
Deanston House which used to be the home of the mill owner

FK16 6AG      tel: 01786 843010      Deanston distillery

///awoke.hobbies.happen

A scone at the Pier cafe at StronachlacherPS: lo and behold our ever vigilant Trossachs correspondents have sprung back into life with news from the Pier tearoom in Stronachlachar. We know it well and there can’t be many more scenic places to have a scone than here. We haven’t been for a long time so it was great to hear that their standards had not slipped.

Hot cross scones?

And that’s not all. One of our Kiwi correspondents has sent news of a hot cross scone in Mapua, Tasman at the northern end of the South Island. External view of Deanston DistilleryIt’s a new one on us! He got it at a streetside stall with an honesty box. We love honesty boxes but unfortunately our correspondent reports that “it was average  and a bit on the heavy side and the cross part tasted  leathery like an old boot lace“. Oh dear, thank goodness they’re in New Zealand and not here.

The Old Mill Café

Pat was making her first batch of strawberry jam when we got pinged by our Bathurst correspondents. They have been continuing their scone adventures in New South Wales.  

In their own words:

We went for a drive last Sunday to Millthorpe, a small town about 40 km west of us in Bathurst. Normally, on a Sunday it would be choker-block with weekend trippers from Sydney, but with the Greater Sydney lockdown, it was nearly deserted.  We managed to get a seat in The Old Mill. 

A scone at the Old Mill Café, MillthorpeSo, of course, we ordered a scone.  They looked pretty good in the glass cabinet, and also on the plate when our serving arrived. Quite large, nicely golden brown on top, our mouths watered.

But…….the scones tended to disintegrate as we tried to cut them up, lots of crumbs, nothing you could spread the jam and cream on.  On the plus side however, the strawberry jam was delicious, homemade with whole strawberries. On the minus side, it looked like the cream came out of one of those squirty bottle thingies.

Ah well, it does you good to get out occasionally!

Unspreadable scones are unforgivable but it does serve to show the travails of being a dedicated sconey, no matter what country you are in. Logo of the Old Mill Café, Millthorpe

Millthorpe was originally called Spring Grove when it was first set up by a convict overseer in 1834. It wasn’t until 1884 with the building of a flour mill that the community, by a very narrow margin, voted to change the name. Aw well, we liked Spring Grove. We should have been there, maybe we could have swung the vote. 

Democracy

Anyway that’s democracy! The House of Commons Library Research Group has just found that Scotland gets a very poor deal as a result of being part of the UK. They found that Scotland would be much better off as part of the EU group of small nations. Heyho,  tell us something we didn’t already know. We wish we have democracy in the UK it would make such a difference. But, of course, it doesn’t make an iota of difference what Scotland votes for .. on anything!. We have also discovered that the BBC is now only spending a measly 51% of the fees raised in Scotland in Scotland. Oh gosh, we thought that the diabolical poor service provided by the BBC meant that they were spending loads of money here. Don’t tell us it’s all getting spent in England!?

Only hours to go before the Euro Finals where England are playing Italy. If you didn’t realise that you must have been living on the moon for the past month. Again, we are constantly told that the entire country (meaning UK) is behind the England team. What country is that then? The media don’t seem to realise that the UK is not a  country, or a nation for that matter. It’s a collection of countries but unfortunately it is run by a a group who, in former times, would have undoubtedly been exported to Australia. We wish England well but are dreading them winning and having to face another twenty years of nonsensical idiotic jingoism and punditry. The Queen wishes them well though she probably thinks it’s the England croquet team.External view of the Old Mill Café, Millthorpe

Pat’s strawberry jam was a resounding success. Now she is pickling them as well. Pickled strawberries, who would have thought? Nice on our nasturtium salads.

Many thanks, once again, to our ever faithful correspondents, what would we do without you?

NSW 2798       tel: +61 2 6366 3188         Old Mill

///pocketbook.wiping.nastily

Antonio’s

We just happened to be passing and because we had heard that Antonio’s had undergone a bit of a face lift we thought we should check it out. On our previous visit it was known as Antonio’s Deli. That was about a year and a half ago when we were concerned for the safety of our Australian friends as the whole country appeared to be consumed by flames. It was also before we had even heard of coronavirus and COVid-19. My, how times have changed … but would they have changed at Antonio’s as well?Internal view of Antonio's

Well, yes they had. The main dining area had been stripped back to the bare sandstone and was looking rather swish. It was full of customers when we arrived so we had to sit next door next to a counter full of delicious looking Italian cannoli biscuits.

Cannoli is a tube-shaped shell of deep fried pastry dough filled with slightly sweet and creamy filling, Enough of this temptation! We need to maintain discipline … we are here for the sconesInternal view of Antonio's

Carried away

One of the memorable things from our last visit was Alina. A lovely Rumanian lady who looked after us back then and she was still there, yeah! A scone at Antonio'sShe soon had us sorted out with some lunch and a scone which she offered to hold until after we were finished. She also said she would toast it for us as well. In spite of all this, however the scone did not quite hit the topscone grade. You can see from the picture that Pat got a bit carried away and cut it up before I was able to take a photograph. Years of training and for what?

Cannoli biscuits

Taking the biscuit

When I went to pay our bill, Alina gave us a wee box filled with cannoli biscuits … what a girl! And what did we do, we put the box down and then left without it. It wasn’t until we got home and looked at the pictures that we realised we had left it. I was so intent on waiting for a fleeting space in the traffic to get a picture that I hadn’t noticed Alina trying desperately to attract our attention. And then we just drove off.Alena trying to get my attention

When we realised what we had done we went straight back and Alina had put them to one side for us … what a girl!

logo for Antonio's

What a team! St Johnstone from Perth won the Scottish Cup earlier today playing against Hibernian from Edinburgh. St Johnstone have now picked up a host of trophies.  And all on a minuscule budget compared to the likes of Rangers and Celtic. Well done

Remember Palestine, remember COVID, yes, well tell the BBC. Since the Martin Bashir/Princess Diana story broke there has been nothing else on their news channels. The BBC are, of course, ashamed. Not at the story but the fact that they have been caught trying to cover it all up. Their polished exterior as the bastion of truth has been well and truly tarnished. Of course, anyone in Scotland will tell you that their so called impartial, truth-telling ethos was tarnished long before now. This is the self same corporation we all have to pay a fortune to every year for fear of ending up in jail if we don’t. Time for the BBC to have along hard look at how they do things and get themselves sorted out. Antonio’s has done it, so they can too!

FK1 1HR         tel: 01324 637000        Antonio’s FB

The Venue

We are on the golf course today! Now those of you who know us are aware that that statement is nonsense. The Venue at the Braes Golf Centre is only a couple of miles from home yet we had never heard of it. Braes Golf Centre logoIn our defense, there are some mitigating circumstances. Until recently it was called Polmont Golf Course and it has moved from where it used to be. It is now located in Maddiston on the the high ground to the south of Falkirk. So they’ve moved it and changed the name … it’s almost as if they are trying to avoid us! It only came onto our radar because our Trossachs correspondents visited the Venue recently and were impressed with what was going on.

view of Braes Golf Centre
Work in progress, the course is yet to mature properly
Work in progress

The title picture is taken from the car park and as you can see the Venue is not exactly a thing of beauty. In fact, when we got chatting to the new owner, Steve Matthews, he called it a carbuncle. Steve is a brave guy. He has rescued the golf club mid-pandemic and has big plans to make it a goto golf destination. In the meantime it’s a work in progress.

External view of Braes Golf CentreInside there is a nice restaurant but because it was quite a good day we opted for the outdoor area. It is set up with picnic table type seating and has a couple of gazebos in case the weather should become inclement … perish the thought! It is located on top of a hill and Steve told us that there used to be three gazebos but the day before, one blew away. Now we understood  why there’s a huge windmill towering over the whole course.

Surprising

Obviously we were not here for the golf but on the way through the restaurant we did get our eye on some scones. a scone at Braes Golf CentreSteve had told us that, because they don’t have a full staff, they only had one chef and he was on a couple of days off. All they could do was coffee and cakes. A delightful young waitress looked after us and before long our scone arrived. Now we knew before we started that this was never going to be a topscone; no chef, so not particularly fresh; no cream and no Scottish butter. In addition we suspected that the apricot jam wasn’t from Scotland either!? Having said all that however, it was all surprisingly good.

If the welcome and the almost palpable energy is anything to go by The Venue and the Braes Golf Centre will be firmly back on the map very soon. We wish Steve and his team all the luck in the world.

External view of Braes Golf Centre
The Venue, from one the nine holes at the Braes Golf Centre
Save Scotland

Well the results of the Scottish elections are in and independence supporting parties now have a big majority at Holyrood. Will this make any difference? Of course not! The UK is now to be held together by force of law rather than consent. Westminster will not give the Scottish people a say in their own destiny. Apparently it is for our own good because we would never be able to manage our £40 billion deficit! This from a government with a  £2 trillion deficit.

Also, in spite of having 32% of the land and most of the natural resources we are too small to survive on our own. And in spite of having some of the best universities in the world we are also too stupid.  Thank goodness we have the BBC and Boris to save us from ourselves. Who would have thought that the fate of Scotland and its people would lie squarely in the hands of a super wealthy, over privileged blubbering idiot who is too frightened to even visit Scotland. Really, you couldn’t make it up!view of Braes Golf Centre

Machrie Bay Tearoom – Again

As Boris recovers at Chequers we wonder if he will ever be held to account for his and government’s deplorable part in the current crisis? Will the media, including the BBC, simply continue to put sticking plasters over everything? Rumour has it that the next government spokesperson will be Hannibal Lecter … apparently he has more compassion and empathy than Priti Patel.

Anyway, this is the third in our random “island scone” reposts and this one is from the Isle of Arran. It’s from May 2016 when we were on yet another of our birdwatching expeditions with the Falkirk branch of the Scottish Wildlife Trust.

In our last post from the gorgeous Café 54, we said that we had to make our own scones because coronavirus meant there was nowhere to buy them. At the end of this post, we provide you with an opportunity to buy ‘virtual’ scones. Don’t say we’re not good to you!

We are still on our quest to see how many different species of bird we can see on Arran. Today we are in the SW of the island but the only place that seemed to be open in Blackwaterfoot was the Kinloch Hotel and we had already reviewed that last year. However, just a hop, skip and a jump along the coast we came to the Machrie Bay Tearoom. It was well and truly open!Machrie 03

Best buns on the beach

Apparently in the middle of nowhere, it is part of the Machrie Golf Club. It has tennis courts, play area for kiddies and everything else you could wish for. Including a good range of scones, all baked by Granny Rae. They obviously don’t take themselves too seriously when their advertising is “best buns on the beach” … would it have the best scones though, that was the burning question? It was scorchio once again so we sat out on their decked area looking towards the Mull of Kintyre surrounded by a party of Americans over here tracing their family roots.

Machrie 01 We were not sufficiently famished to tackle the Machrie Bay afternoon tea but one arrived at the next table so we asked the two lovely Shiskine ladies who were sharing it if we could take a photograph. Turned out they had won it in a raffle! It looked very good, particularly the scones, but they didn’t offer to share any of them. We eventually had to resort to buying our own. There were fruit scones and cherry scones but we opted to try the cheese and the apple and cinnamon. Machrie 05They arrived on lovely heart-shaped plates with lots of jam and were soon followed by a large plate of whipping cream.  Whoever Granny Rae is, she certainly knows how to rustle up a scone. They were excellent, and definitely the best scones we have had so far on Arran … easy topscone. Well done Machrie Bay Tearoom!  Machrie 04a

After our recent quest to find a Scottish tea plantation near Amulree it was great to get some fab Scottish coffee. Okay, okay it’s not exactly Scottish coffee but it is roasted in Scotland and on a day like today they could probably roast it on our table.

Palmyra and birdwatching

From where we were sitting in the tearoom it was only a thirty-minute hike to the site of the famous Machrie Stones, which consist of numerous ancient standing stones mysteriously arranged in circles. Sort of Arran’s answer to Palmyra. However, unless there was a golden eagle perched on top of each one, it simply was not going to happen. Instead, we continued practising the ‘shades on, face towards the sun‘, approach to birdwatching.

Poverty and ripped jeans

Actually we did think we had seen a golden eagle earlier in the day at Shannochie. On reflection, however, it was probably too far south so probably a buzzard. Or maybe a swallow! Still no eagles on our list. You can measure the level of poverty in the UK by the number of people, especially young women, whose jeans are all worn and ripped. The delightful young woman who served us was a particular example … badly torn at the knees. We left a healthy tip for her to put towards new ones.

KA27 8DZ       tel: 01770 840329      Machrie Bay Tearoom

ps: Our fantastic Aussie Bathurst correspondents sent us news of an opportunity to buy virtual scones online.

With no Sydney Royal Easter Show this year because of COVID-19, the Country Women’s Association (CWA) tearoom will not be providing the usual tea and scones.  The CWA have taken their fundraising efforts and baked treats online. They help communities and individuals still feeling the impact of drought, those left reeling after the bushfires and now coronavirus. They acknowledge that a virtual scone isn’t the same as visiting their tearoom and enjoying the treats in person but they must continue to fundraise. A plate of “virtual scones” is $5, a Devonshire Tea is $10, a dozen plain ‘virtual scones’ is $20 and a whole batch of cyber delicacies is $50. In return for the donation, they will receive the CWA’s “famous” scone recipe. To purchase a ‘virtual’ sweet treat and scone recipe, visit the CWA shop.

WARNING: In order to lend a bit of support to a worthy cause we purchased a virtual Devonshire Tea. However, their ordering system gives no other options than “Australia”. We had to enter that and “New South Wales” for our whereabouts. Does this mean that we will not receive any scones?? We will let you know about the “famous” recipe though.

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY

A shed at Dougrie on the Isle of Arran
A shed at Dougarie just around the coast a bit from the Machrie Tearoom.

Coffee Bothy – revisited

In the late 16th century, Lady Doune of Doune Castle, otherwise known as Margaret Campbell, must have been a formidable woman indeed.  Her son was known as the Bonnie Earl of Moray because of his good looks, athleticism, skill on the dance floor and his love of scones. Haven’t been able to verify this last claim but we just think he would have been an avid sconey. However, these attributes ended up making him an enemy of King James VI whose Queen, Anne of Denmark, was paying too much attention to the Bonnie Earl. Unfortunately the King was a Boris-like knock-kneed slobbering individual with none of the charms of the young Earl. Eventually, James got the Earl of Huntly, otherwise known as the Cock o’ the North, to take “whatever measures necessary” against Moray.
Best laid plans
In 1592, Huntly contrived to burn Moray to death by setting fire to another of Moray’s country seats at Donibristle in Fife. Moray fled with his head on fire but was struck down by Huntly’s men. Huntly drew his dirk and slashed Moray across the face. The Bonnie Earl’s last words were “You, Huntly – you have spoiled a better face than your own!”. Ouch! Definitely a sconey!
Now this may sound a bit like modern day politics. Unbelievably, Huntly, the King and everyone else associated with the dastardly deed denied all knowledge. Sound familiar? We now think that the Duke of York’s current memory problems may actually be a hereditary affliction affecting all aristocracy. No doubt due to centuries of in-breeding!  It’s just a thought but maybe we should cut him some slack … or maybe not?
Mothers
Moray’s mum, Lady Doune wasn’t having any of it and sought to expose all concerned. She had her son’s naked, stabbed and mutilated body put on display in the Kirk of Leith. A painting of the body was made for exhibition. She had his blood stained shirt paraded through the streets of Edinburgh. The outrage was such that the King had to go into hiding for a while in Glasgow and Huntly was imprisoned at Blackness Castle. That’s mothers for you.
Internal view of the Coffee Bothy atDeanston Distillery, DouneAnyway, all this is simply to tell you that today we are in Doune visiting one of Pat’s favourite shops. After a couple of hours of fairly intensive retail therapy, however, we were both in dire need of a scone. So on this -4ºC frosty day we decided to head a few hundred yards along the River Teith to the café at Deanston Distillery. Almost three years since we were last at the Coffee Bothy. so it was due a quality check anyway.External view of Deanston Distillery, DouneThe last time we were here the scones came as a brace and that is still the case. A scone at the Coffee Bothy at Deanston Distillery, DouneThey are quite small but if you want to try two different types, this is the answer. Unfortunately, on this occasion they only had fruit left so that wasn’t an option. Plenty of jam and whipped cream as well so the Coffee Bothy did not disappoint second time around. Just a smidgen off topscones but very enjoyable nevertheless.
You never know the minute
In our last post about the Coffee Bothy we were lamenting the fact that Deanston distillery (about 20 miles from Falkirk) had become the closest to home. It used to be Rosebank distillery (a few hundred yards away) but it closed in 1993. It had produced Scotland’s most light and floral whisky and came to define Lowland whiskies in general. Since then, however, it has been announced that Rosebank is to be completely renovated and will reopen in the next year or so. Not only that, a brand new Falkirk distillery, imaginatively called the Falkirk Distillery, is in the process of being built at the other end of the town and will also be opening within a few months. Bottle of whisky at Deanston Distillery, DouneNow, although this news may not excite all sconeys please remember that both distilleries will undoubtedly feature a coffee shop. Excited now? Watch this space.
For the first time in its history, the BBC has resorted to public challenges to try and get the Prime Minister to be interviewed by Andrew Neil like all the other party leaders. No success so far but don’t be surprised if Neil’s home suddenly goes on fire with him in it.
FK16 6AG            tel: 01786 843013          Coffee Bothy TA
///kneeled.blotches.fooling

Maly’s Café

Girvan is a town with a population of around 6,500 on the Ayrshire coast looking out towards Ailsa Craig. It’s a fishing town but was a popular tourist destination in former years because of its beach. Some of you may not be aware that Girvan is twinned with Torcy, Seine-et-Marne on the outskirts of Paris. The link commemorates Sir Thomas Huston who came from the town. His bravery, fighting the English in 1439, helped capture the town of Meaux and in recognition the King of France granted him the fiefdom of Torcy. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that. Something else you may not be aware of is that Richard Branston’s Virgin vodka was made here by William Grant & Sons. Don’t worry if you didn’t know that either.

Scones can be hard to find

Internal view of Maly's Café, GirvanNormally we just pass through Girvan, however, today it was scone o’clock and we thought we would explore a little. To be honest there is not that much to explore, the towns history as a busy fishing port and holiday resort are well and truly in the past. Nevertheless it was good to be here. The first place we were told had good scones didn’t have any! After a bit of head scratching someone sent us in the direction of this place, Maly’s Café.

Lacking stature

Appearance wise, Maly’s is pretty ordinary looking. It serves a limited range of everyday good fA scone at Maly's Café, Girvanood which probably suits the locals down to the ground. The staff were welcoming and soon had us sorted out with some light lunch and a scone to share. Just like the café itself there was nothing special about the scone. It was perfectly good but simply did not have the  stature of a topscone. English jam, Irish butter and scooshie cream didn’t help.

Pitch to become PM

Anyway, the Tory leadership campaign rolls on. Would you like an extra £6000 per year? Okay you would, but there’s a catch! You have to be already earning £80,000 per year to get it. That’s Boris Johnson’s pitch to become the next PM. The Conservative party has at long last managed to unite the nation … in despair. No matter what side of the Brexit argument you are on you just feel complete and utter despair. Well done them!

BBC is doing away with free TV licenses for folks over 75. The UK’s pensions are the lowest in the EU by quite a margin so this will probably mean that many will have to spend their money on food and heating rather than have a TV. This, in the world’s fourth largest economy? At least they will be spared the state broadcaster’s incessant propaganda. Scrap the TV license!

KA26 9EU          tel: 01465 238009        Maly’s FB

///steadier.sponge.acoustics

ps we were caught out the other day on a visit to Dobbies Garden Centre near Stirling. They had fully loaded cream scones that were so big we decided we would have one to share. Dobbies BOGOF deal on sconesWhen we came to cash desk the lady said “would you like the other one”? Seeing our puzzled looks she said “when you buy one of these scones you get another one free”.  Goodness me what a dilemma! Eventually we thought we might as well take the other one … big mistake. We didn’t get anywhere near finishing them. Can’t make up our minds if Dobbies is just being generous or exploiting our weak wills. We think it’s the latter.

Darcy’s – Princes Square

Sometimes you just get the urge. You just fancy something! Maybe you fancy a classic mojito, perhaps a strawberry fizz mocktail; maybe a spot of face painting; or even a full blown lunch with private dining; maybe some live music. Or maybe you just want to stay in the EU or maybe you just never want to hear of Brexit ever again! Well, you can have all of these (except the last two) at Darcy’s in Glasgow’s Princes Square. All Ted Baker and Vivienne Westwood, Princes Square is a rather upmarket glitzy shopping centre. Darcy’s is just one of a dozen restaurants.

Christmas lights in Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow
Christmas comes to Glasgow’s Royal Exchange Square

Epic messes

It was over two years ago that we were here having afternoon tea at Cranachan and berating them for serving fully loaded scones. As you all know by now, a cardinal sin in our eyes. We were also feeling a bit sorry for Jeremy Corbyn. He had just done unexpectedly well in the general election but was being given a hard time for not singing while everyone else was trying to enlist God’s help in saving HRH. Things haven’t got any better for him in the intervening years but it’s all of his own making. Any sympathy we may have had has long since evaporated. Unbelievably, he actually might even have a chance of winning a general election should one be called. Not because of anything he has done but simply because of the epic mess the Tories are currently making of just about everything.. Internal view of Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow

Okay, okay what about Darcy’s scones? It’s busy busy and there was only a single table left when we arrived. The whole place had a nice buzz about it. That buzz however may have given rise to a slight hiccup at the beginning when, having waited for about five minutes, we had to go and find someone to serve us. However, after that we were looked after very well. A scone at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, GlasgowOur scones came on very large plates which we were sure were the same as we had when reviewing our Liberty of London scone. That was also over two years ago so how sad is it that we remember things like the plates? My coffee was great and came complete with a little amaretti biscuit … nice!.

Anyway the plates certainly didn’t cramp our lovely warm fruit scones … nicely presented with a pat of butter, a pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a ramekin of cream with a strawberry on top. What’s not to like? In the end we decide to forgive the hiatus in service and award a topscone. Well done Darcy’s.

Face painting

 Just in case we have fired up anyone’s interest in face painting, it takes place every Sunday between 1 and 3pm and everyone goes home with a balloon! Remember to have a scone as well!

French newspaper covering at Darcy's Café, Prices Square, Glasgow
Pillars covered in old French newspapers??

Landing on Mars

We weaved our way back to the railway station through dozens of beggers sitting in the wet and cold. We also learned that we have successfully landed a spaceship on Mars … hurragh! With all these beggers, food banks and 1 in 4 children living in poverty, lets hope, if they find anything at all on Mars, it’s a moral compass?

G1 3JN        tel: 0845 166 6012        Darcy’s

ps: Attention all telephone box enthusiasts. Obviously this not a K6  but a somewhat different concrete police telephone box. The only similarity to a K6 is that its door is also made of teak. Originally all police telephone boxes were coloured red and only changed to blue because of the popularity of Dr Who. None of the BBC’s props have actually been true to the original design. The explanation is that its chameleon circuits sometimes drift a little if left in the same position for too long. This particular TARDIS in Buchanan Street did not really contain a huge Bier Halle  full of drunken Germans. Although we didn’t actually look inside??Tardis in Buchanan Street, Glasgow

The good ship Forth Belle

What?? Sometimes we go to extraordinary lengths in order to broaden the horizons of our sconey readers. That said, seldom do we have to risk life and limb quite like this. Nevertheless, undaunted, on a fine sunny day in March, we set sail from the Hawes Pier in South Queensferry into the uncharted waters of floating scones. We were aboard the good ship Forth Belle and the name of our trip was “The Blackness Castle, Three Bridges and … wait for it … Cream Tea Cruise”. Okay, now you understand!

Rosyth Dockyard and the Prince of Wales aircraft carrier
Rosyth Dockyard with the partially built Prince of Wales aircraft carrier on the left

The Prince of Wales

We were sailing up river under the old Forth Road Bridge, then the new Queensferry Crossing and before long we were passing the Rosyth Dockyard. Britain doesn’t have any planes to put on the aircraft carrier being built here but now that Putin has been forced to take on the mantle of bogey-man-in-chief we think the money will probably be found. Presumably after we’ve forked out the £300b for weapons of mass destruction like Trident of course. If Putin eventually gets put back in his box and there are to be no planes, the Prince of Wales will probably be put on Gumtree or eBay. Not him, the ship!

The restaurant on the Forth Belle cruise
Help yourself cream tea

 

For our cream tea we had to go below to the galley (hope you are heeding the nautical terminology) where there was a table from which we had to equip ourselves with the various accoutrements for a cream tea. Thankfully there was someone to serve us tea and coffee. Okay okay, we may have over dramatised the life aA scone on the Forth Belle cruisend limb bit somewhat but there were other dangers. Because all the tables had been taken, we had to butter, jam and cream a scone on our knees with a plastic knife while the boat pitched and rolled mercilessly. Okay, that’s over dramatised as well! Maybe it was because of this high sense of adventure, maybe it was because of the chilling wind out here on the open water but our tea and scones tasted delicious.

Submarine U-21

Obviously there was no topscone award, there were certain shortcomings when it came to things like presentation. However, overall we thoroughly enjoyed what we had. Could easily have eaten another one. By this time we were at Blackness Castle which was as far up river as we would go before making the return journey. In a way we were mimicking German submarine U-21 which penetrated this far up the river in 1914 before turning back as well. They probably were not having a cream tea though!

Blackness Castle from the Forth Belle river cruiser
Blackness Castle , centre, looks like a battleship and may have scared off U-boat 21

Useful info

The crew of the good ship Forth Belle gave us all sorts of interesting snippets of information. Did you know, for instance, that the iconic Forth Rail Bridge weighs 100 tons more when it is raining. It also grows in length by 7 meters when it’s hot? No, we didn’t know either. However just think how many people you can bore at dinner parties with this sort of information. Alas, we didn’t see any seals or dolphins but there were plenty of cormorants, eider ducks and the like. The  cruise was great fun, highly recommended. Our trip was the last of the day. It was the only one we could get because all the others were fully booked. What some people will do for a free cream tea!!

The Forth Road Bridges at sunset
Looking west from Hawes Pier

Kiwi scones

Our Kiwi correspondent kindly reported recently that even Ed Sheeran will do anything for a free scone. Ed Sheeran and New Zealand's prime minister Jacinda ArdernApparently New Zealand‘s prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, couldn’t fit any of Ed’s eight NZ concerts into her busy schedule … so she invited him over to her place for a cuppa and a scone. He readily accepted because unbeknown to anyone up until then … he’s a fervent sconey! Why did the BBC not report this? It’s right up there with the usual stuff they like to report.

EH30 9TB               tel: 0131 331 3030              Forth Boat Tours