Tag Archives: David Cameron

Fonab 600

23rd February 2024 billpaterson1@me.com 13 Comments

We’ve been here several times before and as most of you know, we reckon Fonab Castle serves the best scones in the world. It is our benchmark scone. But why Fonab 600 we hear you ask? It’s simply that this is our 600th scone since we started this blog back in 2015. Unbelievable, 600 scones and yet Pat still has the figure of a teenager and I am still compared to a “racing snake”. I’m sure that this doesn’t refer to my ability to move fast these days so it has to be a reference to my sylph-like figure.

Who is PM today?

It’s a milestone so, of course, what better way to mark the occasion than check that our benchmark scones are still up to scratch. Last time we did this was back in 2018. The Prime Minister of the day (we’ve had so many it’s like ‘soup du jour’ when it come to the Tories) was delivering a speech on withdrawal from the EU which totally ignored the wishes of the people of Scotland. Unfortunately, judging by recent events in the House of Commons, nothing has changed in the intervening years. But would Fonab’s scones have changed? That was the question facing us.

The Brasserie at Fonab Castle — The Brasserie

You are also aware that we don’t just judge the scones. Service, presentation, ambience are all key ingredients for a topscone. Fonab is a bit posh but it doesn’t have to be. As long as it’s an overall nice experience we may very well dish out our top award.

Tea

When we arrived at Fonab we were immediately welcomed and shown to a table overlooking Loch Faskally and lofty Ben Vrackie. When we asked for our traditional ‘cream tea’ they said it might take about twenty minutes to prepare the scones. “would that be okay?” Of course! We settled down to peruse the tea menu. Pat decide on “Orange Blossom – a citrusy symphony in your teacup“. I went for the “Fonab Blend – a bespoke tea offering a bright and medium bodied cup with subtle aftertaste of hibiscus and rosehip“. Honestly, it’s getting as fantastical as whisky descriptions.

View from Fonab Castle — View from our table over Loch Faskally

Competition

After about twenty minutes our scones turned up about as fresh as it’s possible to get. Initially we thought they had been a trifle overdone but once again they were perfect. Beautifully warm, crunchy on the outside and wonderfully soft on the inside. Presentation with crisp linen napkins and little pots of jam and cream was second to none. Once again Fonab had managed to retain its position in spite of severe competition. Places such as Ackergill Tower in Wick Claridge’s in London and Schloss Roxburghe in the Scottish border country have tried hard but ultimately failed.

A lot has happened in the course of 600 scones. When we started David Cameron had just gained power for the conservatives. We’ve had another four conservative PMs since then but Cameron is probably still PM, albeit from the backseat. Scottish MPs seeking independence won 56 out of 59 Westminster seats … a fat lot of good that did! Scotland still has a majority wanting independence but don’t hold your breath. Scotland and the Falkland Islands are about all that’s left of the Empire.

If we had any sense we would give up now but, as you are very well aware, we are not over-endowed in that department. Lowly scones have taken us to places we would never otherwise have been and for that we are grateful. They have enriched our lives. But who knows, we might give up if Fonab ever gets knocked off its perch.

PH16 5ND tel: 01796 470140 Fonaab Castle

///soup.material.newsreel

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Spean Bridge Mill

15th November 2023 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Getting to Spean Bridge Mill wasn’t by way of our intended route. Our mood on finally leaving Kinloch Lodge matched the weather … it was raining! We wanted to take the ferry from Armadale to Mallaig on the mainland so that we had a different route going home. Unable to book on line, however, we decided to just turn up. The ferries are big boats after all and during the winter months they would be quiet. Wrong! CalMac, the ferry operator, had not only reduced the number of crossings from nine to two per day, they have also reduced the size of the boat. It could only take ten cars and guess what, we were … car eleven! The ferryman said “you couldn’t book because it was full” We said “but it doesn’t say that on the booking site?” He said “I know, it’s not fair“… argh!

Retracing

We had no choice but go back the way we had come and use the Skye Bridge, Now our return route was to be the same as that taken on our way to Skye several days ago. Thankfully, this time, there was no snow on the high ground as we approached Cluanie, We stopped briefly at the Commando Memorial just before reaching the village of Spean Bridge. The Memorial looks out over the hills of Ben Nevis though today they were all shrouded in mist.

The Commando Monument at Spear Bridge — Pat and the Commando Memorial

On the 11th of this month we had Armistice Day. Wouldn’t it be good if this day was used to display the true horrors of war and the abject stupidity of it all? That might be more productive than one that honours it and sanitises it with poppies. These commandos were paid a pittance to go out and kill and be killed. Most veterans say wars are nothing but a complete waste. The way we honour war makes it much easier for politicians to ease their consciences and start meddling in other people’s affairs. Perhaps with wars being a veritable gold mine for some people it might be an idea to forbid all MPs from holding any kind of interest in arms companies. Or … world leaders should be compelled to recite the words of “Where is the Love” by the Black Eyed Peas. Just a thought!

Panto season

At least Armistice Day finally gave Rishi Sunak the backbone to, at long last, get rid of Home Secretary, Suella Braverman. Her rabble rousing statements labelling Palestinian protests as ‘hate marches’ didn’t really leave him much option. They were attended peacefully by over 300,000 people with most of the trouble caused by thugs from the Islamophobic, English Defence League.

The return of Dave

In his reshuffle, Rishi has brought back former Prime Minister, David Cameron as Foreign Secretary. Since he’s not even an MP, Rishi could only do this because yesterday at breakfast time, the King made Cameron a Lord. That means he can only sit in the completely unaccountable House of Lords. And here’s us thinking that the pantomime season hadn’t started yet!

Cameron was PM when we started this blog eight years ago and there’s been an unbelievable five PMs since then. With Ukraine and Israel, Cameron has undoubtedly got his work cut out so we can only wish him luck. It’s ironic that Israel seems hell-bent on casting itself as the worst abuser of human rights and breaker of international laws since the Nazis. America’s unswerving support for Israel could make you suspect that it will become the 51st state. Could it be that they just see themselves as fellow colonisers? The war is thinly disguised as a war against Hamas but what is Hamas? Nowhere in the media have we seen any attempt to explain why Hamas even exists. Another mystery!

Self service

Anyway, enough ranting, what about the scones or is that going to be another rant? Spean Bridge Mill is only a couple of miles from the Commando Memorial. It is a woollen mill quite obviously set up to cater for busloads of tourists … gift shop, whisky shop etc. At this time of year it’s quiet. In the cafe, almost the first thing we came to on the self-service counter was the scones … preloaded!. Goodness, they were impressive! So impressive we decided to give them a try. It wasn’t until we reached the cash desk we realised they had some normal scones as well. By that time it was too much hassle to go back and start again.

To make matters worse they had put the jam on top of the cream! And here we are thinking Cameron had problems! And to make matters even WORSER, they were quite good. Mamma mia! You had to eat them with a fork and knife and spoon but they tasted good and were a nice consistency. They reminded us of Kiki McColl’s scones at Liosbeag Café on the Isle of Lismore eight years ago. Obviously Spean Bridge Mill wasn’t a topscone but definitely an experience.

After that we were homeward bound again after a memorable few days away. Although we covered a fair bit of Skye there was lots we didn’t get to. We need to go back … and the sooner the better!

PH34 4EP tel: 01397 712260 Speak Bridge Mill FB

///nickname.splint.triathlon

ps: Suella has just published a three page letter announcing that her former boss, Rishi Sunak, is a complete waste of oxygen. He’s behind you Suella … oh no he isn’t, oh yes he is!

Scones

Wee Timorous Beastie Café

2nd June 2023 billpaterson1@me.com 8 Comments

People often ask us how we plan our scone adventures. The answer, of course, is we don’t … they just kind of happen. How we ended up here at the Wee Timorous Beastie Café in Bridge of Allan is a typical example.

A few day ago we received an email from the Major A A Gordon Society, based in Antwerp. They had read one of our posts from 2015 about the Scotch Tea House in Nice. Major Gordon hails from Bridge od Allan and although pretty well unknown here he is a national war hero in Belgium, The Major A A Gordon Society is dedicated to preserving his memory. Their enquiry arose because In 1939 he visited Nice and, according to his letters, had taken tea with his sister-in-law, Dolly, in the “Scottish Tea Rooms”.

Research

They wanted to know if we thought it would be the same tearoom. We had mentioned that its dark cool interior and proximity to the Promenade des Angles made it ideal for Victorian ladies to seek shelter from the sun and partake of tea and scones. Queen Victoria spent a lot of time in Nice. They eventually built a special hotel, the Excelsior, to accommodate her and her entourage of over 100 attendants. She was a fan of all things Scottish so it seemed likely that the “Scottish Tea House” would have also been created around that time. When we replied we also mentioned that we lived close to Bridge of Allan. There then followed a list of requests for us to research in the town. Hence you find us in the Wee Timorous Beastie Café obtaining sustenance before we begin to scour the town for clues to Major Gordon’s existence.

Of mice and men

“Wee Timorous Beastie’ may seem like an odd name to many readers but, of course, all Scottish folk will identify with it immediately. The timorous beastie in question is, of course, a field mouse, the description given in the poem,”To A Mouse”, by Robert Burns. He wrote it in 1785 to express his sorrow after he inadvertently destroyed the creature’s nest with his plough.

Back then

The last time we were here in 2015 it was called Café 33. Back then it was raining and we were not very impressed with the experience we had there. In addition, David Cameron seemed hell bent on bombing Syria. He had been in power for five years and hadn’t yet managed a war. Surely a significant failure for a British Prime Minister? Anyway, Syria seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth and this time we were desperately seeking shade.

In the splendid display of cakes on the counter we noted that there was only one scone. We asked if they had some in reserve but they didn’t so we had to reserve this solitary example. After some excellent lunch the scone arrived with our coffee. This time, of course, we didn’t have any choice but to share. No cream but it did come with plenty jam and butter. Not a topscone but we enjoyed it nevertheless.

We were looking for local people to help us with our research so we asked the lady sitting at the next table. She was no use whatsoever! She was from Northampton and had only moved to nearby Dunblane a couple of weeks previously. Her son had had the good sense to marry a Scottish lass and she had decided to move up to be nearer to them. She was still trying to find her way around. A delightful conversation but eventually we had to take our leave, we had work to do!

Helpful people

Suffice to say that we now know Bridge of Allan much better than we did before. We poked into most of its neuks and crannies and met some lovely people along the way. The folks in the local library were fantastic. One couple were having lunch in their garden in the sunshine until we interrupted their idyl with our questions. That resulted in them going into the house to bring out some local history books and spending ages trying to help. Wonderful! We eventually got answers to most of our questions and have reported back to Belgium.

And that’s how we plan our scone adventures!

In “To a Mouse” Burns reflected on life and its unpredictability. “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft agley.” He apologises to the mouse and for the general tyranny of man. Unfortunately, in the intervening 250 years, everything has changed but when it comes to the tyranny of man it’s still the same.

FK9 4HN tel: 01786 834998 Timorous Beastie FB

///gurgling.presides.documents

Ordinary, Scones

The Royal Oak

10th August 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Okay, our previous post from the Garmouth was a bit heavy on the historical side so this time we thought we would come here to The Royal Oak in Cullen. Not for the history of Cullen, no, we came for its soup … and scones, of course. Anyone who departs this earth without having tried Cullen Skink hasn’t really lived at all. It’s made from smoked haddock, onions, potatoes and milk … food of the Gods! And, the only thing better than trying a bowl of Cullen Skink is trying it in Cullen itself, where it actually comes from. Hence we are here at the Royal Oak, only a few yards from the beach.

We had heard that there were several cafe’s in this little fishing village but for some reason we couldn’t find them and eventually ended up here. With a population of just over 1000, it’s hardly enough to support a thriving cafe culture.

Obligations?

Elizabeth de Burgh, Robert the Bruce’s wife fell off her horse and died here while visiting Cullen Castle in 1327. The locals removed her organs and buried them in the local church yard. Then they sent the rest of her to Dunfermline Abbey, the official burial place of Scottish Kings and Queens. Bruce was so grateful to the town for its treatment of his wife that he arranged for an annual payment to be made to the village. Obviously, expectations of how the dead were dealt with were different back in the day. In 2000 the government tried to stop the payment but a court case found in the villages favour. The princely sum of £5 per annum is still being paid every year. Okay, okay, it was a small fortune in 1327 and there’s a principle involved!

Oatcakes

Enough history, what about the skink we hear you cry! When we arrived we asked if the Royal Oak had the best skink in Cullen? The look we got said “obviously!”. They are a friendly bunch here and they soon had us sorted with a nice bowl of the ambrosia complete with some oatcakes. It was only me, Pat is not a skink appreciator! It was excellent and the oatcakes were a perfect accompaniment. Having said that I don’t think it was any better than the skink Pat makes for me at home … just need her to get some oatcakes.

Afterwards, we discovered that the World Cullen Skink Champions were Buth Bheag’s Fisherman’s Kitchen, Kyle of Lochalsh. Nowhere near here Cullen!

After the Cullen Skink it was the turn of the Cullen scones. They were nice but we were a little disappointed to find that, this far north, they felt they had to get their cream from Cornwall. We had a really nice time at the Royal Oak and for me it was a box ticked … Cullen Skink actually in Cullen. No topscone, but hey, you can’t have everything!

Brightly coloured house in Cullen — One of the brightly coloured houses in Cullen

Backbones

Meanwhile, rudderless Britain is suffering a major energy and cost of living crisis. Boris Johnson is still Prime Minister but on holiday! in spite of much cajoling he has declined to intervene. David Cameron did a similar disappearing trick as soon as he realised what a mess Brexit was. David and Boris were in the same class at Eton … presumably they were both off the day they handed out backbones.

Still no sign of that promised bottle of whisky …. time is running out!

AB56 4SD. tel: 01542 842762 Royal Oak

///farm.reverted.mandates

Scones, Top

Scone 54

26th April 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

Now, you may be puzzled by the Scone 54 title of this post? Let us explain. We don’t normally get personal in this blog … except of course with eejits like Johnson and Cameron. Normally we try and keep things fairly anonymous because after all this is a serious, insightful, hard hitting blog that politicians and shoddy sconeries have come to fear! Yeah right! However, on this occasion we are prepared to make an exception. This is a little bit personal but, we’ll hope you agree, for a valid reason.

Good friends, A&A (we’ll keep it slightly anonymous), were celebrating their 54th wedding anniversary and as a result invited us round to their house for a cream tea. Now do you get the Scone 54 title?

Lucky, lucky lucky

We thought about the invitation for all of what must have been a fraction of a nanosecond … a no-brainer! What an achievement! Not many people get the pleasure of spending this amount of time with their loved ones. Having said that, all our friends have been married for what seems like all of their lives a

54th wedding anniversary — scones al fresco

nd they are, without exception, very happy. Not sure if that says anything about our generation or the times we were brought up in but probably not. We have all just been very lucky with our partners. At 54 years, however, A&A are leading the charge . I am reluctant to say that I was their best man because it reveals my age as being greater than mid fifties … but I was!

Scotland is having wonderful weather for April so we sat in the their back garden (COVID rules still don’t allowed us to have friends indoors) and were treated to homemade scones served with strawberry jam and lots of cream … oh, and bubbles. Can you think of a better way to spend an afternoon?

The scones were definitely topscones … and we are not just saying that out of politeness to A&A. Just the right size, slightly crunchy exterior and wonderfully soft interior. In fact, everything was perfect.

54 at 54

By the time we had eaten all the scones and drunk all the bubbles we wanted to carry on so Pat invited everyone round to ours for a BBQ. That went on until well after dark and many sausages and burgers were dispatched in the process. The culmination was a marshmallow toasting session over the fire.

A fantastic way to celebrate a fantastic achievement with fantastic friends. If you are wondering what 54 years of togetherness, making and eating scones looks like, look no further. Many thanks A&A.

Because Scone 54 is more of a personal post we thought we might leave the politics off to one side for a change. Then we thought that A&A would definitely prefer us to take a potshot at Boris & Co.

Westminster now seems to be abandoning the voluntary nature of the Act of Union that currently binds the four distinct parts of the UK together. It has done for over 300 years. Now they are thinking of bringing in legislation to make it illegal to have a referendum on Scottish Independence until Westminster thinks it’s a good idea … in other words, sometime never! The Union will be maintained by force of law. The people of Scotland won’t have a say in their own future. That’s UK democracy! Au contraire Boris, the Scottish people will have their say and you better believe it. With a bit of luck you will go down in history as the man who broke the Union! Okay, that’s it, another marshmallow please.

Scones, Uncategorized

Aberdeen butteries

14th April 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

WARNING 1: if you want to live as long as the Duke of Edinburgh do not eat too many of these. WARNING 2: if you fancy making some Aberdeen butteries set a whole a day aside.

By this time you may be wondering why we are making them. Well, principally because we were prodded with a big pointy stick by one of our Trossachs correspondents. She was brought up eating Aberdeen butteries in Burghead, one of our favourite places. It is home to one of Scotland’s best eating establishments, the Bothy Bistro … banana and bacon croissants to die for! Burghead also has two New Years. One on the 1st January (a kind of light rehearsal) and and then another on the 14th. The 14th is the Julian calendar new year and they celebrate it with Burning the Clavie.

The Clavie King goes all round the town to the Doorie Hill carrying a blazing barrel of tar on a pole above his head. And then the whole town dances in the street until the wee small hours. It’s great fun. Not sure if this sort of behaviour has anything to do with them eating Aberdeen butteries but it may well be a contributory factor.

Rowies

Oddly, in Aberdeen itself these butteries are more commonly known as ‘rowies’. “The toonsers ca’ them rowies and the teuchters ca’ them butteries,” most probably said by a resident of Aberdeen. We must be teuchters! They have also been referred to as “evil bricks of tasty.” You’ll understand why when we take you through the making process but maybe just a look at the ingredients will give you a clue: 250g butter, 125g lard, 1 tablespoon soft brown sugar, 500g flour, 2 teaspoons of dried yeast, 450ml warm water, pinch of salt … there’s a lot of fat! First you make a paste with sugar, yeast and a little warm water. Then mix the flour and salt and add the yeast paste once it has bubbled up. Leave it for 30-40 minutes to rise.

Then cream the butter and lard and divide it into three equal portions. When the dough has doubled in size, give it another good knead and roll it into a rectangle about 1cm thick. Spread one of the butter portions over two thirds of the dough. Fold the unbuttered bit over half of the buttered bit then fold the rest over to make three layers then roll it out again to its original size … phew! Leave for 40 minutes in the fridge.

Yawn!

Then you do all that again using the rest of the lard/butter portions … TWICE! By the time we had done all that it was getting near our bedtime! Then divide the dough into 16 pieces and shape into a circle before putting them on your baking tray. Then leave for another 45 minutes until they rise. What … another 45 minutes? It’s now past our bedtime however fear of the big pointy stick drives us on! Finally you can put them in the oven … hallelujah! 15 mins at 200C is all they need … that’s the shortest bit of the whole process!

Trawlermen

We have no idea what these things should look like except we have heard of them being referred to as “roadkill croissants” and judging by that description we felt we had just about got it right. How do you think they taste? Surprise surprise, buttery … very buttery. Due to the constant layering, the texture is firm but flaky and not at all unpleasant. They were originally made for the Aberdeen fishing industry because they would keep longer than any other bread on lengthy trips at sea. And we can completely understand that a couple of these would easily keep a trawlerman going for a whole day. The “evil bricks of tasty” presumably comes from folks knowing that with each bite they were knocking a month off their lives but were unable to help themselves.

We had ours in various ways … just as they were, lightly toasted with jam, with a sprinkling of salt. All perfectly acceptable. However, we’ve also heard that they are excellent with cheese (preferably roquefort) or even with corned beef? Versatile or what? Anyway, with a bit of luck, the big pointy stick has been put away … for a wee while at least!

David Cameron has ended up in the doodoo for a bit of under the table wheeling and dealing. Wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t seem to typify this entire sleazy self serving Tory administration. Probably unfair to tar them all with the same brush, there must be one decent one … musn’t there??

Scones, Uncategorized

Four Hundred

21st June 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 16 Comments

A multicoloured Four Hundred, that’s a strange title, we hear you cry. What could that possibly refer to? Could it be something to do with the LGBT community? Could it be something to do with the COVID-19 rainbows in everyone’s windows? Well yes, the colouring does reflect the times we currently live in but the number, surprise surprise, denotes the simple fact that this is the 400th post on allaboutthescones.com since we started back in 2015.

Who would have thought it? If you had suggested back then that five years later we would still be blogging about scones we would have fallen about laughing. Scones have certainly taken us to places we would never otherwise have been and to meet people we would never otherwise have met. It has been an extraordinary adventure. Having said that we should really have something better to do with our time! It would be great to be able to say that we have come a long way since then but, of course, we haven’t. Still, the same old scone scoffing and carping endlessly about our illustrious leaders. Of course, that’s not to say that nothing has happened in these five years, far from it.

Back at the start

Hard to think of it now but back in 2015 David Cameron had unexpectedly come to power, UKIP was riding high and the SNP had 56 of the 59 Scottish MPs at Westminster. The UK was still a member of the EU for goodness sake! Jeremy Corbyn emerged as a joke candidate for leadership of the Labour party but ended up winning. Unfortunately, he managed to make Labour unelectable, leaving English voters with no choice but to vote Tory. Hence the mess we are in today with the vacuum that is Boris Johnson in charge.

Scones at Fonab Castle — Fonab Castle’s baking and respect for scones has been our benchmark throughout

What else has happened? Well apart from scone reports from all over the UK, our intrepid correspondents have lodged reports from all over the world … the parts that we find hard to reach. Our gratitude is boundless!

Obviously we have dispatched a lot of scones in that time but, happily, 108 of them have been topscones. It’s great when you come across a topscone but suffice to say we have thoroughly enjoyed finding each and every one of them.

200 scones — This is what 209 scones looks like … imagine eating twice as many?

400

In case you are interested Four Hundred days ago, we were at the Old Inn in Northern Ireland eating fabulous cherry scones and writing about making love to goats. Four Hundred weeks ago it was 2012 and the Queen’s Silver Jubilee. Fred Goodwin lost his knighthood but other bankers got massive bonuses. We were warned that representative democracy was in terminal decline in the UK. The fact that Scotland’s representative in the current government is now a Tory MP in England proves that at least they got that right. Four Hundred months ago it was 1987. Bill Gates launched Windows 2.0 and China sent its first email to an address in Germany. Four Hundred years ago it was 1620 and the good ship Mayflower departed Plymouth on its way to America. Wonder if they would still do that today now that Trump is President?

Amidst all this technological wizardry and political idiocy, scones remained a consistent and calming influence throughout. A beacon of good taste and sensibility. Long may that happy situation continue!

Lastly, a big thank you to our readers for your forbearance and many comments. The next post will be another old scone from the past … it’s not our fault!

island, Ordinary, Scones

Felicity’s at Eden Lodge – Again

15th June 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

It was back in May 2018 that we visited Felicity’s at Eden Lodge at Whiting Bay on the Isle of Arran. Not that long ago but David Cameron was at No 10 and Brexit was still a hot topic. Time really does fly! Arran, because of its scenic diversity, is sometimes called “Scotland in Miniature.” If you only had a couple of days to “do” Scotland you would be hard pushed to do better than spend them on Arran … little bits of everything Scotland has to offer. We recommend, however, that once this COVID-19 lockdown is eased you take much longer and Visit Scotland … spoil yourself “you’re worth it”. Anyway …

Kings Cross Point looking towards Brodick and Goatfell, Holy Isle on the right

We are at beautiful Kings Cross Point, just opposite the Buddhist retreat of Holy Isle. After a morning spent bird watching and exploring Viking forts, we were well and truly in need of refreshment by the time we reached Whiting Bay. We have decided that all tourists to Arran should have to go on a course. It would explain when things are open on the island. Some are closed on Mondays, some Tuesdays and others are closed on Wednesdays … confusing!

Having tried some places that were closed we ended up here at Felicity’s at Eden Lodge. in a way, we were happy because this place was probably the nicest. The couple who run it have only had it a year and don’t have the hotel side of things operational yet but when they do it should be good. They did their training at Gleneagles. We were looked after by a young chap from Rockhampton in Northern Queensland. He had been on Arran for about three months but was struggling with the heat!!

Scorchio

We got ourselves a table beside the bowling green … and, away from the sea breeze, it was scorchio! When our scones arrived, complete with jam and clotted cream, it was obvious we would have to scoff them pretty quickly before the cream melted. This we did, and they were very good, but once again not quite topscones. Would we ever get an Arran topscone before we had to leave the island? Worrying!

Pretend birdwatching

As dedicated bird watchers, we have discovered something. When you are sitting there, replete with scones and coffee, the gentle sound of waves on the shore, shades on, faces pointing to the sun, you can pretend you are earnestly looking for golden eagles. Though snoring does tend to give the game away.

Dirty tricks

Cameron has also been caught out with his back-door dealings with big businesses, like Serco, to back his ‘Remain’ campaign. We are not backing ‘Leave’ or ‘Remain’ yet but we don’t like the tactics. Just as we didn’t like them in the Scottish referendum. Oh, and joy of joys, the world’s largest oil field has been discovered off Shetland. Did you know that? Barely a word about it in the press or on TV. On the basis that nothing remotely good for Scotland can be reported it is hardly surprising. It might make us more uppity than we already are. Anyway, besides all that, is that a golden eagle or a swallow?

KA27 8QH tel: 01770 700357 Felicity’s

The COVID-19 pandemic seems to be in retreat across Europe at least. A sense of normality is beginning to take hold. It’s curious to think that it took something like coronavirus to bring the world together in a single shared experience. Not a religion, not a culture but a virus. Let’s hope that the shared experience ends up being something beneficial though even now, after George Floyd, arguments rage about race, creed and statues abound. We think Ella Wheeler Wilcox got it pretty much spot on when she said in Voice Of The Voiceless:

“So many gods, so many creeds,

So many paths that wind and wind,

While just the art of being kind

Is all the sad world needs.”

And scones, of course!

ARRAN SHED

A shed at Whiting Bay on Arran — Whiting Bay Gala Day. A shed at the putting competition … only a dog waiting.

Ordinary, Scones

The Canny Soul

25th September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

All hail Lady Hale. She has shown our Prime Minister to be an absolute bounder. Some think her large spider brooch, was worn to illustrate what a tangled web we weave, however, she has unwittingly launched a whole new fashion movement. Who’d have thought they would have sold 5000 t-shirts sporting her brooch design within hours of it appearing?

Quite a month

Anyway, September has been quite a month for the UK. The Queen has been found to have meddled in the Scottish independence referendum of 2014. Much has been made in the press of the Palace’s disquiet at this being made public by David Cameron. Not a mention, however, of the disquiet of the people of Scotland who have known the Queen was set up for the past five years.

Dysfunctional

Now she’s embroiled in BoJo’s deceit over the prorogation of Parliament. Bad enough having a dysfunctional family to deal with, now she has a load of dysfunctional politicians as well. Who would be a Royal?

The lesson we have taken from the Supreme Court’s ruling is that doing things unlawfully is okay. Pat and I have decided to start mugging people in an effort to enhance our meagre pensions. Yes, we know it’s unlawful but what the hell? If it’s good enough for Boris, surely it’s good enough for us too. St Andrews seemed like a good place to start. Lots of wealthy folk and stacks of American tourists. Of course St Andrews is a university town (2nd best after Cambridge) so it’s brimming with students. We knew that there would be slim pickings mugging them … too poor and too fit. It would be the easiest thing in the world for them to run away from us.

No, we really needed to find people with walking sticks, or zimmers, preferably. Spotting likely victims is harder than you might think, however. After a while we were tired and found ourselves standing outside the Canny Soul café. We ended up not mugging anyone or, indeed, doing anything unlawful and going for a scone instead. Is that a huge collective sigh of relief we can hear? However, had we been caught mugging someone we would simply have explained that we disagreed it was unlawful. It works for Boris!

Definition of a Canny Soul

It turns out there is more to this place than meets the eye because, on the face of it, it’s not much to look at. Apparently a “canny soul” is someone who is: “neither above you or below you but is always by your side”. It’s a kind of lifestyle choice.

Picture of Marilyn Munro at the Canny Soul café in St Andrews — Marilyn Munro

One that was borne out by the place itself. All the staff were very happy and obliging. We’re not sure if this picture, which was prominent in the café, is of a “canny soul” but if Boris can learn to simper like this then he will probably get away with even more than he’s getting away with at the moment.

Sucking up

Everything we had was fine, however, our scones did not quite cut it. They seemed a wee bit tasteless. No topscone but the friendly atmosphere in the Canny Soul more than made up for it. They were indeed, canny souls. During some banter when we were leaving I complimented the middle aged owner on his youthful energy. He looked at me and said “ you have aged like a bottle of fine wine, I have aged like a bottle of milk!” Ten out of ten for observation … and sucking up to customers! Perhaps Boris should do a bit more sucking up rather than simply blustering blindly towards a no deal Brexit. He might even consider becoming a canny soul … or have we taken that too far?

The government has had to spend £billions repatriating holiday makers after Thomas Cook’s collapse and now Trump is being impeached. The world has gone mad … or madder! We still had a very enjoyable time in St Andrews however.

KY16 9QW tel: 07712 423386 The Canny Soul TA

///liberated.rejoined.slept

Scones, Top

Forest Hills Revisited

9th April 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach. Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review.

We were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Back at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL tel: 0344 879 9057 MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

///taxpayers.globe.woof

ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report.

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

pps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.