Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Ale & Pate

How did we end up here at Ale & Pate in Dalgety Bay? You know how sometimes we go to the cinema in the morning and then go on somewhere in the afternoon. This is one of those days. Logo of Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Weird films

We went to see the movie “Poor Things” at the Hippodrome in Bo’ness. There’s been a lot of fuss about it recently but we still weren’t sure if we actually wanted to see it. It’s almost two and a half hours long and when it finished we were kind of left wondering what we had seen. Set in a fantastical 19th century with gorgeous sets and brilliant acting it’s sort of hypnotically fascinating to watch and a bit weird all at the same time. We think we are glad to have seen it although not 100% sure.

Afterwards we thought we would follow the advice we had received when we posted from the The Bruce Arms in Limekilns. Tracy, the barmaid, had highly recommended the scones at Ale & Pate in Dalgety Bay. Although it is not more than half and hour by car from home we had never been there. The main road skirts past the town so unless you have a good reason to visit you just don’t. We’ve never had a reason … until now!

Originally it was just the little fishing village of Dalgety but then it was redeveloped in 1962 and became Dalgety Bay. Interestingly (or not) the tiny village of Dalgety (pop 252) almost became the capital of Australia. Not this one but one in New South Wales.  Eventually, in 1908, it lost out to Canberra. Boo, we would have voted for Dalgety!

Internal view of Ale & Pate, Dalgety BayBack in Scotland we were trying to find our destination amongst all the 60s style houses that give it that kind of “new town” look. Eventually we tracked it down to a small utilitarian looking unit in the middle of a housing estate. It was above a fish and chip shop, sandwiched between a couple of Indian restaurants and next door to a dental practice. We didn’t know what we had expected but it wasn’t this! Internal view of Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Anyway, if we had any lingering doubts about the place they were soon placated by our first sight of the scones – they just looked fab!Scones at Ale & Pate, Dalgety Bay

Weird scones

There was a choice of “fruit” or goodness gracious, “date and orange”. It had to be one of each. Pat was already making favourable noises by the time I got started on mine. Lately, we’ve had a run of what we term “weird scones”. Scone at Ale & Pate, Dalgety BayNot nasty weird, just different. There was “cranberry” scones at The Bruce Arms then ‘milk chocolate and strawberry’ scones at Callendar House, and now ‘date and orange’. What is going on – weird films, weird scones? No cream but both these really fresh scones had been gently warmed and mine even had a drizzle of icing on top … delicious. Our original disappointment at first sight of Ale & Pate was more than compensated by the friendly service and the excellent scones. Yet another topweird scone.

Not having been in Dalgety Bay before we decided to explore after leaving Ale & Pate. For all its ‘newness’ it does have a fair bit of history. Things would have been very different here over the centuries. DalgetyBay is built on Donibristle Estate, the seat of the Earls of Moray .

Donibristle stables
This was just the stable block for the Earls of Moray at Donibristle House. Now it is private apartments

In fairness it has to be said that there were fewer witches burned in Dalgety than in other villages along this Fife coast. Having said that in 1649, Isobel Kelloch was put to death. She had offered a head scarf to another woman who then suffered a headache. At the same time, and perhaps in the interests of equality, they also burned Robert Maxwell. He was considered an “ignorant” man and a warlock. Imagine how many people we could do away  with if these views still prevailed? The mind boggles!

The beach at Dalgety Bay
Dalgety Bay with Inchcolm Island (pop 2) in middle distance and Edinburgh far right
Weird world
As well as our weird films and weird scones the whole world just seems a bit weird at the moment. The UK and the US both have elections this year. On this side of the pond we have Rishi Sunak. He just seems happily detached from reality. In opposition we have Keir Starmer. He is used to know reality but now denies that he ever did. On the other side of the pond we have Joe Biden whose reality is a now a care home. And, in opposition, Donald Trump who thinks reality isn’t actually real.
 
But never mind all that, as long as all we have to worry about is weird scones, we won’t worry too much! Our thanks go to Tracy at The Bruce Arms for an excellent heads up on Ale & Pate and giving us a reason to visit Dalgety Bay. In spite of searching we failed to find the harbour … we know, how can you not find a harbour? In our defence, at Buckhaven we also failed to find the harbour, so we are experts!. Some day, we will have to return. Watch this space.
 
KY11 9NH       tel: 01383 821599         Ale & Pate FB
 
///myself.half.backyards

Bruce Arms

Well here we are, deep in 2024 already. We hope it’s going to be a good one for everyone. With fast fading memories of Christmas dinner – turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce etc, what better way to celebrate our first scone of the year than with a cranberry one. Yes, a cranberry scone! Cranberries are just one of the many weird and wonderful things that appear once a year along with trees in your living room and puddings you set fire to. The Bruce Arms, here in Limekilns, clearly had a lot left over because there was only plain or cranberry scones on offer.

Sign for the Bruce Arms in LimekilnsIn previous visits to Limekilns we have visited the Sundial Cafe and Coorie By The Coast, but never here. When we walked in the barmaid asked “are you in for lunch?” We said “no, just wondering if you could give us coffee and a cranberry scone?” As she stood behind  a Ferrero Roche style pyramid of cranberry scones beside the large barista style coffee machine, she answered  with a curious smile “maybe!” When we first arrived at the Bruce Arms it felt a bit lacking in atmosphere but now we had a funny feeling this visit might be a bit different. And so it was!

Assumptions

We assumed that the Bruce Arms would have taken its name from Scotland’s famous King and all round good guy, Robert the Bruce. Turns out not to be the case. It’s named after one Thomas Bruce-Brudenell, Earl of Ailesbury whose family were landowners around here in the 17th century. His main contribution during his earthly existence seems to have been naming things after himself. There’s another Bruce Arms in Tanfield on another estate he owned not far from Newcastle in the north of England. Internal view of the Bruce Arms in Limekilns

Living in a small village

Anyway, Tracy the barmaid soon had us sorted with everything. There wasn’t any cream but our scone came with plenty butter. She’d also given us raspberry jam because that was her favourite.  As we sat there it soon became clear that Tracy knew everyone who came in. Not only that she also knew everything about them. We were soon very well acquainted with all their ailments as well as their next hospital and doctor appointments … fascinating! We weren’t eavesdropping, we just couldn’t help but hear! On the plus side there was no talk of deaths. And also, a pregnancy in the village, by all accounts, was going well.

Victorian photo of the Bruce Arms in Limekilns
Old Victorian photo of the Bruce Arms …. it hasn’t changed much!

Eventually, conversation got round to the ongoing saga that is the Post Office scandal. Although it’s been going on for almost thirty years it has only recently been brought to the forefront by a television drama “Mr Bates vs the Post Office”. Hundreds of Postmasters had their lives ruined, some jailed, by what turned out to be nothing more than a software error. The Post Office is wholly owned by the government so since the screening politicians have been falling over themselves to explain why they didn’t realise what was happening at the time. A scandal in itself. Everyone at the Bruce Arms thought it was an absolute disgrace. Eventually, however, we were asked for our opinion. 

A first

Suffice to say, Tracy ended up sitting at our table interrogating us about cranberry scones and pretty much everything else. We were able to tell her that the scones were great, much better than expected and might even have been topscones had there been cream and the jam and butter had not been prepackaged. Coffee was very good as well. In all our years doing this blog, this is the first cranberry scone we have ever come across. In such circumstances we decided to give it a topweird scone award. Well done the Bruce Arms.

Limekilns at Charlestown
The old disused lime kilns that give the village its name
Did you know?
Chalk comes from limestone and chickens fed on a diet that includes chalk lay hard eggs? Just the shells … you would still have to boil them for at least five minutes if you want them hard all the way through! Honestly, the things you learn on allaboutthescones.com!
 
Estonian Navy ship
The Bruce Arms ,the best pub in Britain. according to the Estonian Navy? Who are we to argue with the Estonian Navy
It was an absolute pleasure to chat to Tracy. We learned loads about the village, in the hour or so we were there, without asking a single question.  Just lovely open and honest people and we felt a real sense of community. It’s lovely to come on a place where everyone looks out for everyone else … we don’t see enough of that these days. We left feeling refreshed and trying to assimilate all our new found Limekilns knowledge.
Things to look forward to in 2024
  • Proper justice and compensation for all the wronged Postmasters. Some years ago I and a group of friends sailed to St Kilda. As soon as we landed the warden told us we should leave because a big storm was coming and this far out in the Atlantic was not a good place to be. One thing we had to do, however, was send a postcard home because of the unique franking mark you got at the Post Office. The Post Office is tiny. I bought a hat, a postcard and a stamp. Simple mental arithmetic could have totalled the cost in seconds but the old Postmaster insisted on writing it down on a piece of paper to add it all up. By the time he did that and then checked it twice the storm was imminent. But no software glitches here! 
  • A reduction in the influence of populist politicians like Trump and Johnson. To be a populist politician you need merely cater to the lowest denomination in your following. And every now and again throw them some red meat. Usually in the form of lies.
  • South Africa taking Israel to the International Criminal Court in The Hague charged with genocide. It’s odd that it has fallen to `South Africa to do this after all their struggles with apartheid. When we think of apartheid we think of Glasgow  in 1968. They renamed St George’s Place, Nelson Mandela Place. The South African embassy was housed there. All correspondence to the embassy then had to be addressed with the name of their most famous prisoner … genius!
  • More scones.Stags head hatstand at the Bruce Arms in Limekilns
 

KY11 3HL       tel: 01383 872259          Bruce Arms

///spared.surveyors.melon

Craobh

Today, we are out wandering with the intention of finding somewhere for dinner in the evening. Not entirely random, however, we do have a little French restaurant called the Barley Bree in mind. It’s in the lovely conservation village of Muthill and we used to go there quite often to visit our aunt. The story gets a little convoluted but bear with us. Unfortunately when we looked it up on the internet it seemed to be closed and up for sale. Phone calls went unanswered. Not to worry, it had been a long time since we had been in this beautiful part of Perthshire so we decided to carry on and find somewhere  in the next town, Crieff.

However, when we were driving through Muthill we passed the Barley Bree and Pat thought that it looked as if it was open. We couldn’t stop because of the traffic so we carried on another couple of miles to Crieff. Hence you find us here in the middle of the afternoon in Craobh, slap bang in the centre of town. However, wonder of wonders, in the course of the afternoon we discovered that the Barley Bree was now called the Coorie Inn (a play on the Scots saying “coorie in” meaning to snuggle). We got their phone number and voila, we had a booking for later! 

Parking again!

Back to Craobh! We parked right outside and surprise, surprise had to pay via an app. After our previous experience at the Old Mill in Christchurch this gave us a touch of the heebie-jeebies. Guess what, it failed again! We asked a passing lady if she could get it to work. She just laughed and shook her head. However she did tell us that we could park round the corner for free. What a woman! Pat went off to park while I went into the restaurant. To be fair to this app called RingGo, other people seem to use the it without difficulty so we suspect that our version has developed a glitch.Internal view of Craobh restaurant in Crieff

Craobh is Gaelic for ‘tree’ and is pronounced “kroov”. Perthsire is famous for its big trees, hence the name. It’s a lovely restaurant with quite a few tables at the front and then several more through the back. It was completely deserted. The Mary Celeste had more folk. There was only a couple of young girls behind the counter.

They welcomed us and confirmed that they did have scones … hurrah! Then they spent some time consulting their reservation book to see if they could fit us in. Curious, because as far as we could make out every single table was available. Turned out that they were actually fully booked for dinners so were probably just checking that we were not going to interfere with their first reservations. Anyway it was great to hear that they were fully booked and by the sounds of it that was the case most nights … fantastic! 

Slate plates

Since we were having  dinner later we just asked for a scone to share and some coffee. It, or rather they, arrived nicely presented on a piece of slate. Obviously this would upset the bellyachers at wewantplates.com. Scones at Craobh restaurant in CrieffThey get terribly upset about food served on anything other than a plate. Thankfully we have never been known to bellyache about anything! We can tolerate a bit of slate … especially if it’s adorned with warm scones, jam and cream. And we did have side plates. With this sort of attention to detail we began to understand why this place might be so popular. We thought that they just managed to squeak into our topscone category. Well done Croabh!

Stranger than fiction

Sign at Craobh restaurant in CrieffGoodness, it’s all going on in the world. On one hand we have a Russian president gayly murdering anyone he doesn’t approve of.

On the other we have a former US president being fingerprinted and mugshotted. As an ex-professional photographer I can honestly say that I would have been sacked if I had taken a mugshot like that. Besides the subject matter, there just isn’t anything right about it. Trump, as ever, is up to his old school boy tricks, deflecting attention so that nothing of substance ever gets discussed. And yet his supporters keep following like mesmerised cattle apparently oblivious to the harm he does to the US and the world.

In sporting news it is all about the president of total plonkers  Luis Rubiales and the turmoil created by THE KISS. If any of our most imaginative readers were asked to make up a surreal, fantastical week of news it would probably fall well short of the actual reality.Internal view of Craobh restaurant in Crieff

Schwarzenegger says

Our dinner at the Coorie Inn was great. It’s been taken over by Andrew, Phil and Lisa … all previously of the five star Gleneagles Hotel. They’ve only had it for five weeks so still settling in but they seem to be making a real go of it. We wish them well. After a delicious dinner we discovered that they do scones every afternoon! We will be back!

PH7 3EY       tel: 01764 650762       Craobh

///accompany.inkjet.ideals

Notice at Craobh restaurant in Crieffps: This notice was in Craobh …. discuss!  Think we know  why it’s from  “source unknown”.

The Riverside

We’re at the Riverside today because we are following Forth Valley Artbeat trail which is a kind of open house for local artists. It happens for one week every year. First we went to see Archie Scott at his woodturning studio in Bannockburn.Spalted beech bowl by Archie ScottWe bought this beautiful little bowl which he had made out of rotten wood. Actually, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Once the tree has died fungi colonise the wood and extract nutrients from it, leaving behind dark lined patterns. The process is called spalting and our bowl is made of spalted beech wood. Archie was a lovely guy and spent ages with us explaining everything he does, it was absolutely fascinating

Harry

After our woodturning experience we carried on to Dunblane where there were more studios to visit. Before that, of course some lunch was called for and that’s how we ended up here at the Riverside. Originally it was the Stirling Arms built in1770. Robert Burns stayed here in 1787and wrote the poem ‘My Harry Was A Gallant Gay‘, It’s about HIghland Harry’s association with the local laird’s daughter, Jeannie Gordon. Nowadays, however, with Harry, Duke of Suffolk’s ongoing legal battles, we think the title might be problematic.Internal view of the Riverside in Dunblane

Pat and I usually share almost everything. Today however we are taking it a stage further and splitting everything three ways with one of our neighbours who had come with us. To stretch the tolerance of the Riverside even further we decided to do a three way split on two scones … their last fruit scone and a plain one. The staff were very understanding … everything we got came with three plates.

It was a very hot day so we sat outside on the balcony overlooking the the river, the Allan Water. Thank goodness there was a large canopy to provide shade.

The balcony at the Riverside in Dunblane

The scones were quite big and came with jam and the ubiquitous Roddas Cornish clotted cream. A scone at the Riverside in DunblaneThey were very enjoyable but half way through I decided to top up my tea from the teapot. I forgot to use the strainer which was right in front of me and ended up with lots of tealeaves in my cup. Our neighbour immediately sprang into action offering to ‘read my leaves’. Goodness, we’ve been neighbours for over forty years and we had no idea she was into tasseography. Just when you thought you knew someone!

It’s all in the detail

Apparently, I am going on a long journey over water amongst many other things. She was having difficulty, however, with detail because the tealeaves were too big. Turns out the tea supplier also provides Riverside with our favourite coffee. We have reported the matter and they have promised to get scissors and cut each leaf in half. Perhaps it was fortuitous that  more detail was not forthcoming. Anyway, although our scones were lovely they weren’t topscones. But if you are looking for somewhere to chill in lovely surroundings and with good food and good service, look no further than the Riverside.

The balcony at the Riverside in Dunblane

Fun guys

A few yards further up the High Street from Riverside is Balhaldie House where Bonnie Prince Charlie stayed as he led his army south in his bid to regain the throne for his dad.  Six months later the Duke of Cumberland was riding past Balhaldie in hot pursuit of the retreating Prince. A pot of boiling oil was thrown from an upstairs window at Balhaldie by a serving lass who had taken a wee fancy to the bonnie Prince. The Duke fell off his horse but no one was seriously hurt. It does show, however, that you can’t be too careful when you make more than political enemies. Just ask Boris Johnson or Donald Trump. Perhaps they should consider a stay at the nearby Dunblane’s Hydro Hotel. The medicinal baths are supposed to calm the nerves of the “worried well”.

FK15 0AA.        tel: 01786 823318          The Riverside

///quit.generated.comical

Aroma Café

You all know what it’s like, don’t you? You are in a restaurant having afternoon tea and when you go to settle the bill, they say “That’s okay, it’s all paid for!” Well maybe not, but that’s what happened to us here at the Aroma Café in Biggar. A friend had sent us a card when we were celebrating our recent wedding anniversary saying he had booked an afternoon tea for us in this café.  He was our best man fifty years ago but he has a well deserved reputation for being uncontactable and  just a bit random. We weren’t too sure what was booked and what wasn’t. Anyway, hurrah for best men, we love them!Internal view of Aroma, Biggar

Becky was then looking after us and she was great. Our afternoon tea was in front of us almost immediately. afternoon tea at Aroma, BiggarWhat a lot there was! The plates were groaning with goodies! Sausage rolls, quiches, various sandwiches, loads of cakes and, of course, plain as well as fruit scones. We knew right away that we would be defeated by this feast. And so it was!

A scone at Aroma, BiggarWe munched our way through most of the bottom layer but when it came to the scones we had to share one. They were big! We have nothing against big scones, per se, but we do think that they should be relatively small when part of an afternoon tea. Makes sense don’t you think? Anyway, by the time we finished we felt pleasantly stuffed. Thoroughly enjoyed our visit to Aroma Café and made a mental note to revisit this part of the world sometime soon.

Days gone bye

I used to come to Biggar quite a lot when I was Secretary of the STOWA (Scottish Tug-of-War Association) for many years. At that time the world tug-of-war champions  at 640kgs (Tinto TOWC) were from here. Now, apparently the local ladies team has just qualified for the upcoming Royal Highland Show Young Farmers competition. An event that Pat and I used to judge. Good to hear that the sport is still alive and well in the area.

Biggar is set amidst beautiful rolling countryside and still maintains that old market town feel. The town’s slogan encapsulates a slightly independent and defiant air.

“New York is big, but this is Biggar”

After we left Aroma Café we walked along the High Street but it was so hot that we eventually gave up and retreated to the aircon comfort of the car for a leisurely drive home.

A lane in Biggar
A typical little lane off the High Street
Do we care?

While we have been having afternoon tea it has all been going on! Boris and Rishi have fallen out big time about Boris’s Honours List. A huge Parliamentary investigation has found, surprise, surprise, that Boris is a stranger to the truth. The good news is that Boris has also resigned as an MP. Also Donald Trump was arrested and appeared in court  in Miami. Here in Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon, former First Minister was also arrested then released. Silvio Berlusconi died. Manchester City FC won some stuff and Novak Djokovic has won even more stuff. Do the good folks of Biggar care about any of this? We suspect not.

ML12 6DH        tel: 01899 220009      Aroma Café TA

///respect.eager.challenge

Another Tilly Tearoom

Logo of Another Tilly TearoomWhen the owners of the Tilly Tearoom in Tillicoultry decided to expand they bought this place in Dunblane near Stirling. When it came to a name, however, they were stumped. They thought and they thought and they thought … and then it came to them …. Another Tilly Tearoom, brilliant!

Gingham and teapots

It’s a very homely kind of place. A sort of jumble of tiny rooms each with two or three tables. Between each room there’s a short flight of steps so the staff have to be pretty fit to work here. The lady looking after us was super good and managed to engage everyone in friendly conversation with whizzing around the place. Fireplace in Another Tilly TearoomShe soon had us sorted out with a couple of toasted sandwiches for lunch and a scone to share afterwards. She told us that there was only one fruit scone left but she would put it to one side for us … what service! The gingham table clothes the vast teapot collection and the mismatched chinaware give Another Tilly Tearoom a pleasant cottagy feel. We were sitting right next to a big roaring fire that would have had us roasted to death if it hadn’t just been a painting. 

A scone at Another Tilly TearoomLunch was excellent and when our scone arrived it came with generous pots of jam and cream. As always Pat took the top half and, very quickly, I could tell by the mmming that we might be heading for a topscone. It was quite big so we were very glad that we were sharing but overall it was delicious. On a really horrible wet day Another Tilly Tearoom succeeded in lifting our spirits with this topscone. Now we need to try the other Tilly Tearoom.Internal view of Another Tilly Tearoom

Vlad the invader

Today is a momentous day for all the wrong reasons. Russia has invaded Ukraine, or be more precise, Vladimir Putin has invaded Ukraine. We are pretty sure that ordinary Russians have got better things to worry about than Ukraine. All the frantic diplomacy over the past few weeks seems to have come to zilch. Even Boris’s efforts came to nought. To cap it all, now Trump has come out on Vlad’s side and when you hear Putin speak you can almost hear Trump saying exactly the same words. Imagine what the US reaction would have been with Trump still in power. We live in a crazy world!

In the UK, it’s odd that the Conservative party, the upholder of freedom for all, should be funded by a communist regime like Vlad the Invader’s Russia. Hath they no scruples? That was rhetorical! We ‘re sure that much more would be made of political funding if it wasn’t for the Labour Party being in debt to China. You really couldn’t make it up!

After thirty years of independence and prosperity we feel heart sorry for all those Ukranians who now feel they have to flee their homes. Given those in charge, goodness knows what will happen now. On the railings of St Blane’s church, right next door to Another Tilly Tearoom we came across this message. Hasn’t worked in any of the  world’s other conflict zones but faced with a Putin/Trump combo it might be all that’s left! Try Praying sign in Dunblane

FK15 0ER     tel: 01786 823968        Another Tilly FB

///growth.alienated.odds

Klondyke Garden Centre

It’s that time of year again! Although we have reviewed Klondyke Garden Centre several times before, it has changed so much that we feel another review is justified. We’re not apologising … Boris doesn’t have to apologise for anything so why should we? 

Choice

It’s our annual compost fix we’re after. If we don’t get it the rest of the year will definitely not go as well as it would have done otherwise. We try to restrict it to once a year … we’re not addicts … it’s for the garden. Actually, it’s for our rhubarb which we are in the process of transplanting from the garden into large pots. Reminds me of one of my dad’s favourite stories about a man passing a mental hospital pushing a barrowload of manure. An inmate pokes his head through the railings and asks him what he is going to do with it. “I’m going to put it on my rhubarb” he replied. “Oh” the inmate said “You should come in here we get custard on ours“. Okay, okay! It remains to be seen how well our rhubarb will do in pots … it’s a high risk strategy!External view of Topiary restaurant Klondyke

Anyway, over the past year or so, much work has been done at this garden centre. The car park is now vast and the centre itself is much bigger than it used to be. As well as a huge area dedicated to plants there are gift shops, clothes shops, a shoe shop and even a car wash. All this choice can be kind of bewildering and choosing  compost is no exception … ericatious, John Innes, Miracle Gro, peat free, big bag, wee bag … argh!

Internal view of Topiary restaurant Klondyke
Just part one section of the restaurant/cafe area
Technology

Unsurprisingly perhaps, it wasn’t long before the lure of the cafe became overpowering. Crikey, it’s. gone huge as well. Order and Pay at Topiary restaurant KlondykeIn our previous review we tried to use their new fandangled phone ‘Order & Pay’ system. It seemed to work but after waiting for twenty minutes for our order to appear we realised something had gone wrong. When we asked a member of staff she just said “no problem,  I can take your order” … argh! This time we ordered at the self service counter but they still seem to be using the same phone system at the tables. It must work sometimes so might try it again next time.

The  scones were quite big so we decided to share. Expectations were not exactly high but we were pleasantly surprised. A scone at Topiary restaurant KlondykeIt tasted remarkably fresh and came complete with some English jam and Danish butter. The cream was whipped and nicely presented in a little glass jar. We actually swithered momentarily about a topscone but decided that the complete package just wasn’t quite right. But a bIg improvement on previous visits. Keep up the good work Klondyke Garden Centre … it’s all very impressive.

Wallpaper at restaurant Klondyke
Wallpaper in the cafe area

Also impressive is the new Falkirk Distillery which is right next door to the garden centre. External view of Falkirk distilleryIt’s due to open its doors for the first time later in the year and who knows it may even serve scones in its restaurant. Exciting or what?

Trumpian?

Last time we were here in 2020 Boris Johnson was visiting Scotland. He reminded us how grateful we should be for the block grant … a gift from England!? He also said he had an “oven ready deal” for Brexit and Gove was proclaiming Brexit as the “easiest deal in history”. We all know that now, as we did then, they needn’t have bothered wasting their breath. With his administration still deep in the proverbial doodoo his latest imbecilic utterances about Keir Starmer and Jimmy Savile do not bode well for how any upcoming elections will be conducted. Looks very Trumpian to us! 

All is not lost though, just as we were all about to lose faith in government of any kind, up pops ex PM and arch Tory, Sir John Major, to tell it like it is … or rather, how it should be! A Tory with a brain and a heart … whatever next?

We’ll keep you posted on the rhubarb!

FK2 0XS          tel: 01324 717035          Klondyke

///staple.reap.rooms

And just when you thought the world could not get any crazier, we came across this car with a banana stuck up its exhaust. What’s that all about?Banana in car exhaust

Later still, I watched as a flock of siskins fought and squabbled over a load of sunflower hearts. Totally illogical because there was more than enough for them all. Unfortunately though, when it comes to our planet’s resources, we are all just siskins. That should have been a Tweet really?

Laverbread

Following our previous post on Welsh Cakes you will all be pleased to hear that “Slightly Miffed of Portmahomack” is now “Delighted of Portmahomack.” Although “delighted” she felt that perhaps we should also cover Laverbread, a seaweed delicacy and the essence of a good Welsh breakfast. By now readers might be thinking that Portmahomack folk must all be slightly mad. The title photo is of some of them down by the harbour passing the time on a very wet afternoon. Reassured??

So, laverbread is made with seaweed, where on earth are we supposed to get that? Just pop down to the coast and pick some? No, no, no, laver is a special kind of seaweed and you can only get the good stuff on the coast of Wales … apparently! Oh, or  in a shop … an online shop, The Fish Society shop to be precise.  They will cater to all your seaweed needs! Don’t say that we don’t go that extra mile for our readers.

raw laver
as it comes from the Fish Society, out of the packet and mixed with oats
Dulse and all that?

Suffice to say we ordered some laver directly from Wales so that the ensuing laverbread would be as authentic as possible. The things we do to placate these Portmahomackians! You’d think they would be too busy watching whales and dolphins? The laver arrived in an alarmingly large box … we didn’t really want a whole load of seaweed so we were relieved when the large box contained only a very small sachet of frozen laver.  Frying laverbreadOnce, when I worked in Belfast someone (they shall remain nameless) gave me some dried dulse. It was revolting! I only had a little but I could still taste it three days later! And that pretty well sums up my seaweed eating career so far. Would this laverbread thing be a better experience?

There is no way that laver could ever look appetising … a kind of dark green sludge. In fact it makes you wonder who thought it was a good idea to eat it in the first place? Anyway, in the interests of expanding our reader’s laverbread knowledge we set about making some. Couldn’t be more simple really … mix it with some oats and lightly fry. Laverbread with fry-upWe had it with some crispy bacon and a fried egg. Interesting in that there was no strong taste, just slightly salty perhaps. Some people compare the taste to oysters, or olives.  We ate it all, however … it’s good for you apparently!

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Laver, laver everywhere!
Scallops with laver and pea puree
Scallops

To give it a fair crack of the whip, at night Pat made me scallops with a pea purree and laver sauce. This was fantastic! Hard to know what was actually going on but the laver seemed to give it a slight salty edge that went well with the rest of the dish. Huragh, a mini laver triumph!What else?Omelette with laverNext day we had an omelette with potatoes and laver. That was excellent as well though I suspect that the omelette would have been none the worse if there had been no laver in it. In Wales laver is sometimes referred to as Black Gold, or the Welshman’s Caviar. Apologies to all laverbread aficionados but we are not at all surprised it hasn’t caught on in Scotland.

Yesterday, the news that Nicola Sturgeon was cleared of any wrongdoing in the Alex Salmond affair has been greeted by the Tories with all the same good grace that Trump accepted his election defeat. Politics will always have divisions but there seems to be a lot more division elsewhere in the world today … skin colour, gender, ethnicity etc. The other day we got an note from singer songwriter, Carrington MacDuffie. It was a quote from Mohamad Safa“Our world is not divided by race, colour, gender or religion. Our world is divided into wise people and fools. And fools divide themselves by race, colour, gender or religion”. Seemed kind of apt don’t you think? So how come it’s the fools that get to rule the world? Or is that being unduly unkind? All very well for us armchair critics … they are probably all doing their best, poor sods.

Me at Target Ness lighthouse
Me at Tarbat Ness lighthouse, Portmahomack looking towards Wales for more inspiration

 

Scottish empire biscuits

Having brought you Norwegian boller and German pumpernickel we thought something Scottish was somewhat overdue. So here we bring you Scottish empire biscuits! In some places they are called German biscuits but their origin actually lies with the Austrian Empire.

preparing empire biscuits
empire biscuits before assembly

These are a family favourite and always near the top of the list when visiting local cafés.  They are made of two shortbread biscuits glued together with jam, (like a jammy dodger)  covered with white water icing on and topped off with a glace cherry. Remember “topped off with a place cherry” for later. You can get a recipe here

Sensible human beings
preparing empire biscuits
one sensible human being icing empire biscuits

We made them with the assistance of the same two small Vikings we utilised in the skillingsboller post. Of course Scottish empire biscuits should ideally be made by a Scottish person. Both these small Vikings are a wee bit silly but thankfully they are half Scottish so if you add both these halves together you end up with one sensible Scottish human being … yeah!

Thrift

We started by making the individual biscuits then sticking them together with some jam before the fun part … icing. My mother was champion baker in Falkirk over many years and her name was on the trophy so many times it became embarrassing.  She used to make great empire biscuits and when entering a competition she always used at least half a cherry on top. And she would win first prize! When baking for the family, however, she gained notoriety by ever putting one sixteenth of a cherry on top. Such duplicitous behaviour typified my upbringing … it’s amazing I ended up as the well rounded character you know today. Her extreme thriftiness meant that, sometimes, I was even forced to help her cut them up! 

Scottish empire biscuits
empire biscuits

Anyway, enough of my rather silly mother, our one sensible Scottish human being had particular ideas about decoration. No glace cherries of any size (we didn’t have any) but all sorts of unicorns, rainbows and jelly tots instead … just  little bit silly. Must be the Viking side creeping in! We could be super critical about the shape and finish of the end results but we don’t wish to hurt anyone’s feelings. They were absolutely delicious. At least as good as any we have had anywhere! A mini triumph for a sensible Scottish human being!

These biscuits became known to more global audience when they featured during a hearty meal in Pixar’s Scottish fantasy film Brave. And once Scotland, as one of the last colonial remnants of the British Empire gains its independence, they may become known simply as “Scottish biscuits” … yeah!

Celebrations

With only hours to go before Trump leaves the White House, it is cause for celebration. Not only that but it’s followed a few days later by an even bigger one … Burns night.

wild haggis
wild haggis in the Highlands

Since millions of haggises will be eaten by Burns’ officianados toasting the life and times of our national bard we feel, particularly for our overseas readers, that some reassurance is required. Although there are some people who actually do go out and hunt haggis it is essentially an unnecessary pastime. You can find tips on how to catch a haggis here. The truth of it is that haggises have the same sacrificial instincts as cliff jumping lemmings. However, haggises stampede down off the hills and jump directly onto plates all over Scotland. No cruelty is involved … honest!

Devil’s Fart

No, we are not talking about Boris or Donald Trump! Devil’s fart is probably more widely known as pumpernickel, a dense German rye bread that’s name actually means “devil’s fart”. Apparently it has flatulence inducing properties. Never having experienced flatulence we thought it might be interesting to try it! pack of pumpernickelAnd if the packaging is anything to go by it may have other properties as well!! Okay, okay, if this all smacks of desperation then so be it. London is in danger of being overwhelmed by COVID so restrictions are becoming ever stricter everywhere. Who knows, the way things are going, we may not be allowed to look out the window, never mind go on sconing adventures.

Internationalism

The implications for our readers continuing education is worrying, however. Hence, following our previous post on Norwegian skillingsboller, we now bring you the German devil’s fart. It comes courtesy of our Münster correspondents who gave us some as a present. Many thanks to them for introducing us to pumpernickel and helping expand the cultural horizons of our readers.

Bad smells

It used to be found only in north west Germany but now you can get it pretty much anywhere. That said, European and American pumpernickel are different. The American pumpernickel has added ingredients and a higher baking temperature to provide shorter production times. Why oh why does the US need everything ‘fast’? Just chillax and do it properly! Perhaps, with Trump and his compadres only remaining as a bad smell, they may be able to do just that. Or is that wishful thinking?

pumpernickel unwrapped
Pumpernickel loaf unwrapped

So how do you eat pumpernickel?  As novices we started by slicing it the wrong way, before realising it was already sliced. It’s pretty solid and a little bit sticky so tends to appear like one solid dark block when it’s unwrapped. A bit like a pack of cheese slices. Not an auspicious start but how would it taste? That’s all that matters after all! In order to give it a fighting chance we decided to try it with a variety of toppings – cheese and ham, cheese  tomato and chutney, salami and mustard … and lastly just with some homemade plum jam.

Honest, officer!

selection of pumpernickel bitesThe bread itself has a grainy texture and a slightly sweet flavour that’s unusual but quite pleasant. Pat gave top marks to the cheese and ham. My preference was for the salami and mustard though all of them were actually very good. Will we be rushing out in search of devil’s fart? Well, if we cannot go out for scones then we can hardly go out for that. What would we tell the police if stopped? We’ll let you know about the flatulence … or maybe not!

ps: Our pumpernickel was a present and this week we received another. A parcel of framed photos from fellow photographer Dave Hunt. He operates from his Wildgrass Studio in beautiful Glen Lyon and specialises in vintage and fine art photography. Some time back we helped him experiment with his wet plate collodion technique. None of this instant digital nonsense for Dave, no, no, no!  He has to coat a plate of glass with light sensitive material, expose it in the camera while still wet and develop it all within about fifteen minutes. If it’s not quite right you just start again … simple!wet plate photo of Pat and I

He misplaced the plates during a house move but found them again recently and sent them on. How can we describe the results? “Brilliantly vintage”, perhaps … just like the sitters! The wonderful thing is that the 5″x4″ plate is completely unique … not another like it. Many thanks Dave, we love them all. Dave also says that these images should last for 200 – 300 years … and to let him know if they don’t. If you find life a bit too fast you can find out about this technique at one of Dave’s workshops. Can’t guarantee he will have such fantastic subjects though.