Tag Archives: Labour party

Nosh

It’s a sure sign that summer is coming to an end. Could it be the lower temperatures, the leaves turning,  or the days shortening? Well yes, but it’s more that we have started going to the movies after breakfast. We enjoy it. It supports our local picture palace and it feels slightly sinful when you come out and it’s only lunchtime. It also allows us to explore the town of Bo’ness and find places like Nosh, the scene for today’s scone.

Internal view of the Hiipodrome cinema
Inside the Hippodrome

We haven’t been here at the Hippodrome, Scotland’s oldest cinema ,since February when we saw ‘Till’, an excellent movie. This time it was ‘The Innocent‘ a French romcom heist caper about stealing a truck load of caviar. Enjoyable enough although subtitles can be hard work when they go rapidly … why do the French speak so quickly? 

In some ways watching a French film in Bo’ness is kind of appropriate. A sign at Nosh in Bo'nessBo’ness was once one of Scotland’s largest ports and would have traded the black stuff (coal not caviar) with France for many centuries. Scotland was France’s oldest ally since the two countries formed the Auld Alliance in 1295 in an attempt to control England’s many invasions. Trade between the two circumvented England and ports like Bo’ness and Leith thrived. It may also explain why Scotland has always thought of itself as much more European than England.

After the film we ended up here in Nosh, one of the few cafés we haven’t visited in the town. It’s located in a building built in 1750 as a tollbooth.

Overdo plaque at Nosh in Bo'ness
Built in 1750 but who were ‘RB’ and ‘EB’?
It’s more of a takeaway place for sandwiches and the like but it does have a few tables.Internal view of Nosh in Bo'ness
 
On the counter, under a glass dome, were two scones individually wrapped in cling film. A scone at Nosh in Bo'nessWe never think this is a good idea. Scones need to breathe after all and sometimes it means that they might not be entirely fresh. Anyway, we ordered one to share as well as a some coffees. Our scone turned out to be not at all bad but a long way off a topscone.
 
Obedience
The Prime Minister has single handedly managed to upset almost everyone by announcing that he is rolling back on his commitment to  green policies. The date for net zero will now be 2035 instead of 2030. Goodness knows what it will be by the time we reach 2030? Right or wrong it does demonstrate this Tory government’s unswerving dedication to screwing things up. It wouldn’t be so serious if there was a better option waiting in the wings, but there isn’t! The only thing the Labour Party, “the opposition” seems to do is support the Tories. Voters are caught between a rock and a hard place.  In Scotland,  after one invasion too many by England, we have no say and just do what we are told!
A watercolour of Nosh in Bo'ness
A watercolour of Nosh’s building
Meanwhile King Charles and Queen Camilla are in France trying to thaw out relationships after the disaster of Brexit. Good luck with that!
 
EH51 0EA            tel: 01506 828151                Nosh FB
 
///taps.dude.something

COVID-19

This is not a government public service announcement about COVID-19! It’s just us! In these extraordinary times where we cannot access new scones, we thought we should try and reassure readers. Especially those concerned about the onset of scone withdrawal symptoms being mistaken for those of coronavirus. Have no fear! Coronavirus symptoms are a high temperature and a dry cough whereas those for scone withdrawal consist mainly of an intense, almost debilitating, sense of longing..

Because, of course, commercial scone baking has crashed we are left with little choice but to do it ourselves … provided you can get the ingredients. That’s not for everyone, so in these difficult times, we have decided that we can probably keep sconology going by simply digging into the archives. There won’t be any “fresh” scones but it may be interesting to look back and see if the rants were in any way justified. We may theme them. The first will probably be “island scones”. Not because there are better scones on the islands, more because we just like islands and, if nothing else, we will enjoy a little bit of nostalgia. Maybe one repost every week! Of course, that’s if we can figure out how to do it! If anyone would rather not receive them, please just let us know.

Texas and all that

We hope the UK is heading towards some sort of peak in the current pandemic but how will we know for definite when this pandemic is over? How will we know when normality has returned? Well, first of all, we need to go back in time to 1827. That’s when Beethoven died, Texas was still part of Mexico, Hussein Duval slapped the French consul’s face leading to the invasion of Algeria in 1830 and the term “socialist” was first used by Robert Owen. That last one is particularly apt since today the Labour Party elected Sir Keir Starmer as its new leader. He has a tough job making Labour electable again however we wish him well in providing some sort of opposition to the current hapless government.

Most importantly though, 1827 was the year our local pub, the Woodside Inn, first opened. It’s been serving the local community ever since. That is until two weeks ago when it closed its doors for the first time. Mon Dieu! Is this really the end of the world as we know it? I have been going there for well over fifty five years. So there you have it! We will recognise the return to normality when these doors open again. Hopefully, that won’t be too long!
Maybe it’s time to take a generic levitra no prescription cute-n-tiny.com lunch hour walk. They are particularly useful for information & advice about so called “embarrassment conditions” where people would rather consult a computer than deal face to face with another person about a problem they might have which they find themselves too embarrassed to talk about.Some of the most popular medicines purchased include; http://cute-n-tiny.com/cute-animals/standing-around-kitty/ cialis generic uk for erectile dysfunction, propecia for hair loss applications. Liver has many functions to perform one of the vital function is to get away with the first change of the bandagings and is normally one or tadalafil price in india two days after the operation. reference cheap cialis india Prolonged erectile problems can result in agony, lack of interest in sexual activity, disharmony in a marital relationship, and depression.

Stay safe

In the meantime, we thought we should toast you, our readers and all our wonderful worldwide correspondents for sticking by us through all the trials and tribulations of sconology. Together we will triumph but in the meantime, stay safe!

US at the Palm Court
in our natural habitat – the toast is THE SCONES!

 

Dalgetty’s Tearoom

Today we are in the Scottish Borders. Back in the 14th century this was definitely Thomas the Rhymer country. His reputation as a poet and prophet still features large in these parts because many of his predictions actually did came true. But more of him later.
First, let us ask this question, “Which Scottish town do you think has the most tarts?” We’re not talking ladies of dubious morals or anything like that we are talking tart tarts … proper tarts. A Melrose TartWe don’t have a definitive answer, however, we feel that Melrose must be in the running. It has it’s very own Melrose Tart. A confection of pastry filled with honey, ginger and brown sugar topped off with yellow and black icing as a homage to the colours of the local rugby team. Not only that, the baker who makes the Melrose Tart also makes a sponge of coconut and almonds … the famous Border Tart. You can only get them in Melrose. That’s quite a few tarts for a wee town!
A man of parts

The town is famous for more than tarts though. It has its own very grand but ruined Cistercian Abbey founded in 1136. It does in fact get its name from the time the Abbey was built. Mell, after the stonemasone’s hammer and rose after the Virgin Mary to whom all Cistercians were dedicated. Robert the Bruce’s heart is also buried within the Abbey. The rest of him is buried in Dunfermline and Dumbarton … he was a man of many parts!Internal view of Dalgetty's Tearoom in MelroseAnyway, we weren’t here for tarts but for scones of course. And where better than a wee visit to the award winning bakery responsible for all these tarts – Dalgetty’s Tearoom.

Bran?

The tearoom is actually just a small addition to the bakery itself. Unfortunately, we were given Hobson’s Choice when it came to scones. They had had a serious run on scones earlier in the day and only had two left, one cheese and the other bran. Bran scones? We all need our fair share of bran but putting it in scones is maybe a step too far?

A bran scone at Dalgetty's Tearoom in Melrose

A scone at Dalgetty's Tearoom in Melrose
Pat’s cheese scone

Pat opted for the cheese one and, of course, that left me with the bran. It certainly looked interesting, if a bit unscone like. Sometimes when expectations aren’t high you are pleasantly surprised and so it was in this instance. Not crusty at all but wonderfully soft with a distinctive texture throughout. I had expected a bran scone to be much more solid and heavy but this one was very light. Loads of jam and cream as well, so overall, although not a topscone, it was very enjoyable. Pat’s cheese scone was nice as well with a good dollop of melted cheese on top. It was a pity we weren’t able to sample their more ‘normal’ scones. Dalgetty’s Tearoom is pretty obviously a place that takes great pride in everything it does so we are sure they would have been excellent … and probably top.

No lies

Returning to Thomas the Rhymer. His real name was Thomas of Ercildoune and one day while out on the Eildon Hill, just south of the town, he met the queen of Elfland. He fell under her spell and went with her into the the hollow hill to the fairy underworld. There, certain gifts were bestowed upon him. When he returned to the mortal world he had not only acquired immortality and could foretell the future but he was also completely unable to tell a lie. Thenceforth he was also known as True Thomas.

His immortality means that he is still alive and well and living in the area. It does make you wonder, however, with his inability to tell lies, what he does for a living? Obviously modern day politics is completely out of the question. Becoming a stand-in Duke of York would also be extremely tricky.Logo for Dalgetty's Tearoom in MelroseOne of Thomas the Rhymer’s predictions was that one day Scotland would rule the whole of Britain. Scoff if you like but these days you just never know. Remember he couldn’t tell a lie!

TD1 1NZ           tel: 01896 752508           Dalgetty’s

///guesswork.polices.adjuster

Canada Wood revisited

As our government prepares to invoke martial law in the event of riots after a no deal Brexit, we felt the need to stop banging our heads off the wall and go out in search of solace … and a scone! It seems almost unbelievable that it was more than four years ago that we first reported on Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar.  That means that we have been writing this nonsense for at least that amount of time. Yes, we really should get a life! And the sooner the better we hear you cry!

A wall at Canada WoodBack then Canada Wood was a brand spanking new venture. Everyone, including us, wondered if it could be successful in such an isolated spot – out of town and kind of “in the middle of nowhere”. We needn’t have worried. It has thrived, due in no small part to the fact that Falkirk has been voted “Britain’s Best Walking Neighbourhood”. Canada Wood is on the town’s vast path network and therefore does well from walkers and cyclists. Also motorists have now realised that a high quality restaurant exists just a short drive from the town. It has great food and there is plenty of parking so it is hardly surprising that it has also become one of our regular haunts. It’s progress has not been entirely straight forward, however, and just a few months ago it came under new management.

Tip off

Back in 2015 we were impressed by the place but felt the scones left a lot to be desired. They were not made on the premises and they were gigantic. Each scone could easily have fed three people! Recently, however, we got had a tip-off that the new management were baking everything on site. Investigation was required.

Internal view of Canada WoodThe staff, as always, were friendly and welcoming and soon had us supplied with some lunch and a scone to share … a ginger scone no less. A scone at Canada WoodEverything was first class. If there was a criticism it was that the jam was Tiptree, from Essex. Nothing whatsoever wrong with this jam however it would have been nice to have something a bit more local. This was our first ginger scone and it was delicious. Always difficult to know what to have with such an item, however, we went for the full monty … jam and cream! It was great. The ginger flavour was quite fulsome and the texture was lovely. We decided on a topweird. Well done Canada Wood … if only the Labour party could sort out its problems as well!

Right hand, left hand?

When it comes to the issue of Scottish Independence, the Labour party has covered itself in glory yet again. They have announced that as far as they are concerned all the Scottish Parliament has to do is ask the ‘English’ Parliament for permission for another referendum? What is that all about? Then they threaten that if Scotland were ever to leave the Union, Nessie would also leave and take up residence in the Lake District. We suspect that this second assertion is probably untrue because none of the puddles in England are any where near big enough for Nessie. You are asked to contact the Labour party as and when they have the slightest inkling of what they are doing. Don’t hold your breath.

FK1 3AZ      tel: 01324 610026        Canada Wood Kitchen

///bandage.otter.forge

ps Perhaps K6 telephone box officiandos should look away now. This may be too much for their sensitive souls to bear. It was sent to us by our Friockeim correspondents who just happened to be in Gretna Green. Where else would you find a pink K6 decorated like this?A K6 telephone box in Gretna GreenThese Friockeim folks also paint rocks and then hide them?? They do that in the hope that someone will find them, preferably a child, record it and then rehide them. Don’t ask! Apparently it’s regarded as normal behaviour in beautiful Angus. After all it’s no weirder than the antics of the Labour party. You can catch them on Facebook.

Mant thanks to them for passing this on, we look forward to many more from the Angus glens.

Bo’ness & Kinneil Railway

You’ve all heard of Albert Einstein … general clever clogs with all the fancy theories and the big toes. Today, in a somewhat similar vein, we are testing our own Theory of Sconativity SS=(s¹,s²) where SS = scone satisfaction, s¹ = speed of scone and s² = speed of person eating scone. If s¹ and s² have the same value then SS can be achieved. Normally this theory is of little importance because everything is static however it’s of supreme importance when scones are moving. Okay, too much science?

The Lord Robert steam train at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Lord Roberts at Manuel Junction with the electrified Glasgow Edinburgh line on the right

The test is being conducted on board the Bo’ness and Kinneil steam railway which is Scotland’s equivalent of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva which also, in its own small way, tests the predictions of different theories of particle physics … crumbs?! We are using the Lord Roberts steam engine which was built in Glasgow in 1899. It’s sometimes used for Thomas The Tank Engine outings. Today it is our scone accelerator.

Journey time enough?

There is something rather surreal and exciting about having afternoon tea on a train. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayIt probably happens all the time on the Orient Express but that is not an experience we are likely to have. Here we were hurtling through the  countryside at a heady 19.75 mph and enjoying tea and scones … brill! The legal limit for this railway is 20 mph so the driver, with a somewhat wry smile, informed us that 19.75 was as fast as they ever go?? Anyway, our afternoon tea was presented very promptly at the start of our trip. Afternoon tea at Bo'ness and Kinneil RailwayGiven that the journey to Manuel Junction, taking in stops at Kinneil and Birkhill stations, lasts no longer than twenty minutes all the teas have to be prepared beforehand and brought onto the train ready plated.

There was a good selection of sandwiches, a few cakes and two scones each accompanied with jam and clotted cream (Rodda’s). No topscones but suffice to say that the Sconativity Theory proved to be completely accurate. Even though the scones were traveling at a considerable velocity … so were we!  SS was well and truly achieved.

Emperors

Birkhill station at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway
Birkhill station

Japan has a new Emperor … wow! We think Jeremy Corbyn has ambitions to be an Emperor too. Simple ‘Prime Minister’ is not going to cut it for him. We don’t expect anything other than self-preservation principles from the Conservatives but we do from Labour. However, after a seemingly promising start as a man of principle, Corbyn has disappointingly proved to be anything but. After a year of sitting on the fence he has decided, after a much lauded meeting of the Labour party on Brexit, to continue fence sitting. We can only assume that this spinelessness is powered, not by the needs of the country, but by simple personal ambition. It’s a bit like his stance on Scottish independence. He wants independence for every country in the world … except Scotland … purely out of self interest. He is never going to become Emperor without Scotland’s die hard Labour voters.Vintage luggage at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Heyho, many thanks for the kindness of those who gifted us our Railway Afternoon Tea Vouchers. It was an absolute delight.

EH51 9AQ        tel: 01506 822298        Bo’ness & Kinneil

ps: There was a Falkirk manufactured K6 at Bo’ness station. It had been converted to defibrillator storage.K6 telephone box at Bo'ness and Kinneil Railway

Glencoe Café

Old Mrs MacDonald had just prepared a fresh batch of scones.

Would you be wanting one, Duncan?” she asked the fresh faced young lad who had been lodging with her for the past two weeks. In the fading February light there was just the gentle flicker of the open fire where the scones had been baked. They were still sitting there keeping warm.

“Would you like cream with the butter and jam, Duncan?”

“That would be grand Mrs Mac, there’s nothing like a freshly baked scone. I like them crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle”, Duncan replied.

Funny, that’s how I like them as well” said Mrs MacDonald in her soft highland accent.  She looked fondly on the youngster in the warm glow.

Highland hospitality

As part of the government forces made up mostly from clan Campbell, Duncan had been sent to Glencoe from Invergarry. You may remember us referring to their leader in our post on the Glen Lyon Tearoom. For some time now the Campbells had been enjoying the MacDonald’s scones. Little did Mrs MacDonald realise that later that same night, the signal would be given and she would be brutally murdered in her bed by the very same scone munching Duncan. This scenario was being played out in every house. The village was burned and the livestock taken. The Massacre of Glencoe in 1692 has thus become synonymous with betrayal. Even worse, a betrayal of highland hospitality … unthinkable!.

Internal view of Glencoe CaféClan of choice

The whole sorry affair came about because the MacDonald’s chieftain had been a day late in bending the knee to King William III of England. Perhaps better known as William of Orange, or in some parts, King Billy! Truth be told the MacDonalds of Glencoe, along with the MacGregors, did not have glowing reputations. Both clans were generally regarded by the authorities as outlaws and general ne’er-do-wells. It was the MacDonalds of Glencoe, however, who were to be slaughtered as a warning to other Scots who might get ideas.

Long memories

Nowadays, even though the local hotel has a sign at reception reading “No Hawkers or Campbells”, that’s all in the past. Although we ourselves are MacDonalds, it’s my middle name for goodness sake, we harbour no ill feeling. Having said that we have never knowingly spoken to a Campbell or eaten with one or willingly been in the company of one. Sharing a scone with one??? We jest … a little!

Internal view of Glencoe CaféThe dancing!

Anyway, all this is to simply give you a little background knowledge because today we are at the Glencoe Café. It wasn’t here in 1692 but if it had, it would have been burned to the ground. Last time we were in the area was only a few weeks back. A spot of hedonistic pampering at The Glencoe House Hotel. We explained  that Glencoe was our weekend destination of choice when we used to do Spiderman impersonations on the sheer rock faces of Aonach Dubh.  No, we didn’t do the outfit!

That wasn’t yesterday, however ‘the Coe’ still retains many happy memories for us both. Saturday night dances in the village hall were the stuff of legend. Much has changed in the intervening years however we think this café is built where the old village hall used to be. The big question was, would their scones be as good as the ones Mrs MacDonald gave to that Campbell fella?

Alan and Deirdre Copeland run the café and the gift shop with great enthusiasm. This is February and the café was full to overflowing . Goodness knows what it’s like when the place is buzzing with tourists in the summer months? We were seated next to three Brazilians who wanted to know where to go for a walk … eh? Just look out the window, you can walk anywhere! They were lovely people though who lived in Glasgow. They were on a day trip so didn’t have oodles of time. We pointed them towards Glencoe Lochan so we hope they got there and enjoyed it.

Egg timers?

All the Copeland’s tea is loose leaf and it’s served in glass teapots with internal diffusers and an egg timer … eh, again? It’s so you know when your tea is sufficiently infused … obviously! The scones are freshly baked every day and come with plentyA scone at Glencoe Café jam and cream.  All in all this is a friendly unpretentious place which is exactly what you would expect in this part of the world. We thoroughly enjoyed everything about it even though our scones didn’t quite make the grade.

Trust in short supply

Given the episode between the MacDonalds and the Campbells can anyone be really trusted? Donald Trump insists he has an emergency on his hands and needs ‘special powers’ to build The Wall. No one else can see the emergency so we guess it just has to taken on trust. Theresa May insists she is not running down the clock on Brexit. No one else sees that either so we guess it just has to be taken on trust. That’s a whole lot of trust.

School children all over the world are going on strike. They don’t have enough trust in their politicians to act on climate change. It’s not as if the world is running out of trust. It’s not a finite resource like gold or oil. It can be generated in endless amounts but, these days, it seems like a very scarce resource indeed.

Jeremy Corbyn must be thinking that as well with the seven MPs defecting from his Labour Party. He must be counting his blessings it’s only seven … ooops there goes another one, that’s eight! The surprise is that he’s surprised. The world is not devoid of trust though. The Conservative government has learned to trust Corbyn’s Abstaining Party to bail them out of whatever trouble in which they find themselves. Ooops there go another three, Tories this time. It’s difficult to keep up. Ooops there goes another Labour one! Where will it all end? What would old Mrs MacDonald have made of it all? Thank goodness we can trust Theresa to sort out Brexit?

In Syria, as jihadi bride or daft lassie, Shamima Begum has her passport revoked we’re tempted to ask “What about the Campbell’s passports?” But we won’t. That’s all in the past after all!

PH49 4HP               tel: 01855 811168               Glencoecafe

The Fork & Mustard

Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’,  the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods

A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk
Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over. Interior view of the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. Novel teapot at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWe actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? A scone at the Fork & Mustard Café, FalkirkWhen Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX         tel: 01324 637 374      The Fork and Mustard

London Wetlands – Revisited

From one nature reserve to another. Our previous post was from Vane Farm in Scotland and this one is London Wetlands – Revisited. We have reviewed its scones before but that was back in 2016, just a few weeks after the EU referendum. Back then we reported that London, like Scotland, voted overwhelmingly to remain and that feelings were running pretty high. A nation divided! This time we can report that nothing has changed in the two intervening years except that now we have only a few months to go before having to apply for a visa to visit France … arrgghh!. There is an air of disbelief that, even though the vote was won on the basis of momentous lies and Mr Brexit’s, (Arron Banks), colossal and suspicious funding  of the Leave campaign, we are still no nearer knowing what the consequences of leaving will be.

Brexit scones

Enough! … what about the scones, will they be affected by Brexit? We are here at the Wetlands because we had to deliver a certain mini-person back to her home which is just a short walk away from here. Nothing stands still here and we found many new additions to the already superb attractions on offer. It is still the only wildlife reserve we know of that has a three story bird-hide with a lift. Lego animals at London Wetland Centre

At Vane Farm we had to take part in a Halloween based competition but this time our task was to find all the animals in the reserve made from Lego. We had to find the animal then mark down the number of lego bricks it took to build it e.g. do you know how many lego bricks it takes to build a life sized flamingo? Thought not! We had added a four year old to go with our five year old mini-person so, with two mini-people, we had lots of valuable assistance. Interior view of London Wetlands Café

Extra health

Assistance also came in the form of a scone when we took a break for lunch from the beautiful but bitterly cold weather outside. The self-service cafe had also undergone a makeover with a brand new colour scheme and seating arrangement. It’s always busy, busy! A scone at London Wetlands CaféThey have a counter where kiddies can fill a small plastic bucket with anything they want, mostly healthy options, for £5. Good fun for them and simplicity for grown ups. Talking of healthy options, the scones were blueberry with a little pot of strawberry jam … lots of fruit in both. We passed on the Rhoddas Cornish clotted cream. The blueberries made the scones wonderfully moist so that they hardly needed jam. However, we used it anyway … just for extra health! Not quite topscone material but very enjoyable nevertheless.

Interior view of London Wetlands Café
even the birds come in to eat!

 

We covered almost the entire reserve and the flamingo was the only one we couldn’t find. Eventually after much to-ing and fro-ing we discovered it. It was in the middle of the shop that you have to go through on the way out. A bit sneeky! Interior view of London Wetlands CaféAnyway, for your information, it takes 3100 lego bricks and 80 hours to build a life sized flamingo. Remember, you only get this sort of essential information on allaboutthescones.com! No lollipops this time for completing the competition … boo! Just the chance to win a place on a lego animal building course.

Abominations

Suffice to say that the Conservative and Labour parties may well be better employed going on one of these Lego courses for all the good they are doing elsewhere. Goodness knows what sort of horrific monsters they would produce though! In answer to the other burning question, we think scones will benefit from Brexit. And we say that as staunch Remainers. Logic dictates that once we have stopped all foreigners coming into the country and selling their rubbish food (croissants and the like) in cafés across the land, we will only have quaint little chintzy tea-shops selling scones and other civilized British food. An added bonus will be the removal of the acute accent from the word café … and all other such abominations! Hurrah …  ‘Cry God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’

SW13 9WT      tel: 020 8409 4400        London Wetland Centre

The Clock Tower Café

Here we are back in Pittenweem. The Pop-up Café we reviewed at the beginning of August during the week-long Pittenweem Arts Festival has disappeared. Doubtless to reappear next year at the same time. However, you don’t need an arts festival as an excuse to visit this little seaside village. It’s great to visit anytime and this time we are in the Clock Tower Café. When you look at the multitude of picturesque little lanes and wynds you could be forgiven for thinking that nothing much, other than some fishing and the odd arts festival, has ever happened here. Looks can be deceiving however. ‘Twas not always thus! The Clock Tower, which takes

External view at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
The Tolbooth from the Clock Tower Café

its name from the nearby Tolbooth, can give an insight into livelier, if more disturbing, times.

In 1705, Patrick Morton, son of a local blacksmith, made a series of witchcraft accusations against some of his neighbours which resulted in them all being unquestioningly incarcerated in pitch black dungeons underneath the Tolbooth, part of the Parish Church.

No luck

Some starved to death but one, Janet Cornfoot, managed to escape.  She got about ten miles to the village of Leuchers where she sought help from the local minister, George Gordon. He was more interested in the reward for her recapture, however, so she was promptly returned to Pittenweem. No luck!

There, a mob tied her up, beat her severely, and dragged her by the ankles down to the harbour where she was dangled upside down from the masthead of one of the boats. People then threw rocks at her as she swung to and fro. Still no luck! Eventually she was taken down and a door placed on top of her which was then laden with heavy rocks to crush her. Finally, a horse and cart was driven over her before she was thrown in an unmarked grave having been refused a Christian burial. Oh Janet, if it wasn’t for bad luck! In the end, Morton, who made the original accusations, proved to be a thoroughly untrustworthy liar. However no action was ever taken against him or any of the mob. Internal view of the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem

Church of Scotland

When we recoil in disgust at some of the barbarous acts beamed into our living rooms from around the Middle East in the name of religion, it is perhaps salutary to bear in mind that, not that long ago, the Church in Scotland was behaving in an equally barbaric fashion.  Thank goodness it is slightly more enlightened nowadays. Internal view of the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
Anyway, even though Janet Cornfoot was undoubtedly dragged down the High Street past this place on her way to the harbour we did not let that put us off. No, no, no, the Clock Tower had scones, so in we went with barely a passing thought for poor Janet. There’s a few tables in the front part of the café but we went through to an area at the rear where there were plenty more. The staff were lovely. They quickly had us sorted with a light lunch and a scone to share. A scone at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem

There was lots going on with people coming and going all the time and exchanging banter. It had a nice friendly atmosphere. The scone was a slightly odd shape but good nevertheless … no topscone but good. Pittenweem is fortunate to have many good cafés.

Janet and Donald

Back then, however, Janet Cornfoot needn’t have turned to Donald Trump for sympathy or understanding. We are not huge John McCain fans, he was a bit of a warmonger, but he did spend more than five years as a POW in Vietnam and that must have been tough. So when Trump said “he’s not a war hero, he was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.” presumably he wouldn’t have got on well with Janet. Probably would have been part of the mob. That figures, doesn’t it?

View at the Clock Tower Café, Pittenweem
one of the many tiny lanes

Extraordinary achievments

Recently the SNP became the second largest political party in the UK, overtaking the Conservatives. An extraordinary achievement when you consider they represent only 8% of the UK population. Also, at a time when the UK needs a strong opposition like never before, the Labour Party, by far the biggest party in the UK, manages to render itself worse than useless over a mere form of words. An extraordinary achievement. As a result the third largest party in the UK remains all powerful. While simultaneously making a complete mess of things. Also an extraordinary achievement. If our Janet had a grave she would be spinning.

KY10 2LA     tel: 01333 313111    Clock Tower Café TA

Cromlix House Hotel

Cromlix used to be one of our favourite haunts. Many happy evenings have been spent with family and friends in the Red Dining Room, the Conservatory and the upstairs Library. Sadly, after it was taken over by tennis superstar Andy Murray in 2013, they have all disappeared. It’s in the name of progress and by command of Chez Roux. It’s not Andy’s fault. He has Inverlochy Castle Management International managing the place while he is away doing something else. Although famous for his service  you won’t find Andy bringing you a scone or anything else for that matter. Although you never know, considering the way his game has been going recently!

The tennis courts at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane
Tennis courts at Cromlix

Lowly cottage

Cromlix itself was built in 1874 as “Cromlix Cottage“. Surely only someone with too much money and too much property would build this as a “cottage”. You can get some idea of what life was like simply by looking at the servants call boxes in the hall.Servants bells at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneThey weren’t exactly roughing it in their lowly “cottage”. We used to have a similar but much smaller call box in our own Victorian house. We did away with it, however, because it wasn’t working. Mainly due to the distinct lack of servants.

Anyway, since Andy took over, Pat and I have fallen out of love with Cromlix. You didn’t actually speak to Cromlix when you phoned but to some centralised answering service. We used to get some weird replies like ” we are fully booked for afternoon tea for the next seven months??” We tell you this simply so that we can let you know that these problems are in the past. They seem to have sorted themselves out. Very welcoming with all the staff apparently local and speaking English. We were ushered into an area with which we were very familiar, the old reception hall. Internal view of Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane

Would Cromlix rehabilitate itself in our affections … it all depended on the scones …. ooooh! The young lady who took our order for a cream tea was very pleasant and while she was away getting things organised we took the opportunity to have a look round. The bar at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneThe bar area is very chic though we preferred the old more homely look of it predecessor.

Picture of a shoot at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane
The unlucky object of this day’s “sport” may have ended up in this glass case

Cromlix’s hunting and shooting pedigree was also much in evidence.

Rehabilitation

Anyway, it wasn’t long before we were provided with our scones all beautifully presented as befits such a place. Had the scones been freshly shot? We ended up with a difference of opinion. A scone at Cromlix House Hotel, DunblanePat was a tad disappointed saying her scone was ever so slightly doughy whereas I thought mine was just right. However, considering the service, the presentation and the surroundings we eventually decided that a topscone was well deserved. Well done Cromlix. We still hanker for the old place but consider yourself rehabilitated!

Weather and scepticism

Meanwhile back in the real world outside the these pampered confines, the news consists entirely of the weather. People dying, planes cancelled, trains late, moors on fire, places flooded, water shortages. All due to this period of fine weather. We are almost tempted to think that it has all been organised by the Conservatives to divert our attention away from the ongoing fiasco that is Brexit. But that would require a degree of scepticism!! In the interests of balance we cannot just blame the Tories. Labour (the red Tories) are just as bad. How we long for the days when there was an opposition worthy of the name. Now, all our beloved politicians are off on holiday for the parliamentary recess. To enjoy the weather!External view of Cromlix House Hotel, DunblaneFK15 9JT      tel: 01786 822125        Cromlix House Hotel