Morrisons Café

31st October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Back to reality. Our previous post from the Scotch Tea House on the French Riviera seems like a distant fond memory as now we are in a supermarket in Falkirk … Morrisons Café to be precise. A bit of a come down. There is a perfectly logical explanation however.

You may remember that last year when we were at the Scotsman Grand Café we had a mini five year old person with us. She kept us amused with her weird and wonderful observations through all the problems we were having just ordering a scone. This time, on our return from France, we picked her up in London and brought her and her wee sister back to Scotland with us. Of course, she is six now and and her sister is four. Oh joy! Between them they have enough energy to light up Blackpool!

Scary!

As it’s Halloween, we needed some appropriate costumes so that we could go guising and scare the living daylights out of our friends and neighbours. Hence we found ourselves here in Morrisons buying two spider witch outfits … really scary! The real horror of Halloween is, of course, that Brexit hasn’t happened and Boris Johnson hasn’t died in a ditch as he promised. Guess we can just add that to his ever lengthening string of broken promises. It really is all just a game for these guys!

Anyway, having got suitably kitted out we decided to go for a cuppa and some lunch in the café. It’s probably fairly typical of supermarket cafés though maybe slightly better than some others we have been in. What it lacks in ambience it makes up for with low prices and edible food. We were surprised to find scones so, of course, they had to be sampled. We shouldn’t really have preconceived ideas about places but suffice to say, we do. Expectations were not exactly soaring. They came with lots of butter and jam, however, cream was too much of an ask. The scones themselves were actually quite nice … nice texture, lots of fruit and only £1 each. Even at this price, however, a topscone was also too much of an ask.
This supermarket is built on a site once occupied by Brockville Park, the stadium of Falkirk FC. It’s biggest ever attendance was 23,100 in 1953 for a match against Celtic. In 2004 the football club moved to a new site on the outskirts of the town. For some, however, this is still hallowed ground. For others, of course, Morrisons seems like a much better use of the space.

Eating pancakes?

We know it’s Halloween but horror of horrors, we are going to have a General Election on 12th December … hurrah! Who knows what tall stories we will be told in the coming weeks. After years of austerity there will probably be more money than we can possibly imagine to spend on pretty much anything we want. Life will be good! Everything in the garden will be rosy. Doubtless, however, on December 13th that will all change. Boris will doubtless win but that will say more about the opposition than anything else.Meanwhile we have our own somewhat smaller horror show … we must go and scare the neighbours before returning to dook for apples and try to eat pancakes covered in treacle hanging from a string with our hands tied behind our backs. What? It’s just as senseless as having a General Election but way more fun.

FK2 7EU tel: 01324 639321 M orrisons

///insect.both.nasal

foreign, Ordinary, Scones

The Scotch Tea House

25th October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

As you know from our previous post, Café 66, we have been following the swallows in their southerly migration. Unlike us, however, they probably managed to avoid French rail strikes. As they continued blithely onwards to South Africa we had to contend with the vagaries of continental travel.

A sign in the toilet at the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — No jeter in the toilet

As the officials kept telling us, the strike was a ‘surprise’, only announced overnight so there was nothing much they could do The answer to most of our questions was a gallic style shrug of the shoulders. There were a few trains running but no one seemed to know which ones. The French seem to accept such things fairly philosophically. And, in any case, they are fortunate to have Macron to blame for everything.

To cut a long story short we eventually arrived at my sister’s place about five hours late. The swallows were probably in South Africa by then. Never mind, we received a welcome like no other so all our inconveniences were immediately forgotten.

The carpet in the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — The Tea House carpet

To make matters worse it was raining. It was raining a lot … a monsoon. It was warmer rain than we get in Scotland, however. Six years since we were last in Nice so there was much catching up to do and new things to see. My sister was keen that we see the new tram system which was still under construction on our previous visit. Also the new Coulée Verte, a beautiful green corridor that runs through the centre of the town. It’s a place for people to walk and take their ease.

Of course, France like the rest of the EU, is pretty much a scone free zone. A bit of a desert to sconeys like us. There are may culinary things France is famous for but scones isn’t one of them. However as we wandered through the Coulée Verte what should we spy in the distance … the Scotch Tea House! Was it possible that a scone, a beacon of genteel civility, might exist in such a place?

We entered into a cool dark wood paneled interior that must have given many delicate Victorian ladies refuge from the midday sun. It didn’t look as if it had changed much in the intervening years. And, sacre bleu, they had scones! This was indeed unexpected. We had thought that we would be scone free until our return to the UK. Once we had chosen our tea from the tea menu it wasn’t long before our scones arrived … toasted? No one had asked if we wanted them toasted, that’s just the way they came.

A scone at the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — Presumably all scones come ready toasted in France

In spite of there being lashings of cream in some of the cakes on display, there was none for scones, c’est la vie. There was a selection of jam and a little pack of French butter … just like you get in the UK!? The scones were different, not unpleasant – just different. They had a fairly dry even texture which may have been partly due to the toasting. We enjoyed them but thought they fell well short of a topscone. Good enough for a top ‘French scone’. though. Bravo, the Scotch Tea House, good attempt!

The menu in the Scotch Tea House in Nice, France — Specialités Anglaises’, a tad odd for a Scotch Tea House

One of the benefits of being here is that we are almost devoid of Brexit news. Suffice to say, the French are just as perplexed as the UK on the whole sorry fiasco. We may have to all learn the gallic shrug of the shoulders accompanied with a “Quels imbéciles!”

06000 Nice tel: +33 4 93 87 75 62 Scotch Tea House TA

///eternity.trout.shrimp

english, Scones, Uncategorized

Café 66

22nd October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

We are joining the swallows and migrating south. Not because we are fed up with Brexit (although you can’t get any more fed up than us) but to visit my sister in Nice. Before that, however, we have a stop over in the Big Smoke! As we have often found before, finding a scone in London can be surprisingly difficult. There are endless cafés of European, Asian or even US origin but traditional English tea rooms can be few and far between.

On this occasion it led us to ask the question …. when is a scone not a scone? The answer can be found here in Café 66 in London’s SW13. It is a relatively new kid on the block and certainly wasn’t here the last time we were in town. Of course, it had to be investigated. It is what we would call ‘bijou’ … small but perfectly formed. It is operated by a delightful mother and daughter team from Poland. They could not have made us more welcome.

A spot of lunch was called for, however, as you all know by now, we like to finish things off with a scone. “Do you have scones?” we asked. “What are you saying?” It wasn’t the Scottish accent it was simply that the young girl didn’t know. “Scones. they are like a little cakes that you eat with jam and cream.” we persevered. “Eh?” Thankfully at this point mum came to the rescue “Oh, I know what scones are – in this country you have them in the afternoon with tea.” “Yes”, we exclaimed. No, we don’t have any scones“.

Energy balls

With our hopes dashed on the jagged rocks of false expectation, we looked around and had to admit that there were lots of other delicious looking alternatives. In the absence of scones, however, we decided to go for one of their ‘Energy Balls’. They are small balls of nuts and fruit bound together with syrup and honey. Perhaps it was because they reminded us of the Lithuanian sco nes our Trossachs correspondents had sent from Vilnius back in 2016. They were really nice – lovely texture and sweet but not cloyingly so. We did feel like we had had an energy boost. So the answer to the question is that a scone is not a scone when it’s a Polish energy ball. No, we wouldn’t have got it right either.

As we were leaving we asked mum and daughter how they felt about only having about a week left before having to return to Poland. Their puzzled look quickly dissolved into laughter when they realised what we meant. However, it was quickly followed by looks of alarm and panic. “We are going to have to eat all this food very quickly” they joked, pointing at the display cases. Perhaps not, though.

Embarrasing

The first Saturday sitting of Westminster since the Falklands War, resulted in another defeat for Boris at the hands of his own colleagues. He followed it up with an unsigned letter to the EU asking for an extension. When politics is reduced to this school boy prank level it is embarrassing. Especially when you are in the presence of two ladies who are working incredibly hard to better themselves and better the country they now live in.

The true irony is that the UK’s future may eventually be decided by the DUP. A handful of self serving politicians from N. Ireland who don’t even represent the views of the people of N Ireland. It just gets weirder and weirder. Another energy ball please!

As we left Café 66, mum produced a Mary Berry cookbook, so who knows … next time there may be scones? Now we must continue our migration south.

SW13 0PZ tel: 020 8241 1590 Cafe66

///dash.belt.puns

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Kelpies Café

16th October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Today we find ourselves at the Kelpies Café. We are ashamed! People come from all over the world to see the Kelpies in Falkirk but, up until now, we have never been. Not strictly true because we have been here dropping people off and such like but this is the first time we have actually set out to visit. They were opened six years ago so it’s not as if we haven’t had time. You know how it is, however, when it’s on your doorstep you can always go tomorrow and sometimes tomorrow just never comes! So, after an uneventful five minute drive, on a glorious autumn day, we were here at last.

What actually is a kelpie we hear you ask? Well, it’s a Scottish shape shifting aquatic spirit that frequents lochs and rivers. Usually in the form of a beautiful horse. They are not really comparable to Nessie, except in that, like Nessie, they appear infrequently. Unbelievably, some people have gone through their entire lives without ever seeing either.

Handsome?

Almost exactly three years ago when we reported on the Venachar Lochside Café we recounted an incident where a kelpie from that particular loch would sometimes appear as a handsome young man and lure young women and children into the water. It would then drag them under and devour them. There’s a theory that Boris Johnson may actually be a kelpie trying to lure about sixty million people towards a similar frightful fate. The ‘handsome’ bit, however, throws serious doubt on this theory’s veracity.

Our Kelpies today, however, bear none of that malevolence. They merely celebrate the part the heavy horse has played in shaping the Falkirk area in years gone by – pulling coal barges, ploughs and wagons. They are situated at the east end of the Forth & Clyde canal where it joins the river Forth. You can only see their magnificent heads, the rest is under the water … obviously. They are spectacular and we can quite understand why people travel from far and near to see them.

However, after wandering around looking at all the boats and admiring the sculptures a scone soon beckoned. There are three cafés here. Our café of choice turned out to be the one imaginatively called ‘Café’. It’s part of the visitor centre and is fairly typical of such places. Self service but quite a wide range of food options available. We both plumped for a fruit scone. Our relatively low expectations, however, were completely confounded when they turned out to be rather nice.

A scone at the Kelpies in Falkirk — Spot the fruit

We might have awarded a topscone were it not for the fact that there was no cream (not even Roddas) and hardly any fruit. They might have been better billed as plain scones. Of course, then we would have complained that our plain scones had a bit of fruit in them. There’s just no pleasing some folk! Everything else was fine, however, so overall we enjoyed our visit and our scone. We may even come back!

In brief

The UK shape shifting government looks as if it is going to try and cobble together another deal with the EU. Who knows what’s going to happen? With a completely shapeless opposition, however, they might actually even get it passed, even if it’s worse than Theresa May’s deal! Some people have complained that the explanation of Brexit in our Muircot Farm post was far too long. Hopefully this one, stolen from the internet, is more concise and clearly encapsulates Britain’s negotiating strategy.

FK2 7ZT tel: 01324 590600 The Kelpies Café

///branded.highs.rungs

Scones, Top

Muircot Farm Shop

9th October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Now that the summer is pretty well over we have reverted to our old routine of going to the early morning show at our local Hippodrome cinema. Today we saw The Farewell, a true story about lies … no, nothing to do with Boris! We thoroughly enjoyed it. It was our kind of film … no loud sounds, no nudity, no violence and no CGI. Are we getting old?

Afterwards we decide to act on a tip off we had received from our ever diligent Trossachs correspondents. They flagged up Muircot Farm Shop as a place they thought we would enjoy. It’s just outside the Clackmannanshire village of Coalsnaughton so not too far to drive after our movie.

Good advice

Those Trossachs folk know us too well. We were super impressed by everything. In some ways it is just like a multitude of other farm shops … a big shed! However this one seemed to have a slightly different vibe. Not sure if it was the warm and friendly staff, the spacious layout or the fabulous view of the Ochil hills, but it just felt good.

As we ordered some lunch and were trying to make up our minds whether to have a scone each or to share one, our waitress said “you will get a lot of bread with your soup“. Sound advice as it turned out. Almost half a loaf of wonderfully soft whole meal bread made us very glad we decided to share a scone.

Topscone was an easy decision right from the start. Just the right size, wonderful texture with plenty of fruit and lots of jam and cream to go with it. Judging by the healthy portion sizes, you got the feeling that this place is run by a farmer’s wife. No one is going to leave hungry. Inevitably, in farm shops, you are tempted to buy a lot of stuff from the shop. That’s the whole idea after all! This was no exception. We came away with a great selection of goodies to take home.

The final solution

Recently we have met many people confused about what is happening with Brexit. When we say that we know what is happening they are surprised and relieved when it is explained. For the bewildered of the world, here is our explanation:

31st Oct – we leave the EU (do or die)
1st Nov – Scotland gets independence
2nd Nov – Scotland rejoins the EU
3rd Nov – Scotland writes to the wise one, Donald Trump, asking advice on how to build a wall and get England to pay for it.

You will, of course, understand that this timetable is not set in stone. There may be some movement on specific dates. Never mind though, Brexit sanctuary can always be sought at Muircot Farm Shop. Excellent tip off

View of Ochil hills from Muircot Farm Shop, Tillicoultry — View towards Tillycoultry and the Ochil hills

FK13 6LS tel: 01259 750886 Muircot Coffee Shop

///rotate.cashiers.enhances

ps Thanks must go to our newest correspondents from Devon. They sent us this picture of a Falkirk made K6 … not in Devon, but in Gramasdal on the Isle of Benbecula. They were out for a walk!

Ordinary, Scones

Graze Coffee House

4th October 2019 billpaterson1@me.com

For this scone at Graze Coffee House we have left the Covenanters Hotel in Falkland far behind and crossed the river Forth to Dunbar. As it happens though we are still maintaining our link to Covenanters and Covenanting. Dunbar Castle was a major fortress in medieval times and became the centre for that well known war criminal, Oliver Cromwell, to provision his invading English army.

View of Dunbar Castle and Victoria harbour — Ruins of Dunbar Castle above the harbour entrance

Martyrs

Fishing boats in the harbour at Dunbar — Fishing boats in Dunbar harbour

The Battle of Dunbar in 1650 is still controversial, even today. The Scots covenanting army was defeated and about 4000 soldiers were taken prisoner. They were marched south to be imprisoned in Durham Cathedral so they could take no further part in the conflict. They were treated so badly, however, that only about half survived the journey. Some died of exhaustion and others were simply shot. Many survivors were sold into slavery but many others died in the Cathedral. In 2013 scientists unearthed a mass grave near the Cathedral containing their remains. It is thought that other such mass graves exist nearby. There is now a campaign to repatriate the remains of these “Dunbar Martyrs” back home to Scotland.

View towards the Bass Rock from Dunbar — Looking over the river Forth towards Fife with the Bass Rock left of center

John and Greta

The reason we are here, however, has nothing to do with Covenanters. We thought that, since we had visited one end of the John Muir Way at Helensburgh, we should have a look at the other end in Dunbar. John Muir was born here in 1838 and went on to become the leading conservationist of his time. It was said of him that he was “saving the American soul from total surrender to materialism“. If he was alive today, he would doubtless be amazed that it has been left to youngsters like Greta Thunberg to carry the torch.

Sign for dangerous cliffs on the John Muir Way at Dunbar — a sign, thoughtfully placed by the EU

We elected to walk the last mile or so of the trail along the coast to Dunbar itself. Along the way we found many warning signs of the fast approaching Brexit date at the end of this month. The path meanders along the clifftops and eventually ends up at Dunbar Castle.

Artillery gun at Dunbar — Pat getting ready to repel Johnny Foreigner after Brexit

View of Dunbar Castle at the end of the John Muir Trail — the end of the trail with Dunbar Castle in the distance and a large picture of John Muir himself …. it’s either him or Billy Connolly

Needless to say, after such exertions on a bright but blustery day, a scone was called for. We were reliably informed by two women hanging around on a street corner that the best scone in town was at the Graze Coffee and Chocolate House in the High Street. They seemed to know what they were talking about and it was only a few yards from where we were. In no time at all, we were settled in and ready.

Date and walnut

The staff were were extremely friendly and welcoming and soon had Pat sorted with a cheese scone and me with a date and walnut one. Date and walnut? Is this a step too far? No worries. Pat thought her scone was good but not quite deserving of the topscone accolade. My scone was very good as well. the walnuts gave it a delightful crunchiness. Although I had passed on the cream (Rhoddas) the overall combination with jam and butter was very good. Not quite a topscone from me either but a great wee café and thoroughly recommended.

Hard to believe

We feel slightly nauseous as Boris Johnson soaks up the adoration of his supplicants at the Tory Party Conference and tries to pretend that his seven page cobbled together ‘deal’ is worthy of consideration by the EU. We are increasingly dismayed. Hard to believe, in such desperate times, that we have someone as weak as Jeremy Corbyn leading the opposition. Heyho, fingers crossed, he can pull a rabbit out of a hat before the 31st.

EH42 1EW tel: 01368 864619 Graze Dunbar

///recovery.reserving.chip

ps with only about three Brexit weeks to go before we leave the EU no one can express our feelings better than A A Gill. He wrote this article shortly before his death in 2016. We’ve included it as a ps so you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, but it’s worth it … and there’s a K6 at the end to keep you going … enjoy!

Three weeks to go

“It was the woman on Question Time that really did it for me.
She was so familiar. There is someone like her in every queue, every coffee shop, outside every school in every parish council in the country. Middle-aged, middle-class, middle-brow, over-made-up, with her National Health face and weatherproof English expression of hurt righteousness, she’s Britannia’s mother-in-law. The camera closed in on her and she shouted: “All I want is my country back. Give me my country back.”
It was a heartfelt cry of real distress and the rest of the audience erupted in sympathetic applause, but I thought: “Back from what? Back from where?”

pps We found two Falkirk made K6s in Dunbar. This one is in the High Street. The campaign to get Falkirk Council to preserve some K6s is ongoing with Falkirk Made Friends on Facebook

Scones, history and a dollop of politics

Monthly Archives: October 2019