The Aizle Coffee Shop

29th August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Today, we are in Ballat. Ballat is a village in northern Syria not far from Homs. It has has a population of about 574 mainly Greek Orthodox Christians. That’s according to Google. Thankfully we are nowhere near there today because a) it’s dangerous b) it’s unlikely to have scones. Instead we are at Ballat crossroads about fifteen miles north of Glasgow because a) it’s dangerous b) it’s likely to have scones.

Let us explain! The A811 road forms part of our normal route over to Loch Lomond and at Ballat it crosses the main Aberfoyle to Glasgow road … not like a normal crossroads in the shape of a straight forward cross, but rather a cross that has been mangled and flattened … you have to cross at a very weird angle and it can all get a little bit hairy.

Probably fine when only used by carthorses but now with juggernauts thundering through at a rate of knots it is an altogether different proposition … the scene of regular accidents.

The narrow sliver of land between the two roads is occupied by a complex of shops called the Aizle, one of which is the Aizle Coffee Shop. Goodness knows why anyone would call it that but apparently it is an old Scots word meaning ‘hot ember’ or ‘spark’ … it rhymes with hazel … whatever! Normally we are so thankful at just making it safely to the other side of the junction that we have never bothered stopping here. The only reason we are stopping today is that our tummies are rumbling and we still have a fair bit to go.

Problem, we had not realised the time. We were arriving just as they were closing for the evening. Nevertheless, although we were the only ones around, we were very warmly welcomed. They didn’t have any proper food left, just the odd cake … and the odd scone. Initially we thought this fortuitous however our scone turned out to be pretty awful … dry and hard … perhaps because it had been lying out all day? Serves us right for arriving so late. Our visit was brief but we felt sustained enough to carry on our way so it did its job. No topscone here however, nowhere near.

One nice thing about this place was that it provided some light reading material at each table. Rather than our usual political rant we will just let you read our table:
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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London. Nothing was moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and they’re asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations.”

“how much is everyone giving on average?” the driver asks. The man replies, “Roughly a litre.“

Okay, not in good taste but then again it did match the scone! We actually felt a modicum of sympathy for politicians when we read that piece. Some of them must have a modicum of sense after all. But then we saw the pictures of Theresa May dancing with some black kids in South Africa and all sympathy evaporated. For years, she, along with David Cameron branded Nelson Mandela a terrorist. Now, in the face an impending hard Brexit caused by her own party’s stupidity, she is in Mandela’s country desperately kowtowing for business. Another litre?

G63 0SE tel: 01360 440456 The Aizle FB

Ordinary, Scones

Crail Harbour Gallery

24th August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Back around the middle of the 16th century the union between Scotland and France was very strong. It was founded on the understanding that Scottish royalty would marry French royalty and vice versa. To this end James V married Madeleine of Valois in Paris in 1537. Later that year, as Queen Madeleine, she arrived in Leith amidst great celebration. Six months later, however, she died. Never mind, within a year James married another French princess, Mary of Guise. She was shipped over to Scotland together with some 2,000 lords and barons. Bet you thought mail-order brides were a relatively recent phenomenon!

Miscalculations

She was supposed to land at St Andrews but due to a miscalculation by the captain, she landed at Crail instead. Her first night in Scotland was at Balcomie Castle. All was well however because, when she eventually did cover the last ten miles to St Andrews, there followed several days of bounteous merriment. She, of, course would eventually become mother to Mary Queen of Scots. The rest, as they say, is history.

This slightly verbose introduction is simply to say that today we are in Crail, a beautiful little fishing village on the East Neuk of Fife. Apparently, at one time, it could easily be mistaken for St Andrews if looking at it through squinty eyes from the sea. Just up the hill from the harbour we came across the Crail Harbour Gallery and Tearoom. It owes its existence to the artist D S MacKie. He converted the 17th century storage space into a gallery for his own work.

That time of year

The interior is small but it has an even smaller garden area where you can sit and take in fabulous sea views. On a lovely sunny day like this it was glorious to sit out. However we were eventually driven inside by wasps … it’s that time of year again, shame.

The girls looking after us were very warm and welcoming. They took our random table changes in their stride though they were probably cursing us under their breath. A light lunch was, of course, followed by a scone which we shared. It came nicely presented with everything you would want for a good scone, plus, a little piece of Scottish tablet on the side. We will eat healthy tomorrow … honest! The scone was very enjoyable and because of the great service and presentation we swithered hard about a topscone. Eventually we decided that the scone itself just didn’t quite do it … pity!

One of the many noteable things about Crail is the weathervane on the Tolbooth building. Rather than the cockerel of weather vane tradition, it is a smoked haddock … fab!

View of Crail Harbour — *The Gallery and Tearoom is to the right of this picture*

Balcomie Castle where Queen Mary spent her first night is also haunted by a small boy who misbehaved about 400 years ago. They threw him in the keep for a few hours to teach him a lesson but went away forgetting about him. He starved to death!

Bigger keep please

We can think of a few politicians who could do with a few hours in the keep. However, just when you are trying to pick one: May, Johnstone, Corbyn, Rees Mogg, Trump, Australia has to go and get in on the act. Their own chaotic elections have produced a brand new shiny PM, Scott Morrison! We really are spoiled for choice. We need a bigger keep!

KY10 3SU tel: 01333 451896 Crail Gallery and Tearoom

Scones, Top

Sugar Boat – Helensburgh

23rd August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

For some time now Pat has been dropping hints about visiting Helensburgh. As a wee lass she and her mum used to go there by train from their home in Drumchapel. They would play on the beach and swim in the outdoor pool. On the other hand, I didn’t know the town at all. However, recently I have become increasingly aware of it as the start-point of the 134 mile long John Muir Way. It begins in Helensburgh before passing very close to our house in Falkirk then finishing on the east coast at Muir’s birthplace in Dunbar. It’s very popular with walkers and cyclists.

View from Helensburgh beach over Clyde to Greenock — *A rather sombre view across the ‘beach’ towards Greenock, three miles away*

So on this rather wet and humid day it was a kind of nostalgia trip for Pat and, for me, an introductory visit to this west coast town.

Memories

Memories are funny things and sometimes they can play tricks on you. The beach that Pat remembered so well is actually a rather dismal strip of sand about four or five feet wide and about thirty feet long. When the tide’s out, it consists, almost entirely, of a vast area of dark slippery seaweed over rough rocks. The swimming pool is now closed though apparently it is due to be completely rebuilt in the next year or so.

TV and all that

The town’s sea front consists mainly of fairly dilapidated ice cream parlours, the usual charity shops and the odd rather sorry looking pub. In the 2014 Scottish independence referendum one of the claims from the union side was that this town would be devastated by independence and the withdrawal of the nearby Royal Naval Base. Well today it was looking pretty devastated even with all the phantasmagorical benefits that the UK supposedly brings. Most of the workers on the base live in the south of England so the town derives little benefit.

As we walked along the front we came across a memorial to John Logie Baird, inventor of television and a native of the town. He gave the first ever demonstration of the new fandangled technology in what used to be Falkirk’s Temperance Hotel. It all happens in Falkirk! By the time we reached the west end we were feeling pretty depressed by the general state of decay so we decided to go one street back from the sea for our return journey. What a good idea that was. Otherwise we would not have come across the lovely Colquhoun Square and this delightful little bistro/café, the Sugar Boat.

Dog biscuits

We were welcomed with open arms into a beautifully appointed restaurant, come wine bar, come coffee house … fab! We did think about sitting outside since the rain had stopped and it was still very warm but there was a nice little café area just inside the door so we sat there instead. There was a really nice restaurant area at the back but we were not in the business of a full meal … just a ‘you know what’. The ones on display looked promising. The service was great and we were soon kitted out with our drinks and scones complete with jam and clotted cream. We enjoyed everything about this place. Lots of nice touches. Beer from one of our favourite islands, Colonsay, and even a glass jar with complimentary dog biscuits. Apparently we didn’t qualify due to our lack of dog.

Jamon Serrajo Zaragoza at Sugar Boat, Helensburgh — *Jamon Serrano Zaragoza*

An overall lovely experience and no problem awarding a topscone.

In case you are wondering who Helen of Helensburgh was, it was Lady Helen Sutherland, wife of Sir James Colquhoun who owned everything around these parts in 1785 … his descendants probably still do! Before that it was known as Millig.

Thanks largely to the Sugar Boat we left Helensburgh feeling in a much more positive mood than when we first arrived. Even the weather had improved. Our route took us through the lovely village of Rhu with its marina and beautiful Victorian country houses to the Faslane Naval Submarine Base. Home to the famous Faslane Peace Camp, first established in 1982 and still going today.

We’re doomed

From there we drove over Glen Douglas to Inverbeg on Loch Lomondside with an ever increasing sense of impending doom. Our progress was halted by a herd of cattle standing on the single track road. None of them looked very happy and certainly didn’t seem inclined to move. Perhaps it was due to the fact that the hill on the right behind the white cow. It is actually hollow and filled with enough nuclear warheads to blow the entire world to kingdom come.

The cows are not the only ones that feel dismayed about these useless weapons of mass destruction. Scotland overwhelmingly would like them all moved to a warehouse next to Westminster. Even better, since all the warheads actually belong to the USA, to a warehouse near the Whitehouse. Scotland, of course, has no voice in such matters. Eventually, the cows wandered off and we were able to continue. It has to be said though that Glen Douglas has a decidedly spooky feel about it.

G84 8AQ tel: 01436 647522 Sugar Boat

ps. Speaking of the USA. The Pedant has just returned from adventures in the New England and sent this photo of a K6 in Ely, Cambridgeshire, Old England. He sent it because it is still a fully functioning call box. Not a book swap library, not a CD exchange, not a defibrillator point, not for growing geraniums … a call box! And why is this wonderful thing still functioning after all these years … because it was made in Falkirk of course! Told you it all happens in Falkirk.

Scones, self-service, Top

Café Zest – Jenners

18th August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Jenners department store is a kind of Scottish ‘Harrods’. In fact until last week it was owned by House of Fraser which, at o

by Royal appointment coat of arms, Jenners Edinburgh — *by Royal appointment – but the latin “no one provokes me with impunity” is a tad confrontational*

ne time, also owned Harrods. According to the large crest on the wall it’s where the Queen shops when she’s in town? This establishment has been gracing Edinburgh’s Princes Street for 180 years now and has survived many traumas along the way.

Takeover

Today, however, it is under threat like never before with the House of Fraser being brought out of administration by Mike Ashley, of Sports Direct fame. Or infamy? The price for 31 stores, a measly £90m. True to form Ashley has not taken on any of the debts or pension responsibilities. It remains to be seen what will happen to the stores of which this is only one. Ashley’s reputation for cutting costs and playing fast and lose with conditions of employment does not bode well.

Hence we felt that, if we were ever to have a scone in Jenners, perhaps we should do it sooner rather than later. Of course we blame Margaret Thatcher. Then again we blame Margaret Thatcher for everything. She managed to make avarice respectable and created today’s environment where it is okay for unabashed corporate greed to masquerade as ‘good business’. No one else, however, seemed willing to take House of Fraser on so perhaps we do Mr Ashley an injustice. Let’s hope he can at least save some of the stores and jobs. Enough trivia, what about the scones?

Gourmet scones

There are several cafés and restaurants in the store but for some reason we found ourselves in Café Zest on the 5th floor. Probably because the lift took us there. The space is slightly odd. It has comfortable armchairs at one end and slightly utilitarian chairs forming the main body of the café. Needless to say there was hardly anyone sitting on these so everyone was squeezed in at one end … on the comfy chairs! Why do they not simply provide armchairs everywhere? They are self evidently what folk prefer! They had plain scones and fruit scones but we were excited by the prospect of the ‘gourmet scone’ as it was labeled on the self service counter.
No idea what constitutes a gourmet scone but obviously we had to find out. It came with a little pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a generous bowl of whipped cream. We don’t usually award topscones to self service places since the service and presentation all form part of the overall scone experience. However, on this occasion, we felt that it should at least have a ‘top self service’ scone award. It was delicious. We still don’t know what constitutes a gourmet scone. There was certainly different kinds of fruit together with some other things, nuts perhaps, which gave it a delightfully sweet crunchiness. It was finished all too soon!

As we walked down through the floors we discovered another two restaurants on the 3rd floor. One, a sort of deli café, by the well known ‘Valvona and Crolla‘ and another one, slightly more upmarket, which was simply called ‘Jenners’.

Internal view of Jenners Restaurant, Jenners in Edinburgh — Jenners – 3rd floor resaurant

Rumanian opinions

As Jenners struggles with the inevitable advance of online shopping, problems in the retail industry are not hard to find. Indeed, we hear of another high street brand going to the wall almost every week. If, like us, you bemoan the sorry state of the High Street while simultaneously doing much of your shopping via your computer then you will also know that we have only ourselves to blame. When we asked the Rumanian sales assistant on the second floor if she thought the store would survive she simply replied “of course it will survive”. With its illustrious 180 year history and gourmet scones, let’s hope she is right!

EH2 2YJ tel: 0131 2602316 Café Zest

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Pittenweem Pop up Café

10th August 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

This is the week of Pittenweem Arts Festival when almost all the houses in the town open up to the public and become temporary art galleries. Not all though. This Pop Up Café is also just someone’s home converted for the duration of the festival. It raises money for charity … great idea! It’s quite extraordinary! Just when you thought the whole world was in Edinburgh for the Festival you discover that it’s not quite the whole world. The rest are here in the East Neuk of Fife. It’s busy, busy!

Venue 26

The picturesque little fishing village is transformed into one huge gallery. Over 130 artists from far and wide exhibiting. And just like the world’s biggest festival going on across the water in Edinburgh, the atmosphere is great! For those not familiar with Pittenweem, there is a downside. The village is situated on a steep hill with a web of higglety pigglety tiny lanes running down to the harbour area. And back up! You have to work quite hard if you want to see everything. It doesn’t get any easier when the weather is as sultry and windless as it is today, heyho! Little wonder then that the sight of this place, Venue 26, was very welcome indeed.

The good folks running it were working extremely hard. Customers had the choice of sitting in their front room or going outside onto what’s known as West Shore. A narrow lane running along the sea front. Only a few tables and chairs, all of them taken, so we just sat on the sea wall. It was actually quite comfortable and allowed us to enjoy the sunshine and look out over the Firth of Forth towards the Isle of May and the Bass Rock.

A scone at the Pop Up Café in Pittenweem, Fife — *Tide’s out*

Perhaps it was because we were more than a little peckish that these scones, together with the coffee, tasted absolutely delicious. Definitely would have been awarded topscone status had it not been for the simple fact that none of our readers can go there. Except, of course, for these few days at the beginning of August each year. And there was no cream!! They do this pop up café every year though, so make a date in your diary for 2019.

Offence

Meanwhile back in La La Land, Boris Johnstone’s article in the Telegraph defending the right to wear burkas but adding some observations about letterboxes has taken up most of the news in what can only be described as a media frenzy. Given that wearing the burka is dictated by cultural rather than religious reasons it’s hard not to feel some sympathy for gaff prone Boris. We are more concerned, however, about whether we should be just as offended as the burka wearers since most of the letterboxes in question were probably made in Falkirk. They form part of our culture!

ps: talking of art and culture and things made in Falkirk, we came across this picture. Not in Pittenweem but on our way home in another gallery. For all our K6 enthusiasts it is entitled “Phone Box Cottage” and is by Matylda Konecka. It could be yours for £99!

Scones, history and a dollop of politics

Monthly Archives: August 2018