Tattie Bogle’s

28th March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Russia and it’s people are not exactly flavour of the month these days but, of course, that’s very unfair. Russians are just like the rest of us. They are not all evil despots like Putin, just like we in the UK, are not all bumbling idiots. Anyway, in a miniscule way, this post will try and redress the problem even though we may get accused of being diverted away from the main purpose of this blog.

It’s all about a new enterprise in Falkirk called Tattie Bogle’s. It’s a healthy eating place that tries to minimise packaging and it’s owned by a husband and wife team. She is Scottish and he’s Russian … lovely folk and passionate about what they do.

Scary stories

Some of you who are not so familiar with Scottish terminology may be wondering about the name Tattie Bogle’s. A tattie is a potato here in Scotland as in tattie scone, mince and tatties etc etc. Bogle refers to something scary, as in bogeyman. When you put the two together you end up with a human like form standing amongst crops to scare off unwanted visitors … a scarecrow! Loving parents all over Scotland would tell their children elaborate stories about tattie bogles to scare them half to death.

So Tattie Bogle’s is not a cafe or restaurant, it’s a kind of old-fashioned organic ethical grocers selling, amongst lots of other things, locally sourced fresh fruit and veg. You take along your own containers to cut down on packaging. We are definitely in favour of that … packaging seems to be a modern day curse. They even get their organic milk from Robert Burns’s Mossgiel Farm in Ayrshire. Having said it’s not a cafe it does have a couple of tiny tables where you can sit and have coffee. It was a fabulous sunny day so we thought we would see if they had any scones (we do try to stay on message).

Bavarian croissant, empire biscuits and snowballs — Freshly baked Bavarian croissants, empire biscuits and snowballs

No, no scones but they did have some other delicious looking baking. This is where we got diverted … no scones were harmed in this post. We ended up getting a Bavarian chocolate croissant to share. When we asked for a knife, however, we were told “no knives“. Gosh they really are serious about this no wastage thingy. No matter, Pat ripped it in half with her bare hands. It was delicious and if we were dishing out top-croissant awards this would definitely have qualified.

Brute strength

It was very pleasant sitting there in the sunshine so we decided to prolong our stay with an empire biscuit. Not even a plate this time, just a brown paper bag. Again, Pat just grabbed it and broke it in half. She can be absolutely ruthless when she wants. Having said that, I got the half with the cherry. don’t mistake this for altruism or generosity … she doesn’t like cherries!

Tattie Bogle’s sources its produce with consideration for people, animals and the environment We found its simple ‘back to basics ethos when it comes to health quite refreshing. Let’s have more more Scots/Russian collaborations, more power to their collective elbow!

We would, however, like less power for Putin’s elbow You could say that he’s a bit of a tattie bogle, he has managed to successfully keep the West at bay after all. From his point of view nuclear weapons are actually a very successful deterrent. They’ve certainly paralysed the West militarily and allowed him to do pretty much as he pleases.

FK1 1JQ tel: 01324 227718. Tattie Bogle

///jaws.jungle.calculating

Ordinary, Scones

Royal Station Hotel

18th March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

All good things must come to an end … why oh why does that have to be true? But they do and after a wonderful few days here in Newcastle, we are heading for home. We arrived back in the city centre having been pampered for a few days in Jesmond Dene House. Our train wasn’t due for another hour so time to squeeze in another scone maybe? We ended up here at the Royal Station Hotel but it wasn’t our first choice.

Sound advice

You know how lots of pubs are called “something and something” e.g. the Hare and Hounds, the Rose and Crown etc etc. Well we were aware of a place called the Dog and Scone which was not far from the station. We ended up getting a bit lost, however, and had to ask a chap manning a fruitstall. “Dog and Scone“, he said, shaking his head “nae man, never heard of it“. He consulted with a couple of colleagues and that resulted in a kind of mass synchronised head shaking. We told him the street name “ wey aye man, that’s just doon there and alang yon lane on the right but ye don’t want to be gaein’ there man, it’s rubbish! There’s dogs everywhere on the floor on the tables, ye really don’t want to be gaein’ there, ye definitely won’t like it, there’ll be hairs in the scones!“

Limits

That’s the second ‘rubbish’ thing we’ve been told about in Newcastle. The first ‘rubbish’ thing was the Metro which turned out to be great so we thought we should still go and investigate. The friendly fruit man was spot on! We looked in the window of the Dog and Scone and true enough, there were people lying on the floor with their dogs, people sitting with dogs on their tables, dogs everywhere. Presumably they had scones but we decided there was limits to our dedication after all. We don’t even know if we would have been allowed in without a dog! We moved on and the next place we came to was the Royal Station Hotel. It’s a huge Victorian pile that forms part of the station.

No dogs here but not much joy either. There were signs for afternoon tea all over the place but they said they didn’t do scones, eh? When we asked how they did an afternoon tea without doing scones our waiter looked at us quizzically “ well I suppose I could ask the kitchen for a scone“, he said. The temptation to give a round of applause was almost overwhelming.

Is this cream?

They probably thought we had a bit of a nerve because we only wanted one scone to share. To give them their due they did come quite smartly with our order. It was all quite acceptable except the cream which was just a bowl of runny stuff … completely unfit for purpose. No topscone here unfortunately but it did allow us to kill some time in more comfortable surroundings than we would have had at the Dog and Scone.

There were some interesting quotes painted onto the walls; “Whisky is by far the most popular remedy that won’t cure a cold” was one by Jerry Vale. It does make it much more bearable though … I can vouch for that! Sometimes I drink it even if I don’t have a cold.

Judgement?

Another quote by Ukranian philosopher, Dagobert D Runes was perhaps more topical. “Dictators long ago found that it is easier to unite people in common hatred than in common love.” Putin has certainly managed to do that. Now, however, he may be slowly beginning to realise that he has bitten off more than he can chew. Hugely overestimating the capabilities of his own forces and underestimating the bravery and resolve of the Ukrainian people. Hopefully, before long, someone will put him out of his misery.

Soon we were back on our LUMO train and heading back north with very fond memories. Newcastle itself was great but its people were fantastic. Without fail we were welcomed by the Geordies who proved to be unstintingly helpful and friendly. Apologies for our attempts at imitating the accent.

NE1 5DH tel: 0191 232 0781 Royal Station

///went.list.mile

Scones, Top, totallyeffinbrilliantscone

Jesmond Dene House

15th March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Forgive us if this seems to be turning into “what we did on our holidays” but it’s tricky because this actually is what we did on our holidays, albeit only a few days. In fact it wasn’t our holidays, it was more of a sconological expedition south of the border where few sconeys have gone before. By now you all know the sort of extraordinary sacrifices we make in order to keep you up to date with sconey news. This is no exception. For this post we had to stay here in Jesmond Dene House. We know, we know but we felt duty bound!

A bit of history

The house was built in the Arts and Crafts style in 1871 by Sir Andrew Noble who worked for Lord William Armstrong … the oligarchs of their time. They became fabulously wealthy through shipping and the manufacture of armaments. It was forever thus. It’s been a hotel since 2005 and has a beautiful setting on the edge of the Dene Burn. Celebrities and Royalty have been entertained here … and now us!

The Great Hall at Jesmond Dene House — When they said our table was ready we did not expect this! Not really but it is the Great Hall

Of course, we were only here for the scones! We had a notion it might be a bit more expensive than our last post from Olivers Bistro Café and we weren’t wrong. We could have sat outside in the spring sunshine but they actually seated us in a cosy little alcove beside a wonderfully warm open fire … fab! Our lovely chatty waiter was from Venice. We know everything about him: his early life; his career, his children, his failed marriage, we could go on!

Two baby two

When you order a scone you actually get two and you can pick from a variety they have on offer. We chose fruit and cheese. They came with little bowls of butter and jam as well as a pot of cream and huge linen napkins. They were wonderfully warm and were absolutely delicious. £10 for two scones and coffee but worth every penny. If ever there was a challenger to our benchmark Fonab Castle’s scone, this was it.

Rivet Catcher

We told our Venetian friend that we are going to try the Metro. He looked shocked and said in his Italian accent “No, it’s rubbish“. He went on to elaborate “I’ve been here six years and I’ve only been on it once … and that was enough!” Of course, he was comparing Newcastle to Rome, London and Paris so we weren’t unduly concerned. Undeterred we set off for a station about ten minutes walk from the hotel. An ‘ALL DAY’ ticket was £5 each. This allowed us to travel anywhere we liked, get off and on as many times as we liked and valid for the whole day. We’re loving it already!

Okay, the trains are a bit on the basic side but they rattle along and we did managed to hit 33 of the 60 stations on the system … yes we counted them! We went to the beach in Tynemouth and then, to finish off, a drink of Rivet Catcher in the Cumberland Arms.

Internal view of the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth — Cumberland Arms in Tynemouth

Romance in not dead

Then, because Pat has always wanted to go on a cruise (not,) we went to North Shields and caught the ferry across the Tyne (the Metro ticket does that as well). Only a seven minute cruise but, in the golden evening light, it was very romantic … honest!

The Shields ferry — Spirit of the Tyne approaching North Shields with South Shields in the distance

Anyone for billiards

It was well and truly dark when we got back to Jesmond Dene House. We decided to have dinner beside another large open fire in the billiard room. No billiards but presumably there must have been at one time!

Internal view of Jesmond Dene House — Lady Muck in the billiard room

Looking at us with a fearful expression our waiter friend was keen to know if we had gone on the Metro. When we told him what we had done he was super impressed. He had never heard of anyone doing that before! All we can say is that if you want to get a quick feel for the area and the people you could do a lot worse than take a trip on the Metro.

A picture at the Cumberland Arms, Tynemouth — Interesting painting in the Cumberland Arms

Dinner was fabulous by the way … a bit pricey for our Scottish pockets but fabulous.

Hero

Our thoughts are with Marina Ovsyannikova, the lady who protested live on Russian television. From totally unknown to worldwide hero in an instant … wow! We dread to think what will happen to her now but fingers crossed she’s okay?

NE2 2EY tel: 0191 212 3000 Jesmond Dene

///mull.names.urgent

Ordinary, Scones

Olivers Bistro Café

13th March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Normally, when we go to London we get the East Coast line which is operated by LNER. Somewhat unexpectedly however a new kid has appeared on the line …. LUMO. They don’t do as many stops as LNER but we thought we would give them a try. So here we are in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Way aye man, welcome to Geordieland. They speak differently down here and have a whole vocabulary all of their own … would we manage without an interpreter,?

We were too early for our hotel so we walked up towards the Monument and ended up here in Olivers Bistro Cafe in Grainger Market.

The Monument, Newcastle — The Monument to Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey built in 1838. He was Prime Minister from 1830 to 1834 but more importantly he invented tea for posh folk?

No one could ever say that Olivers Bistro Café is fancy. The roof appears to be held up by scaffolding but it’s practical and honest … a bit like the Geordies themselves.

The lady who took our order for a fruit scone to share and two coffees was lovely, she made us feel very welcome. After a wee chat she set off to get our order and within the blink of a eye, we had it … two coffees and one fully loaded scone … argh!

Decisions

You all know our thoughts on this unseemly practice. How much cream, how much jam … someone else had decided on our behalf. We felt disempowered! A bit like Scotland does when Westminster makes all the decisions to suit England. Anyway, we cut it up so that we could both have a piece … damn it, it was really good! And our total bill came to £5.50! We have a cheek to complain! No topscone but if you don’t mind being disenfranchised and feel an overpowering urge for a fully loaded cream scone then Olivers is definitely the place to be.

Stotties

Recovering from our scone trauma, we carried on round this vast market. You can probably get anything you can imagine here. We bought a stottie cake, a local delicacy that’s nothing like a cake but more like a big fat girdle scone. When we asked our taxi driver what we should do with ours, he said “aye man, ye can dae onythin’ ye like … ye can slice it in half and pit a full English breakfast in … that’s guid like!“

Stottie cakes and double yoker eggs — Stottie cakes and double yolker eggs

We also bought some double yoke eggs. When we asked how they knew they were double yolked it threw the two ladies behind the counter into a huddle of intense discussion. Eventually the answer came … “we think it’s a special chicken!” We thought about telling them about a special loch in Scotland that has a monster, but didn’t bother.

Difference a few years makes

The last time we were in Newcastle was back in 2019 when we were catching a ferry to Amsterdam. Only a few years but it seems like an age. No COVID, we were still in the EU and there was no war in Ukraine. What’s happening in Ukraine is unbelievably awful. The fact that, in Russia, the word ‘war’ cannot be used in any publication (presumably including scone blogs) about Ukraine, without the authors getting fifteen years jail time, kind of says it all. If you don’t hear from us for a while you’ll know what’s happened.

NE1 5QF tel: 7944 680959. Olivers FB

///catch.awake.causes

ps: since then we have tried two of the eggs and only one was double yoked … chicken fail! We did have the stottie cake with some fry … excellent!

Scones, Top, topweird

Clootie McToot

7th March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Clootie McToot, in the little village of Abernethy, makes clootie dumplings and exports them all over the world. One of its dumplings has even made it to Everest basecamp. They could never be described as ‘light’ so don’t think anyone would actually want to carry one to the summit. Great sustenance though! Essentially, you can have anything you want in Clootie McTooties as long as it’s dumpling … correction, they also make scones.

Rhyming dumplings

If you are not from Scotland and are wondering what a clootie dumpling is then let us explain. Nowadays, making them is something of a lost art but Pat’s mother and my mother along with many other mothers used to make them regularly. You take the ingredients, a bit like those for Christmas cake, wrap them in a ‘cloot’ (cloth) and boil them forever. They were immortalised in this children’s poem:

Obviously, pouring a dumpling out of the spout of a kettle is impossible but that didn’t matter back in those days, we used to recite it with great joy.

Magic dumplings

Sometimes the cloot would be a pillow case because many dumplings were the size of a football and were so heavy only your mother was capable of lifting them. Dumplings also had magical properties. When children got a portion they would, after a bit of rummaging, inevitably find a coin wrapped up in grease proof paper … so exciting! For some reason, my father always got a button? A big dumpling would last our family a week … hot, cold, sliced, fried … or hot with custard, cold with custard, fried with custard. No, not that last one but you get my drift. Suffice to say that Michelle, who runs Clootie McToot, has taken it upon herself to resurrect clootie dumplings and introduce them to a brand new audience … well done her.

We were looked after by young lass, Daisy, who was forever polite and attentive. After some soup for lunch she offered us cheese scones or chocolate orange scones. You guessed it, Pat went for cheese whereas the chocolate orange just had to be done … living on the edge! When they arrived on our table the only way to describe them was “impressive”.

Finger licking

Mine had a dollop of chocolate sauce on top and Pat’s cheese scone was simply “huge”. The chef actually came out and apologised. He had left someone else in charge of portioning the scones that morning and they had ended up a bit bigger than they should have been. On the basis that they shouldn’t really be a meal in themselves we normally don’t like big scones but these were sooo good. The chocolate orange one tasted really chocolatey and orangey with a lovely texture and crunchy exterior. The chocolate splodge on top meant it all got a bit messy but absolutely ‘finger licking’ good. Pat said her scone was one of the best she had ever tasted even though she couldn’t eat it all. Topscones all round, yeah!

If ever we needed a Treaty?

A shackle in Abernethy — A shackle attached to the round tower … it actually fitted Pat’s neck

Events in Ukraine are disastrous for all concerned. Unimaginable for us quietly sitting here in Clootie McToot in a sleepy little village like Abernethy. Having said that, Abernethy was not always like this … once it was the “capital” of the kingdom of the Picts. The round tower you see in the picture, just outside Clootie McToot’s door, is only one of two in Scotland. It dates from the 11th century. The Treaty of Abernethy, signed here in 1072, between Malcolm III, King of Scotland and William the Conqueror, actually secured an uneasy peace between England and Scotland that lasted more than a week! If we could get Vladimir Putin and Volodymyr Zelenskyy to come to Abernethy maybe they would sign another treaty? Dumpling incentives could be involved?

Aqua vitae

Decorative pillar at Clootie McToot, Abernethy — decorated metal pillar

They have quite a range of dumplings for sale so we are now the proud owners of a Clootie McToot cherry, date & Lindores aqua vitae dumpling. It’s delicious! The aqua vitae comes from the local Lindores distillery which opened its modern facility in 2017 but whisky has been distilled on the site since 1494. Clootie McToot also have dumpling kits and dumpling classes. So you, dear reader, have no excuse.

PH2 9JB. tel: 01738 850795 Clootie

///aims.essential.unto

Scones, Top

Tilly Tearoom

3rd March 2022 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

It’s a week since our last post at Another Tilly Tearoom and here we are now at the original Tilly Tearoom in Tillicoultry. It’s also been a week since the start of the war in Ukraine. What a week of absolute horror but it has also showcased the best and worst of humanity! It’s embarrassing that we seem to be so helpless in the face of such unprovoked Russian aggression and the UK’s mean spirited attitude to refugees is even more embarrassing. The Little Englanders seem to think that these people actually want to come here? They don’t, and the few that do will undoubtedly return to their homeland just as soon as they safely can. Poland and the rest of the EU are putting the UK to shame! But honestly, what can we expect when so many of our MPs are funded with Russian money?

Size doesn’t matter

Anyway, we also experienced the best of humanity in another area completely. Yes, in this place, Tilly Tearoom. If we had decided to do both of these tearooms we should probably have started with this one , however, given that we didn’t know that either existed you will just have to put up with them in the wrong order. This place is obviously similar to Another Tilly Tearoom but is even smaller. There’s nothing fancy, just simple food served by friendly, enthusiastic staff.

A delight

Laura was looking after us and she represented humanity at its best … young, pretty, enthusiastic and oozing kindness. I had to ask her what colour her hair was because I couldn’t quite place it. Pointing at her head, she said “my original colour, or this?” I said ‘this“, to which she replied “well, I’m actually blonde but I had too much time on my hands during Covid so this is Flamingo Pink“. Of course it was. Her eyelashes were so long, one careless flutter could have blown the froth off our coffees! She was a delight!

After some lunch she offered us a plain scone but “there’s one banoffee (banana and toffee) scone left if you would like that?” We were sharing … I wanted the banoffee but Pat wanted plain. So plain it was … it’s good to know your place! It came with generous portions of jam and cream. Once again Pat had the top half and I had the bottom. It was lovely and we didn’t hesitate to award a topscone. In 2019, the Tilly Tearoom won an award as the Most Welcoming Café of the Year and we can easily understand why. When we were leaving we told Laura that the scone was the best we had had since we were at Another Tilly tearoom. She promptly asked “which was best?“, oh gosh, talk about being put on the spot?

Daring do

External view of Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry — Tilly tearoom with the Ochil hills in the distance

Every time I’m in Tillycoultry I think back to the the Great Tin Tray Championships of 1967. A small group of us climbed the grassy slopes of the Ochil hills that provide a backdrop to the town. We were all carrying tin beer trays. Mine was a black and gold Guinness tray, built for speed. The idea was to see who would be fastest to the bottom while sitting on the tray. Suffice to say that this side of the Ochil hills is entirely friction free. We were back at the bottom in seconds having experienced a completely uncontrolled hair raising ride. No idea who won but we all survived. Those were the days!

Make tae not war sign at Tilly Tearoom, Tillicoultry — This sign in the Tilly Tearoom makes perfect sense

The pictures of Mad Vlad sitting at one end of a table with his generals sitting about half a mile away at the the other end, speaks volumes. He is unhinged to put it politely. But, with a fair wind, this should be the end for Putin!

It’s easy to feel pessimistic with everything going on in Ukraine so it seems slightly absurd to be talking about scones in such circumstances. However, as long as we have people like Volodymyr Zelenskyy and she of the Flamingo Pink hair in Tilly tearoom, there’s hope.

FK13 6DP tel: 01259 752642. Tilly Tearoom

///weary.evidently.cocoons

ps: as we were leaving a small boy was tucking into the one and only banoffee scone. Annoyingly, he looked as if he was really enjoying it!

Scones, history and a dollop of politics

Monthly Archives: March 2022