Our target eaterie today turned us away; we hadn’t booked … argh!  Nothing else for it but to keep moving and see where we ended up.  It never crossed our minds that it might be Castlecary Hotel. Many moons ago we used to visit here quite a lot for evening meals. It was only a twenty-minute drive away, it was small and friendly, and, most importantly, they didn’t seem to mind three small children running around the place. It became quite a valuable asset. That was many years ago. Today, with lots of extensions and additional buildings it’s much bigger.

When we pulled into the car park, there seemed to be floods of people going in. It would be just our luck to get turned away from here as well! When we went in, however, apart from some staff, we were the only ones there.  We asked where all the people we had seen outside had gone. The young girl looking after us happily explained that today they had a football function for 120 people, another function for 100, two birthday parties and a retirement celebration all going on simultaneously … wow! And yet we seemed to be the only ones here in this part of the hotel.

Mind you, it has always been a popular meeting place. The Roman  Antonine Wall passes through the village, and in 80 AD, Agricola built a fort here housing about five hundred men. Catering to their supposed predilection for dining on flamingo tongues and ostrich brains would have been tricky in Castlecary at that time, or indeed anytime.. Nowadays, the village has a canal, the M80 motorway and Wardpark Studios where Outlander is filmed, all within a few hundred yards. No wonder the hotel is busy.

Leftovers?

Coffee wasn’t a problem, but none of the staff seemed to know if they had scones. They would have to go and find out.  Odd, how can they not know? While we waited, we perused the wine menu and came across a new word: DE-ALCOHOLISED.  We’ve come across LOW ALCOHOL and NO- ALCOHOL wine, but this was a new one on us. Odd, but not as odd as when they simply appeared with a couple of scones on a plate. Just two scones on a plate, no cutlery, no napkins, just two scones. No one had taken an order; they simply assumed that this was what we wanted.  They also assumed that we couldn’t be bothered to assemble the scones ourselves; they came preloaded.  What’s more, they came preloaded the wrong way, cream first! Mon dieu, could this be happening or would we wake up?  On top of all this, the scones were decidedly unfresh, probably leftovers from some other function.  

There were no redeeming features to these scones. Indeed, they struggled to make it into our “ordinary scone” category, but we don’t have anything lower. When we settled our bill, they only charged a total of £7, so we suspect they didn’t charge us for the scones. 

Money well spent??

Our visit was odd but enjoyable nevertheless. It didn’t really matter about the scones, we only get them so that we can write these posts.  As we sat there drinking our very good Ringtons coffee, we were treated to a stream of folk passing through from the other functions. People watching emphasises the fact that although we are all the same, we are also all individuals. Some of the outfits had to be seen to be believed. Our Prime Minister has announced that he is preparing the UK for the future. Apparently, that means spending many  £billions on creating the means to destroy our fellow human beings. Another ten nuclear submarines presumably means that we also need the means to destroy the entire planet as well. Just think what else that money could be spent on? Fresh scones?

G68 0HD             tel: 01324 840233              Castlecary Hotel

///practical.ground.surely