Tag Archives: EU

Claridge’s

25th February 2016 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

You know you are at Claridge’s when, to get across the street, you have to negotiate your way through loads of Bentleys and Aston Martins. Then, when you get to reception you have to decide between an ordinary room at £550 per night, or a suite .. dilemma! Eventually we thought a £3,500 suite would be comfortable enough for one night. Then we discovered that breakfast was going to be an additional £80 … arrgghh. And everything had been going so well.

The Scot in us suddenly came racing to the fore and, you guessed it, we ended up just going for a scone. Not just any old scone, mind you, a full afternoon tea in the form of a much anticipated present from a couple of thoughtful and generous readers .. hint, hint.

Hen’s teeth

Diligent readers will have noted that over the last few months, topscone awards have been as rare as hen’s teeth, so we were feeling pretty excited and confident. If hen’s teeth were going to be found anywhere, it would be here.

Excitement is not something that Claridge’s does. The atmosphere, in the rather splendiferous 1930’s art deco Foyer, is one of intense calm. Disturbed only by the soft sounds of the pianist and cellist playing selections from Beethoven and Bublé. Pat always blends effortlessly into such luxurious surroundings – a sign of good breeding no doubt. Whereas I tend to feel more comfortable towards the greasy spoon end of the market.

Cannot believe I have just mentioned a greasy spoon in this context. If such an item was found here some member of staff would immediately be taken out and unceremoniously shot. As serious sconeys, however, whose sole raison d’être is to inform our readers about scones at all levels, we felt it had to be done. Regardless of personal sacrifice. The menu will give you an flavour of what had to be endured.

Pièce de résistance

here’s no doubt that these sandwiches, helped down with lashings of champagne, were probably the best we have ever tasted. Superb, we ate every last crumb. The glaringly empty plate prompted them to ask if we would like more. Of course, we had to conserve some space for the pièce de résistance .. the scones. We politely declined.

Iron Goddess

Before that we had to choose from a couple of dozen teas from around the world. Pat plumped on China White Peony with ‘hints of peach and apricot‘ and I went for the Iron Goddess Of Mercy, a gentle flavoured oolong which is high in caffeine and recommended as ‘the perfect afternoon pick-me-up‘. Ideal for me after having been awake all morning.

Tea for enemies

The tea comes served in teapots that only hold one cup. When you want more they go and get more hot water and each infusion is supposed to improve each time. We were told by our Chinese waitress. ‘The first cup is for your enemies, the second cup for your wife and the third cup is for yourself’. Just as well we were both drinking different teas as I’m pretty sure Pat would not have been happy being given the second cup. The scones! Apparently ‘Claridge’s scone recipe is a timeless classic refined over generations‘. They have ‘a soft yielding texture and a colour of warm white gold‘ and are served with Cornish clotted cream and tea scented Marco Polo gelée … ‘the perfect complement to the scone‘. Nothing as common as jam here!

Malawi Antler

They were not far wrong, it was all excellent. However, rather than being the clear and easy decision we had expected, we had to deliberate for a bit on whether they qualified as topscones or not? The presentation of course was excellent but the scones themselves were not quite up to Fonab standards. Of course Fonab is top of the tree so the answer was yes, phew! Because we are unlikely to be taking tea here again any time soon, for my final cup I changed to the Malawi Antler. A tea which is ‘unspeakably rare’ and in the UK can only be found at Claridge’s. It had to be done. It was very nice. Though the antlers (tea shoots instead of leaves) which ‘wonderfully express the earth of Malawi’ was a bit lost on my decidedly uneducated palette.

Fudge

The rest of the afternoon was taken up with cake scoffing, and generally watching the world go by. What a fabulous way to spend the day. Many many thanks to our very generous benefactors. Before we left this cocoon of peace and calm our waiter rushed off to get us a present. Two little boxes of Claridge’s fudge. Judging by his performance over the ‘new deal’ and the EU referendum we think Cameron has been given several mega boxes.

W1K 4HR tel: 020 7629 8860 Claridges

english, Ordinary

Maison Blanc

27th January 2016 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

This post sees us back in the nether regions of the UK visiting family. London, or Barnes to be more precise. It’s a very pleasant area with lots of parks and a great network of paths that mean you don’t have to walk near busy roads very often. You do, however, need to be mindful of over-enthusiastic joggers and cyclists. Sometimes seems like nobody just walks.

We walk though. On this occasion our walk took us across the Thames at Barnes Bridge to Chiswick and one of our favourite antique shops, the Old Cinema. One of Chiswick’s rather dubious claims to fame is that it was the first place in Britain to be hit by a German V-I (doodlebug) rocket bomb. The Old Cinema hasn’t been a cinema since the 30s but obviously survived the doodlebugs because the building has now been utilised as a centre for somewhat quirky up-cycled antiques.

Price tags

Browsing was definitely the order of the day however since most of the price tags would have to be considerably downsized to match our rather tight Scottish pockets. Strangely, after a pleasant hour or so rummaging, we became subject to a mysterious and irresistible force that pulled us out and around the corner onto Turnham Green Terrace and this place, Maison Blanc. A little bit of France.

A self-styled ‘artisan bakery renowned for its speciality breads, freshly baked pastries, world famous cakes and pâtisserie – all handmade to perfection’. It also boasts of it’s ‘viennoiserie’. That’s ‘croissants’ to you and me. Apparently they also have a joie-de vie attitude and believe that life should be enjoyed one delicate macaroon at a time.

But we British know the French rather well, don’t we? Compulsive seducers, lazy, speak only French, drive like Italians. So, with all their haut cuisine and everything, the big question was, would they be up to making a decent scone? Almost, the scones had scrubbed up quite well. Nicely shaped with a glossy bronzed finish and nicely presented with a tub of Cornish clotted cream. And a pot of jam of a somewhat indeterminate nature. The more attentive amongst you may have noticed that we have not given a topscone award for some considerable time so we were hoping that this might be our chance, because we do like to give them out. It wasn’t to be. The rather odd jam, the prepackaged cream, the scone itself, although enjoyable enough the combination was just not right, pity.

Blues

On a slightly different tack! We almost never comment on the omni-present piped music because it is almost always awful, but this was an exception. No Piaf, just the right volume, and a mixture of Howling’ Wolf, John Lee Hooker and Billie Holiday .. perfecto!

At the end of Turnham Green Terrace there is a statue of William Hogarth the famous painter who lived locally until his death in 1764. Although a renowned portraitist he is probably best know for his satirical works. What would he make of things if he was alive today? Trickle up economics, uppity Arabs, uppity Americans, uppity Scots; looming EU collapse, looming financial meltdown.

The untouchables

Goodness knows why people are surprised by talk of a meltdown when nothing has changed since the 2008 crash. Untouchable bankers still gambling with our money. Hogarth would have been in his element! In his heyday he always had something to say about the French. Probably not about their scone making abilities … or the lack of them. Are we the first? Doivent faire plus d’efforts!

W4 1QP tel: 020 8995 7220 Maison Blanc Chiswick

self-service

The Scottish Parliament

11th December 2015 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well, well, well, look where we are. Once you have endured the airport style security this is quite a pleasant building to be in. Not grand and imposing like it’s southern counterpart, but friendly and, even with the slightly austere design, welcoming. It’s very much a talking shop, rather than a coffee shop (is there a difference). Although we have been here several times before it has never been when the Parliament has been in session. The hope was that today was to be one of glorious enlightenment .. and maybe a scone.

But, for the moment, never mind the controversies raging in the debating chamber, the entire history of the Scottish Parliament is highly controversial. In spite of the very British illusion of democracy embedded in the ‘Mother of Parliaments’ and all that, almost thirty years ago the EU found the UK to be one of the most undemocratic states in the EU. As a result the European Commission forced devolution on John Major’s government to try and create more localised accountability. Major hated the whole idea but was perhaps fortunate in being deposed and able to hand on the poisoned chalice to Tony Blair. He hated it just as much, if not more.

In fact he hated it so much that on the eve of the inauguration of the Scottish Parliament he secretly redrew the border between Scotland and England. It meant that the ownership of seven North Sea oil fields were transferred to England with consequentially dramatic effects on each country’s GDP figures. Presumably it was in case the Scots got a bit above themselves.

Controversy also followed the construction program with an eventual cost overrun of almost £400m .. ouch!!

Designed by a Catalan architect, Enric Miralles, it has been described it as “a Celtic-Spanish cocktail to blow both minds and budgets. It doesn’t play safe, energetically mining a new seam of National Romanticism refined and reinterpreted for the twenty-first century”. Whatever, we rather like it.
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Rapprochement

The debating chamber is built above the public areas to remind those in it that they are only there at the behest of those below them. Not sure that bit is working too well but the theory is good. We already know that the First Minister is a dab hand at making scones but if the 129 MSPs had anything to do with the scones in the tearoom, there must have been some sort of cross party rapprochement. They were not too bad .. nowhere near topscone but quite good all the same. Pre-packaged jam; butter a bit too hard; on the expensive side for self-service. Perhaps a scone designed by a committee?

We listened with interest to a session in the chamber but much of it was fairly opaque. A plethora of acronyms, can make it difficult to follow proceedings if you are not familiar with each and every one. Nevertheless we did find it an enlightening experience and it was good to see it all in full flow.

Searching for democracy

You would think that with the formation of the Scottish Parliament that the UK democracy issue would have dramatically improved. It hasn’t. If anything this place is akin to a sticking plaster. Recently, 97% of Scottish MPs voted against bombing Syria, but you all know what happened there. There are countless examples like this; nuclear weapons; the EU; trade union laws; the Scotland Bill; human rights; tax credits, where the Scottish voice matters not a jot. If you live in Scotland it is almost pointless voting. Any system where one set of MPs is outnumbered 12 to 1 is self evidently flawed and certainly not geared to Scotland’s best interests.

If Scotland were not in a union with England and the top 100 UK secondhand car salesmen were given the task of selling the current union deal to the Scottish electorate they would not have a snowball’s. On top of all this the current government is intent on reducing our democracy even further. Chipping away at trade unions and eroding our human rights. They might as well be open about it and hand the whole thing over to the corporates and banksters who actually run everything at the moment. It’s enough to make you choke on your committee scone!

EH99 1SP tel: 0131 348 5200 The Scottish Parliament

Ordinary, Scones

JamJar Café

11th May 2015 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Bridge of Allan is the kind of Belgravia of central Scotland. A favourite hangout for the well off to live and play so there are lots of hotels, cafés, bars etc. Today we decided to stop off at the JamJar Café. A nice day though not quite warm enough to sit outside on their pavement patio area. Inside though it is toasty no matter what the weather. A couple of big log burning stoves blazing away all day. It has the atmosphere of a well run but relaxed bistro and you can get pretty much anything you want from Sunday lunch to a snack.

Needless to say we were after the scones so I got my usual fruit one and Pat got a savoury cheese one. Since our last post, of course, the election has come and gone .. and what an election. The media are having a field day trying to figure out what happened with the loss of three party leaders within as many hours. Scotland, typically some might say, has gone off on its own in a direction almost diametrically opposed to England. It managed to get PoshDave returned with an overall majority thus proving that polls are not worth the paper they are written on.

Again typically, Scotland seems to be getting blamed for all the ensuing problems. Bringing down Labour , bringing down LibDems and, for all I know, bringing down UKIP. Though I’m not sure that could actually be classified as a problem. NastyNige bleating on about his 4 million votes being worth only one seat whereas the SNP’s 1.5 million votes gets them 56 seats. Of course, conveniently forgetting that the SNP only stood in 59 seats compared to over 600 for UKIP.

Statistics

However, the most interesting statistic to emerge was the one that determined that if every single voter in Scotland had voted Labour (or any other party) it would not have made the slightest difference to the result. That for me encapsulates ‘the Scottish problem’. When it comes to voting, Scotland may as well not bother. Except maybe this time with virtually the whole country turning yellow, it might be different. Emphasis on ‘might’.

Anyway PoshDave and his classmates can pretty well do as they want now but I suspect that most of England will not be happy with the results. That, along with the EU, the Union, and him being unpopular within his own party, may turn out to be the least of his problems. “He’s gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside his sole” as Christina Perri would say. It will be fascinating to see how it all pans out.

Meanwhile the scones in the JamJar Café were consumed with varying degrees of indifference. Pat didn’t finish her cheese one and although I finished both of mine (I got two because they said that they were a little bit small but they probably just wanted rid of them) it was only because I was peckish. They did not seem fresh and certainly not produced on the day.

Daughters of Bridge of Allan

Everything else looks good in the JamJar, and it’s busy so they are obviously not depending on their scones. On the plus side log burning stoves are great. The service was efficient if not overly friendly. The daughters of Bridge of Allan are probably forced to work here so they can experience ‘the real world’. No passwords for the wifi, it is just there, brill! So why is the website so useless?

FK9 4HR tel: 01786 831616 www.jamjarcafe.co.uk

Homemade, Ordinary, Scones

Nicola Sturgeon

28th April 2015 billpaterson1@me.com

Now you all know that this is not a blog about politics, although a wee bit might creep in from time to time. However, we could not resist putting this one up. She has been called the most dangerous person in the UK by the media. A voracious weevil by London’s mayor. The most ruthless person in Britain (she cut her sister’s doll’s hair) and many other derogatory things besides. She has also been called the most accomplished politician in the UK. And has managed to make the most tweeted enquiry ‘can I vote for the SNP in England’. Quite extraordinary!

If all of this was not enough .. she makes scones. Okay it was a photo opportunity in Kilmarnock. However, as dedicated sconeys she definitely gets our vote, along with 51% of other Scots according to the newspapers. Maybe that should be the test for who next occupies No 10 .. the best scone? Instead of leaders debates where they all stand in a line and talk over each other they could have a bake-off. Whoever makes the best scone wins.

Breaking up

To be honest, they might as well, rather than coming up with ever more promises they have not got a hope in hell of keeping. Scotland, along with it’s First Minister is being called all sorts of things … mostly uncomplimentary. Even this close to the election they don’t seem to realise that Scotland is not being difficult just for the hell of it. It’s because we are utterly fed up with Westminster politics where Scotland’s voice is almost never heard. The SNP does not want to ‘break up’ the UK, they just want to leave it. In much the same way as the Unionists are saying they want to leave the EU. These scones look good, pity we did not get to test them.

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Milk Barn

1st April 2015 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Well here we are at The Milk Barn on the south side of Falkirk on a dull chilly day. The upcoming General Election has well and truly kicked off with all parties promising more scones tomorrow. Main issues seem to be: 1. should banker type folk get more cream on their jammy scones 2. should ordinary folk (i.e. not bankers), get any jam 3. is the EU meddling with our scones 4. should folks north of the border be allowed to call their scones Scottish instead of British.

Appealing MPs

Being Scottish the last one is of particular interest because once again the main unionist parties are demonstrating their complete lack of comprehension of what Scotland and its scones are about and in so doing seem to risk the Union itself. From a sconologist point of view, the unionist parties should really be promoting United Bakeries, who make brilliant scones. Unfortunately they are in Norway .. which isn’t even in the EU. So maybe not. Interesting though that all MPs are effectively sacked and then have to win back their jobs by appealing to us folk. Not only with scones, but probably with jam and cream as well. It will be an interesting few weeks.

The Milk Barn is a great bit of diversification by the Reid family who run Glen Farm. It’s probably not the sort of place to go if you don’t have children. The noise levels can be pretty high. On the other hand if you do have children it is a must do destination. There’s a great play area inside for smaller kids. An adventure playground outside for the bigger ones. A large grassed area for playing football. A fab ice cream parlour where you can watch it actually being made.

Fibreglass cows

You can even milk Glenda the life-size fibreglass cow! So great fun if you are looking for the kids to be entertained while you try and sneak in a quiet cup of tea and, of course, a scone.
The scones are home baked and although mine was an odd shape it tasted fine and butter and jam were provided free. Oh, and fab strawberry tarts

The place is busy most of the time. However, although the staff were run of their feet they still managed to be smiley and friendly .. well done.

FK1 3AA tel: 01324 630703 Milk Barn

Scones, history and a dollop of politics