The point of today was to catch up with our Bathurst correspondents. We haven’t seen then since 2019 but they are over from Australia visiting their daughter and her family in St Andrews. This trusty pair have been responsible for much of our sconological knowledge of New South Wales with posts from Myrtle House, the Blue Wren Bush Cafe, Clancy’s Cafe and many more. Typically, they arrived on bikes for our meeting at Rufflets Hotel in Fife.
Rendezvous with our Bathurst correspondents at Rufflets
It was fantastic to find them in good form and catch up on all their news. After a great chat, all too soon, we had to bid them farewell. We decided to try and find nearby Kingsbarns Distillery.
Crest of Clan Wemyss
This is definitely golf country. Thousands of golfers from all over the world make the pilgrimage to St Andrews, where it all started. It’s just seven miles away from Kingsbarns. It was a former golf caddie, Douglas Clement, who realised that golfers also loved the amber nectar but there was no handy distillery for them to visit. He decided that a disused building in Kingsbarns would be ideal. After a shaky start bogged down in financial woes, the Wemyss family (pronounced Weems), who live nearby in Wemyss Castle, came to the rescue. The distillery eventually opened in 2014. Kingsbarns got its name in 1519 when the barns here supplied the royal palaces at Falkland and Crail.
Good deals
When we arrived it was very busy with German and French tourists but it soon settled down when their buses left. The cafe is light and airy and they had scones – plain, fruit and cheese. You could get a bowl of soup packaged with a cheese scone so we went for that. We were going to share the cheese scone and then share a fruit scone with our tea later. The lady serving us said she would put it through as two soup/ scones because that would be cheaper for us … how thoughtful! We thoroughly enjoyed everything although they don’t have a kitchen so everything has to be brought in from external bakers Fisher & Donaldson in St Andrews.
Doves and pigeons
Not a topscone but it’s great to see yet another new distillery trying to cater to the seemingly insatiable global demand for Scotch. Biggest market last year was France with India not far behind. Third was the US … come on guys, we thought it was “America first”. We did our bit by buying a bottle of Kingsbarns Doocot whisky as well as a bottle of their Darnley’s gin. A ‘doocot’ (part of a building housing doves and pigeons) forms part of the distillery building.
the back of the clubhouse on Kingsbarns Golf Links
We had been advised to go and visit Kingsbarns beach. Thinking it was simply a matter of walking towards the sea we inadvertently ended up trudging through Kingsbarns Gold Links. It’s a famous course which has hosted many major tournaments … the helipad was a bit of a giveaway! Goodness, if we had known we wouldn’t have bothered with the car! Golf has been played here since 1793 and the 12th hole is a 606 yard monster. I only played golf as a youth. That was because I was too immature to realise it was a huge waste of time. Mind you, much of my golfing career was spent in the bushes looking for my ball.
We did eventually make it to the beach which stretches as far as the eye can see in both directions. However, the weather today was coming in from Greenland and wasn’t too conducive to building sand castles.
Contentment
On the way home we paid a visit to Crail which was as quaint as ever.
Crail harbour
People in the Kingdom of Fife are an independent lot and quite content with their lot. Once, when a Fife man was asked if he had ever been abroad, responded with “I once knew a man who had been to Crail“. Maybe we should all try to be a bit more content like that man from Fife and not be surprised when other people from Sudan and elsewhere want to see if they can find contentment.
It has been another great day. We are sooo lucky to live in Scotland with all this stuff on our doorstep! The Doocot is lovely, by the way, light with a hint of pepperiness … a good breakfast whisky, cheers!
The Pier Cafe in Stronachlacher is one our Trossachs correspondents favourite haunts and the last time we were here we were with them. Not today, though, they are sunning themselves in Spain. However, diligent, as ever, they have just sent a report from the Lemon Tree in Mijas which they last reviewed in 2019.
The Lemon Tree Cafe, Andalusia
In their own words “Greetings from Mijas. The Lemon Tree is still here maintaining a good standard with Scones,Jam and Clotted Cream. As on previous trips this is so far the only source for scones that we have discovered in Andalucia. The search continues“. Now that’s dedication … all that way just to check a scone!
Looking over to Factor’s Island with the trees. Rob Roy MacGregor imprisoned the Duke of Montrose’s factor here when the Duke confiscated the MacGregor lands as punishment for not supporting the Act of Union in 1707
Meanwhile, Stronachlacher is also basking in sunshine though probably not as warm as Mijas. The Pier Café is sometimes described as Scotlands most picturesque cafe and it’s easy to see why. The views over Loch Katrine are superb. To get here requires an eleven mile drive over a single track dead end road. The road ends at Stronachlacher. You pass Loch Ard, Loch Chon and Loch Arklet on the way so it isn’t any kind of hardship on a day like today. You can, however, get here by bicycle or take one of the cruise boats from the other end of the loch.
Small world
We were here with one of our neighbours who thoroughly enjoyed the drive and, of course, we were all looking forward to some lunch. The cafe has always been great but it is now under new management so it was going to interesting. No worries it was all delicious. The fruit scones we had to finish were delicious as well. They had been warmed and came with raspberry jam and little cubes of butter. No cream, so not quite a topscone but a very good effort. We were served by a super friendly lady from Kinlochard who actually knew our Trossachs correspondents. We didn’t dare tell her they were eating someone else’s scones in Spain.
As we were about to leave we could see the Lady of the Lake approaching the pier. Myself and our neighbour had positioned ourselves near the railings to watch proceedings when a freak wave came over and soaked us both. We were both absolutely drenched! A situation, which wasn’t helped in the slightest by the hysterical laughter coming from Pat and everyone else watching.
Judgement
You know how sometimes you just can’t take to someone. You don’t really know them but for some reason, which you can’t quite put a finger on, you just don’t like them. For us, Dominic Raab, the former deputy Prime Minister, was one such person. Why Rishi Sunak appointed him in the first place is beyond comprehension. Now he has resigned following a report into his unacceptable behaviour towards his staff and others. Typically, perhaps, he hasn’t gone gracefully. It must be galling for these guys, however, when the seat at your desk isn’t even cold before someone else is sitting in it. Disposable politicians!
R.I.P
And we have just heard that Sir Les Patterson has died. Now there was a diplomat if ever there was one! We can only imagine what he would have had to say about people, like Dominic Raab who take themselves so seriously.
ps: Just as we were congratulating our Trossachs correspondents on their dedication we received a note from our Texas correspondents in Corpus Christi. They said “A top scone, known here in Texas as a biscuit, butter from Kansas and jam from Ohio!”. Honestly, what is wrong with Americans? They can’t call things by their proper names, they can’t spell things correctly, they can’t drive on the correct side of the road, we could go on. 😀Hopefully some American readers will get in touch to tell us what is wrong with them!
It’s another day on Shetland and this time we are heading north west to a large peninsular area called Northmavine. There’s not a lot of cafes and restaurants up there and we had been told that the Braewick cafe still hadn’t opened for the summer. We would go anyway. In spite of what you might think we don’t have one track scone minds.
The spoils of oil
One thing you do notice when you arrive in Shetland is the roads. They are fantastic! Even single track roads going to settlements of five or six houses are as smooth as the proverbial baby’s bum. Don’t think we have ever come across a single pothole. When the oil boom started in the 1960s and 70s, Shetlanders were smart enough to know they could extract money from the oil companies for the use of their islands. The huge Sullom Voe Oil Terminal became operational around 1980 and a consortium of companies had to pay into the Shetland Oil Fund. It was used to benefit the community in all sorts of ways, the roads are just one example.
Directly across the water from here lies Norway and if you ask any Norwegian where their oil riches have gone, they would know exactly. They have the biggest Wealth Fund in the world in which everyone shares. If you were to ask the same question in the UK you would just get a blank stare.
Spoils of oil spoiled
It has all been frittered away on vanity projects in the south of England and to further line the pockets of the wealthy. The M25, the Channel Tunnel, Crossrail and now the greatest waste of money ever, the £130billion HS2 rail link … we could go on. None of it benefits Scotland and no one in Scotland would be able to point to anything apart from jobs that have resulted from oil. Margaret Thatcher used North Sea oil funds to fight the unions and destroy all of Scotland’s manufacturing industries … not a happy story. Anyway, well done Shetland for getting some tangible benefits.
Humour
Let’s head out to the wild Atlantic coast. To do that a number of people have said that the best place is Eschaness on the western extremity of Northmavine.
When we arrived in the biggest town, Hillswick, we wondered if there were any public toilets and were relieved to see this sign. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that they were ‘outside’ toilets, about eight of them. Shetland humour!
St Magnus Bay Hotel
There’s not much in Hillswick except the St Magnus Bay Hotel. It’s odd when you arrive at places like this and think it’s deserted. You go in and it’s absolutely mobbed. Everyone was having lunch. All fully booked unfortunately, so they could only offer us coffee.
The chap who owned the hotel regaled me with the trials and tribulations of running a place like this. Fuel prices are going through the roof and staff are hard to come by. He’s been contemplating a windmill to power the hotel. Capital expenditure is prohibitive and the strength of the winds in Hillswick mean that they would need constant and expensive maintenance. In such an out of the way place as this, we can hardly believe that it can be run successfully at all yet he has been doing it for many years. Hats off to him!
The drinking horse
Onwards we go with Eshaness in our sights this time. On our way we see the massive rock formation, Dore Holm.
Dore Holm, Shetland’s ‘drinking horse’ in what we regard as a windy day and again in what Shetlanders would regard as a windy day
The Braewick cafe is situated at Eshaness and guess what, it was open … yeah! It must be summer! It has a rather austere exterior and once again there didn’t seem to be anyone around. But that’s because, like the St Magnus, they were all inside
After some delicious lentil soup we set about the scone which we were sharing. It was a fruit scone of some sort but not in the usual way. There was fruit but we couldn’t quite tell what it was. The cream was scooshie and before long it was just water. The consistency was on the heavy side. Not the best scone we have ever had but probably not the worst. Heyho, it was nice just to be here and looking out at the view.
View of the Drongs sea stacs from the Braewick cafe
Far too late
The coastline here is dramatic and little wonder … it is exposed to the full force of the Atlantic. Nothing between here and North America! Apparently about 350 million years ago Shetland lay near the equator and had a tropical climate. We’re sorry we missed that! The cliffs we see today formed the side of what once was the Eshaness volcano. How do they know this? Well, apparently it’s all in the plain to see (to a geologist) lava layers laid down by the volcano after successive eruptions.
The Eshaness lighthouse was built in 1929, the last manned lighthouse built by the Stevenson family. It is built of concrete which all had to be brought in by pony and cart.
Eshaness is a holiday let if you really want get away from it all
Back to Lerwick after another great day and quiet night in. Tomorrow is another day.
After an action packed Up Helly Aa day at Busta House on Shetland we are continuing today by journeying south. We have three targets in mind: St Ninan’s Isle, Hoswick Visitor Centre and Sumburgh Head.
Tombola
It was a glorious day and our first stop was St Ninan’s Isle. Beaches don’t come much more beautiful than this! It is referred to as a tombola beach. We’ve read the explanation as to how these things get formed but we still don’t understand. Anyway this one is 500m long and allowed us to make our way over to the St Ninian’s chapel on the island itself. Remember our post from Hidden Treasure at Johnshaven, well they really did find treasure here. Fabulous Pictish brooches and other artefacts.
small stone 12th century church built on the foundations of an earlier Iron Age structure 800 BC to AD 400 … burial ground used for almost 2,000 years.
It turns out that St Ninan never visited this place … what? Okay, okay everyone knows that he actually lived on a roundabout in Stirling. This is a magical place and we had it all to ourselves, however, it was sconeless. It was getting to that time! We had to move on!
Knitwear
Hoswick was already on our radar because an acquaintance has a knitwear place there called Neilanell knitwear.
Niela runs a thriving knitwear business from here. And one size overall’s hanging out drying ready for Trump … or Putin
Unfortunately Neila was laid low at home but a very helpful young girl showed us all her fabulous hand knitted stuff. Get well soon Neila!
The Hoswick Visitor Centre was just a few feet away around the corner. As soon as we walked in we were welcomed by Betty Smith who wanted to show us everything in the shop part of the Centre. There were quite a few possibilities but we thought we should ponder over a scone first before making any impulse purchases. There was cheese and plain on offer. Cheese was the winner. Sophie makes them fresh every day. We just had it with butter and it was definitely the best cheese scone we have had in ages.
Having pondered on what to purchase I decide I would like a bow tie (it’s a long story). While Pat and Betty went off to select one I read up on the Hoswick Whale Case of 1888.
Hoswich bay as it is today and when it was covered in pilot whales in 1888
In 1888 the men and boys from this community drove ashore 300 whales, which were sold for £454. The people were facing starvation due to a failed fishing season and early snow resulting in disaster for the harvest. Typically, perhaps, the local landowner, John Bruce the Younger decided to claim what he regarded as his rightful share in spite of having done precisely nothing to help. A large court case followed which eventually found in favour of the laird. He got a third of everything … t’was ever thus!
Kindness
Pat and Betty had selected a lovely tweed bow tie but in the process of going round with Betty, Pat had let slip that today was a special day for me. Earlier, I had been presented me with a bottle of Muckle Flugga whisky. Highly recommended as a way to start the day.
Pat discovering that Shetland ponies love pan drops
Turned out Betty was going to be the same age as me in a couple of months … a mere sapling! Once again we were delighted by how friendly and welcoming everyone was. As we returned to our car Betty came after us waving frantically. She gave us a box containing a cheese and a plain scone … how nice is that? Lovely people!
Our last destination was Sumburgh Head. You can’t go any further south than this without ending up in the sea. It was quite something. With great difficulty I managed to get the car door open because of the wind. It was fierce. Very difficult to just stand still so watching the seabirds on the cliff edge was a definite no no!
At Sumburgh airport the main road crosses the main runway. They are very relaxed on Shetland. Pat got a bit excited, however, when I stopped to take a picture.
At night we went to No88 in Lerwick for a birthday dinner. What a night with more of the local people making us feel sooo welcome. There was much Muckle Flugga testing! It’s excellent but more testing is needed 😀
We’re on our way to the Northern Isles but have stopped off here at the Hidden Treasure Tearoom in Johnshaven. It’s off the main road going to Aberdeen but we’ve always wondered what it’s like when we’ve seen the direction signs. Today is the day.
Blackbeard
Johnshaven is an odd name and obviously we wanted to know who ‘John’ was. Turns out John Blackbeard was a famous 16th century pirate who was washed ashore here with lots of treasure after being shipwrecked. Unfortunately though, that’s all nonsense … we’ve just made it up. Nobody in Johnshaven has any idea how it got its name. Shame, they should just make something up … that’s what they do in Westminster.
Anyway, we thought the Hidden Treasure might lie in this tearoom. Maybe it would be a scone … exciting?
Before it became a tearoom it was used for boatbuilding.. The Sea Venture was the last to be built in the tearoom.
The postie
It’s a wonderfully friendly place and we were entertained the whole time. At one point an old worthy arrived on an invalid scooter which he parked at the door. The conversation with the girls behind the counter and several of the other customers went something like this. “Don’t forget the cheesecake, she loves the cheesecake and she thinks I make it myself. She’s pregnant now but it’s nothing to do with me!” one of the other customers contributed that someone else was pregnant as well. Eventually the consensus was “It must be the postman because he has a bike!”
This was the backdrop to our scone. It came with the jam of our choice and a fantastic bowl of cream, enough to do two or three scones. We thoroughly enjoyed everything about this place. Everyone was so friendly and chatty. The scone was a treasure! Not quite a topscone but really enjoyable.
The world is our lobster
Johnshaven is a tiny village but amazingly huge juggernauts come here every day to transport the lobster catch to Paris and Madrid. Who would have thought it. We went to the Lobster Shop and the chap in there, when he heard that Pat had never had lobster, insisted on her trying some of his. She loved it so it might be lobster from now on …. argh! Might need to go back out to work. We also got a fascinating insight in to their operation on the Isle of Luing. We know the island well but had no idea there was a massive lobster facility there.
Not exactly in the news loop any more but we gather that an arrest warrant has been issued for Vladamir Putin … not before time! Wouldn’t fancy being the arresting officer. And our Home Secretary, Suella Braverman is visiting Rwanda. Let’s hope she likes so much she decides to stay there … for ever!
Our short break at the Black Bull in Gartmore has come to an end. It’s been a lot of fun but today we have to head for home … boo! We decided, however to return by a different route and that’s how we came to end up at the Edenmill Café. What took us in the direction of Edenmill was a search for the Devil’s Pulpit. No one quite knew why we had heard of the Devil’s Pulpit except for a vague recollection that it featured in Outlander. It wasn’t easy to find!
Believable?
We should have known we were in the right area, however, because the landscape round here is dominated by the Whangie, a strange rock formation where, many years ago, we used to go for practice rock climbs if we could’t make it as far as Glencoe. Apparently the weird cleft in the rock was formed by Satan’s tail when he rushed round the mountain, late for a witch’s coven. Okay, okay, but let’s face it, if you believe Westminster’s story about Brexit being a wonderful success, you might as well believe this one too! In fact, it’s a lot more believable!
Sacrifices
Anyway, there were no direction signs whatsoever for the Devil’s Pulpit. It was almost as if we weren’t supposed to go there! Eventually we parked in a rough area beside some other cars and reckoned they would be trying to find it as well. All we knew was that it is was”over there somewhere.”
Danger of death
We headed off across a field and knew we must be getting close when we came across some sacrificial offerings hung high on a telegraph wire. No idea why so many trainers were strung up there but hopefully their owners hadn’t come to some dark satanic misfortune. Goodness, it was the devil’s own job trying to find this place. After wandering in all sorts of directions we eventually came on a path through a wood that looked promising. The Devil’s Pulpit is actually an extremely narrow 100ft deep gorge in Finnich Glen. There didn’t seem to be any way to access it that didn’t involve certain and immediate death.
Almost vertical slippery Devil’s Steps with only a rope (thick green string) to hang on to
A notice saying “Exploring Finnich Glen – Danger of Death or Serious Injury” didn’t really help! And when we did eventually find the ‘official’ access point, it didn’t look at all inviting. Not called the Devil’s Steps for nothing! We could hear the squeals of the youngsters who were half way down and thought that it might not be the best thing for old arthritic codgers like us. Just think of the humiliation having to be rescued … many have had exactly that experience!
it’s kind of magical if you can get down there … and back up!
Alpacas
We asked a teenager emerging back up the steps if there were any scones down there. The response was puzzled but negative so that sealed the deal. Enough adventuring, we were off to the Edenmill Café just a few miles further down the road!
Edenmill is huge and seems to do all sorts of things. There’s a butcher shop, a soft play area and a bunkhouse as well as the café. Pat wanted to go alpaca trekking but, in the end, the lure of the scones proved too much.
We placed our order then went outside to sit in the warm spring sunshine. Still feeling the effects of the Black Bull breakfast it was just some coffee and a fruit scone to share. No cream but it was presented with plenty of pre-packed jam and butter and it had nice crunchy exterior we like. We thoroughly enjoyed it but perhaps the sunshine and that feeling you get having narrowly cheated death was enhancing our experience. Maybe a slight exaggeration! Enjoyable but not quite a topscone! Haven’t had a topscone in ages!
Eventually we had to part company with our Trossachs correspondents and make our way back home. They have been brilliant company and now we feel much better acquainted with this part of the world. Look forward to doing it all again sometime.
ps: Apparently there is an upcoming £2million pound project to build a large car park, a café, visitor centre and easily accessed viewing platforms at the Devil’s Pulpit. Presumably to cater for all the Outlander fans. We’re happy to have seen it in its raw state.
Okay, we’re still staying at the Black Bull in Gartmore with our Trossachs correspondents. And, since we are in the Trossachs, we are relying on their local knowledge and expertise to guide us. That’s why you find us here, at the Kitchen Window in Killearn. It’s a beautiful little village, only a ten minute drive from where we are staying. And for some mysterious reason it has completely avoided us in the past. Even stranger, the village lies in the strath (valley) of the River Endrick, Strathendrick and Strathendrick is the name of our house.
View across Strathendrick with Killearn bottom left of centre
The first thing you notice as you drive into the village is an almighty obelisk. Turns out it’s dedicated to the memory of George Buchanan who was born here in 1506.
30m Buchanan Memorial
George may be the most famous person you have never heard of. Educated here in Killearn and in Paris, according to many he was “the most profound intellectual sixteenth century Scotland produced,” Mary Queen of Scots was once his pupil. A humanist and a poet, he campaigned against monarchy and corruption in the church. He believed that power should lie with the people. This, of course, landed him in all sorts of trouble with the people who actually had the power … and wanted to keep it that way. One of Glasgow’s main shopping streets, Buchanan Street, is named after him. We had always wondered who Buchanan of Buchanan Street was but now we know.
American constitution
Sounds like a guy ahead of his time but if he returned today, five centuries later, he would be surprised to find that there’s still plenty to campaign about. He was held in high regard and his advice on the responsibilities of leaders was sought while drawing up the American constitution. There’s much more we could tell you about George but just a few yards along the street lies the Kitchen Window cafe. Feeling guilty for never having heard of George we felt the least we could do was have a scone in his honour. Pathetic, we know!
Advice to leaders
The building that now houses the village hall used to be the Parish Church, built in 1826. Now it has a large ultra modern, all singing/dancing extension that houses The Kitchen Window cafe. It’s an impressive space and must be an invaluable asset for the community. We noticed the size of the scones so ordered one to share. Nothing pre-packed and foreign here. Unfortunately, they didn’t have cream but our scone came with a lovely pot of jam and a generous slab of butter. What’s not to like? Nothing really, it was all great but again it wasn’t quite a topscone. We feel sure that part of George Buchanan’s advice to leaders would be to experience the civilising influence of scones and afternoon tea as often as possible. The world might be a better place!
Tolls
Being introduced to Killearn, George Buchanan and the Kitchen Window has been a great experience. We’re indebted to our correspondents. And, joy of joys, we are happy to report that we drove through the village for free … yeah! On the opposite side of the street from the Kitchen Window was the old Toll House.
In 1844 it cost sixpence to drive through Killearn in your Barouche or your Diligence … or your Hearse?
Honestly, any connection between this and our previous post from Stirling Bull Sales is purely coincidental. We’re away for a few days to recuperate from the frantic days of retirement. In the depths of the Trossachs and Loch Lomond Country Park there is the little village of Gartmore and the Black Bull Inn where we’re hoping our Trossachs correspondents will join us.
A few years back the community bought the Inn in a bid to keep it open. They have done a great job so we like to support them whenever we can. Before we got to the Black Bull, however, we stopped off at the Benview Garden Centre. The cafe is called Macmillan’s Kitchen.
It was a beautiful day so we spent a wee while going round the plant area but soon it was scone time. The restaurant is a big friendly place with an eclectic mix of stuff for sale. However, having pre-booked dinner at the Black Bull we didn’t want to spoil our appetite. It was just a toasted sandwich and a scone … sharing both.
Stop off
We thoroughly enjoyed the sandwich and then it was on to the scone. No cream but it did come with Danish butter and some absolutely delicious jam. The scone was good as well. Quite big but with lots of fruit, just like a fruit scone should be. All in all MacMillans Kitchen was good but not quite good enough for a topscone award. Unfortunate, but a super place for a stop off. It was only a short distance to the Black Bull, our home for the next few days
View from Macmillans Kitchen
Salad days
When we arrived at the Black Bull we were greeted with this notice board advising us to have cocktails rather than a salad.
It’s ironic that nowadays it is almost impossible to make a salad because there’s hardly any of the ingredients in the shops. Where there once was supermarket shelves groaning with tomatoes, lettuce and fruit, now there are mostly empty shelves. Sometimes there are signs informing you that customers are limited to one or two tomatos. All sorts of things are blamed for this. As usual,Putin is the main culprit though just how he managed to steal all our fruit and veg is beyond our comprehension. Sometimes bad weather in Morocco is blamed?
One thing that’s never blamed is Brexit. Never mentioned by the government or the media in spite of there being no similar shortages in the EU. Very odd! Rather than mention the word, Brexit is now referred to as “pre referendum” or “post referendum”. Could it be that the current delicate UK/EU negotiations over the N.Ireland Protocol mean that the word “Brexit” has been outlawed?
“Stories never start with a salad” sounds like an absolute truism. Given we may not even be able to get a salad we will just have to do with cocktails. It’s Putin’s fault! Just as well our Trossachs correspondents have joined us!
This is “Dobbie’s revisited” because we first visited Dobbies Garden Centre back in 2017. It was big then but now it’s even bigger. Of course, it’s not so much a garden centre now, more a kind of general store where you can buy almost anything you can imagine. You can even sell your car here! They still sell plants though. Their cafe area seems to have got bigger as well … it’s massive! Last time we thought that their scones were too big, surely they wouldn’t have got bigger as well.
Tempting offer?
Before all that though, you are probably wondering why the title picture is of a bull rather than a garden centre. That’s because we had no intention of coming to Dobbies. I suspect that most male readers would not experience any resistance when they ask their wives if they would like to go to the sales. When I asked Pat that very question, she just looked disbelieving and sceptical. Okay, okay, I eventually had to divulge that I meant the bull sales in Stirling but sales are sales … yes/no? All I can say is that she managed to contain her excitement really well!
Stirling Auction Mart has a vast car park however when we got to the roundabout on the main road that leads to the mart it was blocked by a couple of guys in hi-vis jackets telling us we would have to park elsewhere … the car park was full … argh! No parking on the main road so the nearest alternative was Dobbies and then walk back the quarter of a mile or so.
Guineas
We weren’t in the market for a bull. Especially since we would now have to walk it all the way back to the car. The conduct of the auction is a model of efficiency. Immediately after the ‘sold’ bull leaves the ring another simultaneously enters through a different gate. It is continuous. And, although they are all being sold no one seemed to be bidding. It takes a wee while to get your eye in and spot what is going on. One farmer just bid with a tiny flick of his little finger. All bids are in guineas. Why make it simple? It’s tradition!
Size is everything
There were 132 Simmental bulls being sold in our auction. The name and age in months and days of each animal goes up on a large LED screen. The program has lots of other details like height, weight and scrotal size … a bit personal!
This big fella went for £30,000
After a while we took a break and went to get a coffee in the cafe. No frills and everything served in farmer sized portions but no scones. I asked a farmer sitting beside us to explain why the age of each bull was so exact. He explained that each animal is given a unique ear tag at birth so everyone knows all about it. I asked if the age was particularly critical since they mostly seemed to be within a year of each other. He said it was important because whereas the younger bulls can manage around twenty females, the older ones can manage about forty. I didn’t know whether to feel impressed or totally inadequate.
No jam or cream
we resisted the fully loaded scones
We decide to leave before they started on the Charolais bull sale that followed. Even although the auctioneer assured us that some of the bulls were real bargains we left empty handed and that might be the first sale Pat has been to without buying anything. Of course going back to Dobbies to retrieve the car meant that we had to go in and check out their scones. Back in 2017 we had a cherry and coconut scone which did not impress. This time it was to be treacle for me and an empire biscuit for Pat. At least my scone was a good bit smaller than how we remembered them here, so that was a relief. Pat kindly decorated mine with the green jelly thingy from her biscuit. A long time since I’ve had a treacle scone and this one was really good. No jam or cream required, just some butter. A great day out and Pat was feeling spoiled … a sale and an empire biscuit!
Dobbies is older than we thought
Testosterone
With Nicola Sturgeon stepping down, Scottish politics is in a bit of a turmoil. The contest is between Humza Yousaf and Kate Forbes. Another female leader would be good since, particularly after the bull sales, there always seems to be too much testosterone floating around world politics. However the debate has become mired in religion and LGBT rights. Hopefully the arguments are not going to be about that … there are bigger things to worry about
The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland. It’s a symbol of purity as well as being proud and untameable. Sounds about right! If you are very lucky you might see unicorns anywhere in Scotland but one of the best places to see them is Stirling Castle. It even has a Unicorn Cafe!
Argyles
Before we went to the cafe we visited the Regimental Museum of the Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders – the much feared ‘men in skirts’. The castle is the spiritual home of the regiment which was formed in 1881 and then amalgamated into the Royal Regiment of Scotland in 2006. We spent some time going round and reading about all the battles in which they’ve been involved all over the world. At the end, however, we were left with the overriding impression that Britain has stuck its nose into all sorts of places where it really wasn’t welcome. Many thousands of soldier’s lives were sacrificed in the name of King and country but in reality the end game was always the same … maintaining the power of those at the top of British society … and enhancing their wealth.
In spite of us humans being pretty spectacular in so many ways in other ways we’re absolutely awful. Considering our time on earth is but a fleeting moment you would think that there would better things to do with these moments than simply killing other people just like ourselves. Luckily, just as the dark clouds of depression were looming ever closer we remembered there would be scones at the Unicorn Cafe … hurrah! Yes, we are unbelievably shallow.
One of three compartments that form the cafe
Oversized
The cafe is run by a company called Benugo. We reviewed their Cafe by Benugo in Glasgow six years ago. Not too impressed then and we still aren’t! We thought everything was very expensive, especially for a self-service cafe. One tourist was informed that the hot food would arrive in half an hour. Presumably to replace the rather sorry assortment on display. You even have to clear your own table? Normal practice for us but we don’t usually expect to have to do it!
On the plus side we did had some soup and bread which was very nice. However, almost £6 for a scone with jam and cream was a surprise. The scone itself was quite nice but huge and, as you know, we’re not keen on oversized scones. It was shared between us but even then we couldn’t finish it all. The overall experience at the Unicorn Cafe was disappointing, nowhere near a topscone.
Royal Coat of Arms of Scotland up to 1603
From the 1100s onwards the story of Stirling Castle is really one of a continuous confrontation between England and Scotland. Over the centuries the castle has been occupied by opposing forces many times. Ironically, in 1502 James IV signed the Treaty of Perpetual Peace with England. It lasted all of eleven years until Scotland declared war on England in support of France … heyho,he tried!
Up to 1603, Scotland’s Coat of Arms featured two unicorns either side of a shield. Later it had only one unicorn and a lion on the other side to represent the strength of England.
Fly to France
Before it became a military base Stirling Castle was a Royal Palace. Mary Queen of Scots was crowned here in 1543 aged nine months and lived here until she was five. A few years earlier in 1507 her grandfather, James IV, had employed an Italian alchemist with the idea of turning any old scrap metal into gold. With continuing failure rumours inevitably circulated that he might be fraudulent. He desperately needed to prove that he did indeed possess wondrous powers. He decided to fly to France from the ramparts of the castle using wings made from eagle feathers. Unfortunately, eagle feathers were in short supply so he used chicken feathers instead. He plunged straight down into the castle cess-pit and miraculously escaped with nothing but a broken leg. Should definitely have used eagle feathers!
No Netflix
There is an area on the ramparts called the Ladies Lookout. It enabled the ladies of the castle to watch their husbands gallop around in the park below killing deer, foxes and probably anything else that moved. Exciting viewing considering there was no Netflix back then!
View of Kings Park from the Ladies Lookout
We do have Netflix, however, so when we got home we decided to settle down and watch the BAFTA award winning epic “All Quiet On The Western Front”. Set in WWI it follows German troops in trench warfare against the French. Amazingly it was only made possible because of Lesley Paterson, from Stirling. She bought the rights to the book with her winnings as a triathlete and ended up co-producing the film. It’s an amazing production but goodness, it’s not an easy watch. It should, however, be compulsory viewing for the likes of Putin and any others preoccupied with warmongering.
everyone should have a unicorn above their mantlepiece
Did you know?
Baby unicorns are called “foals” but sometimes they are known as “sparkles”.
The lady serving us said she would put it through as two soup/ scones because that would be cheaper for us … how thoughtful! We thoroughly enjoyed everything although they don’t have a kitchen so everything has to be brought in from external bakers Fisher & Donaldson in St Andrews.
Not a topscone but it’s great to see yet another new distillery trying to cater to the seemingly insatiable global demand for Scotch. Biggest market last year was France with India not far behind. Third was the US … come on guys, we thought it was “America first”. We did our bit by buying a bottle of Kingsbarns Doocot whisky as well as a bottle of their Darnley’s gin. A ‘doocot’ (part of a building housing doves and pigeons) forms part of the distillery building.
