Category Archives: self-service

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Balcony Café

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What with wall to wall coverage of the coronavirus and its possible development into a pandemic, we get the feeling that we should not really be travelling anywhere. In fact, we get the feeling that we should maybe go into self-quarantine behind boarded-up doors and windows. Given that ordinary flu kills thousands in the UK each year we can’t help feeling that the current hysteria is becoming a tad overhyped. However, after careful consideration we thought the short hop from Falkirk to Edinburgh would not breach any major international guidelines or regulations. We are so glad that we don’t have any coughs of sniffles at the moment, otherwise, I’m sure we would get an entire carriage to ourselves on the train. Anyway, happily, we made it to Edinburgh, the National Museum of Scotland and eventually to the Balcony Café.

The main atrium at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

All sorts

We have been here before on several occasions but it’s always full of surprises. Just when you think you have seen it all you turn a corner there is another cavernous hall packed with everything from elephants, totem poles, tyrannosaurs and lighthouses. But you’ve all been to museums like this before. What you really want to know about is the scone exhibits … right?

The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghThere are three restaurants that we know of here, there may be more. The Balcony Café is on the 3rd floor and the seating area is strung out along the length of the balcony in the grand hall. In common with lots of places like this, it’s self-service.

A gallery at the Nation Museum of Scotland
Another hall crammed with animals of every kind.

We got a couple of sandwiches and a scone to share. It was great to see that everything here, the butter, the jam, the cream were all from Scotland, See, it’s not difficult! We can never understand why big public institutions like the National Trust for Scotland don’t sell any Scottish stuff in their cafés. It’s always disappointing for visitors who come from far and wide to this wonderful country only to be served Irish, English, French or American products. Nothing wrong with the products per se … just not here where we have lots of our own top quality scone accompaniments.

A scone at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghWe liked all the Scottish stuff but when we looked at the scone we had doubts. It appeared quite solid and slightly strange in colour. Once again, however, we had to eat our words as well as the scone. It was delicious! A little bit unusual in texture and with maybe a slight hint of ginger but none the worse for it. Had it not been for the rather surly self-service, this may well have been another topscone.

Globalisation

Visiting places like this museum does heighten your awareness of what a rich and varied world we live in. The rapid spread of the coronavirus outbreak also makes you aware of how small it is. Without the ease of travel, we have all come to enjoy over the past fifty or so years, the spread of viruses like this would be much easier to control. Greta Thunberg, leading a school strike in Brighton the other day, also makes you very aware of how delicate our tiny world is. When Pat and I were at school, large parts of the world were still unexplored. Now if someone sneezes in China we may all expect to be sneezing within days … that’s globalisation.The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

Assuming, for a moment that the world does survive, it’s still debatable if the UK is going to survive Brexit far less Megxit. On top of that, we now have the unprecedented exit of the previously unknown, Sir Philip Rutnam as boss of the Home Office to further complicate things. It was always on the cards when the odious Priti Patel was made Home Secretary, that this would happen. When we look around for someone to blame, of course, we need to look no further than ourselves … the voters. Not us, of course, we always vote correctly. Given the current state of play in the UK, moving around the museum gazing at all the past sophisticated, complex civilisations that have become extinct,  it’s not exactly encouraging. Maybe if we buy a face mask everything will be fine?

EH1 1JF                   tel: 0131 247 4084               NMS

///ankle,drama.dine

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Morrisons Café

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Back to reality. Our previous post from the Scotch Tea House on the French Riviera  seems like a distant fond memory as now we are in a supermarket in Falkirk … Morrisons Café to be precise. A bit of a come down. There is a perfectly logical explanation however.

You may remember that last year when we were at the Scotsman Grand Café we had a mini five year old person with us. She kept us amused with her weird and wonderful observations through all the problems we were having just ordering a scone. This time, on our return from France, we picked her up in London and brought her and her wee sister back to Scotland with us. Of course, she is six now and and her sister is four. Oh joy! Between them they have enough energy to light up Blackpool!

Scary!

As it’s Halloween, we needed some appropriate costumes so that we could go guising and scare the living daylights out of our friends and neighbours. Hence we found ourselves here in Morrisons buying two spider witch outfits … really scary! The real horror of Halloween is, of course, that Brexit hasn’t happened and Boris Johnson hasn’t died in a ditch as he promised. Guess we can just add that to his ever lengthening string of broken promises. It really is all just a game for these guys!Internal view of Morrisons supermarket, Falkirk

Anyway, having got suitably kitted out we decided to go for a cuppa and some lunch in the café. A scone at Morrisons supermarket, FalkirkIt’s probably fairly typical of supermarket cafés though maybe slightly better than some others we have been in. What it lacks in ambience it makes up for with low prices and edible food. We were surprised to find scones so, of course, they had to be sampled. We shouldn’t really have preconceived ideas about places but suffice to say, we do. Expectations were not exactly soaring. They came with lots of butter and jam, however, cream was too much of an ask. The scones themselves were actually quite nice … nice texture, lots of fruit and only £1 each.  Even at this price, however, a topscone was also too much of an ask.
Old photo of Brockville foorball ground at Morrisons supermarket, FalkirkThis supermarket is built on a site once occupied by Brockville Park, the stadium of Falkirk FC. It’s biggest ever attendance was 23,100 in 1953 for a match against Celtic. In 2004 the football club moved to a new site on the outskirts of the town. For some, however, this is still hallowed ground. For others, of course, Morrisons seems like a much better use of the space.

Eating pancakes?

We know it’s Halloween but horror of horrors, we are going to have a General Election on 12th December … hurrah! Who knows what tall stories we will be told in the coming weeks. After years of austerity there will probably be more money than we can possibly imagine to spend on pretty much anything we want. Life will be good! Everything in the garden will be rosy. Doubtless, however, on December 13th that will all change. Boris will doubtless win but that will say more about the opposition than anything else.Internal view of Morrisons supermarket, FalkirkMeanwhile we have our own somewhat smaller horror show … we must go and scare the neighbours before returning to dook for apples and try to eat pancakes covered in treacle hanging from a string with our hands tied behind our backs. What? It’s just as senseless as having a General Election but way more fun.

FK2 7EU           tel: 01324 639321         Morrisons

///insect.both.nasal

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Kelpies Café

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Today we find ourselves at the Kelpies Café. We are ashamed! People come from all over the world to see the Kelpies in Falkirk but, up until now, we have never been. Not strictly true because we have been here dropping people off and such like but this is the first time we have actually set out to visit. They were opened six years ago so it’s not as if we haven’t had time. You know how it is, however, when it’s on your doorstep you can always go tomorrow and sometimes tomorrow just never comes! So, after an uneventful five minute drive, on a glorious autumn day, we were here at last.

External view of the Kelpies in FalkirkWhat actually is a kelpie we hear you ask? Well, it’s a Scottish shape shifting aquatic spirit that frequents lochs and rivers. Usually in the form of a beautiful horse. They are not really comparable to Nessie, except in that, like Nessie, they appear infrequently. Unbelievably, some people have gone through their entire lives without ever seeing either.

Handsome?

Almost exactly three years ago when we reported on the Venachar Lochside Café we recounted an incident where a kelpie from that particular loch would sometimes appear as a handsome young man and lure young women and children into the water.  It would then drag them under and devour them. There’s a theory that Boris Johnson may actually be a kelpie trying to lure about sixty million people towards a similar frightful fate. The ‘handsome’ bit, however, throws serious doubt on this theory’s veracity.

Internal view of the Kelpies in FalkirkOur Kelpies today, however, bear none of that malevolence. They merely celebrate the part the heavy horse has played in shaping the Falkirk area in years gone by – pulling coal barges, ploughs and wagons. They are situated at the east end of the Forth & Clyde canal where it joins the river Forth. You can only see their magnificent heads, the rest is under the water … obviously. They are spectacular and we can quite understand why people travel from far and near to see them.

A scone at the Kelpies in FalkirkHowever, after wandering around looking at all the boats and admiring the sculptures a scone soon beckoned. There are three cafés here. Our café of choice turned out to be the one imaginatively called ‘Café’. It’s part of the visitor centre and is fairly typical of such places. Self service but quite a wide range of food options available. We both plumped for a fruit scone. Our relatively low expectations, however, were completely confounded when  they turned out to be rather nice.

A scone at the Kelpies in Falkirk
Spot the fruit

We might have awarded a topscone were it not for the fact that there was no cream (not even Roddas) and hardly any fruit. They might have been better billed as plain scones. Of course, then we would have complained that our plain scones had a bit of fruit in them. There’s just no pleasing some folk! Everything else was fine, however, so overall we enjoyed our visit and our scone. We may even come back!

In brief

The UK shape shifting government looks as if it is going to try and cobble together another deal with the EU. Who knows what’s going to happen? With a completely shapeless opposition, however, they might actually even get it passed, even if it’s worse than Theresa May’s deal! Some people have complained that the explanation of Brexit in our Muircot Farm post was far too long. Hopefully this one, stolen from the internet, is more concise and clearly encapsulates Britain’s negotiating strategy.Brexit summary

FK2 7ZT        tel: 01324 590600         The Kelpies Café

///branded.highs.rungs

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Topiary Coffee Shop

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We were on a mission and the mission was … compost! For reasons too complex to enter in to here, we needed compost … a lot of compost! Our supplier was to be here at the Klondyke Garden Centre on the outskirts of Falkirk. They are dealers and the deal was three bags for £12. We ended up getting fifteen 50litre bags … that’s a lot of compost. Don’t worry it’s not as bad as cocaine and it’s not even a regular habit … we are binge composters. Probably won’t touch it again for a year or so.

Principles

Having got our compost fix safely loaded into the car and feeling a bit giddy just at the thought of it all, we thought we should try a scone at the Topiary Coffee Shop. Perhaps it was the mind altering effects of all that compost but here’s another confession.Internal view of the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, Falkirk

You all know our thoughts on preloaded scones. They are the devil’s work and to be avoided at all costs. A scone at the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, FalkirkWell maybe not “at all costs”. Sadly, today at the Topiary Coffee Shop, we stood there and worked it out. To buy a fruit scone and then add butter and jam, all priced separately, was going to be more expensive than a preloaded one. Unbelievably we went for preloaded … arrgghh, what happened to principles? They were, of course, overcome by Scottishness! But we should have known that too much compost was bound to have an effect! Serves us right, the scone was awful … hard and tasteless. when we informed the staff that their scones were not great they informed us they had been baked in the morning. They did not say which morning however. The coffee was good though.

The art of shaping

Topiary, of course, is the art of shaping something natural into an unnatural form e.g. hedges into swans … that sort of thing. Topiary came to mind as we watched the two Tory leadership contenders bumble their way through their hustings in Scotland. Both looked as if they would rather be anywhere else than north of the border. Neither looked like  they could be shaped into anything useful. Boris Johnston’s assertion that Scotland’s block grant, was a gift from England, didn’t help. Jeremy Hunt’s wild eyed assertion that the problem with the Scottish Parliament was that it was full of nationalist MPs, didn’t help either.

A lot more creative topiary will be required if these characters are ever to be formed into something remotely acceptable to the vast majority of Scots, however, one of them is destined to rule over us for the foreseeable future. The cream of topiarists are trying to form Corbyn into something recogniseable … anything would do! He seems to determined, however, to remain a hedge. More compost please!Internal view of the Topiary Coffee Shop at Klondyke Garden Centre, Falkirk

FK2 0XS       tel: 01324 717035        Topiary

///wooden.actors.small

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Titanic – The Galley

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You know by now that we are on a birdwatching trip to Ireland. Well there is only so far you can take birdwatching without eventually realising that there might be more to life. Suffice to say that today some of our party decided to give the birds a rest and instead head off to Titanic Belfast. Reports we had had from old friends we met at the Jamaica Inn in Bangor were that it was not to be missed.

Titanic stories

While the rest of our party went off with their binoculars we took the train from Bangor to the Titanic Quarter station. This train does actually stop at every hole in the hedge but who cares when the hedge runs along the beautiful North Down coast on a lovely sunny day. Before too long though we were at our destination. We were promptly accosted by Betsy and Jack, a couple from Seattle who were staying at the same hotel as us. Betsy kindly took this photo of us desperately searching for the exhibition.External view of the Titanic BelfastWe were slightly wary of this visit following our experience at the V&A in Dundee which we found disappointing and rather befuddling. This was different, we thoroughly enjoyed it. It benefits from having a clear and definitive story to tell rather than the slightly nebulous theme of ‘style’ at the V&A.External view of the Titanic Belfast We spent a wonderful couple of hours following the route that takes you through the entire tale of of this great ship, from its birth at the Harland and Wolff shipyard to its disastrous end. External view of the Titanic BelfastAs with all these exhibitions you tend to end up with information overload. One fact, however, that stood out for us was that there were two toilets for 3rd class passengers … all 497 of them! It was a slightly different story in 1st class, of course. Maybe 3rd class was just supposed to do it over the side?

If only

If we had managed to have a scone on Titanic’s maiden voyage (we have no doubt it would have been a top one) we would never have been able to post it on this blog! How sad would that have been?

Plates?

We had many reservations about the catering facilities at the V&A and, unfortunately, the same applied here. Catering designed by academics. Internal view of the Galley at Titanic BelfastOkay there are vast numbers to cater for but with a little more common sense it could be done much better. Our watering hole was The Galley. It was self service and the first thing we noticed was that you had to eat your food off the plastic trays you collected it on! No plates! Okay, the trays were kind of shaped like square black plates. A scone at the Galley at Titanic BelfastHowever, we are fans of www.wewantplates .com. It campaigns for food served on plates rather than lumps of slate, miniature shopping trolleys and the like … but trays? Okay, call us curmudgeonly. It was the beginning of a slippery slope. The scones themselves were actually quite good but given everything else that was involved this scone broke our run of good scone luck in Northern Ireland. Shame, everything else about this place is great and well worth a visit.

The Crown Bar

Internal view of the Crown Bar in BelfastWe then took a taxi to the Crown Bar in central Belfast. By the end of this short ride our driver had sorted out all the woes of the world and even acted as a bureau de change. Internal view of the Crown Bar in Belfast The Crown is the only pub owned by the National Trust and it is not hard to see why. Extremely ornate with lots of mosaics, gas lamps and highly decorative carved ceilings. It features individual snugs designed to maintain the privacy of Victorian visitors who wanted to maintain an element of decorum. Stained glass windows featuring fairies, fleurs-de-lis, and clowns gave extra privacy.

That black stuff

We ended up sharing our extremely ‘snug’ snug with a couple from Los Angeles. Los Angeles friends in the Crown Bar, BelfastOn a cruise docked at Belfast harbour they had read that this was the pub to visit. They were desperate to try that black stuff (Guinness) and ‘beer’. They got a pint of each and thoroughly enjoyed them both. We had to leave so have no idea whether they ever made it back to their ship or not. Lovely people though so hopefully they did.

Ronnie Drew

We then went on to the market in Donegall Square and took the opportunity to go into the City Hall. For all the time we lived here we never before managed to get inside. It probably was not as easily accessed back then at the height of the Troubles.

Inside City Hall, Belfast
Splendiferous City Hall

After that we went to Ronnie Drew’s pub before heading back to Bangor without having noted a single bird. A great day!

It seems churlish and a tad easy to comment on British politics in a Titanic post so we will resist the temptation.

BT3 9EP        tel: 028 9076 6386       Titanic Belfast

K6 telephone box in Tetburyps: the ever diligent Pedant has sent through this photo of a Lion foundry K6 in Tetbury in the Cotswolds. Tetbury is famous for its antique and bric a brac shops. Prince Charles also lives nearby at Highgrove. More importantly perhaps is the fact that Jet Black, drummer with the Stranglers, also lives there.

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

The Courtyard Coffee House

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Once again we are in Callander visiting an elderly relative. Once again, after a visit to the Outdoor Shop we were peckish. We wandered across the street to this place thinking we might get a scone. Crikey, it’s a strange place! Not even a name above the door! We swithered and thought perhaps we should go to Applejacks, directly opposite. We had already reviewed Applejacks and knew it to be good but our dedication to sconological research took over. In we went!

Pavement billboard at the Courtyard Coffee House in CallanderNot only was there no name above the door, it had an estate agent’s ‘For Sale’ sign outside. However, no presence on the estate agents website. We looked!  In fact it doesn’t appear to have a presence of any kind on the internet. No website, no FaceBook, no Tripadviser? The only way we  discovered its name was on the pavement billboard outside.

So, it kind of had a name … hurrah! As well as a name it had scones, fruit and plain … hurrah again! Who cares about all that other stuff. The strangeness continued, however. It was self service and the staff were very friendly but we had to pay up front before they brought our order and it was cash only. All a wee bit surreal.

Internal view of the Courtyard Coffee House in Callander

Scone assistance

When our scones arrived the lady explained that she had already cut them in half for us because they were so light and crumbly. She hoped we would manage them without further assistance. Her concern was not entirely misplaced. The scones were incredibly light and full of currants, sultanas and cherries. A scone at the Courtyard Coffee House in CallanderThey were indeed quite difficult to manage. When you lifted them they just crumbled and fell back to the plate. You had to scoop them up and tip them into your mouth in a slightly undignified fashion. They were delicious, however, and the crystallised sugar topping gave them a delightful sweet crunchiness. All things considered, however, this was no topscone.

There is no point in giving you contact details for this place because there aren’t any. Unless we were involved in some sort of Brigadoon experience, all we can say is that it was there. It wasn’t just a figment of our over active imaginations. However it may not be there tomorrow or next week so if you fancy a really crumbly but delicious scone you had maybe better get your skates on.

Fashion

Talking of ethereal things like Brigadoon, we were saddened by the news that Karl Lagerfeld has died. Unlikely as it may seem, our family is steeped in the fashion industry. Brands like Alexander McQueen and Jimmy Choo owe much to our family. Okay, maybe not that much but definitely a bit! Fashion, frivolous and transient as it may be, adds much to our lives and Lagerfeld, somehow, symbolised it perfectly. After all. few would like to be uniformly dressed by Chairman Mao, extinguishing all sense of individuality. Lagerfeld epitomised the frippery of fashion but also had wise words. He once said. “When people talk about the good old days, I say to people, ‘It’s not the days that are old, it’s you that’s old.’ I hate the good old days. What is important is that today is good.”  Perhaps he should have been running the country instead of Chanel.

Anyway, the Courtyard Coffee House was there … honest!

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

London Wetlands – Revisited

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From one nature reserve to another. Our previous post was from Vane Farm in Scotland and this one is London Wetlands – Revisited. We have reviewed its scones before but that was back in 2016, just a few weeks after the EU referendum. Back then we reported that London, like Scotland, voted overwhelmingly to remain and that feelings were running pretty high. A nation divided! This time we can report that nothing has changed in the two intervening years except that now we have only a few months to go before having to apply for a visa to visit France … arrgghh!. There is an air of disbelief that, even though the vote was won on the basis of momentous lies and Mr Brexit’s, (Arron Banks), colossal and suspicious funding  of the Leave campaign, we are still no nearer knowing what the consequences of leaving will be.

Brexit scones

Enough! … what about the scones, will they be affected by Brexit? We are here at the Wetlands because we had to deliver a certain mini-person back to her home which is just a short walk away from here. Nothing stands still here and we found many new additions to the already superb attractions on offer. It is still the only wildlife reserve we know of that has a three story bird-hide with a lift. Lego animals at London Wetland Centre

At Vane Farm we had to take part in a Halloween based competition but this time our task was to find all the animals in the reserve made from Lego. We had to find the animal then mark down the number of lego bricks it took to build it e.g. do you know how many lego bricks it takes to build a life sized flamingo? Thought not! We had added a four year old to go with our five year old mini-person so, with two mini-people, we had lots of valuable assistance. Interior view of London Wetlands Café

Extra health

Assistance also came in the form of a scone when we took a break for lunch from the beautiful but bitterly cold weather outside. The self-service cafe had also undergone a makeover with a brand new colour scheme and seating arrangement. It’s always busy, busy! A scone at London Wetlands CaféThey have a counter where kiddies can fill a small plastic bucket with anything they want, mostly healthy options, for £5. Good fun for them and simplicity for grown ups. Talking of healthy options, the scones were blueberry with a little pot of strawberry jam … lots of fruit in both. We passed on the Rhoddas Cornish clotted cream. The blueberries made the scones wonderfully moist so that they hardly needed jam. However, we used it anyway … just for extra health! Not quite topscone material but very enjoyable nevertheless.

Interior view of London Wetlands Café
even the birds come in to eat!

 

We covered almost the entire reserve and the flamingo was the only one we couldn’t find. Eventually after much to-ing and fro-ing we discovered it. It was in the middle of the shop that you have to go through on the way out. A bit sneeky! Interior view of London Wetlands CaféAnyway, for your information, it takes 3100 lego bricks and 80 hours to build a life sized flamingo. Remember, you only get this sort of essential information on allaboutthescones.com! No lollipops this time for completing the competition … boo! Just the chance to win a place on a lego animal building course.

Abominations

Suffice to say that the Conservative and Labour parties may well be better employed going on one of these Lego courses for all the good they are doing elsewhere. Goodness knows what sort of horrific monsters they would produce though! In answer to the other burning question, we think scones will benefit from Brexit. And we say that as staunch Remainers. Logic dictates that once we have stopped all foreigners coming into the country and selling their rubbish food (croissants and the like) in cafés across the land, we will only have quaint little chintzy tea-shops selling scones and other civilized British food. An added bonus will be the removal of the acute accent from the word café … and all other such abominations! Hurrah …  ‘Cry God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’

SW13 9WT      tel: 020 8409 4400        London Wetland Centre

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Vane Farm Café

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.As relatively keen birdwatchers we have been to this RSPB Reserve and Vane Farm Café at Loch Leven many times before however it’s been a couple of years since our last visit. The same cannot be said of around 30,000 geese that fly in from Greenland, Siberia and Iceland at this time every year.

Birdwatchers at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
looking for Egbert
Egbert

It is amazing to think that these large birds can undertake such lengthy and arduous journeys. When they all take flight together, it’s an awsome sight.  Vane Farm is a great place to see all sorts of birds and we had a great time, with our mini-person from the Grand Café post visiting all three hides down near the water’s edge. Lots of ducks, moorhens, coots and pheasants but the star of the show was Egbert. He’s a little egret who has made his home here for the past few years. Interior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven

Skeleton’s heads

Most of our time however was spent looking for skeleton’s heads and scary spiders in a kiddie’s event which meant that we had to cover the entire reserve ticking off ‘finds’ on a sheet of paper. Great fun but it’s not too long, on a fairly brisk day, before rumbling tums are calling us back to the café area.

Exterior view of Vane Farm Nature Reserve at Loch Leven
Engineering works

 

Currently there is major engineering works going on around the shop and café area to make the hides wheelchair accessible. It is causing a few temporary problems for traffic on the main road as well as walkers and cyclists. By the looks of things it will soon be finished. The café above the shop is kitted out with several telescopes at a large observation window.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
They’re too far away!!!

Kids get the chance to see some of the wildlife, up close, without having to brave the elements. Typically the café is populated by folks with massive lenses on their cameras or mega telescopes slung over their shoulders. We only had our little binoculars …. amateurs! A scone at Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch LevenAfter an excellent light lunch we eventually got to our fruit scones. There was no cream but they did come with plenty butter and jam. We thoroughly enjoyed everything we had but no topscone today.

Errant nobility

Munching a scone and looking out from the cafe across Loch Leven you can clearly see Castle Island. The castle dates from 1257 and over the years has functioned as a home, a garden ornament ( a recent owner designed his entire garden on the shores of Loch Leven around the view of the castle) and on many occasions as a prison for errant nobility. It’s most illustrious prisoner was, of course, Mary Queen of Scots.  In 1565 the 21 year old Mary visited the castle as a guest of Sir William Douglas, little knowing that within two years she would be incarcerated there.

View from Vane Farm Nature Reserve Café at Loch Leven
Castle island in middle distance
Beheadings

She had already been Queen of France and her relatively short stay on this island was to be no less eventful. She recovered from a suspected poisoning attempt, miscarried twins, made several escape bids and was forced to abdicate her throne. Not much time for scones then? She escaped with the assistance of her jailers only to spend the rest of her life imprisoned in other castles. Eventually her cousin, Elizabeth I of England, on Trumped up charges (couldn’t resist the capital T) ordered her to be beheaded at the tender age of forty four. If Theresa May had the powers Elizabeth had back then how many headless politicians would be lying around today? She would be knee deep! Sorry, forgot that most of them are acting like headless chickens anyway without Theresa having any such powers.

Wizard’s wand

More importantly we found all the items in the game except the witches wand. We had to backtrack almost the whole way to find it! Won a lollipop though!

KY13 9LX      tel: 01577 862355        Vane Farm Nature Reserve

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

M&S Foodhall Café

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There is something vaguely sinful about going to the cinema at 10.30 in the morning. Doubly so on a lovely sunny day like this. It just seems wrong. Worth it though because we saw A Star Is Born starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. When our 14 year old great-niece was over here on holiday we used to call her the ‘small weird Canadian’.  Her two greatest heros, at that time, were Mary Queen of Scots and Lady Gaga! We always understood the Mary bit but now we understand the Gaga bit as well. Gaga was absolutely superb in a role that almost seemed tailor-made for her. Maybe it was. The ending is sad but as everyone filed out in silence recovery was fairly rapid as we suddenly remembered it was still only lunchtime and we were a bit peckish. Internal view of M&S Foodhall Café, Falkirk

Not just any scones

Rather than go to the rather sterile café area in the multiplex cinema we went outside and ended up here in the M&S Foodhall Café. We needed to get some stuff anyway. We’ve reviewed M&S before, when they had their large clothing store on Falkirk high street, but that has gone now. This place is now the only presence they have in town.

It is ironic that a business built on clothing sales is now largely dependent on foodhalls like this. Just when we get wall to wall cookery programs on TV, the M&S range of ready-meals (just nuke it and stick on the plate) has become ultra successful. They are good mind you. Anyway while we were getting some sandwiches we noticed the scones … “not just any scones … M&S scones” as  the sultry-voiced woman on the M&S adverts would say.

Branding

 It is all self service and we are not quite sure where the problem lay but the staff were struggling a bit … slightly chaotic behind the counter and lots of uncleared tables. A scone at M&S Foodhall Café, FalkirkThere was no cream with our scones and initially there was no jam either but it turned up eventually. It was branded as ‘British’ like almost everything in M&S these days. Even the haggis and the whisky are emblazoned with the union jacks! It’s as if there is a panic in central government that Scottish independence is looming large yet again and nothing can be labeled ‘Scottish’ in case it further emboldens the natives. Frightened of losing their cash cow, it does of course have the opposite effect.

Doh!

Anyway our scones were fine but the whole experience was certainly not a topscone one. Irony abounds these days e.g. the UK says it hopes to do a trade deal with Singapore once it leaves the EU in a few months. This, as the EU signs a trade deal with Singapore this week … doh! After we leave the EU, how long will it be before someone notices that the biggest market in the world is right on our doorstep and we are not part of it … doh again!

FK1 1LW       tel: 01324 406101         M&S Foodhall

Scones, self-service, Top

Café Zest – Jenners

Jenners department store is a kind of Scottish ‘Harrods’. In fact until last week it was owned by House of Fraser which, at o

by Royal appointment coat of arms, Jenners Edinburgh
by Royal appointment – but the latin “no one provokes me with impunity” is a tad confrontational

ne time, also owned Harrods. According to the  large crest on the wall it’s where the Queen shops when she’s in town? This establishment has been gracing Edinburgh’s Princes Street for 180 years now and has survived many traumas along the way.

Takeover

Today, however, it is under threat like never before with the House of Fraser being brought out of administration by Mike Ashley, of Sports Direct fame. Or infamy? The price for 31 stores, a measly £90m. True to form Ashley has not taken on any of the debts or pension responsibilities. It remains to be seen what will happen to the stores of which this is only one. Ashley’s reputation for cutting  costs and playing fast and lose with conditions of employment does not bode well.

Hence we felt that, if we were ever to have a scone in Jenners, perhaps we should do it sooner rather than later. Of course we blame Margaret Thatcher. Then again we blame Margaret Thatcher for everything. She managed to make avarice respectable and created today’s environment where it is okay for unabashed corporate greed to masquerade as ‘good business’. No one else, however, seemed willing to take House of Fraser on so perhaps we do Mr Ashley an injustice. Let’s hope he can at least save some of the stores and jobs. Enough trivia, what about the scones? Sign for Café Zest, Jenners in Edinburgh

Gourmet scones

There are several cafés and restaurants in the store but for some reason we found ourselves in Café Zest on the 5th floor. Probably because the lift took us there. The space is slightly odd. It has comfortable armchairs at one end and slightly utilitarian chairs forming the main body of the café. Internal view of Café Zest, Jenners in EdinburghNeedless to say there was hardly anyone sitting on these so everyone was squeezed in at one end … on the comfy chairs! Why do they not simply provide armchairs everywhere? They are self evidently what folk prefer! A gourmet scone at Jenners, EdinburghThey had plain scones and fruit scones but we were excited by the prospect of the ‘gourmet scone’ as it was labeled on the self service counter. Poster for Scones at Jenners, Edinburgh
No idea what constitutes a gourmet scone but obviously we had to find out. It came with a little pot of the ubiquitous Tiptree jam and a generous bowl of whipped cream. We don’t usually award topscones to self service places since the service and presentation all form part of the overall scone experience. However, on this occasion, we felt that it should at least have a ‘top self service’ scone award. It was delicious. We still don’t know what constitutes a gourmet scone. There was certainly different kinds of fruit together with some other things, nuts perhaps, which gave it a delightfully sweet crunchiness. It was finished all too soon!

As we walked down through the floors we discovered another two restaurants on the 3rd floor. One, a sort of deli café, by the well known ‘Valvona and Crolla‘ and another one, slightly more upmarket, which was simply called ‘Jenners’.

Internal view of Jenners Restaurant, Jenners in Edinburgh
Jenners – 3rd floor resaurant
Rumanian opinions

As Jenners struggles with the inevitable advance of online shopping, problems in the retail industry are not hard to find. Indeed, we hear of another high street brand going to the wall almost every week. If, like us, you bemoan the sorry state of the High Street while simultaneously doing much of your shopping via your computer then you will also know that we have only ourselves to blame. Internal view of Jenners in EdinburghWhen we asked the Rumanian sales assistant on the second floor if she thought the store would survive she simply replied “of course it will survive”. With its illustrious 180 year history and gourmet scones, let’s hope she is right!

EH2 2YJ       tel: 0131 2602316        Café Zest