Ordinary, Scones

The Brown Palace Hotel

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In the face of the current Caronavirus outbreak, the government is concerned for the elderly. Fair enough we thought. Then we realised that they were talking about us. The nerve! Funny how, when you get to a certain age, in spite of the fact that every limb is creaking, it still never crosses your mind that you could be classed as ‘elderly’. Now they are also saying that we have to self isolate for four months. Jings, crivvens, help ma bob! In Scottish, that phrase indicates a level of astonishment towards the very top of the scale.

Logo of the Brown Palace HotelCould this mean the end of sconology as we know it? Not a bit of it because today our scone comes from the Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. Eh? Yes, yet again, another of our dedicated band of correspondents has ridden to the rescue. So it’s not us, it’s them, our USA correspondents. And this is not just any old common or garden US motel, like you might find in Schitt’s Creek this an altogether classier establishment. In their own words:

“We were staying at The Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. It was built in terms of American history, a long time ago, circa 1892, so it’s fairly new!! The hotel’s claim to fame is the large number of celebrities who have stayed. Including almost every US President except Obama and Trump. What’s interesting is that no-one said why they didn’t stay, they were more interested in telling us that the Beatles stayed, maybe even in the same Presidential suite we had, who knows.  Molly Brown, a famous survivor from the Titanic, stayed for a couple of weeks it seems, but the hotel is not named after her, just a coincidence.

Winning bulls

Another great feature if you happen to be in the hotel during the stock show is that they bring in the winning bull, right into the lobby for all to see, and smell. We missed that but did get to enjoy the very historic building and the very friendly staff.

Internal view of the Brown Palace Hotel, Denver, ColoradoEvery day they have Afternoon Tea in the main 8 stories high atrium. It’s a beautiful room with a piano player and ladies dressed in fancy hats, with ripped jeans. It’s Colorado, things are pretty relaxed here. With all the marijuana being consumed and the thin air, everyone seems a bit light-headed.  

Titanic

What could not be obtained was coffee, “no sir, this is afternoon tea, we don’t have coffee making facilities available”. Coffee was obtained from the bar, and the scones put to the test.Afternoon tea at the Brown Palace Hotel Real clotted cream, OK. Jarred, decent brand jam, OK. But, the scones were small in stature, and basically impossible to put either cream or jam on. I did try to do the jam first in an attempt to hold it together, but it ended up looking like trifle on the plate once the cream was added. Scones at the BrownIf the Titanic hit an iceberg with the consistency of the aforementioned scone, it would still be sailing today, probably spreading Covid-19 as good as any other ship. Of course, with the scone being obtained as a “perk” for being a Marriott Ambassador Elite member, therefore, no charge, I kept my disappointment to myself, and the fine folks reading here.View from 14,000feet to the top of Pikes Peak, Colorado

Colorado

Colorado is an amazing state. You go from desert-like conditions that are dry and arid, 20 C, and then climb 14,000feet to the top of Pikes Peak and it’s -5 C , all in the same day. My mum would love the drive up there, with the sheer drops of 1000 feet or more on one side and the snow piled up on the other. Now it’s the trip back home going from hand sanitizer to hand sanitizer, staying 6 feet from the nearest human as much as possible and holding your breath for the whole 2-hour flight back. Unless, of course, Mr Trump says we can’t and stops more travel”.

Gratis scones

No topscone unfortunately but we are indebted to our correspondents for their excellent report. They were right when they said that the hotel was not named after Titanic’s Molly Brown. It’s named after its founder, real estate developer, Henry Cordes Brown. The triangular plot the hotels sits on was where he used to graze his cow. Nowadays they even have colonies of bees on the roof. It’s part of their drive to be as green as possible. We were not aware that it was possible to get free scones anywhere so we will have to look into this Ambassador Elite shenanigans.Honey bees at the Brown Palace Hotel

Sliced bread

We have come to the conclusion that coronavirus is the best thing since sliced bread. Judging by the news, wars have ceased, famine has been eradicated, refugees have stopped coming, climate change has become of little consequence … brill! Oh but the stock market? We don’t want to appear selfish or self-centred but will our pensions be okay? Will we ever get to stay in the Presidential Suite at the Brown Palace Hotel … and get gratis scones?? And before you ask, yes, we’re okay for toilet rolls.

CO 80202       tel: +1 303-297-3111          Brown Palace

///types.honey.funds

Scones, Top, topweird

The Little Bakery

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Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge
The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge
The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing
Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

Internal view of the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThe Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn.  Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

A scone at the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThis is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering.  To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry
A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery
Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP       tel: 0131 319 2255        Little Bakery

///disco.flesh.organisms

Ordinary, Scones

Plough Hotel

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Back in the 2nd century, before even I was born, Emperor Antoninus Pius built a wall through central Scotland. The Antonine wall came to represent the northern extremity of the Roman Empire. Some think that was because it was too difficult and unwelcoming to venture further north however we think he just enjoyed life in Falkirk. He just wanted it for himself undisturbed by unsavouries from Stirling and the likes.

Diagram of Arthur's O'on
Arthur’s O’on

As an example of how wonderful their lives were they even built a giant stone oven, Arthur’s O’on, presumably for the making of scones. Okay, we just made up that last bit but there was indeed a fabulous round stone house of that name. It was considered to be unique and the best example of Roman construction in Britain. It stood until  1743 when it was demolished by a local aristocrat who used the stones to build a dam. This wonton act of vandalism was roundly condemned at the time and still is by antiquarians all over the world.

Roman scones

All this is simply to let you know that today we are in Stenhousemuir, part of the Falkirk conurbation. The village gets its name from Arthur’s O’on, the ‘stone house’ that once stood here. Not sure how it became known as Arthur’s O’on. There was no one called Arthur. Most likely it’s a derivation of ‘Art’ an old Gaelic word meaning ‘house’. And it was actually a temple rather than an oven. The local folk just thought it looked like a big oven. Still, it’s nice to think of Roman’s lounging around by the banks of the River Carron eating peeled grapes and partaking of tea and scones.

A scone at the Plough Hotel, StenhousemuirFor our scones, we are at the Plough Hotel. Circumstance had dictated that we were here for a function and as luck would have it, we found ourselves in the presence of scones. Our very happy waitress assured us that they had been baked that morning in their own kitchen so we were eager to try. They came with a wee pot of jam and a huge bowl of cream. This was both underkill and overkill all on one plate. They were nice enough but a bit on the sweet side for our taste. Good, but not quite a topscone.

Sticky stuff

Stenhousemuir is also famous for its football team and its cricket club. The football team, rather oddly, has lots of Norwegian fans who regularly travel over for the games. The stand is even called the Norway Stand.

Advert for McCowan's Highland Toffee
McCowan’s Toffee
Penny Dainties
A Penny Dainty

Since 1922, of course, this was also the home of McCowan’s toffee factory, just across the road from the Plough Hotel. There can’t be many people in the UK who haven’t lost a filling or two while chewing on one of their Penny Dainties. They also famously produced the Wham bar and the Irn Bru bar.

Sadly, McCowan’s no longer exists but dentists everywhere can breathe a little easier. Not that we are breathing any easier. With Italy going into coronavirus lockdown we have just learned that the virus is sexist. It prefers to kill men … particularly men of a certain age … aarrgh!

FK5 4EY         tel: 01324 570010         Plough Hotel

///cunning.aboard.onwards

Scones, Top

McMoos Café

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The coronavirus plague continues. We have been told that the best way to counter the infection is to wash your hands while singing God Save The Queen. Surely that’s equivalent to telling folks to get under the table in the event of a nuclear attack? We are still braving the virus, however. We travelled a whole four miles to the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Perhaps a cinema in the middle of the day is not the best place to be midst plague – quite a bit of snoring  ….  or was it death rattles?A wall picture at McMoos in Bo'ness

On this occasion, the movie was Emma, an adaption of Jane Austen’s 1815 novel. When we came out after the film, lo and behold, what was directly opposite the cinema? A new café no less! It is right next door to Brian’s Café and in the same street as 1884, both of which we have reviewed previously. It was called McMoos … don’t ask!

External view of the Hippodrome Cinema, Bo'ness
The Hippodrome opened in 1912 – it is Scotland’s oldest surviving cinema

But first, the film. If you like costume dramas this is the film for you. The costumes and settings are fabulous. The main character, Emma, is a beautiful overprivileged twenty one year old snob who likes nothing better than messing with other people’s love lives. The film gently follows her interfering ways (hence the snoring) until eventually, she falls foul of her own meddling. Suffice to say, like all such dramas, she gets her man in the end. It’s beautifully filmed and an easy watch.

No scones

The most surprising thing about the film was the complete lack of scones. We thought there would have been at least one scene with those aristocratic types taking afternoon tea in a wildflower meadow surrounded by a dozen or so servants. Then we remembered that afternoon tea wasn’t invented until twenty-five years later. 1840, that’s when the Duchess of Bedford felt she couldn’t make it through to her evening meal without a mid-afternoon snack. Pity really, however, although no scones were featured we still enjoyed the film.Internal view at McMoos in Bo'nessFor scones, we had to go all the way across the street to the aforementioned McMoos. It’s only been open a short time and as our friendly waitress explained: “We are still finding our feet“. A scone a t McMoos in Bo'nessOur scones were held back until we had finished a light lunch, then she returned and asked: “Would you like me to pop your scones in the oven now?” Nice.

The scones were quite big.  Not baked on the premises but we were assured, that they had been “Baked this morning by our own special baker“. We got a lovely little bowl of blackcurrant jam and some English clotted cream and Danish butter. Don’t you think that with a very Scottish name like McMoos, the butter at least could have been Scottish? Anyway, the scones were really good. And because they are still ‘finding their feet’ we put lapses in scone accoutrements down to inexperience and awarded a topscone. Well done McMoos, we wish you well.

Relationships

In 1815, when Austen was writing Emma, the Duke of Wellington was busy giving that French upstart, Napoleon, a jolly good seeing to at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium. Did you realise that at one time our relationship with Europe was difficult?

View from McMoos in Bo'ness
View from McMoos

EH51 0AA.     tel: 01506 828983        McMoos FB

///inflation.things.braked

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Balcony Café

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What with wall to wall coverage of the coronavirus and its possible development into a pandemic, we get the feeling that we should not really be travelling anywhere. In fact, we get the feeling that we should maybe go into self-quarantine behind boarded-up doors and windows. Given that ordinary flu kills thousands in the UK each year we can’t help feeling that the current hysteria is becoming a tad overhyped. However, after careful consideration we thought the short hop from Falkirk to Edinburgh would not breach any major international guidelines or regulations. We are so glad that we don’t have any coughs of sniffles at the moment, otherwise, I’m sure we would get an entire carriage to ourselves on the train. Anyway, happily, we made it to Edinburgh, the National Museum of Scotland and eventually to the Balcony Café.

The main atrium at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

All sorts

We have been here before on several occasions but it’s always full of surprises. Just when you think you have seen it all you turn a corner there is another cavernous hall packed with everything from elephants, totem poles, tyrannosaurs and lighthouses. But you’ve all been to museums like this before. What you really want to know about is the scone exhibits … right?

The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghThere are three restaurants that we know of here, there may be more. The Balcony Café is on the 3rd floor and the seating area is strung out along the length of the balcony in the grand hall. In common with lots of places like this, it’s self-service.

A gallery at the Nation Museum of Scotland
Another hall crammed with animals of every kind.

We got a couple of sandwiches and a scone to share. It was great to see that everything here, the butter, the jam, the cream were all from Scotland, See, it’s not difficult! We can never understand why big public institutions like the National Trust for Scotland don’t sell any Scottish stuff in their cafés. It’s always disappointing for visitors who come from far and wide to this wonderful country only to be served Irish, English, French or American products. Nothing wrong with the products per se … just not here where we have lots of our own top quality scone accompaniments.

A scone at the Royal Scottish Museum, EdinburghWe liked all the Scottish stuff but when we looked at the scone we had doubts. It appeared quite solid and slightly strange in colour. Once again, however, we had to eat our words as well as the scone. It was delicious! A little bit unusual in texture and with maybe a slight hint of ginger but none the worse for it. Had it not been for the rather surly self-service, this may well have been another topscone.

Globalisation

Visiting places like this museum does heighten your awareness of what a rich and varied world we live in. The rapid spread of the coronavirus outbreak also makes you aware of how small it is. Without the ease of travel, we have all come to enjoy over the past fifty or so years, the spread of viruses like this would be much easier to control. Greta Thunberg, leading a school strike in Brighton the other day, also makes you very aware of how delicate our tiny world is. When Pat and I were at school, large parts of the world were still unexplored. Now if someone sneezes in China we may all expect to be sneezing within days … that’s globalisation.The Balcony Café at the Royal Scottish Museum, Edinburgh

Assuming, for a moment that the world does survive, it’s still debatable if the UK is going to survive Brexit far less Megxit. On top of that, we now have the unprecedented exit of the previously unknown, Sir Philip Rutnam as boss of the Home Office to further complicate things. It was always on the cards when the odious Priti Patel was made Home Secretary, that this would happen. When we look around for someone to blame, of course, we need to look no further than ourselves … the voters. Not us, of course, we always vote correctly. Given the current state of play in the UK, moving around the museum gazing at all the past sophisticated, complex civilisations that have become extinct,  it’s not exactly encouraging. Maybe if we buy a face mask everything will be fine?

EH1 1JF                   tel: 0131 247 4084               NMS

///ankle,drama.dine

Scones, Top

The American Colony Hotel

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Well, here we are at the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem. Not us obviously but our ever-diligent Middle East correspondent who sent a very comprehensive communiqué on his recent encounter with a scone. As he says the hotel lies “just a scone’s throw” from the Green Line. That’s the demarcation line drawn out on the map using green ink in 1949, separating Israeli and Arab lands. Jerusalem is probably the most religious city in the world and therefore also the most divided. However, because the hotel is owned by a mixture of Americans, Brits and Swedes, it is seen as ‘neutral’. A place where Arabs, Israelis and anyone else can happily meet over afternoon tea. A little oasis of civilisation in a turbulent land!Courtyard at the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

History

Our correspondent reports that it was originally built in the late 1800s by a high ranking Ottoman noble man, for himself and his four wives. What a guy, four wives and still got time to build stuff!
In 1895 it was used by a Christian family from Chicago who travelled to Palestine in order to find peace in the Holy city and to offer aid to families in distress.  By 1902, however, under Baron Ustinov (grandfather of, actor, Sir Peter Ustinov), it became the American Colony Hotel we see today.

Internal view of the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

The downside of living abroad

We suspect that the scones were not the primary reason for our correspondent’s visit … the hotel also has the best English bookshop in the region. However, he did have what he referred to as “A substantial afternoon tea served with an array of fresh sandwiches and then the scones some with and some without berries. Let us not forget the real cream and strawberries.” A scone at the American Colony Hotel, JerusalemThis, “adventure into nostalgia” was to be his first scone in over a year … the downside of living abroad.  But were they any good? Yes, topscones in his book. He also thought his Irish granny would have said “Lovely scones son, but will you ever get your hair cut?” If they’re good enough for his granny that’s good enough for us. Well done the American Colony Hotel.

Meddling

The great and the good have all stayed here … from Lawrence of Arabia to Bob Dylan. And if anyone is wondering where Tony Blair, disappeared to after the disastrous Iraq War then you need have looked no further than the first floor of this hotel. In a moment of madness, someone somewhere saw fit to appoint him peace envoy to the Middle East! He took the entire floor of the hotel for five years before eventually giving up. Now he runs the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change. And, of course, that allows him to meddle pointlessly in everybody’s politics.Logo of American Colony Hotel

Many thanks to our Middle East correspondent. We are relieved and happy that he has ended his year-long scone fast.

97200, Israel        tel: +972 2-627-9777         American Colony

///vowing.fairy.burns

Scones, Top

The Elephant House

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Welcome to the Elephant House, “The Birthplace of Harry Potter”. As far as Pat and I are concerned, we are aware of Harry Potter but that’s about it. Our knowledge and enthusiasm do not extend much beyond that.

picture of an elephant
One of the many elephant pictures at the Elephant House. This one eyeing up our scones

At the moment, however, we have two mini people living with us and for them, it is a different story entirely. They worship the very ground Harry walks on. And they are not the only ones. Legions of similarly minded people descend on this place simply because JK Rowling wrote some of the books in the backroom of this café. To be fair, other authors used it as well. Ian Rankin of Rebus fame and Alexander McCall-Smith who wrote the No1 Ladies Detective Agency to name but two.

Internal view of the Elephant House, EdinburghThe Harry Potter phenomena

But it’s the Harry Potter fame that has done for this place. It’s a veritable Mecca for Potter fans who make pilgrimages from all over the world, China in particular. The menu is printed in English and Chinese and there’s a mountain of memorabilia for sale. It’s quite a big café but we still had to wait about twenty minutes to be seated. The days of it being a hang out for aspiring authors have long gone. Even if they could get in, the atmosphere is pretty frenetic and hardly conducive to creative thinking. Having said that, it’s not difficult to imagine Rowling sitting here, gazing out the window at Edinburgh Castle and coming up with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She eventually gave rise to the most successful book series of all time. Apparently it’s worth £4bn to the UK economy. Amazing!

A scone at the Elephant House, EdinburghThat’s all very well but would Harry have waved his magic wand over the scones? Well, he may well have done, they were very good.  Someone commented, “the service is so slow in here, anyone could write a book.” However, we found that, although the staff seemed to be run off their feet, they remained remarkably cheerful amidst the general busyness. The scones came with prepacked jam and a nice little bowl of clotted cream. Normally we like a bit of crunchiness to our scones but these were none the worse for being soft throughout. Our mini people gave the final verdict, thumbs up and a chorus of “we love scones” … topscone!

Graffiti in the toilets of the Elephant House
The owners have given up repainting the toilets. Potter fans scrawl their messages everywhere

This is certainly not the cheapest café in town but if there is a constant queue of people wanting to get in you can probably charge whatever you like.

The Harry Potter stories are about the gentle polite underdog eventually triumphing over evil. At the moment we desperately need Harry to go up against the current UK government and their draconian immigration policies. Unbelievable considering every one of them are either immigrants or the offspring of immigrants. The demented Prime Minister, Boris Johnson was born in the USA of Turkish descent; the Hindu Chancellor, Rishi Sunak’s parents were from Punjab; the loathsome Home Secretary, Priti Patel’s parents were Ugandan Indian and the deranged First Secretary of State, Dominic Raab’s were from Czechoslovakia. Their families have been welcomed into Britain in the past but now they are pulling up the ladder! If they get their way the Elephant House, along with every other restaurant in Edinburgh, won’t have any staff. Harry will have to work extra hard on his magical anti-fascist spells.

EH1 1EN      tel: 0131 220 5355       Elephant House

///spike.hurry.thank

Scones, Uncategorized

Costa – Virginia Water

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You know how sometimes you just know that it’s going to be one of these days. It didn’t start off too badly because we had a free day. That meant we could go anywhere and do as we pleased … yeah! Since it was raining heavily we decided to take a train trip to Virginia Water in South West London. Why there? There are lots of possible reasons.

  • The richest town in the UK with an average home cost of over £1m?
  • Home of Wentworth Golf Club?
  • Elton John, Cliff Richard, Bruce Forsyth, Diana Dors and Nick Faldo have all had homes there?

The only reason for this place figuring in our consciences at all is that my dad used to play in the Virginia Water darts team when he was a trainee forester in the early 1930s. We thought it would be nice to have a look around … and maybe find the pub .. or even a scone.

Internal view of Costa, Virginia WaterWe’ve already said it was one of these days. London has a fabulous train system where you simply tap your bank card in at the first station and tap out when you have reached your destination. Your bank account is automatically debited. It works really well. When we got off at Virginia Water, however, there was nowhere to tap out? When we asked at the ticket office the chap informed us, with a wry smile, that we had gone beyond the Transport For London (tfl) area. We would get an automatic fine for our trouble and in addition, we would have to buy a return ticket to get back. Great!

When is a scone not a scone?

It was still raining heavily when we left the station. All the roads were flooded and even making pedestrian progress was extremely difficult. To top things off, Virginia Water also seemed to be sconeless. An almond croissant at Costa, Virginia WaterCould things get any worse? After about an hour we decided to cut our losses and head back to the station. In a last desperate bid to salvage something from our day we ended up in Costa – Virginia Water in the vain hope that they might save the day. When is a scone not a scone … when it’s an almond croissant, that’s when! Needless to say there were no scones here either. Actually the croissant was delicious, but you don’t want the hear about that. We didn’t find my dad’s pub. We suspect it was the Wheatsheaf Hotel but it was too far to walk in these conditions.

Fitting in

There’s only about five and a half thousand inhabitants in Virginia Water and they all seem to do alright for themselves. ‘Private’ notices abound and most of the houses have large wrought irons gates and gardens about the size of a small golf course. In 1998 General Pinochet was placed under house arrest in one of the houses pending his extradition back to Chile. Pity really because if he had hung around he would have fitted right into the current UK government’s cabinet.

When the Prime Minister, Dominic Cummings, sat down with the Chancellor, Dominic Cummings, and the rest of the cabinet of mini Dominic Cummingses, Pinochet might have felt very at home. Indeed, Attila the Hun would not have felt out of place! The irony is simply breathtaking. After almost four years of striving to leave the EU and its unelected bureaucrats the UK ends up being run by an unelected bureaucrat. Downing Street’s latest appointment, Andrew Sabisky, with his horrendous racist views, thankfully only lasted about twenty four hours.

Apologies for the sconelessness of Virginia Water but our day was not entirely lost. We found out that no matter how plush the mansions, we could not live in a town without scones.

GU25 4AA.     Costa

///novel.hired.miles

This what happens when you decide to get your cast iron work done outwith Scotland. This old post box in London was made by Handyside Foundry in London … and London is obviously too close to Pisa.Leaning post box in Barnes, London

Ordinary, Scones

AJ’s Café

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Remember, in a recent post, we said we could do this entire blog without ever leaving Falkirk. Well, here we are again. This time it is AJ’s Café on the High Street. We’ve been here before in 2015 but back then it was called Roasted and Toasted and, for all sorts of reasons, we gave them a bit of a hard time. Would it have improved in the intervening years, that was the question?

So what was wrong the last time? Essentially we were annoyed that they were working very hard but ignoring the basics. That’s a dangerous game when all the big international coffee houses are on your doorstep. Particular grumbles were:

  • Coffee tasted like it had been watered down
  • The decor was ‘extreme bland’.
  • Lighting unimaginative and lots of bulbs out.
  • Nauseous lifestyle messages like “when it rains look for rainbows“
  • Scones bought in from outside.
  • Tables not cleared.
  • Not taken the previous occupant’s name off the outside canopy.

Internal view of AJ's CaféWe would love to report that it has been completely transformed but sadly no. We didn’t have any coffee but can only presume that it’s better than it was. The decor and lighting, unfortunately, was still dismal. The exact same lifestyle messages are still there and the same canopy is still there emblazoned with ‘Kaseys’ … that’s from before it was even Roasted and Toasted!??

Falkirk speak

On the upside, the tables were cleared and we got a lovely warm welcome … and, the scones were homebaked by Linda, the kitchen  lady.  We ordered some lunch but when we asked for a scone our waitress asked: “wid ye want it het up … or a cid toast it?” That’s broad Falkirk speak for ” Would you care for your scone to be gently warmed … or alternatively, lightly toasted?”. When we asked for a recommendation, without a moment’s hesitation, she said “Toasted“. The deal was done.

Value for money

After our lunch, our toasted scones were duly delivered. They didn’t have cream but there was English jam and Irish butter … argh! We wondered if Linda’s scones would be an improvement on our previous visit. A scone at AJ's CaféNot only were they an improvement they were fantastic. In fact, had it not been for all the problems, this could have been an easy topscone. Shame. When we went to settle our bill it came to an unbelievable total of £7.20. No wonder they can’t afford to do the place up! At these prices, AJ’s Café may not be around much longer so if you fancy one of Linda’s great scones you had better get a move on!

In spite of many things being wrong In AJ’s Café we wish them all the best. Everyone was working very hard, what they lacked was a bit of business sense. Not a criticism, just an observation.

Goodie bags

At the Oscars, the judging panel obviously took the criticism of their lack of diversity to heart and decided to award the main gongs to Parasite. This is the first foreign language film ever to win anything in the ceremony’s 92 year history. We haven’t seen the South Korean film yet but it is, no doubt, thoroughly worthy of the recognition. Just like lots of other similar films that have been ignored in the past. Difficult though it is, perhaps Hollywood is, at last, trying to be less self congratulatory. If so, congratulations!. Logo for AJ's CaféMaybe next time they could do away with the £175,000 goodie bags that all the nominees receive … or is that still a step too far in our unequal world? We think that AJ’s Café would gladly provide excellent goodie bags for the poor luvvies for under a tenner.

FK1 1EY       tel: 01324 228652         AJ’s

///torn.necks.chose

Scones, Top

Palm Court

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Well, here we are, our first scone since leaving Europe. The choice was either to go into some sort of maudling inward-looking period of navel-gazing or go out and have a scone. Afternoon tea graphic at the Palm CourtGuess which one we chose? In addition, we felt that we might as well celebrate our newfound freedom from the civilising influences of our EU friends with something a bit posh. Hence you find us closeted in the rather sumptuous confines of the Palm Court in Edinburgh’s Balmoral Hotel.

The exterior of the hotel is a marvelous confection in stone (Balmoral means “the majestic dwelling” in Gaelic) and the inside is equally elaborate. However, if you are one of those who only feel truly relaxed in the surroundings of a greasy spoon diner, this is not the place for you. On our long sconological journey, we have come to tolerate sumptuous surroundings like this with relative ease. The benefits of perseverance.

Palm Court logoWe’re here because one of the advantages of writing a scone blog is that friends and family tend to buy us gifts in line with our interests … and, as you know, we have very narrow interests. So it was on this occasion, a complimentary champagne afternoon tea … yeah! Many thanks to our benefactors. We were on time. The hotel is perched above Waverley Station so the clock is always set three minutes fast as an aid to travellers trying to catch a train. Hogmanay is the one exception in the year when it is spot on.

Famous faces

Internal view of the Palm Court, Balmoral HotelFilm stars, Prime Ministers and Royalty have all stayed here, so of course, we felt at home straight away. Suite 552 is even named after JK Rowling who wrote her final Harry Potter novel here. Once we had got past the suitably suited and booted doorman we were welcomed by a lovely young lady called Lucy. She hailed from Menton in the south of France, a part of the world we know quite well. Monte Carlo and all that! A few months back we even posted a scone from the Scotch Tea House in Nice. champagne afternoon teaAnyway, Lucy had been doing a hospitality course back home and when she finished she chose Scotland for her first real job. We warmed to her immediately. She settled us in and soon had us sorted with a couple of glasses of Charles Heidsieck champs while we perused the tea menu.

Tea pouring ceremony at Palm CourtI opted for the Cloud tea for no other reason than that’s where all my personal data resides. Pat went for 2nd flush … not sure why. We’re not great tea connoisseurs. However, it’s nice to try new ones every now and again even though we always revert back to good old breakfast tea. When ours arrived another young lady shattered our nerves by pouring the boiling water into the teapots from a great height. Not sure if that enhances the taste in any way but it certainly gave the whole procedure an air of high drama. She didn’t spill a drop!

Three tiers

Normally, with an afternoon tea, everything comes on a three-tier cake stand. Savouries on the bottom, scones in the middle and cakes on top. Not here! We did get the cake stand but all three tiers were laden with savoury items … it was only the first course. Everything was delicious.Scones at the Palm Court, Balmoral Hotel, EdinburghLater we got the second course – the scones. As expected there were two each and they came beautifully warm, lightly dusted with icing sugar and presented with lots of jam and clotted cream. Meanwhile, Lucy refreshed our teapots and generally ensured that we lacked for nothing. Unsurprisingly, perhaps the scones were fab and what with the surroundings and the harpist playing in the small juliet balcony above our heads, we almost felt as if we were in Verona. It wasn’t that difficult a decision to make … topscone!

gifts at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh
A parting gift of tea, chocolates and mini ice cream cones.
Good taste

It was so civilised as we lingered under the palm trees sipping champagne, eating scones and being pampered by Lucy. We could easily have believed we are still in Europe. Thoughts of bush fires, coronavirus, Boris’s lies, Trump’s lies, Syria, and climate change were banished to someplace far far away. Later, when we were preparing to rejoin the real world we asked Lucy if she would return to the south of France after her placement here was finished. She replied, “No, I plan to stay in Scotland, I really love it”. It’s true, the French really do have good taste! Even we had to admit – if this is what being out of Europe is like, it’s not that bad!

Wellington statue, Princes Street
The Duke of Wellington pointing at the clock and saying “that clock is three minutes fast”.

EH2 2EQ.       tel: 0131 556 2414         Balmoral

///driven.behind.insist

ps Thanks go to one of our New Zealand correspondents. They sent photos of a scone extravaganza that recently took place at Papanui Club Bowling Club in Christchurch. Scones at Papanui Bowling Club, Christchurch, NZThat’s a lot of scones!

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics