Tag Archives: Andy Murray

Simply Sarah’s

31st January 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Okay, hands up, we are as bad as Boris when it comes to telling porkies. Having told readers that Norton House would be our last post from Europe here we are sending another! The difference between our porky pies and Boris’s is that ours are purely accidental. Maybe Boris has had an advance batch of the new Liar Wine being launched tomorrow to celebrate our departure from the EU. We honestly did not think we would be posting another scone so soon but here we are at Simply Sarah’s doing just that.

Closing early

On this rather wet day, we found ourselves in Doune shopping in one of Pat’s favourite shops. On the way into the shop, we suddenly realised there was a café almost next door. We had always thought of Doune as being a one-café (the Buttercup Cafe ) village but had never noticed Simply Sarah’s. It’s tiny, maybe that’s why! It had to be done.

When we say tiny, we mean tiny. Two small tables and a grand total of four seats. Cat swinging is not advised! You might think that this is about as far away as you can get from the Norton House. Well, in many ways it is, however, don’t be so hasty. Sarah is a classically trained chef who used to work in the upmarket Cromlix House Hotel before it was taken over by Andy Murray … and her experience shows.

We arrived at 2.45 and were warmly welcomed by Sarah. She also warned us that she had to close at 3.00 to go and pick her kiddy up from school. Being the only ones in we had our pick of the tables. We used both! There were two scones left which she had baked earlier in the day. Time was tight but we thought there was just enough to relieve her of those scones and still let her get away.

Prejudices

When the scones came, however, she had preloaded them with butter and jam… no cream. Readers are probably weary of hearing us bleat on about preloaded scones and places that don’t have cream. Normally these two things alone would bar them from the topscone category. Here, however, at Simply Sarah’s we have decided to throw all these silly prejudices overboard because the scones were sooo good. Soft in the middle and just the right of crunch on the outside. On the strength of the scones, we bought a couple of Sarah’s homemade pies. It turned out that we had plenty of time for our scones. This hard-working lady was busy shutting up shop as we left so we hope she wasn’t late for pickup.

Leave the light on

In about nine hours from writing this, we will be out of Europe and bobbing about uncontrollably on a sea of uncertainty like some unsavoury piece of flotsam. Okay, maybe not immediately as we still have the 12 month transition period to get through. But still it will be momentous for all the wrong reasons. The world’s media is descending on Scotland to see how this historic event is commemorated. Don’t expect fireworks here. Brexit has beautifully highlighted Scotland’s democratic deficit. People across the globe now understand the country’s plight better than ever before. Scots are proud Europeans but at 11pm tonight we must prepare to have that part of our national identity forcibly removed.

Perhaps all is not lost, however. As British MEPs were leaving the European Parliament last Wednesday there was a rousing chorus of that quintessentially Scottish song, Auld Lang Syne, accompanied by a promise to ‘”leave the light for Scotland” so it can find its way home. The Scottish Parliament has also refused to lower the EU flag as a symbol to those EU citizens living here that they are still welcome.

Who ate all the pies?

Pies, not the porky pies but the steak and the coronation chicken pies we bought at Simply Sarah’s have since been scoffed. Simply Sarah’s pies are simply the best!

FK16 6BY tel: 01786 842304 Simply Sarah’s FB

///anchovies.fastening.origin

ps Thanks go to our Oregon correspondents who have informed us that they make vegan scones from recipes in Realm magazine. while listening to the music of Dougie MacLean.

Scones in Realm magasine — Realm magazine

However, they are concerned that the neighbours might start complaining about the Scots balladeer. Now we just happen to know that their garden in Lebanon is huge so they must have Dougie cranked up pretty loud. Anyway, for us, it conjures up a wonderful image of scones being baked to the strains of Caledonia. They must be full of Scottish goodness! Do any other readers have favourite scone making music? This is ours, you may remember it from a previous post at Sarocha’s Cafe, click here to remind yourself of its brilliance.

Ordinary, Scones

The Covenanter Hotel

29th September 2019 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

“Down with tyranny – we are and we will make free”.

Depending on you’re political stance, these words could easily refer the UK’s departure from the EU .. or, just as easily, to Scotland’s continuing struggle for independence. These words don’t refer to either, however. It was, in fact, the cry of the Covenanters when they were descending on government troops in Dumfries in 1666 at the start of the Pentland Uprising. The Covenanters refused to recognise the King, rather than Christ, as head of the Church. Thus began some of the bloodiest episodes in Scottish history with over 18,000 Covenanters eventually paying the ultimate price. You mess around with Christians fighting other Christians at your peril … God on both sides?

© bill paterson photography — Falkland Palace, where James V died in 1542. He had been visiting his mistress at Tantallon Castle then spent a few days with his pregnant wife in Linlithgow Palace before traveling to Falkland where he fell ill and passed away. Serves him jolly well right!

What’s in a name?

Statue of Onesiphorus Tyndall Bruce opposite the Covenanter Hotel in Falkland — Tyndall-Bruce statue

In spite of its name, this hotel, does not appear to have any direct connections with Covenanters. It was probably named after a famous Covenanter, Rev Richard Cameron, who was born in one of the neighbouring houses. When you enter between the two Doric columns of the doorway you come into what seems like a rabbit warren of small sitting rooms and bars. Eventually we were directed by some very chatty and friendly staff to a small snug bar. From the window we could look across the road to Falkland Palace and the statue of Onesiphorus Tyndall-Bruce. What a name … sounds like an advert for single piece pyjamas? Turns out that Onesiphorus was the son of slave traders, educated at Eton and Oxford who, by the 1810, had managed to acquire debts of £50,000, approx £1m in today’s money. He ended up marrying into money and owning the whole of Falkland. A perfect example of British upper class privilege that’s still so prevalent today.

View from the Covenanter Hotel in Falklandiew of the Covenanter Hotel in Falkland — Downtown Falkland

In the movie, Outlander, the Covenanter Hotel was Mrs Baird’s guest house where Claire and Frank spent their honeymoon in episode 1. As we pondered whether they had had a scone or not, ours arrived. Quite nicely presented, we were eager to get started. Sadly, they were probably the worst scones we have had in a long time. Peculiar texture and very sweet. No topscone but we enjoyed our visit nevertheless. Falkland is a wonderful village that still looks as if it belongs to a bygone era.

Anyone for …?

We did consider going for a game on the oldest tennis court in the world … first played on in 1539. It’s within the Palace and takes the form of Royal tennis … one of only forty such courts in existence. Not something that Andy Murray would recognise and difficult after a large scone. We just went home.

Free scone

We are sponsoring a free scone at the Covenanter Hotel for anyone who can predict what will happen in the next week of British politics. Answers on a postcard … no time wasters!

KY15 7BU tel: 01337 857163 Covenanter

///haggling.cycled.vesting

ps Many thanks to our Canada correspondents who sent us this photo of a Falkirk K6 outside the Mad Hatter pub in Orangeville, Ontario.

///count.zoomed.violist

Ordinary, Scones

The Fork & Mustard

21st December 2018 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Confusion

Joyous news, this may be the last scone you have to endure this year. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for us to wish everyone a Merry Christmas but first perhaps we can enlist your help. We are confused! “No surprise there”, we hear you say.

You probably think it’s Brexit, but it’s not! Brexit’s not confusing, its just stupid. No, it’s because we are bombarded with adverts on TV asking us to send £3 to save a child or a donkey somewhere. Plus the news that 600 homeless people have died in mega rich England this year. Okay, you agree, that’s pretty awful, but what’s confusing about it?

Well, while we may feel guilty about all that, we simultaneously pay, ‘The Chosen One’, the imbecilic Jose Mourinho £18m per season to manage Manchester United badly. Then we fork out an additional £15m just to see him off the premises. Little wonder he has spent the last two and a half years living in a five star hotel. You might say that we don’t actually pay him but of course, in reality, we do, albeit indirectly. Why do we, as a society, do that? That’s what’s confusing!

Are we completely blind to donkeys and homeless people when we would rather pay a complete idiot ludicrous amounts of money for doing something which is of no importance whatsoever? If £3 saves a donkey, get it to do the job! We’re certain Man U would do just as well … or badly. However, we don’t want to worry you just before Christmas so we have come up with an answer of our own.

Andy Murray and Tiger Woods

A tea cosy at the Fork & Mustard Café, Falkirk — Fork & Mustard tea cosyt

The world’s New Year resolution for 2019 should be to completely eradicate all professional sport … simple! It only brings out the worst in folk and we think the world would be a much happier place without any of it. Precisely nothing would be lost. Except maybe the Andy Murrays and Tiger Woods with their entourages of physiotherapists, doctors, dietitians and psychiatrists. But that’s not really sport, it’s cheating! Tennis, golf and the like would still be played, still be televised and be even more exciting. Anyway, you will no doubt be delighted to hear that that’s our pre-Christmas rant over.

Tasmanian waiters at the Fork & Mustard

While we were pondering which ridiculous high paid job Jose would end up in next we arrived here, at the Fork & Mustard. In keeping with the ever changing face of Falkirk, up until a year ago this place was called Shy Violet. The lady who welcomed us had one of those super bubbly personalities you immediately warm to. When we asked how she came by the name ‘Fork & Mustard’ we got a fairly lengthy tale about an Italian waiter in Tasmania who kept misunderstanding what was being said to him. He thought he was being asked for a ‘fork and mustard’ whereas they were actually saying unkind things involving sweary words that we couldn’t possibly repeat here. Suffice to say this Fork & Mustard is unique. The only one in the world.

Sweetness

They have the modern necessity, a vegan and gluten free menu. We actually have some sympathy with the guy who killed the cow because it was eating the vegan’s food. Most things are made on the premises. Some from hand me down family recipes “just like granny used to make.” How would granny’s scones be? When Pat’s tea came it was in a rather novel glass teapot that automatically drained and filtered the tea leaves when it was placed on top of the cup. And we thought we had seen everything! Our scone was very good, packed with fruit but we felt that granny had put in a little bit too much sugar for our taste. No topscone but we enjoyed this place very much. It had a great atmosphere, created entirely by the super helpful staff. We will be back.

Open goals

Another thing we are confused about. How does the Labour party manage to make such a mess of opposition? The Tories have given them sooo many open goals. Okay, no one has any idea what they stand for. And, of course, they have shot themselves in the foot so often they should be referred to a self-harming clinic. But apart from that? It’s very confusing! In Tasmania they would probably refer to Corbyn as a useless ‘fork & mustard’.

Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to all our readers.

FK1 1HX tel: 01324 637 374 The Fork and Mustard

Scones, Top

Cromlix House Hotel

28th July 2018 billpaterson1@me.com

Cromlix used to be one of our favourite haunts. Many happy evenings have been spent with family and friends in the Red Dining Room, the Conservatory and the upstairs Library. Sadly, after it was taken over by tennis superstar Andy Murray in 2013, they have all disappeared. It’s in the name of progress and by command of Chez Roux. It’s not Andy’s fault. He has Inverlochy Castle Management International managing the place while he is away doing something else. Although famous for his service you won’t find Andy bringing you a scone or anything else for that matter. Although you never know, considering the way his game has been going recently!

The tennis courts at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane — Tennis courts at Cromlix

Lowly cottage

Cromlix itself was built in 1874 as “Cromlix Cottage“. Surely only someone with too much money and too much property would build this as a “cottage”. You can get some idea of what life was like simply by looking at the servants call boxes in the hall.They weren’t exactly roughing it in their lowly “cottage”. We used to have a similar but much smaller call box in our own Victorian house. We did away with it, however, because it wasn’t working. Mainly due to the distinct lack of servants.

Anyway, since Andy took over, Pat and I have fallen out of love with Cromlix. You didn’t actually speak to Cromlix when you phoned but to some centralised answering service. We used to get some weird replies like ” we are fully booked for afternoon tea for the next seven months??” We tell you this simply so that we can let you know that these problems are in the past. They seem to have sorted themselves out. Very welcoming with all the staff apparently local and speaking English. We were ushered into an area with which we were very familiar, the old reception hall.

Would Cromlix rehabilitate itself in our affections … it all depended on the scones …. ooooh! The young lady who took our order for a cream tea was very pleasant and while she was away getting things organised we took the opportunity to have a look round. The bar area is very chic though we preferred the old more homely look of it predecessor.

Picture of a shoot at Cromlix House Hotel, Dunblane — The unlucky object of this day’s “sport” may have ended up in this glass case

Cromlix’s hunting and shooting pedigree was also much in evidence.

Rehabilitation

Anyway, it wasn’t long before we were provided with our scones all beautifully presented as befits such a place. Had the scones been freshly shot? We ended up with a difference of opinion. Pat was a tad disappointed saying her scone was ever so slightly doughy whereas I thought mine was just right. However, considering the service, the presentation and the surroundings we eventually decided that a topscone was well deserved. Well done Cromlix. We still hanker for the old place but consider yourself rehabilitated!

Weather and scepticism

Meanwhile back in the real world outside the these pampered confines, the news consists entirely of the weather. People dying, planes cancelled, trains late, moors on fire, places flooded, water shortages. All due to this period of fine weather. We are almost tempted to think that it has all been organised by the Conservatives to divert our attention away from the ongoing fiasco that is Brexit. But that would require a degree of scepticism!! In the interests of balance we cannot just blame the Tories. Labour (the red Tories) are just as bad. How we long for the days when there was an opposition worthy of the name. Now, all our beloved politicians are off on holiday for the parliamentary recess. To enjoy the weather!FK15 9JT tel: 01786 822125 Cromlix House Hotel

Scones, history and a dollop of politics