Tag Archives: politics

Devil’s Fart

13th January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

No, we are not talking about Boris or Donald Trump! Devil’s fart is probably more widely known as pumpernickel, a dense German rye bread that’s name actually means “devil’s fart”. Apparently it has flatulence inducing properties. Never having experienced flatulence we thought it might be interesting to try it! And if the packaging is anything to go by it may have other properties as well!! Okay, okay, if this all smacks of desperation then so be it. London is in danger of being overwhelmed by COVID so restrictions are becoming ever stricter everywhere. Who knows, the way things are going, we may not be allowed to look out the window, never mind go on sconing adventures.

Internationalism

The implications for our readers continuing education is worrying, however. Hence, following our previous post on Norwegian skillingsboller, we now bring you the German devil’s fart. It comes courtesy of our Münster correspondents who gave us some as a present. Many thanks to them for introducing us to pumpernickel and helping expand the cultural horizons of our readers.

Bad smells

It used to be found only in north west Germany but now you can get it pretty much anywhere. That said, European and American pumpernickel are different. The American pumpernickel has added ingredients and a higher baking temperature to provide shorter production times. Why oh why does the US need everything ‘fast’? Just chillax and do it properly! Perhaps, with Trump and his compadres only remaining as a bad smell, they may be able to do just that. Or is that wishful thinking?

pumpernickel unwrapped — Pumpernickel loaf unwrapped

So how do you eat pumpernickel? As novices we started by slicing it the wrong way, before realising it was already sliced. It’s pretty solid and a little bit sticky so tends to appear like one solid dark block when it’s unwrapped. A bit like a pack of cheese slices. Not an auspicious start but how would it taste? That’s all that matters after all! In order to give it a fighting chance we decided to try it with a variety of toppings – cheese and ham, cheese tomato and chutney, salami and mustard … and lastly just with some homemade plum jam.

Honest, officer!

The bread itself has a grainy texture and a slightly sweet flavour that’s unusual but quite pleasant. Pat gave top marks to the cheese and ham. My preference was for the salami and mustard though all of them were actually very good. Will we be rushing out in search of devil’s fart? Well, if we cannot go out for scones then we can hardly go out for that. What would we tell the police if stopped? We’ll let you know about the flatulence … or maybe not!

ps: Our pumpernickel was a present and this week we received another. A parcel of framed photos from fellow photographer Dave Hunt. He operates from his Wildgrass Studio in beautiful Glen Lyon and specialises in vintage and fine art photography. Some time back we helped him experiment with his wet plate collodion technique. None of this instant digital nonsense for Dave, no, no, no! He has to coat a plate of glass with light sensitive material, expose it in the camera while still wet and develop it all within about fifteen minutes. If it’s not quite right you just start again … simple!

He misplaced the plates during a house move but found them again recently and sent them on. How can we describe the results? “Brilliantly vintage”, perhaps … just like the sitters! The wonderful thing is that the 5″x4″ plate is completely unique … not another like it. Many thanks Dave, we love them all. Dave also says that these images should last for 200 – 300 years … and to let him know if they don’t. If you find life a bit too fast you can find out about this technique at one of Dave’s workshops. Can’t guarantee he will have such fantastic subjects though.

Scones, Uncategorized

Skillingsboller

3rd January 2021 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

2020 wasn’t exactly a year to remember what with plague ravaging the country and mad politicians reaching new levels of lunacy. These things are mere trifles, however, when we tell you that the government has now told us to cease all sconological research forthwith! Sacre bleu! Okay, they didn’t actually get in touch with us specifically and tell us to desist but they may as well. Current COVID restrictions mean that we are not supposed to leave home except to care for others. We thought sconology fitted that brief perfectly but apparently, it doesn’t! So, in order to further your knowledge and broaden your cultural horizons we bring you skillingsboller … a sort of Norwegian scone equivalent.

Happy New Year

But first we would like to wish a happy new year to all our readers and correspondents, we hope that 2021 is much better than the past year. 2020 was memorable for having absolutely nothing whatsoever to commend it. A complete disaster. It did, however, serve to demonstrate the difference between the EU and the UK.

The ‘U’ stands for ‘Unity’ in both their names but the five years of negotiations combined with coronavirus have had opposite effects in both states. On one hand the 27 countries of the EU showing admirable unity with a show of democracy in action. On the other hand the totally undemocratic UK falling apart at the seams with it’s ‘Unity’ under unprecedented strain. All seventeen of the most recent opinion polls showing a clear majority in favour of Scottish independence and N.Ireland, is now left closer to Dublin than London. Even England’s long-standing bedfellow, Wales, is getting fed up up with the Boris shambles and Westminster’s inane dictatorial style. And lo-and-behold, on top of all that we now have part of the Tory party launching a campaign to rejoin the EU. Aaargh! As messes go, this is pretty messy.

Coffee and boller

Enough of all that! Thanks to a Viking son-in-law we used to spend a lot of time in Norway. Being there was fantastic but of course there were no scones. They did however have boller (pronounced ‘bolly’) which are to Norwegians what croissants are to the French or scones are to the Brits. They are made with cardamon spice and can often have raisins or even chocolate chips in them. Absolutely delicious. We became addicted and ‘coffee and boller’ quickly became part of the daily routine.

On this occasion, being at home without access to boller or scones of any kind, we decided to make skillingsboller. It’s a derivative of boller, a kind of cinnamon bun. Obviously you need a recipe but you also need the help of one big Viking and two small ones. This may be a problem for most folks but not for us … because we are blessed with all three!

Don’t make skillingsoller if you are in a hurry. It’s not something you can rush. It takes 2-3 hours at least. But then, why would you be in a rush when you can’t even leave home? Get baking! Be warned though, if you decide to utilise the two small Vikings it can take even longer. Particularly at the icing stage!

Suffice to say that the resulting skillingsboller was absolutely delicious, a major triumph for all concerned.

What do you want?

Emboldened by success our Vikings then went on to make normal boller. Don’t they look delish! If you can’t be bothered making them you can always visit United Bakeries in Oslo. There, you will find lots of boller of all kinds and a huge bowl of strawberry jam that you just help yourself to. Ah, memories! Boller is not a scone but if 2020 taught us anything it was that sometimes we can’t have everything we want. Hopefully in the not too distant future we will all have the ability to travel again and get what we want, what we really really want … sorry! Until then stay safe wherever you are!

Ordinary, Scones

Klondyke Garden Centre

16th December 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

Even though. we haven’t been able to travel much over the past year, it’s been eighteen months since we were last here at Klondyke Garden Centre … and it’s only five minutes away? A lot has happened in that time. Back then we were on a mission and the mission was … compost and lots of it! For reasons we can’t quite remember we likened the garden centre to a drug dealer dealing in compost … we must have been high on the stuff? This time we were also on a mission but now it was pot … a big black one to be precise! Back then the café was called the Topiary Coffee Shop but now it appeared to have changed its name to the Polmont Restaurant. We wondered if anything else had changed. Well, quite a lot actually. For a start, because of COVID regulations, the layout had been adapted with greater spacing and large perspex screens between the tables. What else?

Wonders

Like everyone these days we are well used to scanning QR codes to give our contact details and get access to the menu. For us, however, this one was a bit different. Once you had done all that and got the menu up on screen you had to actually place your order and pay as well. Okey dokey! You’ve heard of the paperless office, well this was the waitressless café. Lunch and then a scone to share was what we wanted and, once we got the hang of it, the process was quite easy. We went through the menu and placed everything we wanted into our virtual basket, then we paid at the virtual checkout all rather familiar really. The wonders of QR (quick response) technology! And then we waited .. and waited … and waited.

No worries!

Twenty minutes later we realised other folks, who had come in after us, were getting food. Just then a lady appeared and asked if we had ordered. We said “yes” to which she asked “did you pay?” “Yes” to which she asked “did you use ApplePay?” “Yes” to which she replied “it didn’t work, can you check your bank account?” We did and there was no sign of the transaction. She then said “No worries, I can take your order, what did you want?” Argh! Having spent what seemed like half the day in the place we were no further forward. The wonders of QR technology!

Ordinary?

Never mind, everything would be fine when our food arrived and after a few more minutes it did. It was dumped on a table quite close to us in what was termed a “food drop zone”. Thankyou coronavirus, you have much to answer for. Lunch was mediocre at best and our scone came without the sharing plate we had asked for but by this time we were losing the will to live.

The scone had been hot when it reached the food drop zone but by the time we got to it, warmth was but a distant memory. Accompanied by the ubiquitous Tiptree jam (£0.50). Irish butter (£0.20) and a ‘healthy’ bowl of cream (£0.60), it wasn’t actually too bad in itself but probably more expensive than a Claridge’s scone. The overall experience had us scratching our heads trying to think of a categorisation below ‘ordinary’ but we gave up. We did get our big black pot though.

Deal or no deal

A big black hole might adequately describe the UK’s imminent departure from the EU. It was perfectly summed up the other day by a picture of Boris standing next to Ursula von der Leyen during BRexit talks. A bumbling shambolic mess standing next to a perfectly presented symbol of unity. We’ll leave you to work out which was which! Whatever happened to the “oven ready deal” Boris promised months ago or the “easiest deal in history” promised by Gove. Could it be that they are just pathological liars … perish the thought?

FK2 0XS tel: 01324 717035 Klondyke

///jars.member.stamp

PS: Many thanks to our Middle East correspondent for sending us this link to the Irish Times about dialects in Eire. It uses the word ‘scone’ as an example. “Picture a line across Ireland from Sligo through Leitrim and Cavan over to Louth. Below it, for most people, scone rhymes with ‘phone’; above it, with ‘gone’. Near the line, usage is more mixed. The line is an isogloss, like a weather-map isobar but showing where a linguistic feature stops or changes”. You see, sconology is not just about scones … now you’ve learned what an isogloss is. If you didn’t already know that is!

Our correspondent was mystified that his Granny always insisted on pronouncing her scones to rhyme with gone in spite of her being located in Dublin, well below that isogloss line. Heyho, well done Granny for impecable pronouncation! He also refers to her scones as “little miracles“, well done again Granny!

Scones, topweird

Finnegans

5th December 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

The big important question is … are we happy? At the moment there is the prospect of COVID vaccinations starting next week in Scotland. Fortunately, we are so old that we’re pretty near the front of the queue. Hurrah! There’s a flip side to the coin, however! We still cannot travel; we still can’t meet family and friends; we’re still leaving the EU at the end of the month and we still have a lunatic leading the free world. On top of all that we are being bombarded with Christmas adverts and music telling us life is perfect and that we should not only be happy but jolly happy. And it’s raining … argh! Okay, okay, in spite of all that we’ve made a decision. We are happy! And we hope that all our readers are too. A celebratory scone at Finnegans was called for.

Choices

This café is in the centre of Falkirk but the last time we were here was four years ago. Back then it was called Findlays. With the name change it presumably came under new management and normally, when this happens, we try and revisit to see if anything’s changed. Don’t know why it has taken us so long to revisit this one. Of course, we had to go through the, now commonplace and familiar palaver of wearing masks, giving our contact details and sanitising our hands. But it has to be said that the staff, even with all these additional burdens, couldn’t have been nicer or more helpful. We decided on some lunch followed by a scone to share. The choice was between plain and wheaten so, in the spirit of adventure, we went for wheaten … oooooh!

Lunch was excellent and afterwards when our scone arrived it did look a little different. No crunchiness here, rather an overall firmness which was more bread-like than anything else. Nevertheless it was very enjoyable. And because it simply added to our already happy state we decided to award a topweird scone. Why not?

Artwork at Finnegans — Interesting wall art at Finnegans

Surreal year

The only other Finnegan we know is the book Finnegans Wake by James Joyce. Not that we’ve read it or anything, it is devilishly difficult and far beyond our meagre intellects! Perhaps we should give it a go, however, because it supposedly attempts to recreate the experience of sleep and dreams … kind of like the somewhat surreal experience of 2020. As the year draws to a close it is tempting to reflect on all that has happened in the past twelve months. Then again, perhaps not! Just make up your mind to be happy … works for us!

FK1 1LL tel: 01324 614050 Finnegans FB

///silks.tasty.soon

Scones, Top

Arnotdale House & Café

21st November 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

If you were to hear someone talking about the “Grand Old Man Of The Pacific”, the town of Falkirk, here in Scotland, might not immediately spring to mind. However, Robert Dollar, was the said “Grand Old Man”, and he was Falkirk born and bred. A high school drop out, he starting off as an errand boy and ended up with a shipping empire that commanded trade all across the Pacific. His home in California was called “Falkirk” and his home in Falkirk was called Arnotdale. He didn’t actually live at Arnotdale, he just bought it in 1920 and bequeathed it to the people of the town. As you do if you are one of the richest men in the world. Now it’s called Arnotdale House & Café and it’s run by the Cyrenians, a charity that helps take care of homeless people.

No, we’re not homeless, that’s not why we’re here. Rather it was an invitation from friends to take afternoon tea with them.. What could be nicer? After all, the only thing nicer than afternoon tea is afternoon tea with good friends.

Secret of success

The extensive gardens now form Dollar Park, a wonderful leisure area appropriately named in memory of the town’s benefactor. Actually, I have a personal connection to Robert Dollar albeit a wee bit tenuous … okay, a big bit! In 1874, while deep in debt, Robert married a Miss Proudfoot to whom he attributed his entire success. Almost eighty years later, I was taught to play tennis in Dollar Park by none other than Miss Proudfoot … not the same one obviously though at the time, I do remember thinking she was quite old. Mind you, at that time I regarded anyone over fifteen years of age as quite old! Under Miss Proudfoot’s tutelage, I went on to became a very mediocre tennis player. So I can probably attribute my level of success to Miss Proudfoot as well. Told you it was tenuous!

Anyway enough of all that, what about the scones? We were fortunate to be seated in a large bay window with views over the beautiful gardens. Within minutes two three teir stands of goodies were placed on our table. There was quite a selection. Various quiches, sausage rolls and sandwiches on the bottom and cakes and chocolate dipped strawberries on the top. The scones, together with little pots of jam and cream, rightfully occupied a tier of their own in the middle. It was all rather splendid.

Readers will be aware that we don’t like large scones with our afternoon tea but, if anything, these ones might have been a tad on the small side. They were delicious though and considering everything else we had to eat the size of the scones turned out to be a blessing. We couldn’t finish everything. The lovely Cyrenian folks kindly boxed up everything we hadn’t eaten so that we could take it home. What’s not to like? Well done Arnotdale House & Café, topscone and many thanks to our friends for inviting us.

Lady leaders

The disaster that is the USofA just goes on and on. People dying left right and centre and seemingly no one in charge … unbelievable.

Statue of the Prodigal Son in Dollar Park — Statue in the park of the Prodigal Son

And the Donald sits fuming about the election with his finger on the nuclear button … scary! Mind you the UK is equally rudderless. We have a new Prime Minister but we just don’t know who it is yet. Now that Cummings and Cain have gone many think it’s Carrie Symonds, Boris’s live in lover. No bad thing perhaps. On recent performances there’s an argument to be made that all countries and political parties should have female leaders. Just not Margaret Thatcher … or Theresa May. And definitely not Priti Patel!

In spite of awarding coronavirus contracts worth £billions to their pals in government they are now spending another £40b in arms contracts. To developing technology to fight wars in space. This is in spite of most major security problems being pretty low tech. Mostly guys in flipflops blowing themselves up or running amok with a knife? There has to be a better way to spend that amount of money … puttin the Cyrenians out of business perhaps?

FK1 5SQ tel: 01324 323331 Arnotdale House

///tribal.regret.showcases

Scones, Top

Corner Café – Boxed

12th November 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Two years ago when we visited the Corner Café in our home town of Falkirk it was still a new enterprise … only two weeks old in fact. Fresh out of the box, so to speak! Now, the ever enterprising owner Andrew Harkins and his team, prompted by COVID restrictions, have taken it upon themselves to supply afternoon tea in a box. Egh? So it’s perhaps appropriate that the title of this post is not Corner Café – Revisited, because we didn’t, but Corner Café – Boxed.

Afternoon tea in a box is a bit of an oxymoron, is it not? Surely, an item of such gentility and refinement cannot be placed in a box? A cardboard box to boot! However, given that we cannot travel anywhere, the next best thing to being out for afternoon tea in some splendiferous surroundings is to have it at home. But then you have to make it! Well, for the princely sum of £20 you can enjoy the simply pleasures of afternoon tea for two in your own home. And none of the bother of actually having to make it yourself. Brilliant! But what would it be like? We had to investigate!

Headlines

Back in 2018, when we first reported on this place, the main news was about a member of the Royal family closing her own car door. The media had got its knickers in a right Royal twist. Things have moved on since then with the offending Royal banished forever to America where such unseemly behaviour is deemed quite acceptable.

We also reported that the Ayrshire Ladies tug-of-war team had won the 500kg World Championship in Cape Town. The only news from Ayrshire this week was a bold headline in the Ayrshire Daily News “South Ayrshire Golf club owner loses 2020 presidential election“. In the past Trump has said that if he loses he will leave the US and move to Scotland. Noooo … Trump for President, Biden’s a cheat!!!” Seriously, we thought a glass of bubbles was appropriate to toast President Joe and add a touch of decadence to our afternoon tea in a box. Not absolutely necessary you understand but necessary enough … okay?

What’s in the box?

Anyway, what about a box of afternoon tea? You do have to collect it from the Corner Café yourself but they provide it with a window so you get a hint of what’s inside! First impressions? There’s plenty in there. We might struggle a bit. When we decanted the contents on to our admittedly small tiered afternoon tea plate there was not nearly enough room for everything. It would have to be a two stage affair.

The sandwiches, rolls and pies were all excellent. Now we were getting worried about having enough room for the four medium sized scones. We were right to worry. At the end of the day, conscience of having to leave some room for cakes, we only managed one and a half scones between us. We had given them a wee blast in the oven so they were nice and warm. Generous tubs of jam and clotted cream made them quite delicious. It did no harm that, like the Corner Café, our tea and coffee was supplied by Henry’s Coffee Company. Another topscone for the Corner Café.

Wandering minds

In the end we did little justice to the cakes and biscuits. They’ll keep ’til tomorrow! As we sat there in front of the fire, pleasantly bloated and full of tea and bubbles our minds wandered to things we don’t understand. That’s a lot to contemplate! We thought getting older was supposed to bring greater understanding. Not so! Quite the opposite! Voting for Trump, voting for Boris, voting for Brexit, voting for Farage?? Thank goodness for afternoon tea. One of the few things left that we do understand.

Well done the Corner Café. The fact that you can get almost everything we understand into a relatively small box is truly amazing … or is it?

FK1 1LZ. tel: 01324 410949 The Corner Café FB

///spot.broad.exist

Scones, Uncategorized

Balgove Larder

6th November 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

When we got an email from our ever inventive Bathurst correspondent entitled “scones and phone boxes” we were delighted. Always keen to learn more about life down under we were full of anticipation. Perhaps another New South Wale’s scone? Perhaps a kangaroo outside a K6 phone box somewhere in the outback? So imagine our surprise when we discovered that nothing could be further from the truth. The scone news came from the Balgove Larder in St Andrews, about an hour’s drive from where we live and the telephone boxes were all local too i.e. in the UK. Who would have thought we would be getting our local sconological news from the antipodeas?

Strange things happen

Of course, there’s an explanation. Our correspondent has family near St Andrews and the pictures were from his last visit, about two years ago. Is getting local news like this weird or wonderful? We think it’s wonderful but it may also be a bit weird. Our correspondent laments the fact that he has no idea if and when he will again be allowed to visit St Andrews where his daughter and grandchildren live. Weirdly, even though it is very close to us, we are not allowed to visit either. Such are the joys of global coronavirus restrictions!

If memory serves our correspondent well, Balgove Larder was a lovely venue and the scone was also excellent. It certainly looks good and nicely presented with plenty jam and cream. Oviously Pat and I will do our utmost to confer a grading here as soon as we are allowed to travel again. Oooo, “conferring” topscone awards … sounds a bit pretentious doesn’t it. Note to self: must stay grounded!

Lunar outbursts

While the UK adjusts to renewed lockdown apparently President Trump has reported a huge dump of his votes on the moon. He has a friend who is an astronaut, a terrific astronaut, he has a telescope and he has seen them. Now, dear reader, if you wondered, even for a nanosecond, if that was true it pretty much sums up the state of American politics at the moment. Sad, sad! If Trump loses we may even miss these extraordinary outbursts. We can adjust, however.

KY16 9SF tel: 01334 898145 Balgove

///ripen.hotel.class

ps: Not content with simply sending us Scottish scone news from Australia our correspondent also sent some phone box pics.

K6 phone ones from Bathurst correspondent — Julie demonstrating how a remote Welsh K6 door works near Tregaron and a St Andrews Lion K6 on the right in Hepburn Gardens with our correspondents grandchildren Molly and Annie

Lo-and-behold, no sooner had our Bathurst correspont sent in his report than another one popped up … wow! This one described an autumn walk our Devon correspondents took the other day. No scones but they did spot this phone box in the village of Filleigh. Readers all know by now that we regard Devon folks as being fairly uncivilised. Goodness, cream first, what do they expect?

Filleigh K6 in Devon — A Devon K6 and some beautiful autumn colours

If further proof was needed here is the picture they sent of a Devon ‘red’ telephone box. It’s used as the village library.

We are, as always, indebted to each and every one of our correspondents. They enrich our lives (and hopefully yours) wonderfully.

Ordinary, Scones

Cairnie Fruit Farm & Mega Maze

3rd November 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

What do you do on a cold day of torrential rain with five and seven year old granddaughters. Take them to the Cairnie Fruit Farm and Mega Maze …. of course! Secretly, we thought we might lose them in the maze and then sneak off for coffee and a scone while they tried to find their way out. It turned out that the maze, in the shape of a sunflower, was carved into a field of corn-on-the-cob or maize … so it was actually a maize maze. Even an amazing maize maze because it was vast. It was also extremely muddy with the rain getting worse by the minute.

Never mind we were sure the girls wouldn’t last more than a few minutes in these atrocious conditions. Not a bit of it, they were having a ball and, even after an hour, they were not in the least inclined to leave! On the other hand we were cold wet and only thinking of shelter and scones. Eventually we persuaded them to leave and we headed to the cafe.

Sooo Scottish

When we arrived the large car park was almost full, the adventure park was busy and the extensive cafe/shop was busy busy as well. Our daughter, who has been completely ruined by living in London, observed “This is sooo Scottish, what are all these people doing here in this weather?” Of course, there were strict COVID regulations everywhere but we soon found one of their socially distanced tables and discarded our sodden outer garments.

After a bacon roll and some lovely hot coffee we shared a fruit scone with a little tub of Cairnie jam. Although there was no cream we thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe it was just the relief of being somewhere warm and dry? The texture was good but, all things considered we decided it fell short of a topscone accolade.

More fun

Racing cars at Cairnie Fruit Farm — F1 at Cairnie

After we finished, guess what? The youngsters wanted to go back out to the adventure park. Helpless in the face of such excited unbridled enthusiasm … out we had to go. They went on the zip slide, roundabouts, racings cars and everything else. Now the rain was monsoon-like and we were soon back to being soaked and cold As far as the girls were concerned, however, you would have thought the sun was shining … sodden but not a care in the world. It was all we could do to eventually cajole them back towards the car. Bribery may have been involved.

A week is a long time

All in all, we had a wonderful day in spite of the elements throwing everything they could at us. Elsewhere, Trump and Biden have been throwing everything at the Presidential election. Today, however, is judgement day when voters go to the polls. Incredibly, fear of the democratic result has meant that much of the US is boarded up in anticipation of violence. Such are the divisions in the world’s most powerful country.

The result will probably not be known until the end of the week and by that time we may find ourselves in different circumstances. The UK, apart from maybe the NW of Scotland will be in lockdown. Also, because of the desperate events in Nice and Geneva the terrorist threat level in the UK will also have been increased. And who knows, Trump may still be in power.

The farmhouse at Cairnie Fruit Farm — Cairnie farm house

Thumbs up

In spite of everything we must stay optimistic and look after ourselves and those around us. Be cheerful! If a couple of kiddywinks can do it in a cold muddy maze we can all do it.

KY15 4QD tel: 01334 655610 Cairnie Fruit

Ordinary, Scones

Main Street Bakery

23rd October 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Honestly, the things we do for our readers! Here we were in Callander attempting to expand your sconological knowledge and encountering great difficulties. Some of the cafés were closed, some were open but did’t do scones and others we had alraedy reviewed on previous occassions … argh! The weather was also being very Scottish. And you though this sconing malarkey was easy! Suffice to say, as we gambled merrily along Main Street, we came across the Main Street Bakery. No idea how it got that name!

Internal view of Main St Bakery — Who is that?

Café??

In the window they had a display of scones that looked quite good and a sign saying “fresh coffee”. Seemed worthy of investigation. Turned out it was tiny and because of COVID they were only allowed a maximum of two people in at a time. Gadzooks, there was already an elderly gentleman sitting there. He said he was leaving soon so we told him to hurry up so that we could get in. Okay, it wasn’t quite like that but he did kindly vacate the premises and we were in, yeagh!

A cheese scone for Pat and fruit one for me. It soon became very obvious that this is a bakery with a coffee machine and not a café as such. COVID means they can’t put all the usual stuff out on the table. So while the seating area was being sanitised my scone was being buttered and jammed behind the bakery counter. Thank you COVID!!

Rules and regulations

Tea for Pat and coffee for me. Tea was no problem but the lady said I would have to get my coffee from the machine?? I said I would have tea instead but then she offered to make me a cup of instant. Instant it was. So there you have it! A pre-loaded scone, a polystyrene cup of instant coffee and some plastic cutlery. Bet you wish you had been there! To be fair the ladies keeping this place going were doing their best and we quite enjoyed being able to sit for a while and watch the world go by outside.

The coffee and the scone weren’t actually that bad but Claridges, it most certainly was not! No topscone here. While these ladies were looking after us they were also dealing with a constant stream of customers buying from the bakery. It gave us a pretty good insight into how the hospitality industry and everyone in it is having to adapt to weird circumstances.

Santa?

Andy Burnham has not been pushed out yet but his campaign to get increased support for Greater Manchester has had some effect. Now that London has become ‘high risk’ as well, support has been increased for this level … typical! Here in Scotland the lockdown restrictions have been increased and won’t be relaxed unti November at the earliest. We are starting to worry about Santa! How will he cope with all these restrictions? What happens if he catches coronavirus. Has Boris got a contingency plan for this looming crisis?

The US Presidential election is also looming. As humble sconeys we are completely impartial and have no opinion one way or the other but please please don’t let it be Trump!

FK17 8BD tel: 01877 330374 Main St Bakery FB

///spud.ooze.bothered

ps our Bathurst correspondent has been in touch to show us the excellent results of some homebaking and the effect of a sconefest on their friends. Looks like these were topscones!

Following a recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald he has also announced that he and fellow correspondent, the New South Welshman, are inspired by scones to take on a new 400km bike trail.

They won’t be doing it until next year but we are already anticipating some interesting Aussie scone reports. Good luck to both.

Scones, Top

Café at Canada Wood revisited

Quote 18th October 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

One thing about all the pubs and licensed restaurants being closed in this lockdown mess is that cafés that can still stay open are really really busy. Since we are doing a bit of covering for school holidays we had Penny, our five year old granddaughters, with us. She wanted to go to the nearby Milk Barn but when we got there it was so busy we couldn’t get in. She did, however, manage to milk Glenda, her favourite fibreglass cow.

Penny milking Glenda — The ever patient Glenda

30 minutes

We are not supposed to travel unless absolutely necessary so Café at Canada Wood which is also within a mile of home seemed like a possibility. Some people wonder why it’s called “Canada Wood”. We do as well. As a child I used to be hired to chase pigeons out of the wood so that they could be shot by posh people standing on the nearby road. Back then. because of its shape, it was always referred to as “Canada Strip”. We’ve been told, however, that if you search Google with these words you get some unexpected results.

Yes, better luck this time. We could get a table but they needed it back in half an hour. Okay, just about time for a coffee, a scone and some lunch for Penny but it probably wasn’t going to be a leisurely experience. Then again nothing where Penny is concerned can ever be described as leisurely … enough energy and smiles to light up a small city.

It actually turned out not too bad and we thoroughly enjoyed our scone. Another topscone to add to Café at Canada Wood’s ever growing list of topscones. We stuck to our agreement and gave the table up after our thirty minutes. Not ideal perhaps but the staff were great. We certainly didn’t feel as if we were being pushed out.

The bandwagon of bolshieness

However, ‘pushed out’ is maybe how Andy Burnham, Mayor of Greater Manchester might be feeling. He is refusing to impose greater coronavirus restrictions from Westminster until there is better financial support for those affected. Just what Boris needs … bolshiness everywhere he turns. The devolved administrations are bolshie. The EU is getting bolshie. Even some in his own party are now jumping on the bolshie bandwagon. COVID actually makes us feel sorry for politians just now. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

No sympathy for Boris, however, he’s brought all his troubles on himself through his own bumbling ineptitude. Now, he and his old school pals have passed a Bill allowing countries with lower food standards than ours to import into the UK! The beginning of a long downward slippery slope aimed at facilitating the US, with its shockingly poor food standards.

Argh!!

Spare a thought for Scotland in all this. The strict COVID restrictions are okay … perfectly understandable. What is much more difficult to comprehend, however, is that Scotland still has a Tory government it has never ever voted for. Also, the EU, at least, gave us some say over our own destiny through devolution but now Westminster is destroying that with the Internal Market Bill. Not to mention being dragged out of the EU towards some sort of utopia that only exists in Boris’ head. And they wonder why we complain so much? On top of all that, we’re now going to be force-fed American chlorinated/hormone/antibiotic riddled food. Rant over … until the next one.

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 612111 Canada Wood

///airtime.dozens.levels

ps: After we posted a picture of a sign in Dunblane while we were at the Beech Tree Café the Pedant sent us this picture he took in Ely.

An Ely toilet sign — The Dunblane sign on the left together with the Ely sign

No one has ventured any suggestions as to what constitutes a “Comfort Partner” … still a mystery!

If you live in Derbyshire you’ve probably seen one of these before. For those who don’t, here it is … a Derbyshire scone, kindly sent to us by our Nottingham correspondents. They are rookies so, unfortunately, no more detail. Looks pretty good though.

Internationalism

Bad smells

Honest, officer!

Happy New Year

Coffee and boller

What do you want?

Wonders

Ordinary?

Deal or no deal

Choices

Surreal year

Secret of success

Lady leaders

Headlines

What’s in the box?

Wandering minds

Strange things happen

Lunar outbursts

Sooo Scottish

More fun

A week is a long time

Thumbs up

Café??

Rules and regulations

Santa?

30 minutes

The bandwagon of bolshieness

Argh!!

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics