Tag Archives: politics

Porto & Fi Deli Bistro

30th September 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Okay, okay, okay, we know what you’re thinking. How can we be sitting in Porto & Fi Deli Bistro munching scones after witnessing the US Presidential Debate. Of course it wasn’t actually a ‘debate’, more of a debacle of which any two self-respecting schoolboys would have been utterly ashamed. It reminded us of our last UK Johnson/Corbyn election … blithering idiot versus the unelectable. Since Trump wouldn’t last in a rational organised debate he adopted the only tactic open to him … unruly bully boy. In our eyes Biden probably squeezed it but only because he didn’t sink quite as low as his adversary. How come America is left having to choose between these two?

Entitlement

Back in the UK we like to think that things are a bit more civilised. However, the rules surrounding COVID have become so complex that no one, including Boris, understands them. Woe betide you should you break any of them (whatever they are), heavy fines if you live in England! Rules are rules … right? Well, not if you’re one of the entitled and titled folks who live in the Westminster bubble. Pubs across the land now have to close at 10pm but not the plethora of pubs and bars at Westminster? Face coverings have to be worn in taxis everywhere … except in chauffeur driven cars? These exceptions amply demonstrate the attitude of our ruling classes to the ordinary scone eating man in the street. Chaos in the US, chaos in the UK, a festering war erupting in Azerbaijan … it’s a wonderful world?

The view from Porto & Fi — View from Porto & Fi. The original harbour was created in 1504 to-build the warship Great *Michael* *for the Royal Scottish Navy … imagine Scotland with its own navy!*

Our chauffeur had the day off (he actually has every day off) so we had to drive ourselves the twenty miles to Newhaven in north Edinburgh to visit Porto & Fi Deli Bistro. ‘Porto’ refers to the harbour and ‘Fi’ refers to Fiona, the head chef. Many moons ago someone recommended this place but for the life of us we cannot remember who. We are indebted, however, because it’s great. Super to see it going like a fair and everyone being really respectful of everyone else in terms of face coverings, distancing etc. They have a thriving takeaway trade and a couple of tables outside on the pavement. However, although it was a glorious day, we were fortunate to get an inside table at a window … we could people watch while enjoying lunch. At one point a lady wandered past leading a totally suicidal looking bloodhound. It could have been joyous for all we know but how would you tell? First bloodhound we’ve seen in years.

French jam?

After a lunch of fish gougons, burgers and the most delicious curly chips we opted to share a fruit scone with our tea. Unfortunately this was where a little bit of negativity crept in. The scone iteslf was lovely and warm and had a nice crunchiness to it. They don’t do cream, however, and on top of that it was accompanied by Irish butter and French jam. Mamamia!! After careful consideration we decided there were too many downsides to award a topscone .., shame! We will be back though … breakfasts look fab!

Breeks

Newhaven fishery c1840 — Fisherboy wearings his father’s breeks

From a personal point of view Newhaven is famous for the photographs of Robert Adamson and Octavious Hill. They documented life in the town in the 1840s when photography was real photography. None of this fandangled digital stuff back then! In spite of all the difficulties experienced by such early pioneers they still delivered some fabulous images of the people and times. They remind us that, considering I never had to wear my father’s trousers, perhaps the world we live in today isn’t that bad after all. Many thanks Porto & Fi, we really enjoyed our visit. Just take a look at your scone accoutrements and you will be perfect.

EH6 4NQ tel: 0131 551 1900 Porto & Fi

///urgent.zeal.occurs

Scones, Uncategorized

The Little Big Dairy Company

22nd September 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

This post is slightly different. It doesn’t actually involve any scones directly but rather indicates how to ensure your scone is spoilt rotten by treating it and yourself to some real cream. It’s all part of sconology. According to our New South Welshman correspondent (rides shotgun for our Bathurst correspondent), cream doesn’t come any better than that produced by the Little Big Dairy Company and its herd of 800 Holstein cows. In his own words, here’s why:

“The first Saturday in September is Father’s Day in New South Wales (remember we are no longer Australians, but a collection of warring states). Your Bathurst corespondent’s loving daughter presented a most wonderful jar of health-giving cream, from a small family-owned ethical dairy. Food for thought. In my childhood milk was extracted from a happy cow, placed in a large bowl in the fridge, and later the cream scooped from the top with a large spoon. Oh, bliss! Occasionally a separator was used— awful to wash up. At the same time, most farm kids had lumps or scars in their necks from bovine TB. Scottish milk was described (in Microbiology lectures in the late 1960s) as “ Tuberculous Pus”

Public health rules have undoubtedly produced many benefits, but pondering the origins of our food is important. Most milk in Western countries is now produced in industrial factories. Cows in sheds, no sunshine, no happy days playing in green grass. Cream emerges from the end of a factory, great distances from the cow

Jam on top?

Little big Australian real cream — Stand your spoon up cream

Your Bathurst correspondent was in heaven eating his ethical cream on fresh scones. (It’s so thick it must be eaten in the Devon way— cream first, jam on top — even if YOUR Queen disagrees). Pay a bit more, get the real stuff”.

Fantastic, more power to the Little Big Dairy Company! However, we may have to agree with Her Majesty about cream placement … no matter how thick it is! We would like to say that we were not around in the 60s to enjoy “ Tuberculous Pus” but of course we were. Happily, we can report wonderful silky smooth necks though some say that’s due to continuous use of Brasso. Unfortunately, for most readers, you have to live in New South Wales to enjoy the benefits of the Little Big Dairy Company’s produce. In this globalised world, however, it would not surprise us if someone started importing Little Big cream to the UK. Crikey, we complain about Scotland importing Rodda’s Cornish cream.

Good riddance

He also comments on some political news. Even though he says Australia is now a collection of warring states they all seem to have come together in a show of unity to say “good riddance” to former Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott. In case you don’t know, in yet another of Boris’s brain farts, he has appointed Abbott as an official trade adviser to the UK. “Thank you so much for taking Tony Abbott off our hands. If “ The Mad Monk “ is your answer, what is your question?? Our pugilistic, misogynist, climate change denying, failed ex-Prime Minister will happily negotiate away anything you value. Goodbye NHS, affordable pharmaceuticals, any health, ethical or environmental regulations. Welcome chlorinated chicken and any man-made toxin now banned in the EU. Please keep him. He and Boris obviously get on very well.”

Mystery?

No wonder they get on very well! Boris Johnson says that Abbott was elected by the “great liberal democratic nation of Australia”, but he fails to note that Abbott broke almost every election promise he ever made. Abbott reckons climate change is “absolute crap” and as far as we know he has never negotiated a trade deal in his life. Maybe Boris just wants some advice on how to cope with being ditched after only one term in government. How do eejits like Abbott, Johnson and Trump get elected to the highest office in the first place? It’s a mystery! It’s unbelievable!

Our New South Welshman ends reassuringly: “We are surviving well by finding small pleasures in life, like a shared liking of scones”. Nice to think that on the opposite side of the world we are surviving in exactly the same way. Many thanks JB, keep up the good work.

Dubbo NSW 2830 tel: +61 02 6887 3443 Little Big Dairy

///basher.fashioning.sour

K2 telephone box — FMF hope to persuade BT to reinstall a K2 in the High Street … the only K2 in Scotland.

ps: Our telephone box enthusiasts will be pleased to hear that our little organisation Falkirk Made Friends (FMF) have convinced BT to take away all removal notices from the town’s telephone boxes and persuaded the local Council to adopt three of them. Falkirk manufactured the first K2 boxes in 1926 and, over the years, most of the subsequent K4s and K6s. The town was within a week or so of completely losing this iconic symbol of its industrial heritage. There is much more work still to be done to ensure their future in the form of an Iron Heritage Trail. In the meantime, we would be grateful for photographs of telephone boxes from anywhere in the world.

Ordinary, Scones

The Orangery at Victoria Square

18th September 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

We know, it’s been some time since our last post. And before we’re accused of bone idleness it’s because we’ve been busy with other things. Pathetic we know, we should sort out our priorities! We haven’t quite started galavanting yet so this foray to The Orangery at Victoria Square, in Stirling, seemed like a good, if still slightly tentative step, into the big bad world of coronavirus sconology.

It was recommended by the Laird, a valued correspondent of long standing. His full title is the Laird of Dumyat (pronounced dum-eye-at), a piece of land on which he has, built a 1300ft mountain … a kind of mountainette. Thankfully, we don’t think he has any connection with the Lascivious Laird of Kippendavie who lorded it over a neighbouring property around 1765. The genteel and wholesome nature of this blog forbids us from entering into further detail. For being retired and supposedly having nothing to do we seem to find it remarkably difficult to fit everything in. The stress, the stress! The idea of visiting this place was that it should provide an hour or two of blessed peace and tranquillity. Happily, we can report that it did just that. It did so in spades! “Can you just get on with it, what about the scones?” we hear you cry.

The rules, the rules

Bear with us a little, remember this is a COVID scone. This is a guest house and of course, we were interested to find out how they had fared over the past few months. Unsurprisingly, “with great difficulty” was the answer. What guests they have had have been from the UK with one or two from Germany. Our host apologised for being unable to take our jackets but of course, that is no longer allowed. The Orangery is a fine dining restaurant but with only one chef allowed in the kitchen at a time, even that is difficult. The whole situation was kind of summed when she said to no one in particular “it’s quiet without the music … we can’t even have that!”

Yes, music, singing and dancing are all forbidden. Living under COVID is akin to living under the Free Church of Scotland … you can do anything you like as long as you don’t enjoy yourself. We were enjoying ourselves immensely and fully expected thunderbolts. The lack of music meant that we could listen to other people’s conversation … sadly, none worth reporting.

We also never thought we would ever find ourselves having to apologise to an entire breed of cattle. On the wall overlooking our table was this picture which we thought reminded us of Boris. We sincerely apologise to Highland cattle everywhere, it was the horns that did it.

The scones, the scones

Okay, the scones were presented, not on the usual tiered cake stand but on a large china platter. One platter each. Only one scone each and it was, what was referred to as a “mini-scone”, can you spot it? You’re aware that we don’t really go for big scones but this even got us thinking about introducing a new ‘diminutive scone’ category.

Everything is prepared and baked inhouse and it was all wonderful. When it came to judging the scone however we felt that there was a little something missing … salt perhaps? Nice but no nice enough for a topscone. Pity, because we liked everything about this place and would love to return in better times.

Hash, hash, hash!

As the UK considers going back into full lockdown again, Boris continues to hash his way through the crisis declaring that everything they are doing is “world-beating“. His “oven-ready” deal with the EU turns out to be missing most of the ingredients and now he is threatening to break an International Treaty he signed up to only months ago. Simultaneously, he is managing to make a hash of the UK as a Union of Nations. He hates devolution so much that he, in his muddled up thinking, sees Brexit as the perfect excuse to seize back devolved powers to Westminster. We really do apologise to Highland cattle everywhere!

On a more upbeat note, we see that Barbados has finally decided to come of age with its decision to drop the Queen as their head of state. Well done Barbados! Scotland can’t even govern itself never mind make grown-up decisions like that.

FK8 2QZ tel: 01786 473920 The Orangery

///skirt.pretty.pens

Scones, Uncategorized

The Blue Wren Bush Cafe

31st August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

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Here’s a question, how would we obtain a scone report from the Blue Wren Bush Cafe in Coonabarabran? The answer lies in the fact that we now have a new correspondent, a New South Welshman no less. He wrote to give us a little insight into how things are down under at the moment. Because of COVID restrictions, no one is allowed to travel across state borders and that’s going down like the proverbial lead balloon. He now thinks of himself, not as Australian but as a New South Welshman. He even says our politicians here in the UK might be worse than those in Australia. The only controversial thing about that statement is the word ‘might’!

We have never met but he’s a friend of our poetic Bathurst correspondent so that’s plenty good enough for us. All we can say is welcome to allaboutthescones. Without our antipodean correspondents we would all be completely ignorant of down under scones. And then, where would we be?

Anyway, for a break he took off in his “go anywhere” camper … anywhere in New South Wales, that is! He headed out west “in search of birds and scones” and ended up in the 5,000 km² Pilliga Forest (not so much a “forest” as us Brits would know it but more a vast area of scrubland) and that’s how he ended up here at the Blue Wren Bush Cafe. Described as being “in the middle of nowhere”, it’s also home to the Pilliga Pottery.

Splendid

It’s part of Barkala Farm which has been run by the same family for several generations. In the report, he mentions that he found pink cockatoos but no mention of blue wrens? Hardly surprising if they don’t actually exist! We had certainly never heard of a Blue Wren and assumed it was just a pretty name for a cafe. Not a bit of it. The Blue Wren does exist and it’s a rather gorgeous wee thing. It’s sometimes known as the Splendid Fairywren and we can easily see why. You live and learn!

Top notch

The cafe makes everything from ingredients sourced on the farm, or at least locally, and by all accounts, their scones are top notch. They certainly look that way from here but it’s a bit too far to make any kind of conclusive judgement. Maybe our newfound spirit of adventure will take us to these blue wren scones and maybe even to an actual blue wren. That would be great!

NSW 2357. tel: +61 2 6842 2239 Blue Wren

///named.anchovies.renewal

From The Blue Wren our correspondent went even deeper into the forest in search of more scones. Dedication or what?

ROSE ISLAND STATION

He ended up here at Rose Isle Station on the Darling River which he described as “very, very outback“. It’s a sheep station owned by Garry and Samantha Mooring who can turn their hand to just about anything. It could be making pizza ovens from old steam engines or baking fabulous scones. Apparently, “morning tea, baked by Samantha, in a rustic hut on the edge of the Darling is to die for“. It certainly sounds fabulous and New South Welshman even got instructions on how to make Samantha’s scones. See, it’s all in the detail!

Samantha's Rose Isle homemade scones NSW — Samantha’s traditional on the left and ‘Italian’ on the right

“Traditional scones; 3 cups SR flour, 1 1/2 cups milk,1cup cream, 1 tbsp icing sugar. Mix lightly with an old bone-handled knife, do not play with it. Cook in a hot oven. Add homemade nectarine jam, whipped cream (No dairy cows for 500kms, so not home sourced)
Italian scones — add chopped olives, anchovies, grated tasty cheddar, sea salt, some tomato relish. Hot oven, add butter.

Sheds

Our correspondent says that it’s “Civilization in the Wild West” and states that once travel restrictions are lifted, it is definitely worth a trip from the Northern Hemisphere.

Homemade pizza oven NSW — Garry’s homemade pizza oven made from an old steam engine made in the UK. Remember when we actually made things?

He might be right! As well as scones there seems to be a lot of potential for a book of Aussie sheds. Though I suspect some may take exception to their restaurants being called sheds. I’ve already been in trouble for mistaking a church on Fraser Island for a shed!

tel: +61 (02) 6874 7371. Rose Island

///measurable.victorious.darling

The news is full of dread about English schools going back next Tuesday and the infection problems it could cause. Scottish schools have been back for a couple of weeks and we’ve survived. Boris (Dominic Cummings) has taken advantage of the bruhaha to quietly announced that he is launching a review of judicial reviews. Ever since the Scottish courts declared his decision to prorogue Parliament as unlawful he has had it in for them. Peculiar that a government that trumpets transparency so much actually hates being scrutinised to the extent that it would seek to interfere with the independent legal system of a country. Or, knowing Boris as we do, is that actually surprising at all?

Filleting

On a slightly different tack, Pat asked me to fillet a trout the other day. It had been caught and donated by our favourite coffee correspondent. She was so impressed with the job I made of it she opted to make it into a fish pie. And delicious it was too … it’s all in the filleting. This morning I have been filleting plums for plum jam and believe I have made a slightly better job of them. At least, no raised eyebrows yet!

Scones, Top

The Potting Shed

28th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

“On the Road Again” – Canned Heat 1968, you might remember it if you are of a certain age. We’re on the road again and the incentive this time is to take advantage of the government’s Eat Out to Help Out Scheme. For the month of August, you get a 50% discount when you eat in a registered restaurant at the beginning of the week. We had heard that the Roman Camp Hotel in Callander had opened a new venture in their garden called the Potting Shed and they were participating. The hotel is great but a wee bit on the posh side. The Potting Shed, as you might expect, promised to be slightly less formal. In fact, when we last stayed at the Roman Camp we had explored the grounds and the potting shed before breakfast one morning. At that time it was just an empty shed crying out for something to be done with it. We were keen to see how it was now.

Old boards

The Potting Shed itself is relatively small and painted in the same pink as the main hotel. A covered seating area at the front has been added to expand capacity and to better cope with COVID restrictions. We opted to sit inside. The decor is fairly basic, kind of shabby chic. Old painted recycled wooden boards covering the walls together with an eclectic range of old furniture. It all hangs together quite nicely. Our table was below a wonderful window that looked out onto the vegetable garden.

No self-respecting potting shed should be without this sort of adornment

Thankyou Boris

The young chap who was looking after us was extremely busy. Between inside and outside he’s bound to cover a good few miles in his working day. Nevertheless, he took care of all our needs and remained courteous and friendly throughout. For lunch, we had a starter and a main course each and then decided on a scone instead of pudding. They came as a brace, one plain, one fruit and accompanied by butter, jam and clotted cream. We were slightly disappointed with the plain one which was a little undercooked in the middle but the fruit one was perfect. Nice and warm, crunchy exterior and soft interior. Since Boris Johnson was paying for one of them we decided it was the plain one and therefore decided to concentrate on the one we were paying for and award it a topscone.

Illusions

So Boris’s legacy is assured. He will be remembered not only as being useless but perhaps primarily for half price scones. Of course, we don’t actually believe in fairy stories. We realise that the whole Eat Out to Help Out Scheme is really just an illusion. Boris isn’t going to pay for anything that isn’t tax-deductible and that we, as ordinary taxpayers, are indirectly paying for it all. Nevertheless, we had a fab lunch with at least one fab scone and our total bill came to a grand total of £21. Maybe fairies do exist? Will we be able to squeeze in another half price lunch before the scheme finishes on the 31st? And who knows, our newfound spirit of adventure may even take us round the corner to our local pub to celebrate Friday night. We haven’t done that since March.

Donald Trump certainly knows how to put on a show. However, perhaps the most memorable thing about the flag-waving performance at the Republican National Convention was that they were able to spell out his name in the sky with fireworks. How do they do that? Of course, he tried to paint Joe Biden as the bogey man of the world. At the risk of appearing ageist, the real scary thing is that America could only produce 78-year-old Joe to run against him!

FK17 8BG tel: 01877 332692 Potting Shed FB

///collapsed.seasonal.boasted

Ordinary, Scones

The Lodge at Loch Lomond

26th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

Woohoo, we’re out and about again! Yeah! Mind you if hadn’t been for an invitation to a champagne afternoon tea by our grandbrats we might not have been. Still not feeling as adventurous as we used to be. It is obviously going to take a wee bit more time to get fully back in the swing. Anyway, they phoned to say that they were at the Lodge on Loch Lomond and would we like to join them? It was a lovely day so we jumped in the car and were off on the longest journey we have undertaken since March when we were in Tobermory on the Isle of Mull. This trip was only going to take an hour or so but it still seemed like an exciting mini-adventure after COVID incarceration.

Internal view of the Lodge at Loch Lomond — Colquhoun’s Restaurant overlooking the loch

Take the High Road

The Lodge on the Loch Lomond is situated in the picturesque village of Luss. This was where the now-defunct Scottish soap opera Take The High Road was set. The area around the loch is always busy. In normal times Luss has so many tourists it’s really best avoided. Amazingly it was still extremely busy and very few visitors appeared to be from Britain. Considering the coronavirus travel restrictions the country is currently facing we have no idea how they got here or how they’re getting back? When we arrived at the Lodge we were ushered into Colquhoun’s Restaurant. The name made me think of my mother.

Desperate situation strategy

During WWII she drove timber lorries up and down Loch Lomondside. The twisty road is torturous, to say the least, so this was cause for wonderment by everyone who knew her … especially my father when she drove his car through the end of the garage. Anyway, she stopped her truck one day and climbed over the wall into Luss Estate to pick some daffodils. No sooner had she done so than she was apprehended by none other than Sir Ivar Colquhoun, 7th Baronet and Chief of Clan Colquhoun. He told her in no uncertain terms that not only was she on the wrong side of the wall stealing his flowers but also trespassing on one of his 44,000 acres. Mum always responded to all such desperate situations in the same way … by dissolving in a fit of helpless giggles. This highly successful strategy served her well throughout her life. It got her out of many scrapes where the accuser just gave up in bewilderment.

View from Colquhoun's restaurant — View from Colquhoun’s Restaurant

Delegation

Anyway, after some initial miscommunication problems, we were eventually settled down with our afternoon tea. It was delightful to sip bubbles, eat sandwiches and cakes while watching the swimmers, canoeists and paddleboarders exerting a bit more energy outside on the loch. Delegating exercise suits us very well. Sometimes the happy scene was enhanced with the addition of a cruise boat or a pedalo, escaped from a neighbouring beach. However, it was the scones that were getting most of our attention.

Skinny dipping

This would be our first non-Falkirk scone since lockdown and they looked very inviting. We had a plain scone and fruit scone between the two of us so it was half each. There was nice little pots of cream and strawberry jam … no prepackaged stuff here. All presented in a kind of birdcage contraption, presumably to stop the scones escaping? The cakes, the sandwiches and the scones were all great. However, after some deliberation and taking the service problems into account, we eventually decided that the scones fell ever so slightly short of topscone. Pity, it would have been nice to have awarded a topscone on our first real outing in months.

by the bonnie bonnie bums of Loch Lomond

All in all a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon so many thanks to all concerned. Afterwards, the kids expended some of their boundless energy with a dip in the loch.

In the news, Boris Johson has ended his camping holiday near Applecross after only three days. Hard enough to believe that he actually chose friendless Scotland in the first place never mind the fact that he then pitched his bell tent without permission on someone else’s land. Kind of says it all really.

G83 8PA tel: 01436 860201 Colquhoun’s Restaurant

///disprove.enormous.ballroom

ps: Our Bathurst correspondent has come back with more comment and another poem. Is there no end to these Aussie’s talents?

“Bill alleges that we Aussies should rejoice, as we are heading into spring and summer, while you Scots are looking down the barrel of winter. All very well, but the weather here in Bathurst this past week has been atrocious. Rain, wind, even a dash of snow. Why, yesterday it was so cold the maximum temperature was 2 degrees lower than the minimum. But, on the brighter side, this weather reminds us of our previous biannual visits to our daughter and family in Strathkinness. Something that is unlikely to be repeated anytime soon.

Enough of that, let’s get on with another poem. The penning of which has been made easier by being stuck indoors all day. For this poem, I have resorted to Sam T Coleridge for inspiration.”

POEM

Never thought that Coleridge would get a mention in allaboutthescones.com. But when you consider that he spent many years living with the Wordsworths in the Lake District, we’re sure he would have enjoyed many a scone. And he would be proud to still be inspiring scone poets today. Many thanks to A & J.

On our way home from the Lodge at Loch Lomond we came across this fully operational K6 telephone box at Balquidder. Legend has it that Rob Roy used it regularly.

Scones, Uncategorized

Cafe Zestt

22nd August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

What would we do without our correspondents? Really, how do you keep a scone blog going when you can’t go out for a scone? And Boris Johson thinks he has problems! At the start of this COVID pandemic, we felt the hiatus in normality was simply that, a hiatus. Now, however, we are not so sure. In fact, we are no longer very sure about anything. To solve the problem we have done a fair bit of reposting but lately, it’s been our antipodean correspondents riding to the rescue. This is another from our poetically gifted Albury correspondent on Cafe Zestt in Crookwell. If you’re not sure where that is it’s roughly halfway between Sydney and Wagga Wagga … okay?

There is also some enlightening stuff from one of our Kiwi correspondents. It reminds us that this really is a pandemic. People on the opposite side of the world are suffering exactly the same problems as us in the UK.

But first, did you know that the antipode of Edinburgh is Papatowai on New Zealand’s south island. New York’s antipode is Augusta, Western Australia and Tokyo’s is Cidreira in Brazil. Auckland’s is Setenil de las Bodegas in Spain. You get all this and other useless information on allaboutthescones.com.

Anyway, our Albury correspondent wrote: “Well stone the flamin’ crows, as we Aussies exclaim when confronted with something astonishing. Yesterday, when returning from a night in our national capital, we stopped at a one-horse drop called Crookwell for a coffee and, dare I say, a scone. The café Zestt provided us with both, and a very nice scone it was too. Perhaps a top scone, but who am I to be the judge of such things. On leaving, I noticed that the coffee brand they served was the Cat’s Pyjamas, a brand of which I had never heard. Bill’s Beans, yes, Fish River Roasters, yes, but never the Cat’s Pyjamas.

Then, blow me down, this morning I opened Bill’s latest blog to find he also drinks the Cat’s Pyjamas. It’s enough to bring on another poem!”

Many thanks to A & J, can’t wait for the poem. We’re sure, however, that this Cat’s Pyjamas won’t be a patch on that from our very own coffee correspondent at Henry’s Coffee Company. Best coffee in the world … it really is the Cat’s Pyjamas.

NSW 2583 tel: +61 438 428 988 Zestt FB

///absurd.land.arithmetic
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Meanwhile, just next door in New Zealand, one of our Kiwi correspondents has been admirably busy during their lockdown. Her friend Mary always makes scones for every visit and presents them with lots of apricot jam. They look delicious! She was lamenting that fact that with the world being as crazy as it is, she may never get a return trip to Scotland. Let’s hope that isn’t the case but who knows? She sent some pics that make our slothfulness look positively criminal.

embroidery with fish — A SwordFish made from recycled garden tools and a cross-stitch embroidery

In New Zealand, of course, they are anticipating spring and summer whereas we are going the opposite way into autumn and winter. In Scotland, we have enjoyed a lot of fine weather this year but don’t think we could ever compete with our correspondent’s fabulous sweet grapefruit tree. She has also acquired this print of a quail which we think is rather splendid.

Etching of a quail — a quail by Helen Darling of Central Otago

Many thanks S & O, we loved all the pics. We are indebted to all our correspondents who enrich this blog wonderfully.

Now that we have our wheels back we may venture further afield for our next scone. Don’t want to raise expectations too high but watch this space. In the meantime stay safe.

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Berts revisited

17th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Still carless so we remain pretty much tethered to home. Our car is currently on Harris in the Outer Hebrides where the previous post hailed from. We are being inundated with photos of our granddaughters enjoying fabulous weather and swimming on Hebridean beaches.

Luskentyre beach on Harris — our granddaughter Lola running on one of the many overcrowded beaches in the Outer Hebrides

Meanwhile, back in Falkirk, with no particular desire to use public transport just yet, we were not feeling the same degree of joyous unfettered freedom. But sensing a bit of a scone urge, we quietly made our way to our own local High Street. And when we got there Bob & Berts was the only cafe with any available outside seating. So it was to be “Bob & Berts revisited”. Last time we reviewed this place it was our very first scone of 2019.

Car doors

Back then we appraised our 2018 year of sconing. The big political news of the year had been a member of the Royal family closing her own car door. The media was full of it. Some congratulatory but others full of righteous indignation at the sheer unabashed brashness of it all. Since then, of course, the responsible person has been banished from whence she came and since then all Royal car doors have remained free of scandal. Phew!

Snagging lists

Momentarily, we also turned to religion. God, we reckoned, must have looked with dismay at the mess He had made of His snagging list over two millennia. We felt, however, that He would have taken a crumb of comfort from a whole bunch of countries banding together in a spirit of cooperation to form the EU. He would have been proud! Oh dear, what will He be thinking now?

Last time, we gave Bob and Berts a bit of a hard time for not selling us a raspberry ripple scone and importing their jam from Oregon. That’s a massive carbon footprint for a wee pot of jam. Well, this time they only had cherry scones but the jam was still the same. We have to conclude that they are either impervious to justifiable criticism or they don’t read allaboutthescones.com. Incredibly we suspect it’s the latter. Heyho, we wouldn’t really want anyone serving American jam in Scotland to be reading our blog anyway!

We wish our “Bob & Berts revisited” experience had been an improvement on the first visit but it wasn’t. Our shared cherry scone was almost inedible. It may have been fresh on a certain day last week but it certainly wasn’t now. We left half of it. Stale scones, scooshie cream and American jam … what’s to like? Well, the coffee was actually quite good and the place itself has a nice hipsterish vibe. Not enough to make us rush back though.

Poetic scones

We are spoiled when it comes to refreshments because our coffee correspondent keeps us supplied with delicious Cat’s Pyjamas coffee from Henry’s Coffee Company. Sometimes we even find the odd anonymous package of trout on our doorstep and suspect it might be the very same correspondent. Among his many talents, he is renowned for his recitals of the poems of Robert Burns. He couldn’t bear for our antipodean corespondents to be the only ones waxing lyrically about scones so he’s penned a response. As expected, his ditty has an appropriate Scottish flavour.

Great tastin scone yir so elusive.
Tae find yir likes, one hikes ower Scotland’s hills and glens and islands.
Thru toons and villages, some wi’ sheds, some wi’ telephone boxes.
Some oft visited by wee ‘Willy Winkie’ and Pat and Billy.
Yir crumblin crumbs and so soft centre cause chaos on my taste buds.
Yi’ll taste much better when Scotland’s independent.

Normality?

Don’t know if this can be taken as a sign of things returning to normal after COVID? Remember the £5.36 I had in my pocket since March. Remember it mysteriously went up to £6.36. Well, now it’s gone. It’s now just 56p. No idea what’s happened but it’s definitely suffered a severe shock. It’s certainly not due to me being unduly profligate but I’ve obviously had to stick my hand in my pocket for some reason. I would, however, caution the world against taking this as conclusive proof a resumption of normality.

island, Ordinary, Scones

Isle of Harris Distillery – Again

9th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 10 Comments

We know, we know, we should be out looking for new scones now that coronavirus restrictions have been relaxed. We should be endeavouring to broaden your sconological knowledge. That’s as may be, however, we don’t feel particularly adventurous just yet. There’s still a lot of COVID uncertainty. And in addition, our daughter came up from London on the train with her family then stole our car. In fact, our car may well be parked outside the Isle of Harris Distillery as we speak. We, on the other hand, are quite definitely parked in Falkirk. In other words, our scone adventuring is somewhat curtailed for the next couple of weeks.

Morar beach 2020 — Our grandaughter yesterday on Morar beach on her way to the Isle of Harris

Although this was originally posted only last year when Theresa May was still striving to get her Brexit Bill through parliament, it seems like ancient history now. Nevertheless, these times that seemed particularly torrid at the time now seem of little consequence compared to what is happening this year. So let’s go back to when life was much simpler.

You all know by now that scones are our main objective where ever we go. However, sometimes it’s not as easy as you might imagine. Distractions abound e.g. sheds, eagles … distilleries! If we can’t find one to live in we feel somewhat obliged to visit them … it’s the decent thing to do. Maybe it’s just a Scottish thing, who knows? Anyway, this long-winded preamble is simply trying to let you know that we are in another distillery – the Isle of Harris Distillery. Like Raasay, this is another new kid on the block. It hasn’t actually produced any whisky yet but in the meantime, it’s producing lots of gin.

The old-established distilleries don’t bother with gin and probably look down their noses at those that do. However, for these new ones, cash flow is of paramount importance and ten years is a long time to wait for a return on your investment. Gin, on the other hand, you can make in a couple of days.

Sugar Kelp

Because of this, there are dedicated gin distilleries popping up all over Scotland … about 70 at the last count and they join 125 whisky distilleries. We also hadn’t realised until recently that the big well-known gins like Gordons, Hendricks and Tanquery are all produced in Scotland as well. That’s a lot of gin! They all claim to use their own unique blend of botanicals to flavour their products. On Harris, they use locally harvested sugar kelp … whatever? As long as they keep it well away from the whisky!

Mairi Mackenzie

Being only a few years old the distillery is very modern and has a large rather swanky visitor centre … and a café. We arrived back from our trip to the Butt of Lewis just as it was about to close. Enough time for a scone, however. Mairi Mackenzie does all their home-baking and it all looked delicious. As always a scone was what we had in our sights. It came accompanied with cream and jam. We have been desperate to find a topscone on this trip and so far it has eluded us. Unfortunately, Mairi’s scone didn’t change the situation. We thoroughly enjoyed it as we did everything about this place but it came up just short of the mark … pity.

They call the Isle of Harris Distillery the ‘social distillery’ because it aims to become the centre of the community. It certainly provides much-needed employment in this part of the world. Island economies are always fragile so anything that increases stability is always welcome. More power to their elbow! Their first whisky is to be called ‘Hearach’ which is what people from Harris are called in Gaelic … can’t wait!

Social places

Can’t wait for the fiasco masquerading as politics under the Westminster banner to sort itself out. Today, as Theresa May gives the Speaker a body swerve and tries for a third time to get her Brexit deal through the Commons, here, on the very edge of the EU, you feel pretty insulated from all that stuff. You feel, no matter what happens, the folks on these isolated islands where everyone knows everyone else will look after each other, come what may. It would be great if we could all have that sort of social community spirit. We are coming to the end of our time on Harris … sad!

HS3 3DJ tel: 01859 502212 Harris Distillery

Remember our Brisbane correspondent sent us a scone poem. Not to be outdone our Bathurst correspondent has responded with a work of his own.

“I enjoyed my Brisbane countryman’s poem in the last blog. I use the term “countryman” loosely though, because Australia is fast descending into a number of separate countries, courtesy of Covid-19….. But enough of that. I felt it incumbent upon me, however, to respond to your Brisbane correspondent’s contribution. I apologize in advance to Bill Wordsworth for pinching the structure of one of his better works.”

When it comes to poetic scones, these Aussies are certainly putting us Brits to shame. And yes, that’s a challenge!

island, Ordinary, Scones

The Douglas Hotel – Again

31st July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

This is another Scottish island repost from 2016. That was back when the Scottish Conservatives were feeling rejuvenated. Today, however, Jackson Carlaw resigned as their leader, after only five months in post. Hopefully, he has seen the hopelessness of their cause. Just the mention of them, however, is always liable to bring on a rant. They never have anything remotely like a policy of their own and simply resort to attacking the wicked SNP. British nationalists, of which Boris is a prime example, are an odd bunch. They refuse to acknowledge Scotland as a country in its own right, however, when it comes to debt it’s a different story. They delight in pointing out that Scotland has the biggest fiscal deficit of any country in Europe but never feel inclined to explain why.

Technically, Scotland cannot have any debt because it’s not allowed to borrow money and it’s legally obliged to balance the books every year. Only the UK government can borrow money. This is how it works. When they borrow say £100million, 10% of the debt is automatically apportioned to Scotland (on the basis of our population size) however, little if any of the money ever comes north of the border. It’s all spent in England .. and for ‘England’ you can read ‘London’. So with that accounting system, is it any wonder we have a deficit! Anyway, rant over, let’s go to the wonderful Isle of Arran.

We arrived a day early for our Scottish Wildlife Trust outing on Arran and stayed the first night at one of our favourite places, the Kilmichael Country House in Glen Cloy. There were peacocks all over the place. We thought that they would give us a sneaky head start over everyone else with our bird list. They are a pernickety lot however in the SWT. We were left in no doubt that peacocks were not allowed on the list .. verboten! The rest of our stay was to be here at the Douglas in Brodick, just a stone’s throw from the ferry terminal. It’s built from locally quarried red sandstone. In 1782 it spent some time as the doctor’s house until eventually becoming a hotel in 1852.

A couple of years ago it underwent complete modernisation and now terms itself ’boutique’. If ’boutique’ means having vast beds then it definitely qualifies for that sobriquet. If there’s anyone in bed with you, you certainly had to go searching in order to find them! Not sure why they have a large portrait of ‘The MacNab’ in reception. Maybe he liked the beds as well. He never married but had 35 illegitimate children.

Anyway, there was no way we were going to be able to stay here for the best part of a week without sampling their scones. We thought we might as well get it over and done with. We decided to sit out on the patio area overlooking Brodick Bay while a young cheery chap from Kilmarnock buzzed to and fro bringing us tea, coffee, scones etc. The scones were good, full of fruit but hot, almost too hot to handle. Pat had a cheese scone but it had to be left to cool down as well. Not topscones but who cares when you get great service and all you have to do is sit and watch the ferries coming and going. If there is one in you wonder when it will leave. If there isn’t one in you wonder when one will arrive .. exciting!

Election results

The dust has now settled on the elections and, in Scotland, the media have hailed the results in rather peculiar ways. They have made much of Labour’s continuing failure to recognise that Scotland has changed. They have also trumpeted the Tory’s supposed rejuvenation?? When the Scottish Tory vote collapsed to 24% in 1987 under the much-hated Margaret Thatcher, who would have thought that a trifling 30 years later it would have rebounded to 22%. What are they on about?

One thing the media has not made much of is the SNP success. Their achievement – increasing seats and votes after almost 10 years in power is truly astounding yet gets only grudging acknowledgement. If it gets any at all. Anyway, who cares when all you have to do is sit in the sunshine eating scones, watching ferries come and go. Oh, and the red-breasted mergansers swimming in the bay. Lots of them, and they’re allowed!

KA27 8AW tel: 01770 302968 Douglas Hotel

As you know our antipodean correspondents have been excelling themselves lately. Pumpkin scones then Waltzing Matilda scones. And no sooner had we convinced ourselves that we had run out of Aussie scones than a note drops into our inbox from our Brisbane correspondent. Not a scone as such but a scone poem, no less. We knew that this particular correspondent had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning but had no idea about his poetic inclinations.

Flour butter milk
Give that all a stir
Maybe add some fruit
If that is what you prefer

Bung them in the oven
While you whip the cream
I put mine on the bottom
But some say that’s obscene

Such a simple recipe folks
But of variations, there are galore
You could wander round for years
And still not sample them all

Top scone or bottom scone
Or somewhere in-between
Could it be? Though scone blasphemy
All about the placement of the cream

Bill and Pat, you write about the scone
But you also jam in some history
With a dash of current affairs
Your scone blog, sure is the cream to me

Do any other sconeys feel a poetic urge?

Entitlement

French jam?

Breeks

Jam on top?

Good riddance

Mystery?

The rules, the rules

The scones, the scones

Hash, hash, hash!

Splendid

Top notch

ROSE ISLAND STATION

Sheds

Filleting

Old boards

Thankyou Boris

Illusions

Take the High Road

Desperate situation strategy

Delegation

Skinny dipping

POEM

Car doors

Snagging lists

Poetic scones

Normality?

Sugar Kelp

Mairi Mackenzie

Social places

Election results

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics