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These are the best scones we have found so far.

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Japanese Gardens at Cowden

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This has definitely not been Prince Andrew’s week. He has won the “Most Useless Royal” accolade, admittedly against some very stiff competition. Presumably he also thinks he has thrown the media off the scent over his association with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Good luck with that one! So desperate is he to regain some sort of respectability he is even thinking of getting back together with his ex-wife, Sarah. Alternatively he may just have to disappear for a while, but don’t worry, we have plenty more Royals lined up to take his title.

Gardens

Enough of that distasteful stuff! Such is the preponderance of Japanese gardens in central Scotland we have had to call this one the ‘Japanese Gardens at Cowden’ to differentiate them from the ‘Japanese Gardens at Dalziel House’. Who would have thought it? Both are just a short drive from where we live yet, until today, we had never been to either of them.

Oriental influences

We had spent the previous day chatting with a friend who lives in Tokyo and had our heads filled with everything Japanese. Hence today, feeling suitably inspired we set off for Cowden where we knew there was a Japanese garden. What’s one Japanese garden doing in the heart of Scotland you may well ask, never mind two? Well, this one is all down to one of these redoubtable Victorian ladies, Isabella ‘Ella’ Christie. She was born into money but she was remarkable because instead of sitting quietly doing embroidery, like many of her contemporaries, she traveled the world on her own. Particularly to countries like India, Tibet and Borneo. It was a visit to Japan, however, that sparked a fascination with their gardens and when she returned to Scotland she set about creating one here at Cowden Castle, her ancestral home, long since demolished.

View of the Japanese Garden at CowdenApparently when she was aged fifty and waiting for a train at the local station she was asked if she was traveling to Edinburgh … “no, Samarkand” was the reply. Gives you a sense of her indomitable spirit. To create the garden she even imported Japanese gardeners to help her with the task. Together they created a fabulous garden centered around a wee loch in the castle grounds. Sadly after Ella’s death in 1949 the garden suffered from neglect. Happily, it is now restored thanks to a charitable Trust. You can get an idea of the work that has been done in this little video.

Of course, we also knew that there was a tearoom at the gardens … as if an added incentive was necessary? Surprised though to find that the building housing the tearoom was nothing more than a rather utilitarian looking portakabin. Neverthel less, it served its purpose and we suspect that this is only a temporary arrangement until the charity that runs everything gets enough money to build something a bit more substantial. All the inside seats were taken so we had no choice but to sit outside. On a day like to today that’s what we would have chosen to do anyway.

Exciting!

We were served by a lovely elderly lady who began by apologising profusely for her lack of expertise. ThiA scone at the tearoom at The Japanese Garden at Cowdens was her first day doing this sort of work. Exciting for her and for us. We needn’t have worried though she soon had us sorted with some lunch and a fruit scone to share. The scone came with a little pot of jam and loads of whipped cream. For some reason we did not have high expectations and were pleasantly confounded when it turned out to be excellent. Topscone without a doubt!

The entrance to the Japanese Garden at Cowden
entrance to the gardens

One of Ella’s favourite haunts was Kashmir and we wonder what she would have made of the current disastrous situation there. In fact, what would she make of anything that is going on these days? Burning rain forests, Brexit, Trump, Johnson and Miley Cyrus‘ new tattoo? We are sure she would have found it all terribly tiresome. Ella called her Japanese Garden at Cowden ‘The Place of Pleasure and Delight’ … boy, do we need more places like that these days.

FK14 7PL       tel: 07570 614763        Japanese Garden

///racing.films.afterglow

ps Our Kiwi correspondents  have kindly sent a picture of some scones they thought were particularly good. They got them and some apple cake while dropping off some bulk fertiliser to friends in Whangarei just north of Aukland … don’t ask!They look absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, however, for readers, they are unavailable to the common people. Unless, of course, you happen to know Mary, their friend?Some Whangarei scones in New Zealand

 

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Mill House Pop Up Coffee Shop

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It was a surprise when our correspondent, the Pedant, reported the existence of a café in the tiny hamlet of Monzie. It’s not so much that Monzie is isolated, it’s just a few miles from Crieff after all. It’s just that it’s on a very minor road that hardly anyone uses. If you were to be run down on this road it would most likely be by a farmer on a tractor or a speeding quad bike.

Happy days

On the other hand, I know it extremely well. As a young lad, my brother and I, came to our aunt and uncle’s house in the summer and it was just a few hundred yards from here. Looking back these were idyllic days. This piece of country was our adventure playground. No water in the house … we had to collect it every day from a spring, however, I don’t remember anything remotely resembling hardship. And the sun shone every day! On reflection, of course, it couldn’t have been easy for my aunt and uncle without all the modern day paraphernalia we now take for granted but they always seemed extremely happy with their lot. Of course, maybe they were just happy when I was there?

Green machine

My aunt had magical powers.  She employed them when she made banana flip. A seemingly ordinary dish consisting of custard and, you guessed it, bananas. No one else, however, came within a million miles of making it the way she did. My uncle was a jolly round man and, for me, a kind of superhero. The Invicta road roller horse badgeNot only could he play any instrument he picked up, be it a trombone or an accordion, he drove a road roller. He was employed by the local Council. Not only that, he was allowed to take it home at night. This huge lumbering green machine sat there outside the house as an object of complete wonderment to a wee boy. A big rearing horse badge on the front … like a ferrari but much better!

Laying claim

Anyway, it turns out that the Mill House at Monzie is now run as a boutiqueExternal view of the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at Monzie B &B. When it has gaps in it’s B&B calendar they do this pop up café so it’s only open now and then. But would a café in such a quiet spot be successful? It was crying out for further investigation. We arrived on a beautiful sunny day to find that we were the only ones there. The café itself is well appointed and it had a range of fantastic looking gateaux … and scones. Internal view of the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at MonzieThe delightful young chap who looked after us said that he could not lay claim to the cakes but he could with the scones. He had baked them earlier. So far so good!

All the scones were plain so we had one each. They came with loads of butter, jam and cream. All the jams were home made. The coffee and tea was excellent as well. It all looked very promising. A scone at the Mill House Pop Up Cafe at MonzieWe really hope that this pop up is successful because they obviously put a lot into it and everything we had was fantastic. The gateaux were to die for and scones were top. Well done Monzie! And when we were leaving others were arriving, hurragh!

Diary dates

If you want to visit this beautiful peaceful part of the country and support this venture, here are the dates it will be operating.

  • 1. Tuesday 30 July – 1 Aug  10.30-4pm
  • 2. Tuesday 6 – Saturday 10 Aug   10.30-4pm (Sat 11-5pm)
  • 3. Tuesday 13 – Wednesday 14 August 10.30-4pm
  • 4. Tuesday 20  – Thursday 22 Aug 10.30-4pm
Bats in the belfry

We couldn’t leave Monzie without visiting the church next door where my uncle was beadle for many years and pay respects at the superhero’s grave.Monzie kirk and Muriel and Jim's graveMy uncle used to take my brother and I along to the church to help him get it spic and span for the Sunday services. My aunt would do the flowers. At that time there were bats in the belfry, wonder if they are still there. The church was open so we were able to go inside and reflect on life in Monzie and elsewhere. My aunt and uncle led very simple but happy lives. Much of their time was spent helping others and in service to their community. About a million miles from Trump and his sad little mean life.

Old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie
The old bridge over the Shaggie burn at Monzie doesn’t see much traffic these days

PH7 4HE         tel: 07815 737130        Mill House Café FB

///flipper.again.canal

ps One of our Aussie correspondents sent us this photo of a K6 at Airlie Beach in the Whitsunday region of Queensland. It wasn’t underwater! The chap floating above it was advertising surfing stuff. Unfortunately its position meant that the manufacturer’s badge was inaccessible.K6 at Airlie Beach, Queensland, Australia

Useful link: things to do in Crieff

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Isle of Eriska Hotel

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Okay, okay, it’s been a while since the last post. We know that most of you view us purely as one dimensional scone munchers however there is much more to us than that. “Deep and diverse” could  easily describe us if you squidged up your eyes and gave us the benefit of a lot of doubt. We’ve been busy with other things … okay?

The UK is beset by controversy at the moment … Bojo’s brush with the law after a rammy with his bidey-in, for one. Then there’s the even more controversial photos of him all loved up with the same bidey-in the following day.

The bridge to the Isle of Eriska Hotel
The Isle of Eriska bridge

So, far be it from us to heap more controversy on a public already struggling to cope. It has to be asked however … when is an island not an island? This question has beset the Isle of Skye since they built the bridge. It even begs the question – is Great Britain an island since they built the Chunnel? The reason for it being so topical is simply that today we are on the Isle of Eriska and it also has a bridge! We were about to tackle the management with the Trades Descriptions Act when our cream teas arrived and completely distracted us.

External view of the Isle of Eriska Hotel
Pat sitting outside the conservatory

The 300 acre Isle of Eriska is situated at the entrance to Loch Creran on Scotland’s west coast. The ‘big house’ was built in 1884 by the Stewarts of Appin and designed by Hippolyte Blanc who also designed Jenners in Edinburgh’s Princes Street. Since 2016 it has been managed by the same Inverlochy Castle Management Company that looks after Andy Murray’s Cromlix House.

Fly pasts

Our cream teas were served to us in the sunshine at a table in frCream tea at the Isle of Eriska Hotelont of the conservatory. Where else on a day like today? Needless to say the little tit bits that accompanied our scones were soon beginning to melt … and so were we! We were able to sit long enough however to have a fly past by a kestrel, an eagle-owl and a Harris hawk.  A young Belgian/German couple were being shown the intricacies of hawking and we were also the beneficiaries. Where else do you get a hawking lesson with your scones? Readers can probably guess that awarding a top scone to this place was not exactly difficult. The service, the presentation and the scones themselves were all excellent.

the golf course at the Isle of Eriska Hotel
We might possibly be persuaded to take up golf here .. if we had absolutely nothing better to do
Otters

There is more to this place than scones however. A spa and swimming pool are there if you need extra pampering. There’s squash courts, a golf course and clay pigeon shooting if you feel energised by your scone. The beach at the Isle of Eriska HotelWe felt sufficiently energised to take a walk to the north end of the island where we sat on the beach in complete silence. Not even the distant murmur of a car engine or indeed anything. We didn’t even see another human being in our entire walk. It was as if we had the entire island to ourselves. The shrill cry of an oystercatcher once broke the peace and quiet but that was all. A short onward stroll round the shore took us to Otter Point but there were no otters. There must be an otter reason for it being called that … sorry!

We cannot fault this place. Warmly welcomed by everyone, we spent a good part of the day here and didn’t even part with as much as £20. Next time though we will come and stay and that might cost a bit more.

Clarity

We feel that politicians should be banned from using phrases such as “let me make this absolutely clear”. They all use it with monotonous regularity and still no one has a scooby about what’s going on .. including them! Luckily, the extravagant promises being flung around with gay abandon by both contenders for the Tory leadership don’t actually matter. After all the Great British public don’t get a say in who will be their next Prime Minister … democracy, UK style!

View from the Deck restuarant at the Isle of Eriska Hotel
View from the Deck restaurant towards the hills of Morvern

As far as the ‘island’ controversy goes we have decided that, since Eriska has always been accessible by foot at low tide, the bridge makes little difference. In other words, it doesn’t matter … but you knew that already.

PA37 1SD             tel: 01631 720 371               Eriska Hotel

///iron.interview.orbited

ps: In Eriska village (the hotel’s staff quarters) on the mainland side of the bridge we came across this K5 telephone box. It wasn’t working but it was made in Falkirk. As such, it is the first K5 we have found from our home town. The other one we found at the Bay Hotel was from the Lion Foundry in Kirkintilloch. There are only 54 K5s registered as still being in existence in the UK but we doubt that this one is registered.

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HRY Britannia

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Sign for the HRY BritanniaYet again, after Titanic Belfast and Fingal, we continue with the nautical theme. This time it’s the turn of HRY Britannia. You may think that we have carefully constructed this sequence of sea bourne scones but we haven’t, it’s purely coincidental. We would probably never have set foot on this symbol of extravagance and privilege had it not been for the fact that if you stay on Fingal you become entitled to a tour of HRY Britannia … it’s a privilege!

Royal Crest

We did not take that title picture. It was copied from the table mat under our scone and depicts HRY Britannia and the Royal EsNapkin crest for the HRY Britanniacort at the D-Day Commemorative Review on 5th June 1994. The white ship behind Britannia is the cruise liner Canberra. This picture of the Royal Crest was taken from one of the napkins. Because all the world seems to want to visit this ship, the tours are  very well organised … they have to be efficient to cater for the numbers. When you go in you are given a handset which explains everything you could possibly need to know about wealth and privilege.

Courteous

It takes a good hour and half to go all the way round however once Pat had steered the ship to a safe harbour we were able to partake of tea and scones in the Britannia tearoom. Pat in the captain's chair on HRY BritanniaWe’re not sure if the Queen reads this blog but whether she does or not, we suspect that she may well be a closet sconey if not an open enthusiast. However, we should not speak ill of the Queen. Every time she has spoken to us she has been polite and courteous to a fault. It’s the system of patronage she heads up that we have issues with.

The tearoom at the HRY BritanniaThe tearoom was busy. Although we could have had another bottle of Moet with our scone we felt we had had enough bubbles recently and decided to pass. Also, it was also only 10.45am which we regard as early for champagne … call us old fashioned.  A party of Americans at the next table were having a bottle however and when we took them to task saying it wasn’t even noon yet, they said “its noon somewhere”! Honestly?

A scone at the HRY BritanniaOur  fruit scone was nicely, if plainly, presented and came with plenty jam and cream. Wouldn’t it be dreadful if it wasn’t a topscone? Would we end up in the Tower if we marked the Royal scone down? We could even lose our heads. Luckily for us it proved to be very nice indeed … not as good as Brendan’s on Fingal but good enough for us to keep our heads … phew!

Honi soit qui mal y pense
That’s the motto on the crest that appears on the napkin. It literally means “Evil (or shame) be to him that evil thinks”. It is sometimes used to insinuate the presence of hidden agendas. How appropriate for today’s political world. Lifebelt on the HRY BritanniaThis is Theresa May’s last day in charge of the Conservative party and a whole pile of people with hidden agendas are bidding to replace her as PM. No need to worry though. Jeremy Corbyn was in triumphal mood as his party took the Peterborough by-election against the Brexit party. In his delusional head he sees himself as the next PM already … nil problemo! Also, apparently the Queen has really really enjoyed meeting with President Trump. She learned an immense amount during their many chats. That’s according to Trump on Fox News, of course!

We were eating Royal scones on the Royal yacht as HRH and the Donald were dining at Buck Pal. The cultural divide is brilliantly explained in this video.

EH6 6JJ             tel: 0131 555 556             Britannia

///each.glee.served

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Fingal

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Fingal logoAfter our visit to Titanic Belfast we have aquired the nautical bug. This time we are staying aboard the Fingal, a floating hotel moored in Port of Leith. Now before you jump to the conclusion that we just move from one luxurious hotel to another like a couple of itinerant millionaires, let us set the record straight. It’s not like that at all. Well, maybe a little bit but not that much. And we only do it with good reason. It’s a special day for Pat and, of course there’s always the potential for a scone along the way. We are doing it for you, our sconey readers … no, really! If you come on pictures that make it look as if we are enjoying ourselves it is simply to help ease your conscience.

Pat beside the Fingal
Pat about to board
Challenging scones

Now we are not going to lie and tell you this was some sort of old bathtub of a boat. It wasn’t. Probably about as far away as it’s possible to get from that description. It has a beautiful ballroom and a glass lift that automatically compensates for any movement of the ship. So, not too bathtubish! The bottle of ice cold Moet & Chandon in our room completely dispelled any lingering doubts. Tempting though a glass of champs was, duty called. We knew we could get an afternoon tea on board but neither of us felt able for such indulgence late in the afternoon and risk spoiling our appetite for the evening. Interior view mof the Fingal, LeithA cup of tea and a scone would be just fine. Although, for the management, this was going slightly ‘off piste’, nothing was too much trouble.

Scottish stuff

Ours scones were beautifully presented and they even gave us a few finger sandwiches, just to tide us over. You all know by now that our sconological benchmark is a cream tea at Fonab Castle in Pitlochry. Perfect scones, perfectly presented in beautiful surroundings … the best scones in the world. Scones on board the FingalIn over 300 scones reviewed on this blog, Fonab has never really been seriously challenged … until now!

Fingal’s chef Brendan had produced scones that, at long last, could easily give Fonab a run for its money. Nicely presented, they were warm and had that delightful light crunchy exterior and the soft inner that we crave in a topscone. There was a fruit and a plain one for each of us but they were precisely the right size, so no problem. We could not fault them. They came with jam from Galloway Lodge Preserves in Gatehouse of Fleet and even the butter came from the Edinburgh Butter Company in Stockbridge. It’s so easy to present quality Scottish products like this. We are constantly amazed that so many Scottish establishments source their products from everywhere but Scotland. Well done Fingal, the easiest topscone we have awarded in a long time. You may take pride of place along side Fonab Castle … that’s quite an achievement.

To the Shore

We could have stayed on board for dinner however the ship is only a few minutes walk from the Shore area of Leith where there are loads of excellent waterside pubs and restaurants. A spot of exploring was called for! We had a quick drink at Sofi’s and then an excellent meal at The Ship on the Shore. The light had almost gone as we made our way back to the mother ship.

On the deck of the Fingal
A life on the ocean wave … ignore the buildings in the background
Man sized scones

Today is the 75th anniversary of the D-Day Landings however Fingal is far too young to remember any of that. She was built in 1963 in Glasgow and spent her whole life supplying remote lighthouses around Scotland. Each very comfortable cabin is named after a lighthouse. Ours was Lismore which coincidentally was a lighthouse with which we became very familiar when we experienced Kiki’s man-sized raspberry scones on the Isle of Lismore.

Pat with old friend at the dockside
Pat relaxes with a new friend on a late evening return to Fingal

Today is also the day that Donald Trump leaves the UK after his state visit. It’s probably also the last day that Theresa May will make a public appearance as Prime Minister. Huge sighs of relief all round.

Fingal was a great experience and Charlotte, Catriona and all the staff made it great fun as well. We would thoroughly recommend it to all itinerant millionaires.

EH6 7DX          tel: 0131 357 5000          Fingal Hotel

///cloud.aims.wing

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Portaferry Hotel

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When you leave Bangor in County Down and drive down the east coast of the Ards Peninsula you encounter many pretty little seaside villages –  Groomsport, Donaghadee, Millisle, Ballywalter, Ballyhalbert then Portavogie. The last time I was in this particular village was probably twenty years ago.

Reserved parking

I was sailing with some friends from Dublin back to Scotland. Around midnight we realised we were not going anywhere because of the tide and decided to pull into Portavogie. Parking sign at Portavogie HarbourWe could not get into the harbour, however, because it was solid with fishing boats. You could walk across the harbour in any direction without fear of getting wet. I made the mistake of asking a slightly inebriated local how the boats that came in first got out again? The answer was, of course, that they had to wait until all the others had gone … doh! We spent the night tied onto the outer wall of the harbour. When we told the story to the harbour master he said “that must have been a while ago! Nowadays there are only 23 boats”.

It was good to be back though and to see it in daylight for the first time. Judging by the parking notice we may not have been only ones having trouble stopping here.

Oops!

It takes a long time getting anywhere when you are birdwatching. With a car load of people all thinking they have seen something exotic it means stopping at almost every layby along the way. Eventually, however, we came to Portaferry, a lovely village where you can catch a ferry for the fifteen minute trip over to Strangford. We had just missed it however and, lo and behold, it was bang on scone o’clock. The Portaferry Hotel was beckoning. A scone at Portaferry HotelIt was a glorious day so everyone was sitting outside. We were attended to by a cheery young girl who informed us that they had fruit scones so we opted for five of them. What is it with cherry scones over here? When our order arrived it consisted solely of cherry scones.  An ‘oops’ moment for our server who quickly and apologetically rectified the situation.

Smugglers of Strangford Lough

While we sipped our tea we could look out over the water and think of all the shenanigans that went on here in the past. Daft Eddie and a gang of smugglers called the Merry Hearts of Down used lots of caves and coves around her to ply their trade in the 18th century.

Internal view of Portaferry Hotel
Snug lounge, Portaferry Hotel

Eddie was the illegitimate son of an aristocrat therefore he only ever had one name. His surrogate parents did, however, receive a very healthy allowance every six months from a mysterious “someone”? The ‘Daft’ bit was added due to his sunny carefree disposition. His tombstone bears a single word, “Eddie”. The Merry Hearts of Down used this treacherous stretch of fast flowing water to very good effect. They knew it extremely well and also knew that the government ships pursuing them were frightened of these tidal rapids. They would make their escape through here into the calm waters of Strangford Lough. A bit like most Tories, in these parts evading tax was not seen as being particularly dishonest. It was just a game to be played with the government. To most people, these smugglers were totally invisible.

A scone at Portaferry HotelOn the other hand our scones were not smuggled. They were fresh baked and very visible and very tasty. Once again the cherry scone was very good even though it did not have the whole cherries of our previous scone at the Old Inn. The fruit scones were equally good. Overall the joyful service, the presentation with large bowls of jam and cream, the warm sunshine and the scones themselves, made for yet another topscone award. Well done Portaferry Hotel.

Republican scones

When we eventually caught a ferry we thought we should do a quick trip into Southern Ireland before a wall is built along the border. Alas we did not manage a scone in Carlingford but we did catch up with a couple of old friends … brill! Maybe another trip is required for a scone in the Republic?

Sign at Portavogie Harbour
Mural in Portavogie

Even Daft Eddie would have looked at the EU elections with a certain amount of incredulity. in the UK the two main parties have got their comeuppance. May has all but gone. Corbyn’s guiding principle has become clear at last … it’s a range of options! This clarity has ensured a total collapse in the Labour vote, especially in Scotland. Corbyn will eventually support Remain, not out of principle but out of expediency to save his own skin. Whatever … having looked at all the candidates, we are backing Daft Eddie as next leader of the Conservative Party.

BT22 1PE             tel: 028 4272 8231            Portaferry

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The Old Inn

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Okay, apologies, there has been much comment about the lack of scone mail recently. We have been busy but, now we are back in harness, prepare for your mailbox to be rattled on a regular basis. In this post we are in search of Irish scones … a first for us.

Northern Ireland is a fantastic country ruined by politicians and religion. We, however, have a big soft spot for this part of the world. It’s where we lived very happily from 1975 to 1982. All our children were born here so it holds many fond memories. Even with “the Troubles” in full swing at that time, the wonderful warmth of the Ulster people meant we had a great time and were very sad to leave and go back to GB.

Internal view of the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnWhat’s in a word?

On this visit we are with some fellow birdwatchers and Pat has already started her species list. We’re living for the next week in a hotel in Bangor but our first stop after coming of the ferry in Belfast, was at Crawfordsburn’s Old Inn. Some say it’s haunted. Perhaps it was here that one Irishman thought he made love to a ghost. When a clairvoyant asked if anyone in the crowd had ever made love to a ghost, he put his hand up. The clairvoyant then asked him onto the stage to explain how he had done that. Only then did he confess that he thought the clairvoyant had said “goat”.

When is a fruit scone not a fruit scone?

It is called the Old Inn because, you guessed it, it’s quite old. The thatched part in the title picture dates from the reign of Queen EA scone at the Old Inn, Crawfordsburnlizabeth … the first one, around 1600. When we entered the wonderful oak paneled interior they only had one fruit scone left. It was sitting in solitary splendour under a glass dome on the counter. Of course, we had to put it out of its misery. We were extremely well looked after by some very attentive staff. They all had that slightly irreverent Ulster way about them and a great sense of humour. After a very nice lunch we set about sharing the scone only to discover that it was not a fruit scone at all, it was a cherry one … sacre bleu! In spite of this misinformation, as cherry scones go, this was outstanding. A scone at the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnWhole cherries enveloped in a superbly soft centre and a slightly crunchy exterior. None of your tiny chopped up cherries here! It was delicious and we were delighted to kick off our Irish adventure with a topscone … yeagh!

 

Internal view of the Old Inn, Crawfordsburn
a quiet corner of the Old Inn

In the 17th century when Donaghadee became one of the main ports between Britain and Ireland, many famous travelers spent some time at the Old Inn. Dickens, Trollop, Tennyson and Swift all frequented the place. Even Dick Turpin, Paul Jones and the Peter the Great, Czar of Russia, were customers. C S Lewis even honeymooned here. We were merely following in the footsteps of many other celebrated people … emphasis on “other”.

EU elections

Now that Theresa May has finally named a resignation date perhaps she will decide to walk the North Down Coastal Path which passes through Crawfordsburn. It could make a pleasant change from fields of wheat. However, they have persuaded her to stay on long enough to welcome Donald Trump on his state visit … presumably because no one else wanted to do it.

Predictably perhaps, lots of people voted for Nigel Farage’s mono-policy Brexit Party in the EU elections. All the major parties have been punished for their handling of Brexit. Thankfully, however, the overall message was one for Remain. Perhaps Jeremy Corbyn will at long last give us some idea of what the Labour Party stands for. Goodness knows, he might even form a policy worthy of the name but maybe that’s taking things too far. Meanwhile the Tories are looking for a new leader. Any idiot has a chance of winning just as long as they have a pathological hatred of the EU.

External view of the Old Inn, CrawfordsburnBT19 1JH       tel: 028 9185 3255      The Old Inn

///repair.pans.trial

ps It’s great to be back in N Ireland. Pat’s list is currently standing at 13

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Kelvin Pocket Café

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We are in Glasgow for the AUOB (All Under One Banner) March for Independence. We’re not born protesters but let’s face it we’ve got to do something so that Scotland can stop having its decisions made by another country. Being torn out of the EU against our will is bad enough but now that Theresa May has said that she will refuse permission for another referendum in Scotland, there is fresh impetus for this march.

Storm troopers

The Edinburgh march last year which over 100,000 people attended was our first. It was such good fun we thought we should do it again. This three mile Glasgow march was from Kelvingrove Park to Glasgow Green … far enough for our wee legs. It was also the 4th May and National Star Wars Day. We should have guessed that we might be in for a crazy day when the electronic signs at Falkirk High station were displaying “May the Fourth be with you, all light sabres and tickets must be ready for inspection”. Later we would find ourselves marching alongside a kilted storm-trooper.Internal view of the Kelvin Pocket Café, Glasgow

Brie and Thyme

Anyway, we met up with our friends (fellow marchers) and got the subway to Kelvingrove station where we could join up with the multitudes. We had half an hour to spare, however, and it just so happened that right outside the station there was the Kelvin Pocket Café … an unexpected scone opportunity perhaps ?

Haggis and cracked pepper crisps
Even the crisps had gone all Scottish

We thought it got its name from the fact that it’s pretty small, but no. Apparently it relates to the fact that their outside seating area is a little sheltered suntrap in the afternoon. Today, all these seats were taken but we managed to get the last table inside … and yes, they had scones. A cheese scone at the Kelvin Pocket Café, Glasgow

Unfortunately there were only cheese scones left so it was Hobson’s choice. These scones weren’t just any old cheese scones though. They were Brie and Thyme scones and they were delicious. Supplied just with butter they had a lovely crunchy texture and the flavour was subtle but wonderful. This is the first cheese scone to acquire our highest accolade … well done the Kelvin Pocket. The coffee was also great … they get it from Climpson & Sons in London and the beans are available to buy at the counter. Service was friendly and everything was prepared on site. There wasn’t anything not to like about this place. A great start to our day.

The Time Is NoAUOB March, Glasgow, May 2019w

All too soon, however, our scones were but a memory and we had to head out to join the throng. A flotilla of wheelchairs and a pipe band, specially formed for the event, were in the lead. In spite of causing major disruption throughout the city the atmosphere was one of celebration. Even the people being held up were cheering us on. All sorts of people, all sorts of nationalities, all sorts of ages, all happily walking together. It had a carnival feel. The police were even joining in as people waved from tenement windows, buses and cars all along the route. Restaurants were emptying as staff and patrons came out on to the pavements to lend their support.

AUOB March, Glasgow, May 2019
Front page of the Sunday National

The weather, though threatening to rain on several occasions, was kind to us. We got to our destination in reasonable shape. Estimates are that it was as big as the 100,000 Edinburgh march and we have no reason to doubt that. We had something to eat, listened to the music and the speechs and as we were leaving to go home marchers were still just arriving at Glasgow Green.

Terracota Fountain at Glasgow Green
The Doulton terracotta fountain at Glasgow Green with the Templeton Building in the form of  the Doge’s Palace in Venice in the distance
Another fine mess

Westminster has just embroiled itself in yet another mess with Secretary of State for Defence Gavin Williamson or to be perfectly accurate, ex Secretary of State for Defence. Incredibly, in spite of the Tories losing over 1300 councillors in the recent local elections and all the gains going to Remain parties it is being interpreted by May as a mandate “to get on and leave”.

AUOB March, Glasgow, May 2019
Flags on railings at Glasgow Green

Today it was heartening to be in the presence of so many who were all literally singing from the same hymn sheet. It’s time for Scotland to flourish, hold its head up and go its own way. After Brexit we have Scexit.

G4 9HG              tel: 07793 315700                Kelvin Pocket TA

///rests.move.jungle

ps: The Pedant has been busy in Cheltenham. He found one K6 being used as a cash dispenser and another group of 6 K6s all made at the Lion Foundry in Kirkintilloch but none working.K6 telephone boxes in Cheltenham

What do you call a group of six telephone boxes? Maybe ‘a call’? Other suggestions welcome. If you are really keen you can find the one on the left at

///remind.zone.plank

Scones, Top

IV10 Fortrose

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Today we are in Fortrose on the Black Isle just north of Inverness. We are here to see dolphins with a host of expectant mini people. Having had no luck with Nessie we are desperately trying to find dolphins instead. And Chanonry Point in Fortrose is definitely the place to see them. Except there weren’t any there … arrgghh!

Looking for dolphins at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Mini person looking for dolphins

You start to question your own self worth when faced with lots of mini people full of unfulfilled expectation. Thank goodness a late burst of reality came to our rescue in the form of the Easter Bunny.

Looking through holes

Sign for IV10 in FortroseOne chap who could have foreseen all this disappointment was Kenneth Mackenzie, the Brahan Seer, Scotland’s Nostradamus. He made many predictions in the 16th century, most of which actually came true. He had a pebble with a hole through which he could see the future. Such pebbles can still be found on the beach at Rosemarkie, the next village to Fortrose. We were sorely tempted to send some down to Theresa May. If she looked through the hole she would be able to see the fruits of her labours … an independent Scotland, a united Ireland and England slowly being sucked into a black hole.

Plaque to the Brahan Seer at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Memorial stone to the Brahan Seer on Chanonry Point.

Having the ‘second sight‘ can be a bit of a curse though.  When Lady Seaforth, wife of the Earl of Seaforth and reputedly the ugliest woman in Scotland, asked Mackenzie if he could see her husband on his visit to Paris. He said he could, he was fine but refused to elaborate. When she threatened to have him killed unless he told her everything he eventually admitted that the Earl was having a high old time of it in the French capital with several other women. He also predicted the downfall of the House of Seaforth.

These predictions were completely true, however, they were so scandalous she had him dipped head first into a barrel of boiling oil, here on Chanonry Point. Surely, he should have seen that coming! Ironically, as he met his horrific and untimely end, he was probably  comforted by the sight of leaping dolphins just offshore! Okay, maybe not that comforted!Internal view of IV10 in Fortrose

Mission accomplished

Anyway after a few hours of stone skimming and non-existent dolphin watching some sort of sustenance was called for. We ended up here at IV10 (it’s the postcode) on the town’s high street. It was one of these places where you just new as soon as you walked in that it was going to be good. Although descending on them en masse (six adults and five mini people) they were not put out at all. A lady who was half Argentinian, half Greek had us all sorted out in no time and seemed absolutely delighted to be doing it. We had a lunch of fantastic food, couldn’t have been better.

The scone that Pat and I were sharing was also first class. Nicely presented with generous helping of jam and cream … no prepacked stuff here. We like everything about this place, from the excellent deli to the beautiful al fresco eating area. They say that they “aim to offer responsibly sourced, uncomplicated food and drink, made with love and respect“. Mission accomplished IV10, we need more, go-to destinations, like this in the Highlands.

Internal view of IV10 in Fortrose

Unbelievably big holes

We think Kenneth Mackenzie wouldn’t have had too much trouble predicting new and dismal shootings in N.Ireland or even bomb blasts in Sri Lanka. However he might have found it harder to foresee 1000 people being arrested in London for trying to save the planet … or a comedian being elected President of Ukraine. You couldn’t make it up … you really need a great muckle hole in your stone for that sort of thing!

The Chanonry Point lighthouse at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Chanonry Point lighthouse

IV10 8SX.      tel: 01381 620690         IV10 Café

///youthful.whiplash.green

Scones, Top

Forest Hills Revisited

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The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach.  Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review. Internal view of the Forest Hills Hotel, Kinlochard

Scones at the Forest Hills Hotel, KinlochardWe were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Scones at the Kinlochard Village HallBack at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL    tel: 0344 879 9057      MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

///taxpayers.globe.woof

ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report. Scones at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

K 6 telephone box in Oxfordpps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated  Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.