One of our photographic friends, Paul Graham, was having a launch exhibition of his paintings at the Annan Gallery. It’s on Woodlands Road in Glasgow. A talented photographer for most of his life Paul has now veered more towards art. He works ‘en plein air’ which is his hifalutin way of saying ‘outside’. Paul does though! He sets his easel up in all sorts of situations and climatic conditions and gets to work, For some of the fab results see his blog. Anyway, much as we appreciate Paul’s work we were really only here for the champagne. Once that was finished there was nothing left to do except go for a scone. Okay, okay, that may seem slightly shallow but at least we were in a good mood for a scone.
Not far from the gallery we came across this place, Offshore, on Gibson Street. We mention the street simply because it was once home to the legendary Shish Mahal Indian restaurant. Back in the day, it used to be one of the few places you could get alcohol late on a Sunday evening. Typical order might have been ‘five chapatis and ten pints of lager‘. It had to close in Gibson Street because of subsidence but is still going strong in nearby Park Street. One of it’s close competitors, the Koh-i-Noor actually collapsed into the river Kelvin. Anyway, we digress! 
Cursory wipes
Offshore looks a little bit as if it has been dragged from the Kelvin. A wee bit bedraggled. However this is student territory and since when were students put off by a bit of tawdriness? It had that studenty feel. Lots of folk, who looked like they had been there all day, reading books or fiddling with their laptops. We had to ask for our table to be cleared and cleaned. They did clear it but cleaning was nothing more than a cursory wipe. It needed more than a cursory wipe!
There were only rather large fruit scones available and a request for cream only produced a withering look. Toasted scones were not a problem however and they came accompanied by butter and a sachet of Nashville strawberry jam. 
We have only ever come across this north American preserve once before in Bob & Bert’s. My coffee cup had a major crack running all the way down but we guessed that they didn’t throw them away until they actually started leaking. I was fortunate in that mine, against all expectations, seemed to still be retaining its contents quite well.
Now you may think that this is all heading in one direction but the scones were damnably good. Warm and soft and quite delicious … even with American jam! We had thought, since they were not doing anything else right, that the scones would be similarly handicapped. However, had it not been for all the other problems these would definitely have been topscones. Maybe it was the champagne?
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Deserting the sinking ship
Offshore isn’t only where the wealthy keep their filthy lucre. It’s also where most people would like to be as Brexit wends its weary way towards some sort of cataclysmic conclusion. We don’t mean this café, we mean anywhere other than the UK. What irony! Principally, it was the north of England that voted to leave the EU. Now, one of the main industries in the north of England, Nissan, has announced it’s abandoning the UK to build their latest model elsewhere. Why? Because of Brexit. The north of England has many reasons to feel hard done by but it had little to do with the EU. It was just a really crappy conservative government here in the UK blaming the EU for its own shortcomings. It beggars belief that we are still pressing on, like lemmings, towards the cliff edge.
A plan
It was mainly old folk who voted for Brexit … young folk cannot remember anything other than the EU. The elderly also denied Scotland its independentence in 2014 … frightened about their pensions, Consequently we have come up with a plan. Everybody who is one year older than me should be shot. This plan will undoubtedly have a few critics however it would mean that most people would then vote correctly … simple! Some older friends might be saying “but what about us?” We realise there’s a downside but as Theresa would say “trust me, I know what is best for the country and this is the only way”.
In such dire circumstances my cracked mug doesn’t seem quite so important any more.
G12 8NU tel: 0141 341 0110 Offshore TA
What a relief, under the very precise wording of your plan I am safe being at least 2 years older than you.
However, capital punishment has no place in a civilized society and in deference to those approaching 72, I reject your plan. Life imprisonment for Cameron, May, all ECG Members, Farage and the DUP for creating this mess and Corbyn for total ineptitude. Forget the plan and concentrate all energy on a 2nd Indy Ref.
Okay Sandy, I thought the plan might draw some criticism, particularly from people in age group. The theory behind it is still solid however. I agree about capital punishment however life imprisonment seems a trifle lenient for that lot … maybe if it was on St Helena? I’m now concentrating as advised.
Bill, I am not sure I support your plan about shooting people one year older than you. I certainly would not support such a plan one year hence.
It’s a moving target Brian. As I get older so does the target age so no worries for a whippersnapper such as youself
“Everyone a year older should be shot” Not best pleased about that and I am seriously considering cancelling my subscription to the sconery. Which would be a pity because I was going to tell you about the Courtyard in Fintry but I am not now.
http://www.allaboutthescones.com/courtyard-cafe/11/2016/
You may not know, and may be interested, that the Annan Gallery is run by Scott Bennett, whose wife Susan runs the Strathearn Gallery in Crieff. They say they’re not in competition – yeah, right.
We spoke to Scott and he seemed to glad that we frequented Strathearn so not sure about the competition
You should be getting paid for this blog Bill ! I enjoy it as much as Jeremy Clarkson every SUnday in the Times….l know…he’s totally obnoxious but l always look forward to reading his column. You, however write well and are the antithesis of obnoxious….you’re also a Remainer and a Scots Nat…..that’s a full house for me !
Thanks Marilyn, I am happy your house is full.
Kim wants to how old you are. If you aren’t 70 yet (which Kim now is), please bump the eradication age to over 70 ; ). We don’t live there but, given the situation here, we may someday!
The target age is always one year older than me. It moves along with me so don’t worry. I hear what you are saying about the US politics. Don’t have any answers but you would be most welcome over here.
It was really nice to be back in this part of the world, I spent a few years working in this area. The exhibition we came to see was very good and then we come to Offshore. A lot of folk would just pass it by but not us, we had tried a couple of eaters on our way and were at that stage, we needed something to eat, so Offshore it was. Billy has already described it very well to you and he wasn’t joking either. Surpringly the scones were very nice indeed. You can’t always judge a book by its cover or a scone by its surroundings.