Cafe Zestt

22nd August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

What would we do without our correspondents? Really, how do you keep a scone blog going when you can’t go out for a scone? And Boris Johson thinks he has problems! At the start of this COVID pandemic, we felt the hiatus in normality was simply that, a hiatus. Now, however, we are not so sure. In fact, we are no longer very sure about anything. To solve the problem we have done a fair bit of reposting but lately, it’s been our antipodean correspondents riding to the rescue. This is another from our poetically gifted Albury correspondent on Cafe Zestt in Crookwell. If you’re not sure where that is it’s roughly halfway between Sydney and Wagga Wagga … okay?

There is also some enlightening stuff from one of our Kiwi correspondents. It reminds us that this really is a pandemic. People on the opposite side of the world are suffering exactly the same problems as us in the UK.

But first, did you know that the antipode of Edinburgh is Papatowai on New Zealand’s south island. New York’s antipode is Augusta, Western Australia and Tokyo’s is Cidreira in Brazil. Auckland’s is Setenil de las Bodegas in Spain. You get all this and other useless information on allaboutthescones.com.

Anyway, our Albury correspondent wrote: “Well stone the flamin’ crows, as we Aussies exclaim when confronted with something astonishing. Yesterday, when returning from a night in our national capital, we stopped at a one-horse drop called Crookwell for a coffee and, dare I say, a scone. The café Zestt provided us with both, and a very nice scone it was too. Perhaps a top scone, but who am I to be the judge of such things. On leaving, I noticed that the coffee brand they served was the Cat’s Pyjamas, a brand of which I had never heard. Bill’s Beans, yes, Fish River Roasters, yes, but never the Cat’s Pyjamas.

Then, blow me down, this morning I opened Bill’s latest blog to find he also drinks the Cat’s Pyjamas. It’s enough to bring on another poem!”

Many thanks to A & J, can’t wait for the poem. We’re sure, however, that this Cat’s Pyjamas won’t be a patch on that from our very own coffee correspondent at Henry’s Coffee Company. Best coffee in the world … it really is the Cat’s Pyjamas.

NSW 2583 tel: +61 438 428 988 Zestt FB

///absurd.land.arithmetic
This Sildenafil citrate generic super cialis is not found in the market a lot. Though lots of treating options are available, tadalafil 20mg uk amerikabulteni.com but all of them Generic Tadalafil may be the suitable and favorable option for the impotency victims as the impacts of this unintended coagulation mechanism. It can cure different best price levitra skin related issues inclusive of dandruff. It prevents us from cialis uk being vulnerable.

Meanwhile, just next door in New Zealand, one of our Kiwi correspondents has been admirably busy during their lockdown. Her friend Mary always makes scones for every visit and presents them with lots of apricot jam. They look delicious! She was lamenting that fact that with the world being as crazy as it is, she may never get a return trip to Scotland. Let’s hope that isn’t the case but who knows? She sent some pics that make our slothfulness look positively criminal.

embroidery with fish — A SwordFish made from recycled garden tools and a cross-stitch embroidery

In New Zealand, of course, they are anticipating spring and summer whereas we are going the opposite way into autumn and winter. In Scotland, we have enjoyed a lot of fine weather this year but don’t think we could ever compete with our correspondent’s fabulous sweet grapefruit tree. She has also acquired this print of a quail which we think is rather splendid.

Etching of a quail — a quail by Helen Darling of Central Otago

Many thanks S & O, we loved all the pics. We are indebted to all our correspondents who enrich this blog wonderfully.

Now that we have our wheels back we may venture further afield for our next scone. Don’t want to raise expectations too high but watch this space. In the meantime stay safe.

Ordinary, Scones

Bob & Berts revisited

17th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 4 Comments

Still carless so we remain pretty much tethered to home. Our car is currently on Harris in the Outer Hebrides where the previous post hailed from. We are being inundated with photos of our granddaughters enjoying fabulous weather and swimming on Hebridean beaches.

Luskentyre beach on Harris — our granddaughter Lola running on one of the many overcrowded beaches in the Outer Hebrides

Meanwhile, back in Falkirk, with no particular desire to use public transport just yet, we were not feeling the same degree of joyous unfettered freedom. But sensing a bit of a scone urge, we quietly made our way to our own local High Street. And when we got there Bob & Berts was the only cafe with any available outside seating. So it was to be “Bob & Berts revisited”. Last time we reviewed this place it was our very first scone of 2019.

Car doors

Back then we appraised our 2018 year of sconing. The big political news of the year had been a member of the Royal family closing her own car door. The media was full of it. Some congratulatory but others full of righteous indignation at the sheer unabashed brashness of it all. Since then, of course, the responsible person has been banished from whence she came and since then all Royal car doors have remained free of scandal. Phew!

Snagging lists

Momentarily, we also turned to religion. God, we reckoned, must have looked with dismay at the mess He had made of His snagging list over two millennia. We felt, however, that He would have taken a crumb of comfort from a whole bunch of countries banding together in a spirit of cooperation to form the EU. He would have been proud! Oh dear, what will He be thinking now?

Last time, we gave Bob and Berts a bit of a hard time for not selling us a raspberry ripple scone and importing their jam from Oregon. That’s a massive carbon footprint for a wee pot of jam. Well, this time they only had cherry scones but the jam was still the same. We have to conclude that they are either impervious to justifiable criticism or they don’t read allaboutthescones.com. Incredibly we suspect it’s the latter. Heyho, we wouldn’t really want anyone serving American jam in Scotland to be reading our blog anyway!

We wish our “Bob & Berts revisited” experience had been an improvement on the first visit but it wasn’t. Our shared cherry scone was almost inedible. It may have been fresh on a certain day last week but it certainly wasn’t now. We left half of it. Stale scones, scooshie cream and American jam … what’s to like? Well, the coffee was actually quite good and the place itself has a nice hipsterish vibe. Not enough to make us rush back though.

Poetic scones

We are spoiled when it comes to refreshments because our coffee correspondent keeps us supplied with delicious Cat’s Pyjamas coffee from Henry’s Coffee Company. Sometimes we even find the odd anonymous package of trout on our doorstep and suspect it might be the very same correspondent. Among his many talents, he is renowned for his recitals of the poems of Robert Burns. He couldn’t bear for our antipodean corespondents to be the only ones waxing lyrically about scones so he’s penned a response. As expected, his ditty has an appropriate Scottish flavour.

Great tastin scone yir so elusive.
Tae find yir likes, one hikes ower Scotland’s hills and glens and islands.
Thru toons and villages, some wi’ sheds, some wi’ telephone boxes.
Some oft visited by wee ‘Willy Winkie’ and Pat and Billy.
Yir crumblin crumbs and so soft centre cause chaos on my taste buds.
Yi’ll taste much better when Scotland’s independent.

Normality?

Don’t know if this can be taken as a sign of things returning to normal after COVID? Remember the £5.36 I had in my pocket since March. Remember it mysteriously went up to £6.36. Well, now it’s gone. It’s now just 56p. No idea what’s happened but it’s definitely suffered a severe shock. It’s certainly not due to me being unduly profligate but I’ve obviously had to stick my hand in my pocket for some reason. I would, however, caution the world against taking this as conclusive proof a resumption of normality.

island, Ordinary, Scones

Isle of Harris Distillery – Again

9th August 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 10 Comments

We know, we know, we should be out looking for new scones now that coronavirus restrictions have been relaxed. We should be endeavouring to broaden your sconological knowledge. That’s as may be, however, we don’t feel particularly adventurous just yet. There’s still a lot of COVID uncertainty. And in addition, our daughter came up from London on the train with her family then stole our car. In fact, our car may well be parked outside the Isle of Harris Distillery as we speak. We, on the other hand, are quite definitely parked in Falkirk. In other words, our scone adventuring is somewhat curtailed for the next couple of weeks.

Morar beach 2020 — Our grandaughter yesterday on Morar beach on her way to the Isle of Harris

Although this was originally posted only last year when Theresa May was still striving to get her Brexit Bill through parliament, it seems like ancient history now. Nevertheless, these times that seemed particularly torrid at the time now seem of little consequence compared to what is happening this year. So let’s go back to when life was much simpler.

You all know by now that scones are our main objective where ever we go. However, sometimes it’s not as easy as you might imagine. Distractions abound e.g. sheds, eagles … distilleries! If we can’t find one to live in we feel somewhat obliged to visit them … it’s the decent thing to do. Maybe it’s just a Scottish thing, who knows? Anyway, this long-winded preamble is simply trying to let you know that we are in another distillery – the Isle of Harris Distillery. Like Raasay, this is another new kid on the block. It hasn’t actually produced any whisky yet but in the meantime, it’s producing lots of gin.

The old-established distilleries don’t bother with gin and probably look down their noses at those that do. However, for these new ones, cash flow is of paramount importance and ten years is a long time to wait for a return on your investment. Gin, on the other hand, you can make in a couple of days.

Sugar Kelp

Because of this, there are dedicated gin distilleries popping up all over Scotland … about 70 at the last count and they join 125 whisky distilleries. We also hadn’t realised until recently that the big well-known gins like Gordons, Hendricks and Tanquery are all produced in Scotland as well. That’s a lot of gin! They all claim to use their own unique blend of botanicals to flavour their products. On Harris, they use locally harvested sugar kelp … whatever? As long as they keep it well away from the whisky!

Mairi Mackenzie

Being only a few years old the distillery is very modern and has a large rather swanky visitor centre … and a café. We arrived back from our trip to the Butt of Lewis just as it was about to close. Enough time for a scone, however. Mairi Mackenzie does all their home-baking and it all looked delicious. As always a scone was what we had in our sights. It came accompanied with cream and jam. We have been desperate to find a topscone on this trip and so far it has eluded us. Unfortunately, Mairi’s scone didn’t change the situation. We thoroughly enjoyed it as we did everything about this place but it came up just short of the mark … pity.

They call the Isle of Harris Distillery the ‘social distillery’ because it aims to become the centre of the community. It certainly provides much-needed employment in this part of the world. Island economies are always fragile so anything that increases stability is always welcome. More power to their elbow! Their first whisky is to be called ‘Hearach’ which is what people from Harris are called in Gaelic … can’t wait!

Social places

Can’t wait for the fiasco masquerading as politics under the Westminster banner to sort itself out. Today, as Theresa May gives the Speaker a body swerve and tries for a third time to get her Brexit deal through the Commons, here, on the very edge of the EU, you feel pretty insulated from all that stuff. You feel, no matter what happens, the folks on these isolated islands where everyone knows everyone else will look after each other, come what may. It would be great if we could all have that sort of social community spirit. We are coming to the end of our time on Harris … sad!

HS3 3DJ tel: 01859 502212 Harris Distillery

Remember our Brisbane correspondent sent us a scone poem. Not to be outdone our Bathurst correspondent has responded with a work of his own.

“I enjoyed my Brisbane countryman’s poem in the last blog. I use the term “countryman” loosely though, because Australia is fast descending into a number of separate countries, courtesy of Covid-19….. But enough of that. I felt it incumbent upon me, however, to respond to your Brisbane correspondent’s contribution. I apologize in advance to Bill Wordsworth for pinching the structure of one of his better works.”

When it comes to poetic scones, these Aussies are certainly putting us Brits to shame. And yes, that’s a challenge!

island, Ordinary, Scones

The Douglas Hotel – Again

31st July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

This is another Scottish island repost from 2016. That was back when the Scottish Conservatives were feeling rejuvenated. Today, however, Jackson Carlaw resigned as their leader, after only five months in post. Hopefully, he has seen the hopelessness of their cause. Just the mention of them, however, is always liable to bring on a rant. They never have anything remotely like a policy of their own and simply resort to attacking the wicked SNP. British nationalists, of which Boris is a prime example, are an odd bunch. They refuse to acknowledge Scotland as a country in its own right, however, when it comes to debt it’s a different story. They delight in pointing out that Scotland has the biggest fiscal deficit of any country in Europe but never feel inclined to explain why.

Technically, Scotland cannot have any debt because it’s not allowed to borrow money and it’s legally obliged to balance the books every year. Only the UK government can borrow money. This is how it works. When they borrow say £100million, 10% of the debt is automatically apportioned to Scotland (on the basis of our population size) however, little if any of the money ever comes north of the border. It’s all spent in England .. and for ‘England’ you can read ‘London’. So with that accounting system, is it any wonder we have a deficit! Anyway, rant over, let’s go to the wonderful Isle of Arran.

We arrived a day early for our Scottish Wildlife Trust outing on Arran and stayed the first night at one of our favourite places, the Kilmichael Country House in Glen Cloy. There were peacocks all over the place. We thought that they would give us a sneaky head start over everyone else with our bird list. They are a pernickety lot however in the SWT. We were left in no doubt that peacocks were not allowed on the list .. verboten! The rest of our stay was to be here at the Douglas in Brodick, just a stone’s throw from the ferry terminal. It’s built from locally quarried red sandstone. In 1782 it spent some time as the doctor’s house until eventually becoming a hotel in 1852.

A couple of years ago it underwent complete modernisation and now terms itself ’boutique’. If ’boutique’ means having vast beds then it definitely qualifies for that sobriquet. If there’s anyone in bed with you, you certainly had to go searching in order to find them! Not sure why they have a large portrait of ‘The MacNab’ in reception. Maybe he liked the beds as well. He never married but had 35 illegitimate children.

Anyway, there was no way we were going to be able to stay here for the best part of a week without sampling their scones. We thought we might as well get it over and done with. We decided to sit out on the patio area overlooking Brodick Bay while a young cheery chap from Kilmarnock buzzed to and fro bringing us tea, coffee, scones etc. The scones were good, full of fruit but hot, almost too hot to handle. Pat had a cheese scone but it had to be left to cool down as well. Not topscones but who cares when you get great service and all you have to do is sit and watch the ferries coming and going. If there is one in you wonder when it will leave. If there isn’t one in you wonder when one will arrive .. exciting!

Election results

The dust has now settled on the elections and, in Scotland, the media have hailed the results in rather peculiar ways. They have made much of Labour’s continuing failure to recognise that Scotland has changed. They have also trumpeted the Tory’s supposed rejuvenation?? When the Scottish Tory vote collapsed to 24% in 1987 under the much-hated Margaret Thatcher, who would have thought that a trifling 30 years later it would have rebounded to 22%. What are they on about?

One thing the media has not made much of is the SNP success. Their achievement – increasing seats and votes after almost 10 years in power is truly astounding yet gets only grudging acknowledgement. If it gets any at all. Anyway, who cares when all you have to do is sit in the sunshine eating scones, watching ferries come and go. Oh, and the red-breasted mergansers swimming in the bay. Lots of them, and they’re allowed!

KA27 8AW tel: 01770 302968 Douglas Hotel

As you know our antipodean correspondents have been excelling themselves lately. Pumpkin scones then Waltzing Matilda scones. And no sooner had we convinced ourselves that we had run out of Aussie scones than a note drops into our inbox from our Brisbane correspondent. Not a scone as such but a scone poem, no less. We knew that this particular correspondent had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning but had no idea about his poetic inclinations.

Flour butter milk
Give that all a stir
Maybe add some fruit
If that is what you prefer

Bung them in the oven
While you whip the cream
I put mine on the bottom
But some say that’s obscene

Such a simple recipe folks
But of variations, there are galore
You could wander round for years
And still not sample them all

Top scone or bottom scone
Or somewhere in-between
Could it be? Though scone blasphemy
All about the placement of the cream

Bill and Pat, you write about the scone
But you also jam in some history
With a dash of current affairs
Your scone blog, sure is the cream to me

Do any other sconeys feel a poetic urge?

Scones, Uncategorized

Clancy’s Cafe

25th July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 6 Comments

For this post we are not only indebted once again to our antipodean Bathurst correspondents but also to one of their friends. He sent us some sconological information on Clancy’s Cafe, in Yeoval, New South Wales. The friend’s name is Paterson, the cafe is contained within the Banjo Paterson museum (see title photo by Gabriela B) and we are Patersons so this post is really a celebration of Patersons the world over. As you can see the little town of Yeoval is “still the greatest” but don’t drink the water. We don’t want to get accused of stereotyping but its our understanding is that Australians only drink beer so don’t suppose that’s any kind of real hardship.

Waltzing across the outback

Banjo Paterson was brought up in Yeoval so presumably, he went straight from mother’s milk to drinking beer at an early age. He is to Australia what Robert Burns is to Scotland. An author, balladeer and poet who has kind of come to symbolise the country’s identity. He wrote under the pseudonym “The Banjo”, the name of his best-loved horse. He died in 1941 and is probably best remembered as the originator of Waltzing Matilda. Perhaps typical for Australia, the song celebrates a sheep rustling itinerant hobo who waltzes (walks) from farm to farm with his matilda (knapsack of belongings). It’s pure nostalgia for a vanished way of life!

Carved inscription of Waltzing Matilda — A sculpture inscribed with the words of Watzing Matilda

The Clancy of Clancy’s Cafe is another daredevil character who appears in several of his stories. For a review of the scones, however, we are indebted to fellow sconey, Toni of The Devonshire Tea Guide who visited Clancy’s back in 2015: “Whatever brings visitors to Yeoval is what I say, and for me, the scones definitely would. They are lovingly homebaked, light and fluffy with a creamy texture and taste. The cream is sensational. Real cream whipped thick with an electric beater – how hard is that? Not very, and I wish more places did it. The jam is average but nice and thick and not syrupy sweet, and the mix works brilliantly. Scone lovers are crazy not to stop for five-dollar Devonshire Teas, and maybe linger to learn a bit more about the illustrious poet”. So now you know, next time you are in Yeoval, Clancy’s is the place.

Clans

Like Banjo Paterson, our correspondent is of Scottish descent. In fact, his grandmother was Banjo’s niece. All Patersons are part of Clan MacLaren so we are all related in one way or another. Scotland, however, currently has a problem with its clans. Clan MacLeod has given rise to President Trump and we even have Clan Johnson …. aargh!! We can only apologise to the world for those aberrations. Reassuringly, as far as we know, Putin has no Scottish connections and neither has Kim Jong Un. Boris actually visited Scotland for a few hours yesterday to encourage donors to the Tory party to keep on digging deep. The essence of his message to the rest of the people of Scotland was: “After over 300 years of Westminster rule, Scotland is too wee, too stupid and too poor to be able to do anything for itself” Talk about shooting yourself in the foot?

NSW 2868 tel: +61 427 208 913 Clancy’s

///televise.transcribe.mediocrity

PS: As you all know, our famous Trossachs correspondents are avid sconeys. However, you may not be aware that they are also keen jigsaw puzzlers. They even do scone jigsaws. Yes, they have a scone jigsaw! Goodness knows where they got that from? One of the scones is actually repeated elsewhere in the puzzle. No prizes but well done if you can spot it.

island, Scones, Top

Artizan Café – Again

22nd July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Okay, we’re not quite back in the swing of things in terms of brand new scones so this is yet another one of our island reposts that you have all come to know and love?? This one from the Artizan Café in Stornoway is from our 2019 trip around some of the outer isles. Seems like an age ago! Theresa May was still clinging on like some demented rabid dog and we were still hopeful that Brexit would just go away. What fools we were! And we had never heard of COVID-19.

Anyway, you have all heard of BLM, Black lives Matter, the movement that swept the world in the wake of the death of George Floyd. Without wishing to diminish BLM in any way, in this post we want to raise awareness of BPM, Black Pudding Matters. So let’s go back a year.

Doubtless, you will all heave a huge sigh of relief when we say that our trip to the Outer Isles has finally come to an end. To get back home, however, we had to drive back through the hills of Harris and across the moors of Lewis to get to Stornoway. There we could catch a ferry to Ullapool on the Scottish mainland.

View of Stornoway harbour — Stornoway harbour

Tom, Dick and Harry

We aimed to leave a little time, however, so that we could see if there was more to Stornoway than black pudding. As you are all very well aware this town is the home of this delicacy. That mixture of beef suet, oatmeal, blood, onion, salt and pepper that’s become a favourite of fine dining establishments throughout the world. It’s good for you because it’s high in protein, zinc and iron. Now, it’s very future is endangered by Brexit. You probably have not been aware of Westminster debating the future of black pudding … because it hasn’t. Stornoway Black Pudding is a PGI (Protected Geographical Indication) under the EU Protected Food Name Scheme. Once we leave the EU that protection has gone. Any old Tom, Dick or Harry in Manchester, or wherever, will be able to produce inferior black pudding and call it ‘Stornoway’. If ever there was a reason for cancelling Brexit, this is it.

We went to Macleod & Macleod’s shop to view the genuine articles in their native surroundings, We didn’t buy. Pat’s not a fan so I would have had to eat all 1.5 kg myself. Too much even for me. Across the street from Macleod & Macleod is Artizan, a rather nice café combined with art gallery and jewellery shop.

Technological scone location

At this point perhaps we should explain the addition to the info at the end of each post. Traditionally we have provided postcode, phone number and web address. However, our correspondent, the Pedant, has complained that this only gives a vague idea of scone location … a matter of concern to him … him being a pedant and all that. An app called What3Words provides much more accurate information and will locate a scone, or at least the table it was on with a unique combination of three words. The three at the end of this post ‘calculating.sweetened.blossom’ will not only take you to the Artizan café but to the table we were sitting at in the café … provided you have the app, of course. No other table on earth has these same three words. Either a wonder of modern technology or a complete waste of time … it’s up to you. It is remarkable though and it’s free so give it a whirl if you want to know exactly where our scones are.

Anyway, Artizan was one of these places which just gives off a good vibe as soon as you go in. Everything about it feels good. When our scone came it was complete with butter, jam and clotted cream. It was delicious. Just the right amount of crunchiness combined with an excellent fluffy soft centre. No problem awarding a topscone here. At last, our long run of ordinary scones had been broken. The lovely lady who actually baked them chatted to us while she cleared our table. She was great as well!

All good things ..

And so we have come to the end of our trip. It has been great. A bit windy perhaps but we didn’t get rained on once. We have been able to provide our readers with a much more accurate scone locating system and discovered the home of black pudding, the best reason, if ever there was one, for cancelling Brexit altogether. As Theresa May contemplates dragging her battered and bruised ‘Deal’ back to the Commons for an unbelievable 4th time, someone really needs to take her aside and speak to her about black pudding.

HS1 2DH tel: 01851 706538 Artizan

calculating sweetened blossom

PS: If you have downloaded the W3W app and look at ‘rake.tacky.fronds’ that’s where we are on a ferry in the middle of the Minch … see, no postcodes out here! When we reach ‘reap.scored.twitchy’ we’ll be home!

LEWIS SHEDS

Peat cutting booth's on the Isle of Lewis — Three peat cutting bothies not far from Stornoway. One far away on horizon extreme left. There’s standing room only on the Sabbath … apparently!

Readers will remember our previous post about pumpkin scones, sent by our Aussie Bathurst correspondent. Well, here’s the sequel: “Following our recent treat of pumpkin scones, I decided to have a crack at cooking some myself. Same recipe as our hostess made on our recent excursion, but unfortunately, they did not turn out as well as expected. See photo with a one-pound coin for size comparison. What’s more, the one-pound coin was also slightly easier to chew. More of a biscuit really. Possibly because we used gluten-free flour to placate some gluten-free friends we had staying.”

Ten out of ten for a very admirable effort. While we acknowledge the consistency problem, we think the size is fine. Ideal for a genteel afternoon tea. But then, do Aussies do genteel?? We’re sure they’ll let us know.

Niceties

Apparently Westminster is getting in a frenzy about the burgeoning threat of Scottish Independence. So worried they have decided to send Boris on a dangerous mission north of the non-existent border. He won’t meet any real Scots though, only fellow rich tax-avoiding folks, then he’ll scurry off back to safety. They haven’t told Nicola or the Scottish government about the visit yet which just about sums up the relationship perfectly. Scotland doesn’t and never has had a voice so why bother with niceties?

Scones, Top

The Cafe@Canada Wood

16th July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Goodness gracious, you’ll never guess! Yes yesterday, 15th July 2020, we actually went out for a scone. First time since 19th of March. That’s an incredible 118 coronavirus scone free days. Yesterday was the day that Scotland finally relaxed its COVID regulations … yeah! Cafés, hairdressers, shops, even pubs are allowed to open as long as they meet certain criterion. Our local pub first opened in 1827 and obviously doesn’t meet the required standards because it’s still closed … boo! Anyway, by way of celebration, we visited this place, The Cafe@Canada Wood.

It’s close to our house and we used to be regular visitors when it was called Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar. We’ve even done a Canada Wood revisited. It’s now under new management so they have changed the name though not by very much. It gets its name from the wood which is right next to it … believe it or not, it’s called Canada Wood!

Where have all the menus gone?

Things have changed a bit since our last visit. When we arrived, although we wanted to sit outside, we had to go through the indoor bit and divulge our details; address, telephone number, email, inside leg measurement! No, not that last bit. Our table outside was complete with a QR code which when scanned let us see the menu. This may seem like a fair old palaver however it’s really not. It’s the new normal! In fact, if any reader wants to scan it you will see the menu as well (use the back camera on your smartphone).

It was busy with people doing exactly the same as us, enjoying newfound liberation and being in the company of others again in the sunshine. Everyone was still abiding by the social distancing rules. We had just popped out to see what it felt like and didn’t really need a menu … one fruit scone to share and two coffees. The coffees came quite quickly but the scone took a while. We were just about to ask when a delightful young server said: “I’ve checked on your scone, it’s just coming out of the oven” … relax!

It arrived a few seconds later and we were excited. Not that you could tell! In the past, we have not been too impressed with the scones here. They were either too big or just a wee bit weird. No worries this time. Maybe it was because we had been away for so long. Perhaps it was because our scone was wonderfully warm. Maybe it was the crunchy exterior and the soft interior … the jam, the cream! Who knows? It was delicious so we were delighted to award this establishment its first topscone.

And it was card payment, so I still have my £6.36.

Pigeons

When I was a young lad I used to be a beater for the shoots on Callendar Estate which owns The Cafe@Canada Wood. I and my fellow beaters would ‘beat’ through Canada Wood driving the woodpigeons towards the gentry with the guns. The toffs would be lined up along Lochgreen Road and shoot the pigeons as they emerged from the trees. What fun! However, we did get a £1 a day for our trouble and that was good money for a youngster back then.

It’s all very well us getting out sconing again but the easing of lockdown in Scotland comes with huge risks. Although we have not had any COVID deaths over the past week, England has had 527. We think the reason for the disparity is that Boris and his team listen to Nicola Sturgeon’s clear and concise messages on coronavirus. They then wait a couple of days before repeating them but in a garbled unintelligible way. Scotland loves its southern neighbours and welcomes them as visitors but please abide by our rules. Otherwise, you’ll have Nicola to deal with!

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 612111 Canada Wood

Scones, Uncategorized

Pumpkin scones

13th July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

Pumpkin scones? Have you taken leave of your senses we hear you cry! Nothing to do with us … blame the Aussies. Let us explain. With virtually no COVID deaths in the past week, Scotland is gradually easing its way towards lifting lockdown. The risk of catching coronavirus is now at least five times higher in England than Scotland hence the hoo-ha about health checks on the border. In our previous post from the Wineport, we spoke of the Australian government closing the border between the states of New South Wales and Victoria. No sooner had we done so than we received an unrelated but nevertheless timely report from our Bathurst correspondents in NSW. In their own words:

Today we went on a firewood gathering excursion on a friend’s farm about 30 miles downriver from our home in Bathurst. For morning tea our hostess served us pumpkin scones. Alas, no cream or jam, just butter, but they were delicious. My understanding is that pumpkin is classed as a pig food in the UK, but you eat swedes and turnips instead, which over here, we wouldn’t touch with a barge pole. The wife of a now-deceased premier of Queensland, Flo Bjelke-Peterson, was famous for her pumpkin scones.

Pumpkin v Turnip

They raise a number of points which we will try and address here:

Experienced sconeys would not expect jam and cream with a savoury cheese or pumpkin scones … basic error.
Pumpkins may well be pig food over here but we also find them useful as lanterns at Halloween! Other than that pumpkins are as about as useful as Boris Johnson. Okay, we may be coming down on pumpkins a bit hard there! As lanterns, pumpkins do emit some light whereas the same could never be said of Boris
They are right in saying that we do eat turnips. Every year, in January, when we celebrate the birth of Robert Burns, our national bard, huge quantities of haggis, neeps and tatties (haggis, turnips and potatoes) are consumed along with copious quantities of whisky. Burns saw these as the food and drink of the common man and elevated them above the ‘skinking ware’ that the highfalutin aristocrats partook of. He knew what he was talking about!
We can only assume that the Australian aversion to turnips is due to the likelihood that most of them were sent to Australia for stealing said items.

Shrewd Flo!

Our correspondents also alerted us to the wonderful Flo Bjelke-Peterson. She was an influential member of the Australian Senate who is the first person we have come across to openly admit to using scones for political purposes. She baked them for family and friends but also for the journalists that used to stake out her home. “They help me relate to the women who make them, and the men who eat them.” So we concede that these pumpkin scones must have been pretty good otherwise their influence politically would have been extremely limited.

When readers in the UK have finished gnawing on their turnips they might want to try Flo’s recipe … if they have a leftover lantern from Halloween!

INGREDIENTS:

1 tablespoon of butter
½ cup of sugar
¼ teaspoon of salt
1 egg
1 cup of cooked mashed pumpkin (cooled)
2-2¼ cups self-raising flour

METHOD: Preheat your oven to 250°C. Beat together butter, sugar and salt with an electric mixer until light and fluffy.
Add egg, then pumpkin and stir in the flour.
Turn dough onto a floured board and cut into circles.
Place on a tray on the top shelf of a very hot oven (225-250°C) for 15-20 minutes.
Remove from oven, allow to cool and serve with butter.
Note: As with all scone dough, it is important not to overmix the dough. Keep your touch light, knead it as little as possible, and only work it enough to just bring it together. When you have cut your scone rounds out, you can recombine the leftover dough to make more scones, but again, don’t overwork the dough, or you will end up with tough scones.

NOTE: We are, of course, hugely grateful to our Bathurst correspondents. Keep them coming but maybe try some proper scones next time.

BREAKING

Donald Trump has been seen wearing a mask. Apparently, he likes it and thinks it makes him look like the Lone Ranger. Up until now, we suspected that he was suffering from another virus which seems to accompany coronavirus. We’re not singling him out, lot’s of people seem to have the imasthickasshitvirus. Sorry!

Who knows, if things continue to go well, we may be able to get out scone hunting again very soon.

island, Ordinary, Scones

The Wineport- Again

8th July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

This is yet another repost from 2016 at the Wineport on the Isle of Arran. Yes, even we are surprised at how many island scones we have consumed. Back in March, we were trying to narrow it down when we decided to repost island scones. But who would have thought we would still be doing it in the middle of July? Amazing but let’s get on with some serious grouching.

The 51st State

Day by day the UK is becoming more and more like the US. As the Union comes under increasing strain over COVID, no UK government official can now be seen on TV without the background being draped in Union Jacks. A desperate sign of newfound insecurities. Scotland’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon gets vilified for saying that she cannot rule out health checks on the border with England. Meanwhile, in Australia, the government has just closed the border between Victoria and New South Wales for exactly that reason. These are just two states within a country whereas Scotland and England are two different countries? Make of that what you will!

And like the US, our UK government now has a department to explain what our Prime Minister means when he speaks. Again like the US, usually, the exact opposite of what was actually said. In anticipation of the inevitable enquiry into their lamentable handling of coronavirus, Boris has attempted to offload blame. He said, “We discovered too many care homes didn’t really follow the procedures in the way that they could have.” In true Trumpian style officials then lined up to say that what he really meant was that care homes had done an absolutely brilliant and outstanding job. Unbelievable!

Back to 2016

This is a lovely spot, in Cladach on the outskirts of Brodick. Cladach actually used to be the main village before modern Brodick was built on the south side of the bay. Now, most of the former houses are used for small businesses. The Wineport is just one example. It probably derives its name from a small harbour area, now disused, a short way along the coast which at one time would have been used by all ferries and imports to the island.

Last year it came under new management and now provides a fantastic family-friendly relaxed atmosphere with all the facilities you could think of. Unlike Brodick Castle they use lots of local food and drink suppliers such as; Arran Dairies, The Arran Butcher, Island Cheese Company, Creelers, Arran Brewery, Taste of Arran, Arran Ceramics, and Arran Aromatics. That’s more like it. This place can show the National Trust for Scotland how to do it!

Outside the front door is a large beer garden, perfect for our kind of birdwatching. It’s at the start of the path up Goatfell, maybe we would catch sight of an eagle? We sampled some of the local beer and then because we had seen some scones on the bar, we thought we should give one a try. It came with lots of jam and the coffee came with a little piece of millionaires shortbread … nice touch. The scone was fine, lots of fruit but just a tad on the heavy side.

Summary

So, by way of a recap … as we sadly prepare to leave Arran after a great trip, all the scones have been enjoyable enough but we are left with a total of one topscone -at Machrie Bay Tearoom. Well done them.

Barcelona and the Saltire

Today, of course, is football day with the English and Scottish Cup Finals both being played. Arguably of more interest, however, is the Copa Del Ray cup final in Madrid between Barcelona and Sevilla. The Catalans are just as uppity as the Scots so the Spanish government, in their infinite wisdom, banned the use of the Estelada (Catalan flag) at the game. The Barcelona supporters, however, said they would use the Scottish Saltire instead. That was enough for the government to revoke its ban … the power of the Saltire! Grey wagtail might be the last to be added to the list. But we still have a little time left on Arran, so our final bird count won’t be revealed until the next post. Will there be an eagle on it?

KA27 8DE tel: 01770 302101 The Wineport

Earlier we were berating the National Trust for Scotland for not stocking Scottish produce in their cafés. Yesterday, at least they managed now got rid of their odious President, Neil Oliver over the equally odious David Starkey affair. His leaving may provide the Trust, with all its dukes, barons, earls and lords with a long-overdue and much-needed opportunity to have a long hard look at itself and how it manages its affairs.

shed on the west coast of the Isle of Arran — What’s left of a shed near Balliekine on Arran’s west coast

Scones, Top

Super Saturday

4th July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

So it’s Super Saturday, we can all relax and enjoy ourselves! For our many international readers who may not know, this is the day when in spite of England having a much worse r-rate than Scotland most of the COVID rules in England are withdrawn. So, as Scotland maintains its rules for another couple of weeks we thought, for this post, you might like to hear how we are coping with all the stresses and strains of months of COVID-19 lockdown. Remember the millenium bug that threatened to bring our computers and the world crashing down round about our ears? Well, it had nothing on this bug!

Back gardens

Actually though, for us, it’s been quite a relaxing and pleasant experience. There are obvious problems like not seeing grandchildren etc but it’s not all negative. We don’t need to get dressed because no one is coming to the door. And why tidy the house? Can’t remember the last time we washed! Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but all in all, it hasn’t been bad. Why wouldn’t it be when the reality consists of sitting eating Royal scones in a sunny back garden. That’s not strictly true either. The other day, with local restrictions being relaxed, we had the pleasure of testing our Trossachs correspondent’s Royal scones in their back garden.

Trossachs correspondents scones — Royal scones by our Trossachs correspondents

We behaved! Maintained our social distancing but have to admit to getting up close and personal with the scones. Delighted to report that the result of this official review was an easy topscone. Fantastic and thoroughly deserved. We had a wonderful afternoon with wonderful friends in their wonderful sunny garden. Many thanks … wonderful!

Strawberries

Readers might be lulled into the false impression that we have had an easy time of it in lockdown. Well, we have, however, it has not been entirely worry-free. Recently, for instance, we have been concerned about what to do with a surfeit of strawberries. They are ripening faster than we can eat them. Part of the solution was to eat them every day. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes just with pouring cream and sometimes with custard. The strawberries are winning, however. Eventually, we might have to resort to making jam. In the meantime, we are having them with our scones. Pat made another batch of scones to the Royal recipe and we are eating them with homemade gooseberry jelly, whipped cream and sliced strawberries. Fab!

Over the wall

So you can clearly see that it has not all been plain sailing. However, we do not want readers to worry. We are just fine sitting in the garden. And to set your minds at rest, we think the strawberry crisis is manageable. When we look over the garden wall, however, we see a world that is confusing, hairy and relatively sconeless and that’s a bit worrying.

Back to Super Saturday. What sort of idiot decided that Saturday the 4th July would be a good day to jettison restrictions and open the pubs in England? Oh yes, that idiot! Boris says he is relying on people’s good sense to behave responsibly. He chooses to overlook the fact that if people had ‘good sense’ he would not be Prime Minister. It’s the downside of democracy. When Gary, Tank Commander says that it was wrong for the army to go into Iraq he observes that it was the government that told the army to do it. And who put the government there? Us! He’s right. Now, at least, folks can get their hair cut in England.

Confusing?

Meanwhile, Trump wants to put America ‘first’ in the charge to have the highest coronavirus fatalities, however, the UK, or rather England, is snapping at their heels. Both states, of course, have one thing in common … numpties in charge.

scones pre oven — In case you’re wondering, this is what raw Royal scones look like; pre-oven

In Scotland, we are urged to stick to being two meters apart (in case of doubt, that’s one Highland cow or one Highland dancer apart). Boris has now said that in England it has been reduced to one meter or “one and a bit” meters. In the spirit of compromise, an English person in Scotland presumably has to stay one and a ‘big bit’ meters apart? There is also much confusion around the rules for quarantine as England lifts its rules but Scotland doesn’t. The solution, of course, is obvious. Instead of the Scottish government, with both hands tied behind their back, doing a much better job than their Westminster counterparts they should have complete freedom to be a proper effective government. That only comes with independence, of course.

How will it all end ?

It remains to be seen how Super Saturday pans out and how the pandemic progresses. It’s a crazy world. With the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell in America, the Queen must be longing for a good old Royal Garden Party, a cup of Earl Grey and one of her scones. if she needs a shoulder to cry on. she is welcome to come round here for a scone and a wee chat.

PS: In case you think we are existing in a boorach of a house on a mono-diet of strawberry scones, we’re not! The other day we found a trout on our doorstep! And we are far from any kind of river! Not only that but it had been smoked. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, however, Pat had it transformed into this delicious pasta dish. It was the cat’s pyjamas!

Car doors

Snagging lists

Poetic scones

Normality?

Sugar Kelp

Mairi Mackenzie

Social places

Election results

Waltzing across the outback

Clans

Tom, Dick and Harry

Technological scone location

All good things ..

LEWIS SHEDS

Niceties

Where have all the menus gone?

Pigeons

Pumpkin v Turnip

Shrewd Flo!

INGREDIENTS:

BREAKING

The 51st State

Back to 2016

Summary

Barcelona and the Saltire

Back gardens

Strawberries

Over the wall

Confusing?

How will it all end ?

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics