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These are the best scones we have found so far.

Artizan Café – Again

22 July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

Okay, we’re not quite back in the swing of things in terms of brand new scones so this is yet another one of our island reposts that you have all come to know and love?? This one from the Artizan Café in Stornoway is from our 2019 trip around some of the outer isles. Seems like an age ago! Theresa May was still clinging on like some demented rabid dog and we were still hopeful that Brexit would just go away. What fools we were! And we had never heard of COVID-19.

Anyway, you have all heard of BLM, Black lives Matter, the movement that swept the world in the wake of the death of George Floyd. Without wishing to diminish BLM in any way, in this post we want to raise awareness of BPM, Black Pudding Matters. So let’s go back a year.

Doubtless, you will all heave a huge sigh of relief when we say that our trip to the Outer Isles has finally come to an end. To get back home, however, we had to drive back through the hills of Harris and across the moors of Lewis to get to Stornoway. There we could catch a ferry to Ullapool on the Scottish mainland.

View of Stornoway harbour — Stornoway harbour

Tom, Dick and Harry

We aimed to leave a little time, however, so that we could see if there was more to Stornoway than black pudding. As you are all very well aware this town is the home of this delicacy. That mixture of beef suet, oatmeal, blood, onion, salt and pepper that’s become a favourite of fine dining establishments throughout the world. It’s good for you because it’s high in protein, zinc and iron. Now, it’s very future is endangered by Brexit. You probably have not been aware of Westminster debating the future of black pudding … because it hasn’t. Stornoway Black Pudding is a PGI (Protected Geographical Indication) under the EU Protected Food Name Scheme. Once we leave the EU that protection has gone. Any old Tom, Dick or Harry in Manchester, or wherever, will be able to produce inferior black pudding and call it ‘Stornoway’. If ever there was a reason for cancelling Brexit, this is it.

We went to Macleod & Macleod’s shop to view the genuine articles in their native surroundings, We didn’t buy. Pat’s not a fan so I would have had to eat all 1.5 kg myself. Too much even for me. Across the street from Macleod & Macleod is Artizan, a rather nice café combined with art gallery and jewellery shop.

Technological scone location

At this point perhaps we should explain the addition to the info at the end of each post. Traditionally we have provided postcode, phone number and web address. However, our correspondent, the Pedant, has complained that this only gives a vague idea of scone location … a matter of concern to him … him being a pedant and all that. An app called What3Words provides much more accurate information and will locate a scone, or at least the table it was on with a unique combination of three words. The three at the end of this post ‘calculating.sweetened.blossom’ will not only take you to the Artizan café but to the table we were sitting at in the café … provided you have the app, of course. No other table on earth has these same three words. Either a wonder of modern technology or a complete waste of time … it’s up to you. It is remarkable though and it’s free so give it a whirl if you want to know exactly where our scones are.

Anyway, Artizan was one of these places which just gives off a good vibe as soon as you go in. Everything about it feels good. When our scone came it was complete with butter, jam and clotted cream. It was delicious. Just the right amount of crunchiness combined with an excellent fluffy soft centre. No problem awarding a topscone here. At last, our long run of ordinary scones had been broken. The lovely lady who actually baked them chatted to us while she cleared our table. She was great as well!

All good things ..

And so we have come to the end of our trip. It has been great. A bit windy perhaps but we didn’t get rained on once. We have been able to provide our readers with a much more accurate scone locating system and discovered the home of black pudding, the best reason, if ever there was one, for cancelling Brexit altogether. As Theresa May contemplates dragging her battered and bruised ‘Deal’ back to the Commons for an unbelievable 4th time, someone really needs to take her aside and speak to her about black pudding.

HS1 2DH tel: 01851 706538 Artizan

calculating sweetened blossom

PS: If you have downloaded the W3W app and look at ‘rake.tacky.fronds’ that’s where we are on a ferry in the middle of the Minch … see, no postcodes out here! When we reach ‘reap.scored.twitchy’ we’ll be home!

LEWIS SHEDS

Peat cutting booth's on the Isle of Lewis — Three peat cutting bothies not far from Stornoway. One far away on horizon extreme left. There’s standing room only on the Sabbath … apparently!

Readers will remember our previous post about pumpkin scones, sent by our Aussie Bathurst correspondent. Well, here’s the sequel: “Following our recent treat of pumpkin scones, I decided to have a crack at cooking some myself. Same recipe as our hostess made on our recent excursion, but unfortunately, they did not turn out as well as expected. See photo with a one-pound coin for size comparison. What’s more, the one-pound coin was also slightly easier to chew. More of a biscuit really. Possibly because we used gluten-free flour to placate some gluten-free friends we had staying.”

Ten out of ten for a very admirable effort. While we acknowledge the consistency problem, we think the size is fine. Ideal for a genteel afternoon tea. But then, do Aussies do genteel?? We’re sure they’ll let us know.

Niceties

Apparently Westminster is getting in a frenzy about the burgeoning threat of Scottish Independence. So worried they have decided to send Boris on a dangerous mission north of the non-existent border. He won’t meet any real Scots though, only fellow rich tax-avoiding folks, then he’ll scurry off back to safety. They haven’t told Nicola or the Scottish government about the visit yet which just about sums up the relationship perfectly. Scotland doesn’t and never has had a voice so why bother with niceties?

Scones, Top

The Cafe@Canada Wood

16 July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

Goodness gracious, you’ll never guess! Yes yesterday, 15th July 2020, we actually went out for a scone. First time since 19th of March. That’s an incredible 118 coronavirus scone free days. Yesterday was the day that Scotland finally relaxed its COVID regulations … yeah! Cafés, hairdressers, shops, even pubs are allowed to open as long as they meet certain criterion. Our local pub first opened in 1827 and obviously doesn’t meet the required standards because it’s still closed … boo! Anyway, by way of celebration, we visited this place, The Cafe@Canada Wood.

It’s close to our house and we used to be regular visitors when it was called Canada Wood Kitchen and Bar. We’ve even done a Canada Wood revisited. It’s now under new management so they have changed the name though not by very much. It gets its name from the wood which is right next to it … believe it or not, it’s called Canada Wood!

Where have all the menus gone?

Things have changed a bit since our last visit. When we arrived, although we wanted to sit outside, we had to go through the indoor bit and divulge our details; address, telephone number, email, inside leg measurement! No, not that last bit. Our table outside was complete with a QR code which when scanned let us see the menu. This may seem like a fair old palaver however it’s really not. It’s the new normal! In fact, if any reader wants to scan it you will see the menu as well (use the back camera on your smartphone).

It was busy with people doing exactly the same as us, enjoying newfound liberation and being in the company of others again in the sunshine. Everyone was still abiding by the social distancing rules. We had just popped out to see what it felt like and didn’t really need a menu … one fruit scone to share and two coffees. The coffees came quite quickly but the scone took a while. We were just about to ask when a delightful young server said: “I’ve checked on your scone, it’s just coming out of the oven” … relax!

It arrived a few seconds later and we were excited. Not that you could tell! In the past, we have not been too impressed with the scones here. They were either too big or just a wee bit weird. No worries this time. Maybe it was because we had been away for so long. Perhaps it was because our scone was wonderfully warm. Maybe it was the crunchy exterior and the soft interior … the jam, the cream! Who knows? It was delicious so we were delighted to award this establishment its first topscone.

And it was card payment, so I still have my £6.36.

Pigeons

When I was a young lad I used to be a beater for the shoots on Callendar Estate which owns The Cafe@Canada Wood. I and my fellow beaters would ‘beat’ through Canada Wood driving the woodpigeons towards the gentry with the guns. The toffs would be lined up along Lochgreen Road and shoot the pigeons as they emerged from the trees. What fun! However, we did get a £1 a day for our trouble and that was good money for a youngster back then.

It’s all very well us getting out sconing again but the easing of lockdown in Scotland comes with huge risks. Although we have not had any COVID deaths over the past week, England has had 527. We think the reason for the disparity is that Boris and his team listen to Nicola Sturgeon’s clear and concise messages on coronavirus. They then wait a couple of days before repeating them but in a garbled unintelligible way. Scotland loves its southern neighbours and welcomes them as visitors but please abide by our rules. Otherwise, you’ll have Nicola to deal with!

FK1 3AZ tel: 01324 612111 Canada Wood

Scones, Top

Super Saturday

4 July 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

So it’s Super Saturday, we can all relax and enjoy ourselves! For our many international readers who may not know, this is the day when in spite of England having a much worse r-rate than Scotland most of the COVID rules in England are withdrawn. So, as Scotland maintains its rules for another couple of weeks we thought, for this post, you might like to hear how we are coping with all the stresses and strains of months of COVID-19 lockdown. Remember the millenium bug that threatened to bring our computers and the world crashing down round about our ears? Well, it had nothing on this bug!

Back gardens

Actually though, for us, it’s been quite a relaxing and pleasant experience. There are obvious problems like not seeing grandchildren etc but it’s not all negative. We don’t need to get dressed because no one is coming to the door. And why tidy the house? Can’t remember the last time we washed! Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but all in all, it hasn’t been bad. Why wouldn’t it be when the reality consists of sitting eating Royal scones in a sunny back garden. That’s not strictly true either. The other day, with local restrictions being relaxed, we had the pleasure of testing our Trossachs correspondent’s Royal scones in their back garden.

Trossachs correspondents scones — Royal scones by our Trossachs correspondents

We behaved! Maintained our social distancing but have to admit to getting up close and personal with the scones. Delighted to report that the result of this official review was an easy topscone. Fantastic and thoroughly deserved. We had a wonderful afternoon with wonderful friends in their wonderful sunny garden. Many thanks … wonderful!

Strawberries

Readers might be lulled into the false impression that we have had an easy time of it in lockdown. Well, we have, however, it has not been entirely worry-free. Recently, for instance, we have been concerned about what to do with a surfeit of strawberries. They are ripening faster than we can eat them. Part of the solution was to eat them every day. Sometimes with ice cream, sometimes just with pouring cream and sometimes with custard. The strawberries are winning, however. Eventually, we might have to resort to making jam. In the meantime, we are having them with our scones. Pat made another batch of scones to the Royal recipe and we are eating them with homemade gooseberry jelly, whipped cream and sliced strawberries. Fab!

Over the wall

So you can clearly see that it has not all been plain sailing. However, we do not want readers to worry. We are just fine sitting in the garden. And to set your minds at rest, we think the strawberry crisis is manageable. When we look over the garden wall, however, we see a world that is confusing, hairy and relatively sconeless and that’s a bit worrying.

Back to Super Saturday. What sort of idiot decided that Saturday the 4th July would be a good day to jettison restrictions and open the pubs in England? Oh yes, that idiot! Boris says he is relying on people’s good sense to behave responsibly. He chooses to overlook the fact that if people had ‘good sense’ he would not be Prime Minister. It’s the downside of democracy. When Gary, Tank Commander says that it was wrong for the army to go into Iraq he observes that it was the government that told the army to do it. And who put the government there? Us! He’s right. Now, at least, folks can get their hair cut in England.

Confusing?

Meanwhile, Trump wants to put America ‘first’ in the charge to have the highest coronavirus fatalities, however, the UK, or rather England, is snapping at their heels. Both states, of course, have one thing in common … numpties in charge.

scones pre oven — In case you’re wondering, this is what raw Royal scones look like; pre-oven

In Scotland, we are urged to stick to being two meters apart (in case of doubt, that’s one Highland cow or one Highland dancer apart). Boris has now said that in England it has been reduced to one meter or “one and a bit” meters. In the spirit of compromise, an English person in Scotland presumably has to stay one and a ‘big bit’ meters apart? There is also much confusion around the rules for quarantine as England lifts its rules but Scotland doesn’t. The solution, of course, is obvious. Instead of the Scottish government, with both hands tied behind their back, doing a much better job than their Westminster counterparts they should have complete freedom to be a proper effective government. That only comes with independence, of course.

How will it all end ?

It remains to be seen how Super Saturday pans out and how the pandemic progresses. It’s a crazy world. With the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell in America, the Queen must be longing for a good old Royal Garden Party, a cup of Earl Grey and one of her scones. if she needs a shoulder to cry on. she is welcome to come round here for a scone and a wee chat.

PS: In case you think we are existing in a boorach of a house on a mono-diet of strawberry scones, we’re not! The other day we found a trout on our doorstep! And we are far from any kind of river! Not only that but it had been smoked. In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, however, Pat had it transformed into this delicious pasta dish. It was the cat’s pyjamas!

smoked trout pasta — A strawberry free tagliatelle with smoked trout in a light sauce.

Scones, Top

Isle of Eriska Hotel – Again

30 June 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This post from the Isle of Eriska Hotel is from June 2019. Eriska is small but perfectly formed. The same could not be said for Theresa May who had just announced that she was standing down as Prime Minister after a disastrous year. The race to replace her between Bojo and Jeremy Hunt was just beginning.

It had been some time since we had posted on the blog so we had to begin with a kind of half-hearted apology.

Okay, okay, it’s been a while since the last post. We know that most of you view us purely as one-dimensional scone munchers however there is much more to us than that. “Deep and diverse” could easily describe us if you squidged up your eyes and gave us the benefit of a lot of doubt. We’ve been busy with other things … okay?

Controversy 1

The UK is beset by controversy at the moment … Bojo’s brush with the law after a rammy with his bidey-in, for one. Then there are the even more controversial photos of him all loved up with the same bidey-in the following day.

Controversy 2

So, far be it from us to heap more controversy on a public already struggling to cope. It has to be asked, however … when is an island not an island? This question

The bridge to the Isle of Eriska Hotel — The Isle of Eriska bridge

has beset the Isle of Skye since they built the bridge. It even begs the question – is Great Britain an island since they built the Chunnel? The reason for it being so topical is simply that today we are on the Isle of Eriska and it also has a bridge! We were about to tackle the management with the Trades Descriptions Act when our cream teas arrived and completely distracted us.

External view of the Isle of Eriska Hotel — Pat sitting outside the conservatory

The 300 acre Isle of Eriska is situated at the entrance to Loch Creran on Scotland’s west coast. The ‘big house’ was built in 1884 by the Stewarts of Appin and designed by Hippolyte Blanc who also designed Jenners in Edinburgh’s Princes Street. Since 2016 it has been managed by the same Inverlochy Castle Management Company that looks after Andy Murray’s Cromlix House.

Fly pasts

Our cream teas were served to us in the sunshine at a table in front of the conservatory. Where else on a day like today? Needless to say, the little titbits that accompanied our scones were soon beginning to melt … and so were we! We were able to sit long enough however to have a flypast by a kestrel, an eagle-owl and a Harris hawk. A young Belgian/German couple were being shown the intricacies of hawking and we were also the beneficiaries. Where else do you get a hawking lesson with your scones? Readers can probably guess that awarding a top scone to this place was not exactly difficult. The service, the presentation and the scones themselves were all excellent.

the golf course at the Isle of Eriska Hotel — We might possibly be persuaded to take up golf here .. if we had absolutely nothing better to do

Otters

There is more to this place than scones, however. A spa and swimming pool are there if you need extra pampering. There’s squash courts, a golf course and clay pigeon shooting if you feel energised by your scone. We felt sufficiently energised to take a walk to the north end of the island where we sat on the beach in complete silence. Not even the distant murmur of a car engine or indeed anything. We didn’t even see another human being in our entire walk. It was as if we had the entire island to ourselves. The shrill cry of an oystercatcher once broke the peace and quiet but that was all. A short onward stroll around the shore took us to Otter Point but there were no otters. There must be an otter reason for it being called that … sorry!

We cannot fault this place. Warmly welcomed by everyone, we spent a good part of the day here and didn’t even part with as much as £20. Next time though we will come and stay and that might cost a bit more.

Clarity

We feel that politicians should be banned from using phrases such as “let me make this absolutely clear”. They all use it with monotonous regularity and still no one has a scooby about what’s going on .. including them! Luckily, the extravagant promises being flung around with gay abandon by both contenders for the Tory leadership don’t actually matter. After all the Great British public don’t get a say in who will be their next Prime Minister … democracy, UK style!

View from the Deck restuarant at the Isle of Eriska Hotel — View from the Deck restaurant towards the hills of Morvern

As far as the ‘island’ controversy goes we have decided that, since Eriska has always been accessible by foot at low tide, the bridge makes little difference. In other words, it doesn’t matter … but you knew that already.

PA37 1SD tel: 01631 720 371 Eriska Hotel

///iron.interview.orbited

ps: In Eriska village (the hotel’s staff quarters) on the mainland side of the bridge we came across this K5 telephone box. It wasn’t working but it was made in Falkirk. As such, it is the first K5 we have found from our home town. The other one we found at the Bay Hotel was from the Lion Foundry in Kirkintilloch. There are only 54 K5s registered as still being in existence in the UK but we doubt that this one is registered.

Austerity

Boris Johnson, when asked where the money is coming from for his multi-billion pound spending plans says that the cash is there and that austerity is not the answer. This, from the man whose government for the past decade has been saying exactly the opposite and rubbishing anyone who disagreed. Many of the problems we are currently facing with COVID-19 in the NHS and education are a direct result of that austerity. We wonder if Boris is surprised at what comes out when he opens his mouth?

What border?

Scotland has managed the coronavirus situation much better than England so now, with it flaring up again in the south, there’s talk of health checks at the border. That’ll be the same border that many Westminster MPs say doesn’t exist?

ISLE OF ERISKA SHED

A shed on the Isle of Eriska — A tiny island so not a lot of sheds. This one is for clay pigeon shoots

island, Scones, Top

Robertson’s Coffeehoose 2

9 June 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

This visit to Robertson’s Coffeehoose 2 was in the winter of 2017. Perhaps we should have known better than visit Orkney at that time of year but, by the end, although completely cobweb free, we were feeling wonderful and exhilarated by the whole experience.

Importanter

First, though the “Black Lives Matter’ controversy brought about by George Floyd’s death has taken an unexpected turn. After events in Bristol it has now expanded into a debate over statues. Goodness knows we have enough inappropriate statues in Scotland to fill Bristol harbour but that is probably a debate best left until Scotland has garnered enough self-respect to determine for itself, who, if anybody, it wants to celebrate in this way. When someone said that “education was important but beer was importanter” it made us think that none of us is perfect (okay, sconeys are perfecter than most) but perhaps statues of people of any kind are simply not appropriate any more. Anyway, let’s go to wild and windy Orkney.

As we headed out from the shelter of Gills Bay near John O’ Groats on the Pentalina ferry we could think of no better description of what lay ahead than that of Neil Gunn. “Beyond the mainland the blue of the sea was more intense than the blue of the sky, and the Islands of The Orcades lay at anchor like fabled ships: long shapes, with clean prows to the west, with sheer sides, not riding the sea but crouching to it with that odd menace which, like tenderness, is for ever at the heart of strength”. Gunn also says that “all adventuring races have been drawn to these islands”.

After the Romans and Vikings, now it was to be the turn of sconologists! In the name of ornithology (Pat has started a new list) and sconology, we were enduring the remains of Hurricane Maria. Boy, it was windy. So it was that, somewhat relieved, we sailed into St Margaret’s Hope on South Ronaldsay.

The Hope

And our first ever encounter with an Orkney scone at Robertson’s Coffeehoose. Just the spelling announced that we were somewhere a little bit different. The interior reminded us of Ireland. When we lived there you would go into a grocery store and find a few beer pumps gracing the end of the counter. It was the same here. Turns out that it used to be the general store but has recently been converted into a café/bar. It now plays a significant role in the local nightlife. We were served by a young girl who not only made us feel very welcome but also regaled us with stories of the history of Robertson’s. She also told us about The Hope, as the town is known locally.

Hard to stand up weather

The town may have got its name from Margaret, Maid of Norway and uncrowned Queen of Scotland, who died here from the effects of seasickness in 1290. She was on her way to her coronation. Luckily, we had no ill effects on the crossing but we deeply sympathise. It may have been the warmth of the greetings or maybe it was to do with the ‘hard to stand up in’ weather outside, but our scones were particularly welcome and tasted delicious. They were warm and served with butter and a generous pot of jam. No cream but hey, we were out of the storm so who cares? All things considered we thought that this scone just slipped into the topscone category. Well done Robertson’s.

Two equal countries

After the Maid of Norway’s demise, the disputed succession sparked the Wars of Scottish Independence. When we read of the extraordinary goings-on in Catalonia, you realise that it should be so much easier for Scotland to become a self-respecting independent country. After all, that is what most people under sixty want. As stated in the Treaty of Union, the UK is a union between two equal countries, Scotland and England. Scotland is already a country in its own right. In 1707, when the Speaker of the House of Commons said: “we have won Scotland … and we will bind her fast“. He wasn’t joking. The democratic deficit, designed to subjugate Scotland, has worked well in ensuring just that. Of course, in Catalonia, there’s also a lot of unionist sentiment. However, we can’t help feeling that, like Scotland, the problem will not be resolved with anything less than independence.

Dead eagles

In our previous post from Hotel Montefiore in Israel we reported on a K6 made in the Saracen Foundry. Lo and behold, on our way to the Tomb of the Eagles at the southernmost tip of South Ronaldsay what should we come across but another. This one was being used as an exchange library for books, CDs and DVDs.

Be warned, we are on Orkney for a few days so there may be more Orcadian scones to follow. By the way, the Tomb of the Eagles was closed so not even a dead eagle for Pat’s list!

KW17 2SR tel: 01856 831 889 Robertson’s Coffeehoose FB

You know how they say that “necessity is the mother of invention”. Well, our son has proved the truth of that statement. In the current pandemic, he is not only having to isolate but shield as well. This means that his five-year-old daughter has been unable to give her granny a hug for several months now. So, for granny’s recent birthday he made COVID hugging arms. Happy granny!

COVID-19 granny hugging arms — COVID Granny hugging arms in action

Following on from our last post on the Royal Garden Party, Pat has baked some scones to the Royal recipe. She didn’t have any buttermilk so used cream instead. They were absolutely delicious. We sat in the garden and shared them with a neighbour accompanied by lots of homemade gooseberry jelly and cream. This is how to deal with coronavirus! Clever granny!

island, Scones, Top

The Strynd Tearoom – Again

13 May 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This scone from the Strynd Tearoom on Orkney goes back a couple of years. As the current lockdown gives us time to ponder on the current state of our civilisation, Orkney might make you question how far we have progressed over the past 5000 years. After Boris’s long-awaited public announcement you could be forgiven for thinking, ‘not very far’. We should know by now that when he opens his mouth all that c omes out is lies and confusion. But give him some credit. It’s all designed, in the event of another COVID flare up, to put the blame squarely on us … you didn’t STAY ALERT! Anyway, 2 years ago or 5000 years ago…

The wind is still blowing with wicked enthusiasm. In spite of that, our plan for today is to visit the west of Mainland … Skara Brae and all that, and end up in Kirkwall, the capital. Most sconeys will know something of the rich archaeology of Orkney.

Skara Brae and Skaill House at Sandwick on Orkney — 5000-year-old Skara Brae neolithic village with Skaill House in the distance

Up here they were building houses and having a high old time of it long before things like the Pyramids and Stonehenge had even been thought of. However, our abiding memory of Skara Brae will be of getting sandblasted by the wind coming off the beach. Certainly gives you a rosy complexion.

Stormy weather at Skara Brae at Sandwick on Orkney — Orkney weather is dramatic and changes every five minutes

Another problem with the wind is holding your binoculars steady enough to identify birds.

Cobwebs

We had no problem though with a brilliant view of a female hen harrier not far from Skara Brae. It is a thrill to see these relatively rare birds because they rather stupidly nest on the ground. As a result, their young usually fall foul of predators before they can fledge. Pat’s list is now over forty which she is thrilled about. However, her joy was such that it was all I could do to stop her stealing a road sign to one of the local villages. Completely cobweb free, we eventually made it to Kirkwall and the Strynd Tearoom.

Go north for scones

Like Stromness, Kirkwall also has lots of wee lanes and this tearoom takes its name from the lane where its located. When we asked how to pronounce ‘Strynd’. It seemed to be “Strand’ but with the strangulated pronunciation that maybe a South African would use. It is a tiny place but lovely and everything is home made. Once again we were made very welcome and once again our scones were excellent. We are developing a theory that the further north you go the better the scones are. We have had nothing but topscones recently. The Strynd scone was warm and served with nice pots of jam and cream. The scone itself looked as if it would be crunchy but wasn’t. It was gloriously soft and absolutely delicious … another topscone!

The Big Tree

Now, while most of you will have heard of the Ring of Brodgar and other Orcadian archaeological gems, how many of you have heard of The Big Tree? Or how many have heard of the Heimskringla? Thought so … let us explain.

Everything is relative

Heimskringla is a book of Old Norse sagas written in Iceland in the 12th century … you’ve probably read it. The Big Tree is the only one left of three that were planted by Robert Laing, father of the Heimskringla’s translator, in his garden over 200 years ago. When they widened the main street by demolishing Laing’s walled garden this tree was left standing in the street. When you look at it you might wonder why it’s called The Big Tree? Well, in Orkney terms, it is! And it is obviously much loved. It still supports a luxurious head of leaves although largely hollow. And it is supported by steel girders inserted in its trunk to keep it upright.

DNA

What else has been happening in the big bad world while we have been enjoying ourselves on this island. Here, you quickly feel kind of snugly insulated from the outside world? The media is still largely ignoring the biggest political conference in the UK. The SNP conference. They are concentrating instead on the sexual indiscretions of a Hollywood director that few have heard of and no one could care less about.

Theresa May is still clinging on like a barnacle while Britain skillfully negotiates a “no deal‘, Brexit. Catalonia seems to have rather skillfully blindsided the Spanish government … for the moment! Trump’s big golf courses in Scotland seem to be losing a fortune … bad! Scotland’s football team is no longer eligible for another pointless World Cup competition because of our DNA according to the manager … good! Well, well, well … the Big Tree has seen it all before.

Scapa distillery, Scapa, Orknay — Scapa distillery in the distance on the shores of Scapa Flow

KW15 1HG tel: 01856 871552 The Strynd Tearoom

Forgiveness

Pat bought me a bottle of Scapa, one of my favourite whiskies, while we were at the distillery. Mind you it was only because of a guilty conscience. Previously, unbeknown to me, she had given away my one and only bottle. All was forgiven.

Change

Has anyone else noticed a subtle but profound change in the media’s reporting of the coronavirus crisis? When Nicola Sturgeon is forced to clear up the confusion by saying “When Boris Johson speaks, he speaks only for England” it marks a change. And now the media refers to “the four nations of the UK” where previously most of them wouldn’t even have countenanced Scotland as a nation at all. This is all very welcome but where will it all end?

ORKNEY SHED

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The Puffer Bar – Again

10 May 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The Puffer Bar takes us back to 2015 when Greece was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and having to be bailed out by the EU.

How are you all getting on in coronavirus isolation? It is odd to think that the whole world is experiencing the same thing. Only, of course, it is not the same for everyone, far from it. We really feel for people who don’t have the luxury of a nice house and a large garden. It tempers our criticism of those apparently flouting the rules of lockdown but we still wish they wouldn’t. Thankfully we have the Donald “Covid-19 might go away this fall or next year – or sooner, or possibly later” to give us advice … and hope! We actually prefer the advice of our own Scottish novelist J.M. Barrie which seems apt for the current situation: “The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.”

The tiny island of Easdale once had a population of over 500, all of whom were employed in the slate mining industry. Slate was exported as far as Australia, Canada and New Zealand. However, the last slate was cut in the 1950s and most of the houses are now holiday homes with a steady population of around 60. Easdale island lies off another island, Seil, but you can reach Seil via the Bridge over the Atlantic.

Part of the large village green at Easdale

World Championships

There is no bridge to Easdale however so to get there from Seil you have to press two buttons simultaneously on the jetty at Ellenabeich village. This summons the little ferry boat which only takes a couple of minutes to do the crossing. Once on Easdale, the whole island is car-free so peace and quiet reigns supreme. Just the sound of the sea and the birds, what a great place for kids to play. However, this idyll is broken every September when hordes of enthusiasts descend on the place for the annual World Stone Skimming Championships. The competition takes place in one of the old quarries.

You have the choice of one pub, the Puffer Bar and Restaurant, take it or leave it. Luckily it is a wee gem. On a wonderfully warm day like this, it was like a little bit of heaven. Especially with our homebaked scones and homemade jam. Ours was bramble and lime. The scones were wonderfully light and the tea delicious. As we sit here we read that the new euro is to be printed on Greece proof paper. This really does seem like another world.
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View from Ellenabeich towards Mull and the ferry terminal on the left.

PA34 4TB tel: 01852 300022 www.pufferbar.com

Even with COVID-19 we suspect that life on Easdale has proceeded pretty much the same as always. According to the internet the Puffer is still open and what if it is? The island doesn’t have COVID and no one can travel there so what’s the problem. The problem is that we can’t get there either!!!

EASDALE SHED

Shed and washing line on Isle of Easdale — A shed on a fine drying day on the Isle of Easdale

island, Scones, Top

Machrie Bay Tearoom – Again

13 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 1 Comment

As Boris recovers at Chequers we wonder if he will ever be held to account for his and government’s deplorable part in the current crisis? Will the media, including the BBC, simply continue to put sticking plasters over everything? Rumour has it that the next government spokesperson will be Hannibal Lecter … apparently he has more compassion and empathy than Priti Patel.

Anyway, this is the third in our random “island scone” reposts and this one is from the Isle of Arran. It’s from May 2016 when we were on yet another of our birdwatching expeditions with the Falkirk branch of the Scottish Wildlife Trust.

In our last post from the gorgeous Café 54, we said that we had to make our own scones because coronavirus meant there was nowhere to buy them. At the end of this post, we provide you with an opportunity to buy ‘virtual’ scones. Don’t say we’re not good to you!

We are still on our quest to see how many different species of bird we can see on Arran. Today we are in the SW of the island but the only place that seemed to be open in Blackwaterfoot was the Kinloch Hotel and we had already reviewed that last year. However, just a hop, skip and a jump along the coast we came to the Machrie Bay Tearoom. It was well and truly open!

Best buns on the beach

Apparently in the middle of nowhere, it is part of the Machrie Golf Club. It has tennis courts, play area for kiddies and everything else you could wish for. Including a good range of scones, all baked by Granny Rae. They obviously don’t take themselves too seriously when their advertising is “best buns on the beach” … would it have the best scones though, that was the burning question? It was scorchio once again so we sat out on their decked area looking towards the Mull of Kintyre surrounded by a party of Americans over here tracing their family roots.

We were not sufficiently famished to tackle the Machrie Bay afternoon tea but one arrived at the next table so we asked the two lovely Shiskine ladies who were sharing it if we could take a photograph. Turned out they had won it in a raffle! It looked very good, particularly the scones, but they didn’t offer to share any of them. We eventually had to resort to buying our own. There were fruit scones and cherry scones but we opted to try the cheese and the apple and cinnamon. They arrived on lovely heart-shaped plates with lots of jam and were soon followed by a large plate of whipping cream. Whoever Granny Rae is, she certainly knows how to rustle up a scone. They were excellent, and definitely the best scones we have had so far on Arran … easy topscone. Well done Machrie Bay Tearoom!

After our recent quest to find a Scottish tea plantation near Amulree it was great to get some fab Scottish coffee. Okay, okay it’s not exactly Scottish coffee but it is roasted in Scotland and on a day like today they could probably roast it on our table.

Palmyra and birdwatching

From where we were sitting in the tearoom it was only a thirty-minute hike to the site of the famous Machrie Stones, which consist of numerous ancient standing stones mysteriously arranged in circles. Sort of Arran’s answer to Palmyra. However, unless there was a golden eagle perched on top of each one, it simply was not going to happen. Instead, we continued practising the ‘shades on, face towards the sun‘, approach to birdwatching.

Poverty and ripped jeans

Actually we did think we had seen a golden eagle earlier in the day at Shannochie. On reflection, however, it was probably too far south so probably a buzzard. Or maybe a swallow! Still no eagles on our list. You can measure the level of poverty in the UK by the number of people, especially young women, whose jeans are all worn and ripped. The delightful young woman who served us was a particular example … badly torn at the knees. We left a healthy tip for her to put towards new ones.

KA27 8DZ tel: 01770 840329 Machrie Bay Tearoom

ps: Our fantastic Aussie Bathurst correspondents sent us news of an opportunity to buy virtual scones online.

With no Sydney Royal Easter Show this year because of COVID-19, the Country Women’s Association (CWA) tearoom will not be providing the usual tea and scones. The CWA have taken their fundraising efforts and baked treats online. They help communities and individuals still feeling the impact of drought, those left reeling after the bushfires and now coronavirus. They acknowledge that a virtual scone isn’t the same as visiting their tearoom and enjoying the treats in person but they must continue to fundraise. A plate of “virtual scones” is $5, a Devonshire Tea is $10, a dozen plain ‘virtual scones’ is $20 and a whole batch of cyber delicacies is $50. In return for the donation, they will receive the CWA’s “famous” scone recipe. To purchase a ‘virtual’ sweet treat and scone recipe, visit the CWA shop.

WARNING: In order to lend a bit of support to a worthy cause we purchased a virtual Devonshire Tea. However, their ordering system gives no other options than “Australia”. We had to enter that and “New South Wales” for our whereabouts. Does this mean that we will not receive any scones?? We will let you know about the “famous” recipe though.

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY

A shed at Dougrie on the Isle of Arran — A shed at Dougarie just around the coast a bit from the Machrie Tearoom.

Scones, Top, weird

Café 54

10 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 9 Comments

Well, it has finally come to this. The current situation with coronavirus has driven us to actually make our own scones. Who would have thought? With nowhere to go and buy them, we were faced with little choice. Although they will continue this might provide welcome relief from the reposts of late. When every day is much the same this post is also intended to remind you that it’s Friday. Friday is followed by the weekend. The way things are, you could easily miss a whole weekend! Don’t want that, so relax, enjoy!

It’s not that we’re bored or anything! Okay, yes we are a little bit bored. It would be great to be out there riding the highway mercilessly hunting down scones like days of yore, but that’s not going to happen. Not for a while yet. When I saw Pat leafing through the pages of The Secret Life of Scones by Suzy Bowler I thought – oh, oh, something’s going down! I left her to it. I just eat and write about scones which I suspect is a heck of a lot easier than making them. Anyway, Café 54 is quite a nice establishment with a lovely dining room and a pretty living room that would be perfect for afternoon tea.

Tickles

I fully expected to be summoned and ushered into one of these rooms where there would be a glass of champagne waiting to tickle my tastebuds.

By the way, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles! Sorry!

Instead, I was taken straight to the kitchen. There was only one table and we had the whole place to ourselves. At this rate, Café 54 is not going to last very long.

Before and after scones — Before and after ten minutes in the Aga

Turned out Pat had followed one of the Genius recipes from the book but had added lots of fruit and almonds. They were fruit and nut scones! No comments, please! By now you know we like our scones crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle.

Double crunch

A scone at No 54 — Fruit and nut scones with Pat’s homemade gooseberry jelly

Well, these were crunchy on the outside but the almonds gave them a lovely crunch on the inside as well … unusual but fab! Pat assured me they were topscones and I couldn’t but agree. The gooseberry jelly and cream finished them off perfectly. There was nothing really to complain about at Café 54 … the welcome had been great and the service was perfectly adequate. We might try it again sometime.

This is the recipe:

Can’t provide any contact details because if you decide to visit Café 54, you would be made most welcome but your chances of getting a scone would be pretty slim. We’ve eaten them all!

SHED OF THE DAY

Since the sheds seem to be proving popular we have decided to give you this one. It’s not an island shed, these are reserved for island scones.

Shed at Burghead harbour — A wee shed at Burghead harbour. We were there on 11th January where they still celebrate their Julian calendar New Year with the Burning of the Clavie. Almost impossible to stand up in the wind.

ps: GOOD NEWS: Ospreys are seemingly unaffected by the lockdown and have just arrived back in Scotland from Gambia. Well done them!

BREAKING NEWS: The £10. 36 that I’ve had in my pocket for the past four weeks has mysteriously been reduced to £5.36. A fiver has been snaffled! I have my suspicions!

island, Scones, Top

Julia’s Café & Bistro – Again

8 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This is the second of our random ‘island scone’ reposts. This time it is from Julia’s Café & Bistro in Stromness on the Orkney Isles. We were there in mid-October 2017 at the tail end of Hurricane Maria … windy!

Whatever happened to Brexit?

Some overseas readers have inquired as to what has happened to Brexit. We went on about it in almost every post for months on end. The answer is we don’t know. It has completely disappeared from the news because of coronavirus. There are dedicated teams set aside for the negotiations, however, so presumably they are continuing, albeit at a slower pace because of the current difficulties. They have to be completed by the end of this year, however.

In the words of the former head of the World Trade Organisation, Pascal Lamy, “This is the first negotiation in history where both sides started off with a trade agreement and then discussed what barriers to erect”. They will go down in history as the Stupid Negotiations or, alternatively, the Really Really Stupid Negotiations. And all this while the Prime Minister is in Intensive Care and the country is in lockdown … brilliant! But on to more sensible things on Orkney.

When you leave South Ronaldsay you have to cross several causeways to get to the Mainland. Confusing for simple folks like us because, as far as we were concerned, we had left the mainland far behind at John O’ Groats. On Orkney, however, an archipelago of over 70 islands (the 20,000 population is spread over 20 of them) the largest island is called Mainland. When you become aware of the intricate system of small ferries and flights going to and fro between these islands it is easier to understand why.

Close your eyes

This is a very self-contained and independent community so they would naturally think of their biggest and most populated island as “the mainland”. To get there, all we had to do was drive across four causeways from South Ronaldsay to the island of Burray, then the island of Glimps Holm, then the island of Lamb Holm and we were there … simple. Simple yes, exciting .. very! The storm meant that waves were crashing right over all the causeways. We just closed our eyes and hoped for the best.

Three potatoes

On Lamb Holm we came to the Italian Chapel. Amazing to think that this entire church was created by Italian prisoners of war, from a Nissen hut and nothing other than scrap materials e.g. the lanterns were made from corned beef tins. The Orkney Wine Company is right beside the Chapel. We had to buy some of their ‘Tattie Wine’. It’s handcrafted from three varieties of Orkney potatoes and matured in whisky barrels. “Discover more with every sip” it says. We’ll let you know.

A view of Stromness, Orkney — Stromness with a Northlink ferry in the middle distance

Lost café

High Street Stromness, Orkney — Main Street

Eventually, we reached Mainland and Stromness where we were lodging for the duration of our stay. Driving in Stromness is almost as exciting as driving the causeways. The main street, which bears seven different names, appeared more like a lane and we were not sure if we were supposed to drive along it since it was only about the width of a car … no problem. It is actually two way and no one here seems to have the slightest difficulty with it. Never even heard a horn being honked!

Login's Well, high Street Stromness, Orkney — Login’s Well on main street where Capt Cook watered the Resolution and Discovery in 1780 and Sir John Franklin watered his ships Erebus and Terror in 1845 … names to fire the imagination

By this time a scone was definitely called for and it was Julia’s Café & Bistro that rode to the rescue. It is situated at the harbour where the big NorthLink Ferries leave for Scrabster on the mainland. That’s the mainland mainland! Again the service was very friendly and helpful and yet again the scones were fab. Our second Orkney scone was served with little disposable pots of jam and cream and although not too crunchy on the outside they were delicious .. another topscone. Apparently there is another café in Stromness but we couldn’t find it. It is doubtless tucked away in the plethora of tiny back lanes.

Raised eyebrows

We did find the Pier Art Centre however which is a state of the art building with a wide variety of exhibits, one of which you can see here. All a bit beyond us but great to find such a modern and dynamic facility in Stromness. We spent quite a long time perusing. It was great to be out of the wind which was still blowing a hooley. Will it ever calm down? When you speak to Orkney folk about things like Hurricane Maria you usually just get a raised eyebrow. Hardy, no-nonsense folk!KW16 3AE tel: 01856 850904 Julia’s Café Bistro

Again on the main street, we found a functioning K6 hiding in a corner next to the museum … made in Falkirk. Pat, by the way, is now at thirty-two with her bird list and still a few days to go.

By the way, the Tattie Wine was okay but we won’t be rushing back for another bottle

ORKNEY SHED

Tom, Dick and Harry

Technological scone location

All good things ..

LEWIS SHEDS

Niceties

Where have all the menus gone?

Pigeons

Back gardens

Strawberries

Over the wall

Confusing?

How will it all end ?

Controversy 1

Controversy 2

Fly pasts

Otters

Clarity

Austerity

What border?

Importanter

The Hope

Hard to stand up weather

Two equal countries

Dead eagles

Cobwebs

Go north for scones

The Big Tree

Everything is relative

DNA

Change

World Championships

Best buns on the beach

Palmyra and birdwatching

Poverty and ripped jeans

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY

Tickles

Double crunch

SHED OF THE DAY

Whatever happened to Brexit?

Close your eyes

Three potatoes

Lost café

Raised eyebrows

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics