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These are the best scones we have found so far.

island, Scones, Top

The Strynd Tearoom – Again

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This scone from the Strynd Tearoom on Orkney goes back a couple of years. As the current lockdown gives us time to ponder on the current state of our civilisation, Orkney might make you question how far we have progressed over the past 5000 years. After Boris’s long-awaited public announcement you could be forgiven for thinking, ‘not very far’. We should know by now that when he opens his mouth all that c omes out is lies and confusion. But give him some credit. It’s all designed, in the event of another COVID flare up, to put the blame squarely on us … you didn’t STAY ALERT! Anyway, 2 years ago or 5000 years ago…

The wind is still blowing with wicked enthusiasm. In spite of that, our plan for today is to visit the west of Mainland … Skara Brae and all that, and end up in Kirkwall, the capital. Most sconeys will know something of the rich archaeology of Orkney.

Skara Brae and Skaill House at Sandwick on Orkney
5000-year-old Skara Brae neolithic village with Skaill House in the distance

Up here they were building houses and having a high old time of it long before things like the Pyramids and Stonehenge had even been thought of. However, our abiding memory of Skara Brae will be of getting sandblasted by the wind coming off the beach. Certainly gives you a rosy complexion. Road sign to the village of Twatt, Orkney

Stormy weather at Skara Brae at Sandwick on Orkney
Orkney weather is dramatic and changes every five minutes

 

 

Another problem with the wind is holding your binoculars steady enough to identify birds.

Cobwebs

We had no problem though with a brilliant view of a female hen harrier not far from Skara Brae. It is a thrill to see these relatively rare birds because they rather stupidly nest on the ground. As a result, their young usually fall foul of predators before they can fledge. Pat’s list is now over forty which she is thrilled about. However, her joy was such that it was all I could do to stop her stealing a road sign to one of the local villages. Completely cobweb free, we eventually made it to Kirkwall and the Strynd Tearoom. Interior view of the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, Orkney

Go north for scones

Like Stromness, Kirkwall also has lots of wee lanes and this tearoom takes its name from the lane where its located. When we asked how to pronounce ‘Strynd’. It seemed to be “Strand’ but with the strangulated pronunciation that maybe a South African would use. It is a tiny place but lovely and everything is home made. Once again we were made very welcome and once again our scones were excellent. A scone at the Strynd Tearoom, Kirkwall, OrkneyWe are developing a theory that the further north you go the better the scones are. We have had nothing but topscones recently. The Strynd scone was warm and served with nice pots of jam and cream. The scone itself looked as if it would be crunchy but wasn’t. It was gloriously soft and absolutely delicious … another topscone!

The Big Tree

Now, while most of you will have heard of the Ring of Brodgar and other Orcadian archaeological gems, how many of you have heard of The Big Tree? Or how many have heard of the Heimskringla? Thought so … let us explain.  The Big Tree in Broad Street, Kirkwall, Orkney

Everything is relative

Heimskringla is a book of Old Norse sagas written in Iceland  in the 12th century … you’ve probably read it. The Big Tree is the only one left of three that were planted by Robert Laing, father of the Heimskringla’s translator, in his garden over 200 years ago. When they widened the main street by demolishing Laing’s walled garden this tree was left standing in the street. When you look at it you might wonder why it’s called The Big Tree? Well, in Orkney terms, it is! And it is obviously much loved. It still supports a luxurious head of leaves although largely hollow. And it is supported by steel girders inserted in its trunk to keep it upright.

DNA

What else has been happening in the big bad world while we have been enjoying ourselves on this island. Here, you quickly feel kind of snugly insulated from the outside world? The media is still largely ignoring the biggest political conference in the UK. The SNP conference. They are concentrating instead on the sexual indiscretions of a Hollywood director that few have heard of and no one could care less about.

Theresa May is still clinging on like a barnacle while Britain skillfully negotiates a “no deal‘, Brexit. Catalonia seems to have rather skillfully blindsided the Spanish government … for the moment! Trump’s big golf courses in Scotland seem to be losing a fortune … bad! Scotland’s football team is no longer eligible for another pointless World Cup competition because of our DNA according to the manager … good! Well, well, well … the Big Tree has seen it all before.

Scapa distillery, Scapa, Orknay
Scapa distillery in the distance on the shores of Scapa Flow

KW15 1HG       tel: 01856 871552     The Strynd Tearoom

Forgiveness

Pat bought me a bottle of Scapa, one of my favourite whiskies, while we were at the distillery. Mind you it was only because of a guilty conscience. Previously, unbeknown to me, she had given away my one and only bottle. All was forgiven.

Change

Has anyone else noticed a subtle but profound change in the media’s reporting of the coronavirus crisis? When Nicola Sturgeon is forced to clear up the confusion by saying “When Boris Johson speaks, he speaks only for England” it marks a change. And now the media refers to “the four nations of the UK” where previously most of them wouldn’t even have countenanced Scotland as a nation at all. This is all very welcome but where will it all end?

ORKNEY SHED

A shed not far from Twatt
island, Top

The Puffer Bar – Again

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The Puffer Bar takes us back to 2015 when Greece was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy and having to be bailed out by the EU.

How are you all getting on in coronavirus isolation? It is odd to think that the whole world is experiencing the same thing. Only, of course, it is not the same for everyone, far from it. We really feel for people who don’t have the luxury of a nice house and a large garden. It tempers our criticism of those apparently flouting the rules of lockdown but we still wish they wouldn’t. Thankfully we have the Donald “Covid-19 might go away this fall or next year – or sooner, or possibly later” to give us advice … and hope! We actually prefer the advice of our own Scottish novelist J.M. Barrie which seems apt for the current situation: “The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.”

The tiny island of Easdale once had a population of over 500, all of whom were employed in the slate mining industry. Slate was exported as far as Australia, Canada and New Zealand. However, the last slate was cut in the 1950s and most of the houses are now holiday homes with a steady population of around 60. Easdale island lies off another island, Seil, but you can reach Seil via the Bridge over the Atlantic.

Part of the large village green at Easdale
Part of the large village green at Easdale
World Championships

There is no bridge to Easdale however so to get there from Seil you have to press two buttons simultaneously on the jetty at Ellenabeich village. This summons the little ferry boat which only takes a couple of minutes to do the crossing. Once on Easdale, the whole island is car-free so peace and quiet reigns supreme. Just the sound of the sea and the birds, what a great place for kids to play. However, this idyll is broken every September when hordes of enthusiasts descend on the place for the annual World Stone Skimming Championships. The competition takes place in one of the old quarries. A scone at the Puffer Bar, Easdale

You have the choice of one pub, the Puffer Bar and Restaurant, take it or leave it. Luckily it is a wee gem. On a wonderfully warm day like this, it was like a little bit of heaven. Especially with our homebaked scones and homemade jam. Ours was bramble and lime. The scones were wonderfully light and the tea delicious. As we sit here we read that the new euro is to be printed on Greece proof paper. This really does seem like another world.
A man suffering cheap cialis 5mg from impotence lives under depression. It can make us doubt ourselves. overnight generic cialis During osteoporosis bone levitra professional micro architecture deteriorates, and the amount and variety of proteins in bone is altered leaving bones prone to fracture even from a slight blow. They improve your stamina levitra generic for happy activities in the bed.

View from Ellenabeich towards Mull and the ferry terminal on the left.
View from Ellenabeich towards Mull and the ferry terminal on the left.

PA34 4TB         tel: 01852 300022     www.pufferbar.com

Even with COVID-19 we suspect that life on Easdale has proceeded pretty much the same as always. According to the internet the Puffer is still open and what if it is? The island doesn’t have COVID and no one can travel there so what’s the problem. The problem is that we can’t get there either!!!

EASDALE SHED

Shed and washing line on Isle of Easdale
A shed on a fine drying day on the Isle of Easdale

island, Scones, Top

Machrie Bay Tearoom – Again

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As Boris recovers at Chequers we wonder if he will ever be held to account for his and government’s deplorable part in the current crisis? Will the media, including the BBC, simply continue to put sticking plasters over everything? Rumour has it that the next government spokesperson will be Hannibal Lecter … apparently he has more compassion and empathy than Priti Patel.

Anyway, this is the third in our random “island scone” reposts and this one is from the Isle of Arran. It’s from May 2016 when we were on yet another of our birdwatching expeditions with the Falkirk branch of the Scottish Wildlife Trust.

In our last post from the gorgeous Café 54, we said that we had to make our own scones because coronavirus meant there was nowhere to buy them. At the end of this post, we provide you with an opportunity to buy ‘virtual’ scones. Don’t say we’re not good to you!

We are still on our quest to see how many different species of bird we can see on Arran. Today we are in the SW of the island but the only place that seemed to be open in Blackwaterfoot was the Kinloch Hotel and we had already reviewed that last year. However, just a hop, skip and a jump along the coast we came to the Machrie Bay Tearoom. It was well and truly open!Machrie 03

Best buns on the beach

Apparently in the middle of nowhere, it is part of the Machrie Golf Club. It has tennis courts, play area for kiddies and everything else you could wish for. Including a good range of scones, all baked by Granny Rae. They obviously don’t take themselves too seriously when their advertising is “best buns on the beach” … would it have the best scones though, that was the burning question? It was scorchio once again so we sat out on their decked area looking towards the Mull of Kintyre surrounded by a party of Americans over here tracing their family roots.

Machrie 01 We were not sufficiently famished to tackle the Machrie Bay afternoon tea but one arrived at the next table so we asked the two lovely Shiskine ladies who were sharing it if we could take a photograph. Turned out they had won it in a raffle! It looked very good, particularly the scones, but they didn’t offer to share any of them. We eventually had to resort to buying our own. There were fruit scones and cherry scones but we opted to try the cheese and the apple and cinnamon. Machrie 05They arrived on lovely heart-shaped plates with lots of jam and were soon followed by a large plate of whipping cream.  Whoever Granny Rae is, she certainly knows how to rustle up a scone. They were excellent, and definitely the best scones we have had so far on Arran … easy topscone. Well done Machrie Bay Tearoom!  Machrie 04a

After our recent quest to find a Scottish tea plantation near Amulree it was great to get some fab Scottish coffee. Okay, okay it’s not exactly Scottish coffee but it is roasted in Scotland and on a day like today they could probably roast it on our table.

Palmyra and birdwatching

From where we were sitting in the tearoom it was only a thirty-minute hike to the site of the famous Machrie Stones, which consist of numerous ancient standing stones mysteriously arranged in circles. Sort of Arran’s answer to Palmyra. However, unless there was a golden eagle perched on top of each one, it simply was not going to happen. Instead, we continued practising the ‘shades on, face towards the sun‘, approach to birdwatching.

Poverty and ripped jeans

Actually we did think we had seen a golden eagle earlier in the day at Shannochie. On reflection, however, it was probably too far south so probably a buzzard. Or maybe a swallow! Still no eagles on our list. You can measure the level of poverty in the UK by the number of people, especially young women, whose jeans are all worn and ripped. The delightful young woman who served us was a particular example … badly torn at the knees. We left a healthy tip for her to put towards new ones.

KA27 8DZ       tel: 01770 840329      Machrie Bay Tearoom

ps: Our fantastic Aussie Bathurst correspondents sent us news of an opportunity to buy virtual scones online.

With no Sydney Royal Easter Show this year because of COVID-19, the Country Women’s Association (CWA) tearoom will not be providing the usual tea and scones.  The CWA have taken their fundraising efforts and baked treats online. They help communities and individuals still feeling the impact of drought, those left reeling after the bushfires and now coronavirus. They acknowledge that a virtual scone isn’t the same as visiting their tearoom and enjoying the treats in person but they must continue to fundraise. A plate of “virtual scones” is $5, a Devonshire Tea is $10, a dozen plain ‘virtual scones’ is $20 and a whole batch of cyber delicacies is $50. In return for the donation, they will receive the CWA’s “famous” scone recipe. To purchase a ‘virtual’ sweet treat and scone recipe, visit the CWA shop.

WARNING: In order to lend a bit of support to a worthy cause we purchased a virtual Devonshire Tea. However, their ordering system gives no other options than “Australia”. We had to enter that and “New South Wales” for our whereabouts. Does this mean that we will not receive any scones?? We will let you know about the “famous” recipe though.

ARRAN SHED OF THE DAY
A shed at Dougrie on the Isle of Arran
A shed at Dougarie just around the coast a bit from the Machrie Tearoom.
Scones, Top, weird

Café 54

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Well, it has finally come to this. The current situation with coronavirus has driven us to actually make our own scones. Who would have thought? With nowhere to go and buy them, we were faced with little choice. Although they will continue this might provide welcome relief from the reposts of late. When every day is much the same this post is also intended to remind you that it’s Friday. Friday is followed by the weekend.  The way things are, you could easily miss a whole weekend! Don’t want that, so relax, enjoy!

Sitting room at No 54
the Living room

It’s not that we’re bored or anything! Okay, yes we are a little bit bored. It would be great to be out there riding the highway mercilessly hunting down scones like days of yore, but that’s not going to happen. Cover of the Secret Life of Scones bookNot for a while yet. When I saw Pat leafing through the pages of The Secret Life of Scones by Suzy Bowler I thought – oh, oh, something’s going down! I left her to it. I just eat and write about scones which I suspect is a heck of a lot easier than making them. Anyway, Café 54 is quite a nice establishment with a lovely dining room and a pretty living room that would be perfect for afternoon tea.

Tickles

I fully expected to be summoned and ushered into one of these rooms where there would be a glass of champagne waiting to tickle my tastebuds.

the dining room

By the way, how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles! Sorry!

Kitchen at No 54
the Kitchen

Instead, I was taken straight to the kitchen. There was only one table and we had the whole place to ourselves. At this rate, Café 54 is not going to last very long.

Before and after scones
Before and after ten minutes in the Aga

Turned out Pat had followed one of the Genius recipes from the book but had added lots of fruit and almonds. They were fruit and nut scones! No comments, please! By now you know we like our scones crunchy on the outside and nice and soft in the middle.

Double crunch
A scone at No 54
Fruit and nut scones with Pat’s homemade gooseberry jelly

Well, these were crunchy on the outside but the almonds gave them a lovely crunch on the inside as well … unusual but fab! Pat assured me they were topscones and I couldn’t but agree. The gooseberry jelly and cream finished them off perfectly. There was nothing really to complain about at Café 54 … the welcome had been great and the service was perfectly adequate. We might try it again sometime.

This is the recipe:Genius recipe

Can’t provide any contact details because if you decide to visit Café 54, you would be made most welcome but your chances of getting a scone would be pretty slim. We’ve eaten them all!

SHED OF THE DAY

Since the sheds seem to be proving popular we have decided to give you this one. It’s not an island shed, these are reserved for island scones.

Shed at Burghead harbour
A wee shed at Burghead harbour. We were there on 11th January where they still celebrate their Julian calendar New Year with the Burning of the Clavie. Almost impossible to stand up in the wind.

ps: GOOD NEWS: Ospreys are seemingly unaffected by the lockdown and have just arrived back in Scotland from Gambia. Well done them!

BREAKING NEWS: The £10. 36 that I’ve had in my pocket for the past four weeks has mysteriously been reduced to £5.36. A fiver has been snaffled! I have my suspicions!

island, Scones, Top

Julia’s Café & Bistro – Again

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This is the second of our random ‘island scone’ reposts. This time it is from Julia’s Café & Bistro in Stromness on the Orkney Isles. We were there in mid-October 2017 at the tail end of Hurricane Maria … windy!

Whatever happened to Brexit?

Some overseas readers have inquired as to what has happened to Brexit. We went on about it in almost every post for months on end. The answer is we don’t know. It has completely disappeared from the news because of coronavirus. There are dedicated teams set aside for the negotiations, however, so presumably they are continuing, albeit at a slower pace because of the current difficulties. They have to be completed by the end of this year, however.

In the words of the former head of the World Trade Organisation, Pascal Lamy, “This is the first negotiation in history where both sides started off with a trade agreement and then discussed what barriers to erect”. They will go down in history as the Stupid Negotiations or, alternatively, the Really Really Stupid Negotiations. And all this while the Prime Minister is in Intensive Care and the country is in lockdown … brilliant! But on to more sensible things on Orkney.

When you leave South Ronaldsay you have to cross several causeways to get to the Mainland. Confusing for simple folks like us because, as far as we were concerned, we had left the mainland far behind at John O’ Groats. On Orkney, however, an archipelago of over 70 islands (the 20,000 population is spread over 20 of them) the largest island is called Mainland. When you become aware of the intricate system of small ferries and flights going to and fro between these islands it is easier to understand why.

Close your eyes

This is a very self-contained and independent community so they would naturally think of their biggest and most populated island as “the mainland”. To get there, all we had to do was drive across four causeways from South Ronaldsay to the island of Burray, then the island of Glimps Holm, then the island of Lamb Holm and we were there … simple. Simple yes, exciting .. very! The storm meant that waves were crashing right over all the causeways. We just closed our eyes and hoped for the best. The Italian Chapel, Orkney

Three potatoes

On Lamb Holm we came to the Italian Chapel. Amazing to think that this entire church was created by Italian prisoners of war, from a Nissen hut and nothing other than scrap materials e.g. the lanterns were made from corned beef tins. The Orkney Wine Company is right beside the Chapel. We had to buy some of their ‘Tattie Wine’. It’s handcrafted from three varieties of Orkney potatoes and matured in whisky barrels. “Discover more with every sip” it says. We’ll let you know.

A view of Stromness, Orkney
Stromness with a Northlink ferry in the middle distance
Lost café
High Street Stromness, Orkney
Main Street

Eventually, we reached Mainland and Stromness where we were lodging for the duration of our stay. Driving in Stromness is almost as exciting as driving the causeways. The main street, which bears seven different names, appeared more like a lane and we were not sure if we were supposed to drive along it since it was only about the width of a car … no problem. It is actually two way and no one here seems to have the slightest difficulty with it. Never even heard a horn being honked!

Login's Well, high Street Stromness, Orkney
Login’s Well on main street where Capt Cook watered the Resolution and Discovery in 1780 and Sir John Franklin watered his ships Erebus and Terror in 1845 … names to fire the imagination

 

 

By this time a scone was definitely called for and it was Julia’s Café & Bistro that rode to the rescue. It is situated at the harbour where the big NorthLink Ferries leave for Scrabster on the mainland. That’s the mainland mainland! Again the service was very friendly and helpful and yet again the scones were fab. A scone at Julias café, Stromness, OrkneyOur second Orkney scone was served with little disposable pots of jam and cream and although not too crunchy on the outside they were delicious .. another topscone. Apparently there is another café in Stromness but we couldn’t find it. It is doubtless tucked away in the plethora of tiny back lanes.

Raised eyebrows

We did find the An art exhibit at Stromness Art Centre, OrkneyPier Art Centre however which is a state of the art building with a wide variety of exhibits, one of which you can see here. All a bit beyond us but great to find such a modern and dynamic facility in Stromness. We spent quite a long time perusing. It was great to be out of the wind which was still blowing a hooley. Will it ever calm down? When you speak to Orkney folk about things like Hurricane Maria you usually just get a raised eyebrow. Hardy, no-nonsense folk!Interior view of Julias café, Stromness, OrkneyKW16 3AE        tel: 01856 850904             Julia’s Café Bistro

Again on the main street, we found a functioning K6 hiding in a corner next to the museum … made in Falkirk.A Falkirk K6 in Stromness main street, Orkney Pat, by the way, is now at thirty-two with her bird list and still a few days to go.

By the way, the Tattie Wine was okay but we won’t be rushing back for another bottle

ORKNEY SHED

A shed on South Ronaldsay, Orkney
A shed on South Ronaldsay in some wild weather

 

Scones, Top

The Bothy – Again

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We figured out how to repost. It required nothing more than the download of some plugin software and the whole process becomes relatively easy. The titles in reposts will contain “again” to signify that it is not an actual revisit but just an old post being regurgitated. Text in red is new but other than that the posts will remain unaltered. This is the first of our ‘island scone” reposts from the Isle of Muck and dates back to July 2017. In the post, you will see that we say that life on Muck will go on regardless “no matter how disastrous things get in the outside world”. How prophetic!

Boris has been taken into hospital with his coronavirus symptoms but you all know about that. Get well soon Boris! Did we just say that? On to important things. Sheds are the main reason for us visiting the islands. To take photos for our book “Sheds of Scotland”. In these reposts, we have decided to add a shed here and there as a wee bit of added interest. So, if you have always wondered what a Muck shed looks like, today might be your lucky day!

We sailed into Port Mòr, the capital of the Isle of Muck, in great anticipation. For some reason, this was the culmination of a long-held ambition to actually visit Muck rather than just viewing it from a distance. Maybe it has something to do with the name? We were not to be disappointed … it is a great island. Not in size, only 2 by 0.75 miles, but it just has a lovely feel to it. It’s fertile and the land seems well-tended giving it a softer look than its neighbours Rùm and Eigg.

On the Isle of Muck looking towards Skye
Looking towards Skye in the distance with Rùm to the left

We walked the only road on the island, about 1.6 miles long, and the same Land Rover passed us five times. It was the only thing that passed.

On the main road on the Isle of Muck
Looking the other way towards Port Mòr … waiting for a corncrake to appear
Muck meat

We stopped at one point because a corncrake was calling in one of the fields. In spite of a lengthy wait, as usual, this shyest of birds did not reveal itself. Muck has been owned since 1896 by the family of Lawrence and Ewen McEwen. It currently has a population of about 38.

Internal view of the Bothy tearoom on the Isle of Muck
Everyone is outside

The island is famous for its succulent ‘Muck Meat’ derived from lambs that thrive on the rich grassland in this stress-free environment. They also breed Highland ponies using a stallion that goes by the rather impressive name of ‘Strathmashie Seumas Mhor’. You can probably tell by now that we really like Muck. And to top it all off, they had scones in Port Mòr’s, Bothy tearoom. Sometimes you can just tell as soon as you walk into a place that there is a high probability of the scones being good … so it was with the Bothy.

We were served by Jenny McEwen who had made the scones earlier in the day. They were delicious and accompanied by a generous portion of homemade apricot jam and a knob of butter. Great coffee and sitting outside in the sunshine with chickens under the table waiting for crumbs didn’t do anything to lessen our enjoyment. Easy topscone. Well done Jenny and all the ladies who were providing great service in this tearoom. We only had three hours so before long it was time to make our way back to the ferry. Guess what we came across?

K6 telephone box on the Isle of Muck
Another Lion foundry, Kirkintilloch K6

You got it … a K6 standing high above the village. They really are everywhere, though this one was looking a wee bit sorry for itself. Unusually for such items in these parts, it did not seem to have acquired an alternative use.

Port Mòr on the Isle of Muck looking towards the mainland
Port Mòr on the Isle of Muck
A quieter more peaceful world

When you are on places like this, you definitely get the feeling that no matter how disastrous things get in the outside world, life on Muck will just go on regardless. The same could be said for all the islands we visited. They are indeed another world … a quieter more peaceful world. What possible interest could Putin or Trump have here? Not a lot, and we think that the islanders themselves are very happy for it to stay that way.  On the other hand, EU investment has been good for this part of the world. Let’s hope that the same level of interest is maintained, in a year or so,  when such decisions are left entirely to Westminster. Don’t hold your breath though.

Pier House in Port Mòr on the Isle of Muck
Pier House in Port Mòr

All too soon the hooter sounds on the ferry signalling that we must return to some semblance of reality … boo!

PH41 2RP         tel: 01687 460057/462990         The Bothy

ps: For those interested in Pat’s bird count from Arisaig, Eigg, Rùm and Muck here, it is in rough order of observation. Robin, starling, swallow, blackbird, dunnock, house sparrow, hooded crow, oystercatcher, greenfinch, song thrush, grey heron, black guillemot, cormorant, eider duck, guillemot, Manx shearwater, chaffinch, great black-backed gull, herring gull, collared dove, golden eagle, feral pigeon, sea eagle, buzzard, whitethroat, rock pipit, arctic tern, wood pigeon, pied wagtail, lesser black-backed gull, raven, kittiwake, pintail duck, gannet, skylark, rook, kestrel, wheatear, lapwing, greylag goose, goldfinch, pheasant, corn bunting, mistle thrush, corncrake (heard). That’s 44 in total.

I would give her 45 for that corncrake but I know our very strict birding mentor, RD, would not allow it. Oddly we didn’t see any swans or mallards and we just missed a storm petrel and some puffins. There were also quite a few warblers and such like that we could not positively identify. Pat was pleased with her total so that’s all that matters.

Ah, these were the days when we could just wander carefree looking for our feathered friends.

MUCK SHEDA Muck shed

 

Scones, Top

The Artisan Café

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The Artisan Café lies halfway between Crianlarich and Tyndrum in what used to be the Old Church.  It could easily be described as being in the middle of nowhere and as a consequence, you could easily think that nothing much has ever happened here. However, you would be wrong!

External view of the Artisan Café, TyndrumThe glen is Strathfillan, so-called because Fillan brought Christianity to the area in the 8th century from Iona. He had come from Ireland and had run a monastery in Fife before retiring to this area.

Dunking mad folk?

Apparently he was quite a guy. His left arm glowed which meant that he could write scriptures in the dark. He’s also the patron saint of the mentally ill. Such people would be dipped in St Fillan’s Pool in the Fillan river just behind the church and left tied up naked overnight. A cure had been achieved if the bonds were loosened by the morning. If not the process was repeated. He also persuaded the wolf that killed his ox to pull his plough instead of the ox. Where is St Fillan now, in our time of need? He would have made short work of a puny virus. And no, even after a prolonged period of self-isolation, we are not here to be dunked and tied up naked. Just a scone. We are not here at all, of course, all this was before the lockdown.

A sign at the Artisan Café, TyndrumHaving said that we could also be here to pan for gold. Considering the stock market has gone through the floor and the price of gold has rocketed, that’s not such a daft idea. The nearby Cononish gold mine is Scotland’s only commercial gold mine. In 1306, Robert the Bruce was given sanctuary here after he had murdered his rival for the crown, John Comyn, in a Dumfries church . He was tracked down, however, and had to flee when encountering vastly superior forces at nearby Dalrigh, the King’s Field. So, over time, quite a lot has happened in this tranquil little Highland glen but the most recent development has been this Artisan Café. It first opened about two years ago.

Internal view of the Artisan Café, Tyndrum
A view showing the original church organ to the right
Fresh food

The interior is as you would expect of a disused church. Lofty ceilings and plenty of space. There could easily be a mezzanine floor if they ever wanted to expand. It’s called the Artisan Café because it has lots of craft type things for sale, mostly by local artists. There’s stuff all over the place which tends to give it a slightly cluttered appearance. We were given a warm welcome though and shown to a seat beside the log burning stove. Everything is freshly made here on the premises so we were looking forward to sampling some of the food.

A cheere scones and a fruit scone at Artisan Café
Pat’s carrot and coriander soup with cheese scone and my fruit scone

Pat opted for ‘soup and a scone’ which turned out to be absolutely delicious. I had decided on caulifower and brocolli soup with a sandwich followed by a fruit scone and coffee. It was also delicious. We have to hand it to folks who start up a business like this in these remote parts. Their business will have been closed for several weeks now because of the coronavirus which must be heartbreaking. They got a topscone though so hopefully we will be able to look in again at some future date and get another one.

Confidence in government?

As the date for the return to normality recedes ever further into the distance we have little choice but to knuckle down and get on with it. It doesn’t help though when this lamentable government resorts to outright misinformation. Yesterday, the even more lamentable Michael Gove tried to blame the lack of COVID-19 testing on a shortage of the necessary reagents. Something which the industry point bland denies. No shortage Michael, just a government asleep on the job.

Habit

Talking of sleep, strange things happen when you are in lockdown. Every night before bed I take the change from my pocket and place it on the bedside table. Every morning I lift it and put it back in my pocket. It’s a habit! I just noticed, however, that the total amount is £10.36 … two £5 notes, one 20p, one 10p, one 5p and one 1p. It’s been that for almost three weeks. Self-isolation is cheap if nothing else! So why do I still do it? Answers on a postcard.

FK20 8RU.     tel: 01838 400391            Artisan

///brightens.confused.blackouts

ps: We are indebted to some of our Aussie correspondents (these ones are from Perth)  who have sent this movie of a live scone review caught on camera. This is footage which we think David Attenborough would be proud of. Filmed by the intrepid Mairi in the Café Red at Ricardoes tomato & strawberry farm near Port Macquarie in New South Wales. Strange in that we were, very recently, at Lachlan Macquarie’s grave on the Isle of Mull.

Elaine’s date and ginger scone definitely got the thumbs up. However, although an acknowledged expert on lamb chops and banana splits, John’s lack of experience with scones showed when his initially 10 out of 10 rating for his pumpkin scone was later downgraded to ‘rubbish’. Let that be a lesson. You can’t rush a scone tasting!

Scones, Top, topweird

The Little Bakery

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Today we are in South Queensferry at The Little Bakery. It’s a bit of a misnomer because once you get inside it’s really quite big. There’s a couple of seating areas at the front, another at the side and yet another downstairs at the back. The town itself is very pretty with narrow cobbled streets and quaint houses. It’s designed for horses and carts rather than the juggernauts that are here today creating chaos as they try to manoeuvre between the buildings with inches to spare.

A view of the Forth Bridge
The Forth Rail Bridge, opened exactly 130 years ago

Nothing much has changed here over the centuries other than the addition of the odd bridge or three. And, as you walk around, it’s olde worlde charm makes it very easy to forget what a crazy crazy world we live in.

A view of the Forth Road Bridge
The Forth Road Bridge and the Queensferry Crossing
Good British viruses

President Trump has just banned all travel to the US from Europe because of coronavirus. Mysteriously, the UK has an exemption, however. This must be one of the first benefits of not being in Europe or does he not realise that although we’ve left the EU, we haven’t actually physically moved. Or does Trump have an ulterior motive, a trade deal perhaps? Yes, think we’ll go with that one. Or maybe he thinks the British virus, is much healthier than those from countries that don’t speak English. Who knows what, if anything, goes on in his head? Thankfully his aides have now come out to correct everything he said.

Internal view of the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThe Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, delivered his first budget the other day. It was full of bountiful gifts for ‘the people’. The only thing lacking was any sense of a grip on reality. Apparently, the past decade has been forgotten where untold hardships were inflicted on the poor so that the rich could get richer. And it’s not as if all this austerity now puts us in a position where we have accumulated enough that we can dish out money left, right and centre. No, no, no, it will all have to be borrowed, about £100bn! Brilliant, I could be Chancellor!

Meaningless opposition

We don’t blame Boris or Rishi however, we blame Jeremy Corbyn.  Having no idea what he or his party stood for, he left the people with no choice but to vote Tory and hence we end up where we are today. And he’s still there at the Dispatch Box … a totally meaningless opposition figure. Go Jeremy, just go!

A scone at the Little Bakery, South QueensferryThis is all very well but we can hear you crying “Were there scones at the Little Bakery? Just get to the point?” Okay, yes there were!

Not only scones but an array of delicious looking baking that could easily have induced overindulgence. We maintained discipline, however, and after a light lunch, we just had our scones. Pat had fruit and I had a raspberry and chocolate chip. It had to be done! They were fab! Wonderful texture and with a lovely crunch. The only downside was messy fingers from the melting chocolate. A real dilemma when you’re not supposed to lick your fingers nowadays. We just licked anyway! Having forgotten to ask for cream we ended up not bothering.  To be honest the scones were so good they didn’t need any further embellishment. This is a really nice place and we think that you would be hard pushed to have a disappointing visit. Easiest topscone in ages.

A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery, South Queensferry
A wall of flowers at the Little Bakery
Lucky, lucky, lucky

We have reviewed several scones in South Queensferry. Five years ago we reviewed the Jitter Bean Café. That was when the EU was in the process of bailing out Greece with a £50bn loan. When we left the Little Bakery we thought we would take a stroll and see how it was doing. Sadly it has gone and been changed into something else. As far as we know, Greece is still there so it must have fared a bit better. While we walked along the street we came on this large wall plaque. When you consider that back in 1817 the inhabitants of South Queensferry were indebted to the ‘liberality’ of someone for a bleaching green and some water we should be a little more thankful for what we have today. We are all very lucky really. Okay, we’re a bit short on bleaching greens but we do have water and raspberry and chocolate chip scones!

EH30 9PP       tel: 0131 319 2255        Little Bakery

///disco.flesh.organisms

Scones, Top

McMoos Café

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The coronavirus plague continues. We have been told that the best way to counter the infection is to wash your hands while singing God Save The Queen. Surely that’s equivalent to telling folks to get under the table in the event of a nuclear attack? We are still braving the virus, however. We travelled a whole four miles to the Hippodrome Cinema in Bo’ness. Perhaps a cinema in the middle of the day is not the best place to be midst plague – quite a bit of snoring  ….  or was it death rattles?A wall picture at McMoos in Bo'ness

On this occasion, the movie was Emma, an adaption of Jane Austen’s 1815 novel. When we came out after the film, lo and behold, what was directly opposite the cinema? A new café no less! It is right next door to Brian’s Café and in the same street as 1884, both of which we have reviewed previously. It was called McMoos … don’t ask!

External view of the Hippodrome Cinema, Bo'ness
The Hippodrome opened in 1912 – it is Scotland’s oldest surviving cinema

But first, the film. If you like costume dramas this is the film for you. The costumes and settings are fabulous. The main character, Emma, is a beautiful overprivileged twenty one year old snob who likes nothing better than messing with other people’s love lives. The film gently follows her interfering ways (hence the snoring) until eventually, she falls foul of her own meddling. Suffice to say, like all such dramas, she gets her man in the end. It’s beautifully filmed and an easy watch.

No scones

The most surprising thing about the film was the complete lack of scones. We thought there would have been at least one scene with those aristocratic types taking afternoon tea in a wildflower meadow surrounded by a dozen or so servants. Then we remembered that afternoon tea wasn’t invented until twenty-five years later. 1840, that’s when the Duchess of Bedford felt she couldn’t make it through to her evening meal without a mid-afternoon snack. Pity really, however, although no scones were featured we still enjoyed the film.Internal view at McMoos in Bo'nessFor scones, we had to go all the way across the street to the aforementioned McMoos. It’s only been open a short time and as our friendly waitress explained: “We are still finding our feet“. A scone a t McMoos in Bo'nessOur scones were held back until we had finished a light lunch, then she returned and asked: “Would you like me to pop your scones in the oven now?” Nice.

The scones were quite big.  Not baked on the premises but we were assured, that they had been “Baked this morning by our own special baker“. We got a lovely little bowl of blackcurrant jam and some English clotted cream and Danish butter. Don’t you think that with a very Scottish name like McMoos, the butter at least could have been Scottish? Anyway, the scones were really good. And because they are still ‘finding their feet’ we put lapses in scone accoutrements down to inexperience and awarded a topscone. Well done McMoos, we wish you well.

Relationships

In 1815, when Austen was writing Emma, the Duke of Wellington was busy giving that French upstart, Napoleon, a jolly good seeing to at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium. Did you realise that at one time our relationship with Europe was difficult?

View from McMoos in Bo'ness
View from McMoos

EH51 0AA.     tel: 01506 828983        McMoos FB

///inflation.things.braked

Scones, Top

The American Colony Hotel

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Well, here we are at the American Colony Hotel in Jerusalem. Not us obviously but our ever-diligent Middle East correspondent who sent a very comprehensive communiqué on his recent encounter with a scone. As he says the hotel lies “just a scone’s throw” from the Green Line. That’s the demarcation line drawn out on the map using green ink in 1949, separating Israeli and Arab lands. Jerusalem is probably the most religious city in the world and therefore also the most divided. However, because the hotel is owned by a mixture of Americans, Brits and Swedes, it is seen as ‘neutral’. A place where Arabs, Israelis and anyone else can happily meet over afternoon tea. A little oasis of civilisation in a turbulent land!Courtyard at the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

History

Our correspondent reports that it was originally built in the late 1800s by a high ranking Ottoman noble man, for himself and his four wives. What a guy, four wives and still got time to build stuff!
In 1895 it was used by a Christian family from Chicago who travelled to Palestine in order to find peace in the Holy city and to offer aid to families in distress.  By 1902, however, under Baron Ustinov (grandfather of, actor, Sir Peter Ustinov), it became the American Colony Hotel we see today.

Internal view of the American Colony Hotel, Jerusalem

The downside of living abroad

We suspect that the scones were not the primary reason for our correspondent’s visit … the hotel also has the best English bookshop in the region. However, he did have what he referred to as “A substantial afternoon tea served with an array of fresh sandwiches and then the scones some with and some without berries. Let us not forget the real cream and strawberries.” A scone at the American Colony Hotel, JerusalemThis, “adventure into nostalgia” was to be his first scone in over a year … the downside of living abroad.  But were they any good? Yes, topscones in his book. He also thought his Irish granny would have said “Lovely scones son, but will you ever get your hair cut?” If they’re good enough for his granny that’s good enough for us. Well done the American Colony Hotel.

Meddling

The great and the good have all stayed here … from Lawrence of Arabia to Bob Dylan. And if anyone is wondering where Tony Blair, disappeared to after the disastrous Iraq War then you need have looked no further than the first floor of this hotel. In a moment of madness, someone somewhere saw fit to appoint him peace envoy to the Middle East! He took the entire floor of the hotel for five years before eventually giving up. Now he runs the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change. And, of course, that allows him to meddle pointlessly in everybody’s politics.Logo of American Colony Hotel

Many thanks to our Middle East correspondent. We are relieved and happy that he has ended his year-long scone fast.

97200, Israel        tel: +972 2-627-9777         American Colony

///vowing.fairy.burns